9号秘事

我想要你 就在此时 就在此地
And I intend to have you now, right here!
你这个计划有点小问题
There is a little problem with that plan.
很遗憾我不得不告诉你 但我...
I hate to have to tell you, but I'm...
目前没有恋爱的打算
Not looking for a relationship at the moment.
请跟我来 这是怎么回事
If you just come with me. Alas, what's this?
安波和另外一个男人缠在一起
Fair Amber with another man entwined.
她一定是先看到了他
She must have seen him first.
女士 快停下 你男朋友在这儿呢
Madam, desist! Your boyfriend's here.
我才不在乎他呢
I do not care for him.
这男人 这神祇
This man, this god!
这美人才是我的爱
This vision is my love.
-来 让我见识见识你那坚挺的"长剑" -走开
- Come, let me see thy mighty sword. - Go away!
我愿将这长剑安放入属于它的"剑鞘"
I wish to keep my sword within its sheath!
其实是"短匕♥首♥"
It's more like a little dagger anyway.
先生 快跟你女朋友解释一下啊
Sir, speak you to your girlfriend and explain.
她弄错对象了
She has the wrong man.
为什么 我都不认识她 她还扇过我耳光
Why? I know her not. She slapped my face.
这女人疯了
The woman is insane.
为爱疯狂
Insane with love!
-而且只有这一副解药 -天呐
- And there is but one cure. - Oh, God!
我已经在里面等得够久了
I've waited long enough in there!
付钱
Pay up!
付钱 付什么 我都不知道你在说什么
Pay up? For what? I know not what you mean.
这家酒店全是疯女人 我可以发誓
This hotel is full of mad women, I swear.
-你一定在开玩笑 -不 是你喝了我的尿
- You take the piss! - No, you took it from me.
妈 你去哪儿了 我都担心坏了
Mother! Where have you been? You had me worried.
我发现她在楼梯那儿徘徊
I found her wandering in the corridor.
这是50镑 给你添麻烦了
Here's 50 for your trouble.
妈 你哪儿来的钱
Mother! Where did you get that money from?
他给的
From him.
把钱给我 老奶奶 这是我应得的
Give me that money, grandma! I've earned it.
这也是我应得的 尽管我也记不清钱是怎么来的了
Well, I earned it, too. Though how, I can't recall.
-你睡了我男朋友 -是吗 妈妈
- You did screw my boyfriend. - Did you, Mother?
全是我的错
It's all my fault.
-我搞砸了 -别紧张
- I've messed it up. - Calm down.
解铃还须系铃人
We just need to untangle what is tangled.
这位先生预定了914
This gentleman was booked in 914.
不 那是911号♥房♥的布朗先生
No, that is Mr Brown from 911.
安波就在隔壁 他还和小红上♥床♥
In bed with Red while Amber was next door.
然后 915的格林先生
Then, Mr Green in 915...
-他的浴缸塞 -布鲁先生在912
- His bath plug! .. -And Blue in 912.
我还漏了谁 红 黄[安波] 绿[格林]
Who have I missed? Red, Amber, Green.
什么灯亮了等一等
Am I coming or going?
我们得和催眠师文斯谈一谈
We need to speak to Vince the hypnotist.
瑞柯王子 怎么了 你不累吗
Prince Rico, what has happened? Aren't you tired?
我还以为你这会儿已经睡着了呢
I thought you would be sleeping now.
他们这么闹我怎么睡得着 你这儿借我避一避
With this? You have to give me shelter from these people
好亨利 你是我唯一信任的人
Good Henry, you're the only one I trust.
安波 原来你在这儿 亲爱的 我想你了
Oh, Amber. There you are, my love. I've missed you.
我一点都不想你 你这个恋尸癖
I've not missed you, you necrophiliac.
你说什么
I'm sorry?
我看到你和那个老骚货共处一室了
I saw you in your room with that old hussy.
我还没那么老呢
Excuse me, I'm not that old!
她指的是我
She means me.
我知道我不是个完美的男朋友
I know I haven't been the perfect boyfriend.
但我想给你看一下这个
But I want to show you this.
这是我的蛋糕吗
Is this my cake?
你要知道 这个圆盖之下的东西
You have to know what lies beneath this dome
象征着你对我所具有的重要意义
is a symbol of what you mean to me.
就求婚而言 我见过比这好得多的
As proposals go, l have seen better.
这并不是什么浪漫的事 一把老骨头
It's not the most romantic thing to show, a load of old bones.
不好意思 那可是我妈
Excuse me, that's my mother.
你是在说我吗 你是谁来着
Do you mean me? Who are you again?
-这应该是个... -苹果馅饼吗 我吃了
- This should have been... - An apple tart? I ate it.
那里面藏了个钻石戒指呢
There was a diamond ring concealed within.
