退休警察烦事多（2016）

Kevin Can Wait S01E01

Part 1 Aug. 10, 2020, 2:46 p.m.

你在这里
Hey, there you are.
因为今晚是你的退休派对
Since it's your retirement party tonight,
所以前院的落叶今天能扫干净的话
if the leaves in the front yard got raked up today,
那就太好了
that'd be great.
那就真是见了鬼了
Oh, that'd be unbelievable.
不是应该说"有我在没问题吗"
What happened to, "I got you"?
你现在不用上班了有的就是大把的时间
I mean, you're home now. You have nothing but free time.
但这是对退休人士的误解
But that's the misconception about retired people.
有些人的事情是非常多的比如说我
Some of us are very active, like me.
我叫兄弟们上午11点过来喝点小酒
I got the guys coming over at 11:00 for a little day drinking.
然后我们学着用十字弓
Then we're all gonna learn how to use crossbows.
-爸 -什么事
- Hey, Dad? - Yeah.
也许我今天不应该去上学
I probably shouldn't go to school today.
我想我玩橄榄球时脑震荡了
I-I think I got a concussion from football.
杰克你玩的是橄榄球电子游戏
Jack, you play "Madden" Football.
对但我昨天太激动了
Yeah, but yesterday I got excited,
操纵杆打到了我的脸
and I hit myself in the face with the controller.
我还是感觉不对劲
I'm still not right.
在有我这么优秀的孩子后他一定让你们很失望吧
He's got to be a huge letdown after me, right?
说实话你俩半斤八两
I got to be honest. Neither of you knocked it out of the park.
我想你父亲的意思是我们爱你们两个
Okay, I think what your father means is we love you both.
书包装好了我们走
Now, backpacks are packed. Let's go.
-祝你们今天愉快 -拜
- Have a great day. - Bye.
爱你们再见乖乖的好吗
Love you. Goodbye. Be good, okay?
我为你准备了退休礼物
Oh, I got you a little retirement gift.
如果你的安排表上有空余时间的话
I mean, if you have time in your schedule.
我会挤出一些时间来
I will move some things around.
给我看你准备了什么
Let me see. What do you got?
给伟大的警♥察♥ 工作辛苦了
To a great cop, for a job well done.
这是旋转飞碟碗
It's a Gyro Bowl.
我知道这是什么唐娜
Oh, I know what it is, Donna.
这是防打翻的碗你怎么知道我想要
It's the bowl that won't spill. How did you know I wanted it?
每次播广♥告♥时
Every time the commercial came on,
你都会踢腿尖叫
you kicked out your legs and you screamed.
这样很管用因为我现在到手了
Yeah, and it worked because now I have one.
好的我们来测试下
All right. Let's test this baby out.
放点小的先来点椒盐卷饼
We got to start small. Let's try some pretzels, okay?
-我本来还担心你退休后我们会无聊呢 -好的
- And I was worried that when you retired, we'd be bored. - Okay.
说一个我可能会打翻的场景来吧
Now, give me a scenario where I might spill it. Come on.
你在钓鱼的船上吃着零食
Okay, you're on a fishing boat, having a snack.
我喜欢
I like that.
瞧啊
Oh, look -- look at that.
瞧
Look at that.
-但浪很大 -够浪吗
- But the water's choppy. - Oh, is it choppy?
比这还要浪
No, it's choppier than that.
然后一个大浪冲你打来
And then -- And then a huge wave smashes into you!
没洒
Nothing!
没洒
Nothing!
我来玩到我了
All right, I want to do it. It's my turn.
不过这次得来点狠的
Okay, uh, we got to kick it up a notch, though.
这次用番茄酱
Let's go with, uh... We're going with ketchup.
好的太棒了
Okay. All right, great.
好的
All right.
所以我爱你你什么都不怕
Oh, see, this is why I love you. You have no fear.
对
Yep.
好的
Okay, good. All right.
给我说个场景
Now, you give me a scenario.
来你是妓♥女♥
Okay, now, you are a prostitute.
你
You --
对不起
Wow, I'm sorry.
我不知道为什么会冒出这句
I don't even know where that came from.
真心不知道
I don't even --
行了知道吗
Is right. Oh, and you know what?
我是一个快迟到的学校护士怎么样
How about I am a school nurse who's about to be late?
