退休警察烦事多（2016）

Kevin Can Wait S01E20

Part 3 Aug. 10, 2020, 2:49 p.m.

couples wrestling -- Ooh, that's not wrestling.
你给我们找了对换妻者
You hooked us up with swingers!
我回车♥库♥了
I will be in the garage.
无论你们决定做什么我不会评价
And just know, whatever you decide, no judgment.
滚滚滚
Get out, get out. Get out.
对不起好吗
All right, look, I'm sorry, all right?
我出去赶走他们
I will go out there and I will get rid of them.
我们不要无礼好吗
Let's not be rude, all right?
错的是我们
Because this is kind of our mistake.
我们喝完红酒
Let's just finish the wine and we'll wrap it up
-用优雅的方式结束 -但是
- in a classy way. - ?All right, but --
-如果变奇怪了怎么办 -什么意思
- Hey, what if it gets weird? - What do you mean?
如果他们
What if they...
想和我们跳舞呢
wanna get jiggy with us?
他们不会现在不是1998年
They won't, because it's not 1998.
而且他们整晚都没行动
Besides, they haven't tried anything all night.
你是对的
You're right. All right. ?
等等
Wait.
他们为什么没行动
Why haven't they tried anything?
-你希望他们行动吗 -不
- What? You want them to? ?- Well, no!
问一下当然不错啦
It's always nice to be asked.
还早可能他们计划
It's still early. Maybe they're gonna plan
现在行动
to make their move now or something.
出什么事了
Hey. What's, uh, going on?
我们明天得早起但是
Oh, you know, we have an early morning. But, um...
-对 -多谢你们的晚餐
- Yeah. - Thanks -- thanks for dinner.
等等我们做错了什么吗
Wait. Did -- did we do something wrong?
听着说实话我们
Um, look, to be honest, we're, uh,
对你们没感觉
not really feeling you guys.
尤其是
Especially, uh...
这不重要
It's not important.
被换妻者拒绝
Wow. Turned down by swingers.
现在知道了
Now we know.
我应该穿弹力牛仔裤的
I should've worn my stretchy jeans.
得心烦一段时间了
Well, that's gonna sting for a while.
对再见了披萨船
Yep. Bye-bye, pizza boat.
不爽的就是这点吗披萨船
That's the takeaway from this? The pizza boat?
现在是的
It's the frontrunner right now, yes.
你真是极品
You're unbelievable.
我不知道你要我们做什么
Look, I don't know what you want us to do, all right?
没人想和我们一起玩
I mean, nobody wants to hang out with us.
我们
Us?
你是说是因为我吗
You're saying it was me?
亲爱的我不想伤害你的感情
Babe, I don't wanna hurt your feelings,
但百分百是因为你
but 100% yes.
什么既然不考虑伤害感情
What?! Okay, well, since we're taking feelings off the table,
我现在告诉你
I'm gonna tell you right now,
我已经独力支撑这个团队多年了
I've been carrying this team for years.
-支撑我们 -对
- Carrying us? - Yeah.
用什么支撑你的冷笑话吗
With what? Your stupid jokes?
那些笑话对朋友们来说是灯塔
Those little jokes are a lighthouse for people
他们迷失在你闷死人的故事大海上
who are lost in the ocean of your boring-ass stories.
他们在海上漂浮漂着
They're out there floating. Oh, they're out there.
他们到处漂浮
They're just floating around and like,
我想我看到港口了
"I think I see it in the harbor.
有光
There it is, the light""
-你够了吗 -够了
- Are you done? - Now I am.
我懂
I get it.
我的故事很有趣
My stories are interesting, okay?
告诉你三个人告诉我
I'll have you know that three separate people
我应该开视博
have told me I should have a vlog.
视博是什么
A vlog? What is that?
森林里的木屋你带人们去闷死吗
A cabin in the woods where you take people to bore them?
不是视频博客
No. It's a video blog, okay?
也许你认真听而不是打断我
And maybe if you listened instead of interrupting me
-在我想... -我在帮你
- when I'm trying to -- - I'm doing you a favor.