看来你的戒指从一个馅饼跑到另一个馅饼[妓♥女♥]里去了
Your ring has gone from one tart to another.
你怎么就不能闭嘴呢 自以为是的婊...
Why don't you shut your mouth, you stuck-up b... ?
妈
Mother!
冷静 你快回房♥吧
Calm down, let's put you back in here.
你感觉如何 妈妈 你还好吗
How are you feeling, Mother? Are you OK?
我这伸的是几根手指
How many fingers am I holding up?
罗伯特 我不戴眼镜什么都看不见
Oh, Robert! I can't see without my glasses.
-你刚说什么 -我说我看不见
- What did you say? - I said I can't see.
-但你叫我罗伯特 -你就叫这名字啊
- Well, you just called me Robert. - Well, that's your name.
一个母亲显然对自己的儿子知根知底
A mother ought to know her son.
天呐 那一巴掌肯定是让你的神智清醒了
Good God. That slap, it must have brought you back to me.
安波 听我说 我真的爱你
Amber, listen, I do love thee.
她被施咒了 我无法打破咒语
She is bewitched, I cannot break the spell.
告诉我们 文斯 要怎么样才能纠正错误
Just tell us, Vince, what do we need to know to make this right?
我在睡觉 晚安
I'm sleeping now. Good night.
-他喝酒了吗 -就喝了一杯红酒
- Has he been drinking? - He had a glass of wine.
现在我要亲自来解决问题
Then I take matters into my own hands.
别用你的猪蹄子来碰我 肥猪
Don't touch me with those trotters, you fat pig!
真爱之吻 必将使我打破咒语
With true love's kiss, I aim to break the spell.
不 不要
No, don't!
-对不起 -不 我是说不要停
- Sorry. - No, I meant don't stop.
-我以为她是你女朋友呢 -妈 别闹
- I thought she's your girlfriend. - Mother, please.
可怜的戈斯 我都不知道我是被什么鬼上身了
Poor Gus! I don't know what came over me.
我保证不是我上了你的身
It wasn't me, I can promise you that.
我好喜欢幸福的结局 你呢 弗莱德
I love a happy ending, don't you, Fred?
917号♥房♥里有张空床哦
In 917, there's an empty bed.
现在这一团糟 我可受够了
Of this confusion, l have had my fill.
不好意思 小姐 我想结账了
Excuse me, Miss. I'd like to pay my bill.
能不能别再...
For the finaltime, will you be...?
怎么回事
What's this?
一模一样 简直像是同一个人
Two peas from the same pod, both shelled.
是我老眼昏花
Do my old eyes deceive me,
还是眼前真是我曾短暂抱过的一对双生子
or could I be looking at the sons I briefly held?
我的确是被收养的
l was adopted as a child.
我也是
And I.
-我从来不知道我父亲是谁 -直到现在
- I never knew my father. - Until now.
求你们不要戏弄我这个老家伙
I pray you, sirs, do not an old man mock.
我们一定要查到底
We must get to the bottom of this.
怎么查
How?
证据就在你们的身后
The proof, it is behind you.
我的那对双生子屁♥股♥上都有一个胎记
For my boys both bore a birthmark on their bare behinds.
-它有着最不同寻常的形状 -我知道
- It was a most unusual shape. - I know!
它看上去就像是
It looks just like...
《最强大脑》节目里的那把椅子
..The chair from Mastermind!
没错 我在他的屁♥股♥上看到了
It's true. I saw it on his bum.
《最强大脑》主持人
它让我想起了马格纳斯·马格纳森
It makes me think of Magnus Magnusson!
请给我一点点时间
Give me but one moment, I implore.
我不需要那个浴缸塞了
I won't need that bath plug any more.
我一直都觉得自己不完整
I always felt that l was but a half.
不仅仅是缺父少母
Lacking not just a father and a mother.
和另外的一半相见 才让自己变得完整
Meeting your other half makes you a whole.
-我说错了吗 -很高兴认识你
- Does that sound wrong? - It's nice to meet you...
兄弟
Brother.
太好了
Lovely!
一切都解决了 就跟一场舞台剧一样
So, all is resolved. Just like a theatre play.
我也可以享受"性福结局"了
And I can get my happy end away.
没那么快
Not so fast!
所有人都别动
Everybody stay exactly where they are.
我很抱歉破坏这温馨有爱的气氛
I'm sorry to break up this pretty scene
但我跟瑞柯王子还有事没解决呢
but I have unfinished business with Prince Rico.
你们两个 哪一个是他
I pray you, sirs, which one of you is he?
-是我 -是我
- 'Tis l. - 'Tis l.
-是我 -妈 别闹
- 'Tis l. - Mother, calm down!
你们故意设了这个局想搅乱我的脑袋
You have set this up to try to muddle me.
站出来 王子 否则就捅死你爹