你不是妓♥女♥ 你是公主
You're not a prostitute. You're a princess.
不你是个好公主
Yeah, no, no, you're a good princess.
说真的你是会做慈善的公主
Seriously, no, you're a princess who donates to charity,
你建立了自己的基金
and you started your own foundation.
我得走了
I got to go.
我爱你拜
I love you. Bye.
20年前四位热情高涨的梦想家
20 years ago, four bright-eyed dreamers
踏上了保卫城市安全的旅程
embarked on a journey to keep this county safe.
经历过一堆杀人犯和五千持枪劫犯之后
A boatload of murders and 5,000 armed robberies later,
我们依然风采不减当年
here we are no worse for the wear.
退休快乐兄弟们
Happy retirement, boys!
现在我们的时代到来了
Now, it's our time.
对太棒了
Yeah, baby!
上周打保龄球时
All right, now, last week during bowling,
我们讨论过骑摩托走遍全国
we talked about a cross-country motorcycle trip,
但我们讨论时是几杯啤酒下肚之后
but we were a few beers in when we discussed it.
对我醒来后完全忘了
Yeah. When I woke up, I totally forgot.
我有七个孩子
I got seven kids.
我可不能离开那么久的时间
I can't swing that chunk of time.
莫特那些孩子将是个问题
Mott, these kids are gonna be problem.
我现在就感觉到了好了
I can feel it already. All right.
摩托之行先缓缓
Let's put the bike trip on hold, all right?
周四我们有场卡丁车比赛
Now, Thursday, we got our go-kart race,
周五彩弹赛
and on Friday, we got shooting paintballs.
知道吗
But you know what?
如果我们想给退休生活来个精彩的开头
If we want to kick this retirement off with a bang,
我说应该把两个结合起来
I say we combine them.
就叫"彩卡丁" 或是"卡弹弹"
We call it, like, "Paint-kart" Or "Go-balls."
我不同意后一个
Yeah, I'm not down with go-balls.
记得参赛费每人50块
But remember, it's 50 bucks a man,
要现金莫特
and cash, Mott, okay?
不是收纳品连锁店的剩余礼物卡
No leftover gift cards from The Container Store.
我们知道你妹子在那里上班
We get it -- your sister works there.
还好吗伙计们
What's up, boys?
不用理我
Don't mind me.
只是一个现役消防员
Just an active-duty firefighter
为今晚的派对拿点辣椒肉酱来
bringing a little chili for the party tonight.
凯尔不是只有真正去救火的人
Kyle, to call yourself a firefighter,
才能管自己叫消防员吗
don't you actually have to fight a fire?
古迪别为难我兄弟
Come on, Goody. Leave my brother alone.
我不介意
No, no, I got this.
跟你说我也可以去救火
For your information, I could go on calls.
但是兄弟们喜欢我做的饭
But, you know, the guys like my cooking.
没办法谁叫我是厨艺高手呢
I can't help it if I know my way around a spice rack.
各位别走神好吗卡丁车赛
All right, guys, can we focus, please? Go-karts.
我不能参加周四的卡丁车赛
Actually, I can't do go-karts Thursday.
我得开车送老婆去看牙医
I got to drive my wife to the orthodontist
她要戴牙箍
to get her braces put on.
你开玩笑吧
Come on. You got to be kidding me.
她笑起来嘴里就是一排破旧的尖桩篱笆
She's got a smile like a busted picket fence.
拜托各位
What -- Come on, guys!
你要管孩子你要管老婆的牙齿
You with your kids, your wife with her teeth.
先把重要的事做了行不
Get your priorities straight!
我这不是为我自己我是为了大家
I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing it for all of us.
而且
And by the way,
我做的PPT 没一个人表示感谢
not one thank you for the PowerPoint presentation.
我很喜欢
I enjoyed it.
太迟了
Nah, it's too late.
-老天 -怎么了
- Oh, man. - What?
第四分局的阿尔瓦雷斯
Alvarez from the fourth precinct.
他老婆把他赶出来了他需要住的地方
His wife just gave him the boot, and he needs a place to stay.
你怎么样达夫你是单身
Well, how about you, Duff? You're single.
不行
Oh, I can't.
我和爸妈住在一起
I got my parents staying with me.
你是指住你♥爸♥妈家吧
You mean at their house?
对你呢
Yeah. What about you?