我是颁奖节目上的音乐
I am like the music at an awards show.
温和地提醒快把话说完
A gentle reminder to wrap things up.
至少我没搞砸和换妻者的事
Okay. Well, at least I didn't blow it with the swingers.
你不会觉得是因为我吧
Oh, you don't think that was me?
是吗不不不
Really? No, no, no, no.
我不想这样做我不想说出来
I don't wanna do this, I didn't wanna bring it up,
但在餐厅时他们的眼光离不开我
but at the restaurant, they couldn't take their eyes off me.
我们都离不开
None of us could.
你下巴上有根意式扁面存在了一个多小时
You had a piece of linguine on your chin for over an hour.
不是意式扁面他们在看我
It wasn't the linguine. They were looking at me, like,
"我爱他" "看他"
"Ooh, I love him"" "Look at him."
"看他"
They were like, "Ooh. Look at him""
就连服务员走过
Really? Even the waiter was walking by,
都这样 "看他"
like, "Ooh, look at that. Ooh""
他这样做
He did, like, one of these.
如果他们喜欢你
Okay, well, if they were so into you,
给你发短♥信♥了吗
were they texting you?
他们走后一直在给我发
'Cause they've been blowing up my phone since they left.
我不知道我看下
I don't know. Let me check.
-你错了 -他们发短♥信♥给你了
- Aha! In your face. - They texted you?
没但熟食柜的弗兰克发了
No, but Frank from the deli did.
我们在做什么
Ah, what are we doing?
为什么要互相指责
Why are we turning on each other?
我不知道你是对的
I don't know. You're right.
对不起
I'm...I'm sorry, all right?
不亲爱的我也抱歉
No, honey, I'm sorry, too.
只是
You know what? It's just...
我一直觉得有你和我就够了
I always thought that you and I were enough.
我们不需要其他的夫妻朋友
We didn't need another couple, you know?
不需要
Well, we don't.
我们需要回到那种状态
We just need to get back to that.
明晚
Tomorrow night, let's --
就你和我约会
just you and I, let's go on a date.
没别人就我们俩
Nobody else, it'll be just the two of us.
我觉得这样做很好
I would love that, okay?
-我爱你 -我爱你对不起
- I love you. - I love you. Sorry.
-晚安 -晚安
- Good night. - Good night.
等等我根本没点扁面
Wait a second. I didn't even have linguine.
没史蒂夫点的你吃完你的披萨
No. Steve did, but When you finished your pizza,
你说我能来点吗
you said, "Can I snag some?"
对晚安
That's right. Good night.
瞧这正是我们需要的
Ah, see, this is -- now this is all we need.
星空一大袋芝士汉堡
The stars up above, big bag of cheeseburgers,
老婆在身边
and my lady by my side.
顺序我不太喜欢
I'm not crazy about the order,
但嘴巴还算甜
but that's very sweet.
你还好吗
You all right?
只是
Yeah, it's just the, uh,
雨刷一直戳我的背
the windshield wiper keeps digging into my back.
好了
There we go.
这样很好
This is good, you know?
我们不需要古迪莫特或是...还不行
We don't need Goody or Mott or any -- It's not good.
-不舒服 -好了等等
- It's not good. - All right. Honey, just wait, please.
拜托别乱动
Please, stop moving around. You're gonna --
你会把我推下去的
You're gonna push me off the edge.
现在好了
Oh, now it's out.
快弄好
Figure it out. Okay. ?Okay.
我在初中时
You know, when I was in junior high,
我有点笨拙你知道的
I was a little awkward. You know that.
比所有人高许多戴着牙箍
I was a foot taller than everybody, I had braces,
男生头非常瘦
I had a boys haircut, and I was really skinny, like,
好像我的身体是由易弯曲的吸管做的
like my whole body was made of bendy straws skinny, you know?
有两个女生我以为她们是我朋友
And these two girls -- I thought they were my friends,
但她们参加了一个派对没有邀请我
but they went to this party, they didn't invite me --
别这样