9号秘事

9号♥秘事
第四季
第2集
我之前还在想你会不会来呢
I wondered if you were going to turn up.
抱歉 汤米
Sorry, Tommy.
你知道我向来都不准时的
You know what I'm like with time.
总要等到"指针指向左雀斑过后半小时"
It's always half past my left freckle.
那些都是什么
What's all this?
我就是找了些杂七杂八的东西
I just wanted to get a few extra bits and pieces.
我想着 如果有好玩的道具
I thought, if we had some funny props,
可能会刺♥激♥灵感
that it might inspire us.
就像以前那样
You know, like we used to, back in the day.
新奇的玩意儿之类的
Novelty items and whatnot.
回来演出真是个糟糕的主意
This was such a bad idea.
我不得不扔掉了好多旧道具
It's just, I had to get rid of a lot of the old props.
我其实留了好多年
I kept them for years,
芝士和饼干
都装在箱子里 放在我妈家的小卧室里
all boxed up in my mother's back bedroom,
但她去世后 我就只能把它们装进旧废料桶扔掉
but then she passed and I had to chuck them all in an old skip.
不过 这可以编成笑点 对吧
Hey, that could be a bit, couldn't it?
旧废料桶怎么处理
What do people do with their old skips?
要把它扔到哪
Where do they dump them?
抱歉 我在胡言乱语
Sorry. Sorry, I'm babbling.
见到你真好 汤米
It's good to see you, Tommy.
大家现在都叫我汤玛斯
People call me Thomas now.
已经30年没人叫我汤米了
I haven't been Tommy for 30 years.
你看上去混得很好
Well, you look well.
我们怎么来 拥抱 握手还是行碰鼻礼
What do we do? Do we hug, shake hands, rub noses?
直接排戏吧 我时间不多
Let's just get on with it, shall we? I haven't got long.
好吧 你想先干什么
OK. What do you want to do first?
要不要先彩排面试那段小品
Shall we try the interview sketch?
「慢慢"进入"状态」
"Ease ourselves in gently,"
就像娈童主教对唱诗班男童说的那样
as the bishop said to the choirboy?
你想那样就那样吧
If you wish, yes.
希望我都还记得 我应该能行
I hope I remember it all. I think I have it.
我经常听那些磁带
I listen to the albums from time to time.
我还保存着当年上过的电视节目的录像带
I still have VHSs of all the telly stuff,
但播放不出来了
but I can't play 'em.
想发行演出DVD的那帮人
Did you ever hear anything back from those lads
跟你说过最新的进展吗
who wanted to bring out a DVD?
-没有 准备好了吗 -稍等下
- No. Are you ready? - One sec.
-别那么看着观众 -什么意思
- And no looking out at the audience. - What do you mean?
你知道我什么意思 你总那么干
You know what I mean. You always used to do it.
对前排观众做鬼脸
Mugging to the front row.
-不 我没有 -你就有
- No, I never. - You did!
尤其是我抖包袱的时候
Especially if I had a funny line.
你会朝台下看 好像是你逗他们笑的 别那么干
You'd look out and take it, as if you'd earned the laugh. Don't.
-那让我很来气 -我没那么干过吧
- Pisses me off. - I don't think I do that.
好吧 下次你再这么干的时候
Right, well, next time you do it,
-我就打响指 到时自会见分晓 行吗 -好吧
- I'll click my fingers and you'll see, all right? - OK, fine.
-我也很高兴见到你 -开演
- Good to see you, too. - Start.
抱歉
Sorry.
请进
Come in.
你好 我来面试
Hello. I'm here for the interview.
好 你想坐下吗[你想拿把椅子吗]
Ah, yes. Would you like to take a seat?
不用了 我家里有好几把
Nah, you're all right. I've got some at home.
不 我是说你想不想坐下
No, no, I mean would you like to sit down?
好的 谢谢
Oh, yes. Thank you.
找来这里不费劲吧
So, you found us all right?
很顺利 你们的地图非常详细
Yes. Your map was extremely comprehensive.
就像你的教育经历一样广泛
Like your education, I see.
行了 你不用每次都打响指
All right, you don't have to do it every time.
我非要 这是我的包袱
I do. My laugh.
容我自我介绍一下 我姓科克[苏格兰长老会]
So, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mr Kirk.
科克先生 这是苏格兰姓吧 大兄弟
Och, Mr Kirk. Is that a wee Scots name, Jimmy?
不 应该不是
No, I don't think so.
其实 我父亲生于爱尔兰
As a matter of fact, my father was born in Ireland.
翡翠之岛 小精灵和健力士黑啤酒的故乡
The Emerald Isle. They've got leprechauns and Guinness,
当然 当然
to be sure, to be sure.
