9号秘事

-♪棕瓶立墙上♪ -我要小便
- ♪bottles sitting on the wall... ♪ - I need a wee!
♪3个棕瓶立墙上♪
♪Three brown bottles sitting on the wall♪
♪若是1个棕瓶♪
♪And if one brown bottle... ♪
不是那儿
Not there!
♪不小心掉下墙♪
♪Should accidentally fall♪
♪就剩2个棕瓶立墙上♪
♪There'll be two brown bottles sitting on the wall♪
-♪2个棕瓶立墙上♪ -爱你 汤米
- ♪Two brown bottles sitting on the wall...♪ - Love you, Tommy.
♪若是1个棕瓶不小心掉下墙♪
♪And if one brown bottle should accidentally fall♪
♪就剩1个棕瓶立墙上♪
♪There'll be one brown bottle sitting on the wall...♪
汤米·德瑞克 女士们先生们
Tommy Drake, ladies and gentlemen!
他特别小气 想从他手上拿50便士你得用扳手才行
He's so mean, you'd need a spanner to get 50p out of his hand.
-给我一个吻 -♪那就没有瓶子了♪
- Give us a kiss! - ♪There'll be no more bottles...♪
也没有墙
And no more wall.
演下来真让人精疲力尽 但确实很搞笑
Takes it out of you, that one. It's funny, though.
所以你真不记得伯尼·克利夫顿的化妆室了吗
So, you don't remember Bernie Clifton's dressing room?
不 不记得了 你为什么老提这茬
No, I don't. Why do you have to keep bringing that up?
我们当时在格拉斯哥的文体馆 正在表演《棕瓶》
We were on stage, Glasgow Pavilion, doing Brown Bottles.
你下台拿笤帚 就再也没回来
You walked off to get the broom. You never came back.
留我一个人站在那儿 备受羞辱
You left me standing there, humiliated,
即兴表演了十分钟
vamping for ten minutes
观众却稀稀拉拉地鼓掌
while the audience started slow handclapping,
他们喊着"那个很逗的家伙去哪儿了"
people shouting, "Where's the funny one?"
我下台后
I walked off to find you
在伯尼·克利夫顿的化妆室找到了你 你躺在地板上
in Bernie Clifton's dressing room lying on the floor,
被自己的呕吐物堵住了呼吸道
choking in your own vomit.
可能是因为我刚在3分钟内吹了7瓶啤酒
Probably cos I'd just necked seven bottles of beer in three minutes.
是啊 你一周要这样喝多少次
Yeah, and how many times a week did you do that?
我不记得了
I can't remember.
你当然不记得了
Of course you can't remember.
你要是能记得83到87年间的任何事我都感到惊讶
I'm surprised you remember anything from '83 to '87,
你那时候把酒当水喝
the amount you drank.
-你在说什么啊 -你差点没命了 莱恩
- What are you saying? - You nearly died, Len!
你酗酒成瘾
You're an alcoholic.
伯尼·克利夫顿的化妆室就是压垮骆驼的最后一根稻草
And Bernie Clifton's dressing room was the last straw.
他不得不毁掉那只鸵鸟[演出道具]
He had to destroy that ostrich, you know.
不 他没有
No, he didn't.
他有
He did.
我赔了他25英镑 但你从来没有赔偿给我
25 quid, I had to give him, which I never saw back.
当时压力很大啊
Well, it's very stressful,
每晚都要上台逗观众笑
going out on stage every night, making people laugh.
这话不用你说我也知道
You don't need to tell me that.
你怎么可能知道呢 汤玛斯
How would you know, Thomas?
在前座开着车往前冲的人是我
I was the one on the front foot driving it.
而你只是坐在那儿 跟个邮筒似的
You just stood there like a fucking pillar box.
所以你才整整十年都酗酒不醒 是吧
Oh, and that's why you were drunk for ten years, is it?
-别那么夸张 -你说是我扼杀了「芝士和饼干」
- Oh, don't exaggerate. - You said I killed Cheese & Crackers...
因为我当时一副苦逼样
Because I was miserable?
你觉得他们为什么不让你上《该死的空格》
Why do you think they wouldn't have you on Blankety Blank,
我们为何在《强手杰克》上演出效果那么差
why we died a death on Crackerjack?
是因为你
It was you.
你总是烂醉如泥
You were always pissed.
我曾深爱表演
I loved performing.
我享受每晚站在台上
I loved being on stage every night.
-没什么能让我更快乐了 -那你为什么离开
- Nothing gave me more joy. - So, why did you leave it all, then?
为了救你
To save you.
做了6集喜剧在安格利亚台播出后 你就成了怪物
You turned into a monster after six half-hours on Anglia.
我很害怕 如果我们再成功一些...
I was frightened, if we got any bigger...
你会害死自己
You were killing yourself,
所以我离开了
so I walked away.
