9号秘事

但布伦达出事之后...
But after what happened to Brenda...
如果你发现了这个包裹 我劝你
If you find this package, I urge you,
我恳求你 不要打开
I implore you, do not open it.
把它送走 毁掉
Send it away, destroy it.
我们的人生自有天命
Our lives are ruled by fate,
擅自篡改命运的轨迹
and those who interfere with fate
终将自食恶果
do so to their sorrow.
别 他不是要...
No, he's not going to...
真是太可怜了
That's very sad.
社会服务的人都去哪儿了
I mean, where's social services in all this, eh?
这个社会没有一点爱心了
Nobody cares any more.
怎么了
What's up?
你们也听到他说的话了
You heard what he said.
那个东西很危险
That thing is dangerous.
拜托 尼克 他很明显是神志不清了
Oh, come on, Nick, he was clearly delusional.
他无法接受丧妻之痛
He's lost his wife and he couldn't accept it.
这是典型的执念转移
It's classic displacement.
就算怪在兔子雕像上 她也不会复生
Blaming a rabbit ornament isn't going to bring her back.
-是野兔 -所以呢
- It's a hare. - So?
在世界上的几乎所有文化里
Hares are associated with witchcraft and trickery
野兔都与巫术和骗术有关
in almost every culture in the world.
你怎么知道
How do you know?
因为我有民族学和民俗学的博士学位
Because I did a PhD in ethnology and folklore.
那你为什么还在这里当高级清洁工
Then, why are you here acting as a glorified binman?
因为那个学位屁用都没有
Because it didn't get me anywhere, did it?
就像拿了个洗盘子的学位一样没用
Like having a degree in washing-up.
好吧 但毕竟是学位
Yeah, but, still.
这么说吧 我做出过很多错误的选择
Well, let's just say I made some bad choices.
原来你才当过男妓
YOU were a rent boy!
他曾经是酒鬼
He was an alcoholic.
现在也一样
Am an alcoholic.
酒瘾从来不会消退
It never goes away.
幸运的是 总有人
Fortunately, there are people
愿意给你第二次机会
willing to give you a second chance.
不如我们把这家伙的财产放回保险箱吧
Look, why don't we put the man's property back in the safe, eh?
作为高级清洁工 我认为我们已经浪费了不少时间
This glorified binman thinks we've wasted enough time as it is.
你们过来一下
Guys, come here a second.
不能用两个袋子装一只活老鼠
You don't double-bag a live rodent.
-之前是死的 -真的吗
- It was dead. - Really?
当然 老鼠是死是活我还是分得清的
Yeah. I know a dead rat when I see one.
没事 是个人都会犯错
It's all right! We all make mistakes.
-是我许的愿 -什么
- I wished for it. - What?
刚才在里面 我拿着雕像说
Just now, in there, I was holding the statue,
"真希望它还活着 那样就能少填些材料了"
I said, "I wish it was alive, it would be a lot less paperwork."
-尼克 冷静 -不 没错 他确实这么做了
- Nick, calm down. - No, he's right, he did.
该死 那我们就只剩下两个愿望了
Damn. That means we've only got two wishes left.
-什么意思 -你的机会已经用掉了
- What do you mean? - Well, you've used yours,
你许的愿是让老鼠复活
you wished for the rat to come alive.
什么 我只是开玩笑而已啊
What? I was just making a joke.
那就是你的问题了 老兄
That's YOUR problem, mate.
我本来可以得到世上的任何东西
I could have had anything in the world
到头来却只得了个宠物老鼠吗
and I've ended up with a pet rat?!
这是家鼠 很干净的
Well, it's very domesticated, very clean.
-那送你好了 -打住
- Well, you have it, then! - Excuse me.
抱歉 没办法集中精神
Sorry. Couldn't concentrate.
听着 尼克 现在涉及到一位老人
Look, Nick, what we're dealing with here is an old man,
可能有点未被确诊的精神错乱 经历了一连串的厄运
possibly with undiagnosed dementia, who had a run of bad luck.
这是一种解释 但考虑一下这个 麦兹
Is one explanation. But consider this. Maz?
这是弗兰克的妻子 布伦达
This is Frank's wife, Brenda.
我无意冒犯 但她有一点...
I'm not being rude but she's a bit of a...
-她体重超常 -没错 她是"巨兽"
- She's overweight. - Yes, she's a beast.
你想说的那个词应该是"巨胖"
I think the word is obese.
总之 6个月的时间里
Anyway, within six months,
她生了病 最后变成了这样
she gets ill and ends up looking like this.
她得了癌症 没错 事实就是这样
She had cancer, yes, that's what happens.
但弗兰克在日记里说
But here in Frank's diary,
"布伦达又在烦恼她的体重
"Brenda upset about her weight again.