我们公♥司♥总部在利兹
So, the company is based in Leeds...
兄弟 我的老天爷啊
Nay, lad! Ee, bah gum and ecky thump!
-亲密合作伙伴是... -哈利·拉姆斯登快餐
- ..Working closely with... - Harry Ramsden's!
全约克郡最好吃的薯条
Best chips in th'all of Yorkshire.
索尼公♥司♥
The Sony Corporation...
即「头生子」
出自华人侦探角色陈查理
业界领头羊
Ah, so, number one son.
出口到印度
Exporting to India...
老天爷啊 先生 一万个对不起
Cor blimey, mister! 10,000 apologies.
-经由白金汉 -哎呀
- ..Via Buckingham. - Oh, I say!
-实在是太时髦了 -在莫斯科有个办事处
- How terribly, terribly posh. - We have an office in Moscow...
伏特加 同志
Vodka, comrade!
-伦敦有个分部 -那敢情好
- A branch in London... - Lovely jubbly.
我们将要进军马达加斯加
..And we're expanding into Madagascar.
是吗 真有趣
Really? How interesting.
你专心一点好不好
Look, would you concentrate, please?
我要招的是能胜任这一职位的正经求职者
I'm looking for a serious candidate to fill this position.
-我上过大学 -是吗 哪所
- Well, I did go to university. - Really? Where did you study?
-剑桥 -你什么时候能开始上班
- Cambridge. - When can you start?
成了 很成功
Boom! It's a belter, that.
宝刀未老 对不对
Still works, doesn't it?
结尾这部分要改掉
You won't be able to do any of that ending.
什么意思
What do you mean?
-不能模仿中国人和亚洲人了 -为什么
- Can't do Chinese and Asian voices any more. - Why?
因为 莱恩 现在这算种族歧视
Because, Len, it is what is known as racist.
得了吧
Oh, give over!
-这才是笑点所在啊 -笑点是什么
- That's the joke. - What's the joke?
说到底 你希望人们因什么而发笑
What are you inviting people to laugh at, exactly?
就是一个人在模仿各种傻兮兮的口音
Just...A man doing all daft voices.
我们第一季就是这么演的
We did it in our first series.
我们只出了一季 记得吗
We only had one series, remember?
是没错 但还是上电视了
Yeah, but still, it's been on telly.
也没人投诉
Nobody complained.
情况不一样了 今时不同往日
Well, things have changed. That was then.
好吧 那《我的天啊》呢[印度喜剧]
All right, what about Goodness Gracious Me?
主演都是亚洲人 莱恩
They were all Asian, Len.
这就像杰克·梅森讲关于犹太人的笑话
It's like Jackie Mason telling Jew jokes
或者理查德·普赖尔玩黑人梗
or Richard Pryor doing black material.
你只能开自己品种的玩笑
You're only allowed to take the piss out of your own tribe.
我觉得你不能用"品种"这个词 汤米
I don't think you should be calling them a tribe, Tommy.
那才叫种族歧视
That IS racialist.
总之 这个小品演不了 明白吗
Look, we can't do this sketch, all right?
-那《中国佬》也做不了吗 -不行
- So, can we not do Ching Chong Chinaman? - No.
其实 我觉得我们根本不该再表演
In fact, I don't think we should be doing this at all.
我不该来的 我走了
I've made a mistake. I'm going.
别啊 汤米 不要走
Oh, no. Tommy, please don't go.
我们30年没见了
I haven't seen you in 30 years.
好歹试一试吧
Let's at least give it a chance.
♪若真要哭♪
♪If you're going to cry♪
♪也请喜极而泣♪
♪Cry tears of laughter♪
♪笑颜总比蹙眉易♪
♪A smile takes much less effort than a frown.♪
汤米 我刚把拼图拼完了
Hey, Tommy, I've just finished my jigsaw!
是吗 难不难
Oh, was it difficult?
盒子上说需要3到5年[供3到5岁孩童玩]
Well, it said three to five years on the box.
我只花了6个月
Only took me six months.
-你知道我现在住在法国吗 -知道
- You know I live in France now? - Yeah.
我们家莉安说在《标准报》上看到你了
Our Leanne said she'd read a piece about you in the Standard.
-你是做电脑的 对不对 -那叫电子商务
- You do computers, don't you? - Digital marketing.
我开了家公♥司♥ 叫愤怒的番茄
Got my own company, Angry Tomato.
全球有15处工作室
15 offices worldwide.
手下有100名员工
100 people working under me.
难道你不心"痒"吗
Does it not tickle?
我已经放下了 莱恩
I've moved on, Len.