可你现在回来了 不是吗
But you came back, didn't you?
是的 但我真希望我没费这个劲
Yes! And I wish I'd never bothered!
抱歉 我打扰到你了吗
Sorry, am I interrupting?
没有 只是在练习我的致辞
No. Just...going through my speech.
-似乎难以找到合适的词 -你一定没问题的
- Hard to find the right words. - I'm sure you'll be fine.
-你在看我父亲的东西吗 -是啊
- Aw, have you been looking through my dad's stuff? - Yeah.
是啊 唤起了很多回忆
Yeah, brought back a lot of memories.
-他是个很逗的人 -是啊
- He was a funny man. - He was.
-来的人多吗 -是的 有一些
- Are there many people here? - Quite a few, yeah.
希德·利特尔 还有几个诺兰家的人
Syd Little, a couple of Nolans.
-我给你拿了流程顺序表 -谢谢
- Brought you the order of service. - Ooh, thanks.
纪念莱恩·谢尔比的一生
你排在珍妮特·克兰奇之后
You'll be on after Janette Krankie,
所以你得等她表演完 把用来垫高的箱子搬走
so if you just give her a moment to move her box...
当然
Oh, yeah.
我父亲希望这能成为一次庆典
My dad wanted it to be a celebration.
献给受邀观众的最后一次表演
One last gig to an invited audience.
只要他们不指望我能搞笑就行了
As long as they don't expect me to be funny.
不 我觉得没人会有那个指望
Oh, no, I don't think anyone's expecting that.
不管怎样都要谢谢你肯来表演
Thanks for doing it, though.
我知道你跟我父亲还有些未解的心结
I know you and my dad had unresolved business.
是的 不过...
We did, but, erm...
现在太迟了
It's too late now.
就像我之前说的 想象他在这屋里跟你一起吧
Like I said earlier, just imagine he's here with you in the room.
好的
Yeah.
你会参加之后的活动吧 稍微喝点酒 吃点东西
You will come to the do after, won't you, for a drink and a snack?
我们准备了芝士和饼干
We're, erm, having cheese and crackers.
好极了
Well, quite right, too.
把他的遗体推进礼堂的时候 会播放《喜极而泣》
we're going to be playing Tears Of Laughter when they bring him in,
你先有个心理准备
just so you're prepared.
好的
OK.
我差点忘了
I almost forgot.
他想把这个交给你
He wanted you to have this.
他坚持如此
He was very insistent.
汤玛斯·德瑞克收
他说你会明白的
He said you'd know what it was about.
芝士和饼干
偿还「伯尼·克利夫顿的化妆室」那次欠的钱
抱歉我搞砸了
谢谢 老搭档
Thank you, old pal.
♪永别之期悄然近♪
♪ It's almost time to say goodbye, ta-ta and fare-thee-well ♪
♪人生终有落幕时♪
♪ It's almost time to bring the curtain down ♪
♪我会说再会♪
♪ I'll say adieu... ♪
-对我吗 -对你
- To me? - To you.
♪与你相伴长欢乐♪
♪ So long, it has been swell ♪
♪心悲痛莫强欢笑♪
♪ But don't you cry the tears of a clown ♪
♪若真要哭♪
♪ If you're going to cry ♪
♪也请喜极而泣♪
♪ Cry tears of laughter ♪
♪笑颜总比蹙眉易♪
♪ A smile takes much less effort than a frown ♪
♪再来个笑话 让全场爆笑♪
♪ So, let's have one more joke and raise the rafters ♪
♪毕竟笑料可是当世奇药♪
♪ Cos laughter's the best medicine in town... ♪
医生 医生 我总感觉像要生产的产妇
Doctor! Doctor! I keep feeling like a woman who delivers babies.
别担心 只是「助产妇危机」罢了
Ooh, don't worry. It's just a midwife crisis.
♪没错 若真要哭♪
♪ Yes, if you're going to cry ♪
♪也请喜极而泣♪
♪ Cry tears of laughter ♪
♪你的笑骨断不了♪
♪ Your funny bone can never break in two ♪
♪痛苦也许能让你问鼎学院奖♪
♪ Misery might let you win a BAFTA ♪
♪但欢笑将让你永驻我心间♪
♪ But laughter is my memory of you... ♪
这世上有三种人
There are three types of people in this world -
-会数数的 和不会数数的 -太糟了
- those that can count and those that can't. - Terrible!
♪欢笑让你永驻我心间♪
♪ Laughter is my memory of you... ♪
知道吗 汤米 我花了整整四年
Do you know, Tommy, I've spent the last four years
想找到杀死我岳母的人
looking for my mother-in-law's killer,
但没人肯接这个活儿
but no-one will do it!
♪是的 欢笑让你永驻...♪
♪ Yes, laughter is my memory of... ♪
♪我心间♪
♪ You! ♪