可怜的小香肠 真希望我有办法能帮到她"
"Poor sausage. I wish there was a way I could help her."
-可怜的小香肠 -瞧吧 他希望她瘦下来
- Poor sausage? - You see? He wished for her to be thin,
所以她患癌 变瘦 最后死了
she gets cancer, weight drops off, she dies.
你怎么能...
How could you even...?
你心理可真阴暗
That's just sick.
行吧 再看这个
All right, look at this.
9月3日 从印度回来
3rd of September, back from India.
9月12日 中彩票大奖
12th of September, wins the Lottery.
-你已经说过这些了 -9月29日
- You've said all this. - 29th of September,
送他哥哥踏上去佛罗里达礁岛群的豪华度假之旅
sends his brother on a luxury holiday to the Florida Keys.
-所以呢 -他哥哥死于船难
- So? - Where he dies in a boating accident.
-明白了吗 -明白什么
- See? - What?
每个愿望都有恶果 民俗学里这种事屡见不鲜
Every wish backfires. It's throughout folklore.
人力是无法改变的
There's no way around it.
妻子死后 他卖♥♥掉了海格特的豪♥宅♥
After his wife dies, he sells the big house in Highgate,
搬进这里 开始一点点地散财
he moves in here, starts frittering away
不停从易趣网上买♥♥没用的东西
his money buying crap off eBay.
那是因为他个囤积狂 这是病
That's because he was a hoarder. It's an illness.
是因为他在试着通过买♥♥最无害的东西
It's because he was trying to get rid of it
把这笔钱用掉
by buying the most innocuous things.
那些钱被诅咒了
The money is cursed.
你把一切都故事化了 尼克
This is just story-fying, Nick.
你那个专注神话故事的学位
You've developed an overactive imagination
让你形成了过于发达的想象力
cos of your fairy-tale degree.
你刚刚是不是又喝了抗菌洗手液
Have you been drinking the antibacterial hand wash again?
我就喝过一次
I did that once!
就算是这样 那他第三个愿望是什么
All right, then, so, what was his third wish?
-我不知道 -我的想法是 我们还剩两个愿望
- I don't know. - Look, my point is, we've got two wishes left
该怎么用呢
what are we going to use them on?
我希望我们继续工作 赶紧把活儿干完
Well, I wish we could just go back to work and get this job done.
这个不会作为愿望被实现吧
That's not going to happen now, is it?
不会 说的时候得把雕像拿在手里才行
No, you have to be holding it.
来吧
Come on.
我知道该怎么办了
I know what we should do.
我们应该许愿 要求获得无数愿望
We should wish for unlimited wishes.
-没用的 -什么 你怎么知道
- It won't work. - What? How do you know?
从来就不会实现 你不能许一个
It never does. You can't wish for anything
会更改许愿体系自身结构的愿望
that would alter the structure of the wishing system itself.
你们能开始更换地板吗
Can you make a start on those floorboards, please?
我预约了明天中午12点做荧光检测的服务
I've got an ATP fluorescence booked in at 12 tomorrow.
我需要那间屋子一尘不染
I need that room spotless.
拿着
Grab that.
爸爸 你什么时候回家
不如我们许愿要笔巨款吧
Why don't we just ask for shitloads of money,
比如 每人5千万镑
like, 50 million each?
弗兰克就是这么干的 瞧瞧他的下场
That's exactly what Frank did, look what happened to him.
成了要被清理掉的污渍
Just a stain to get rid of.
许愿灵器总是有反噬性的
The wish-granter is always vengeful.
你要是贪婪 就得付出代价
If you're greedy, you pay the price.
但这就跟收税员一个道理不是吗
Yeah, but it's like the taxman, isn't it?
我领了一份开心乐园餐
I claimed for a Happy Meal
因为我在超♥市♥外面的手推车里发现了一张收据
because I found a receipt in the trolley outside Tesco.
他也从来没找过我
And he never came after me.
我觉得你不能将命运和税务局相提并论
I don't think you can compare fate to the Inland Revenue.
我希望得到9.3万英镑 谢谢
I wish for £93,000, please.
-你干什么 -怎么了
- What are you doing?! - What?
这是慎重考虑过的
That was very carefully thought out.
不算太多 但足够改善生活
Not too much, but enough to make a difference.
-把那个给我 -为什么
- Give me that! - Why?
-你这个白♥痴♥ -没事吧
- You're an idiot. - Everything all right?
没事 我们在清理地板
Yeah, we're just sorting out the floorboards.
大富翁
你不该许愿要那笔钱 麦兹
You should not have wished for that money, Maz.
-那该许什么愿 -我不知道 无害的东西吧
- Well, what, then? - I don't know, something harmless.