难得幸福（2015）

What would Steve Jobs do with the army account?
或者只是一个像奇宝一样的品牌
Yeah? Or even at brands like Keebler?
我们该怎样利用当下的社会环境
How are we using the social?
或许现在是时候把小侏儒绑到船上运到迈哈密去了
Maybe it's time we shipped the little elves off to Miami.
为了 你们管这种叫什么来着
For a, uh, how do you say it?
一次强迫性的退休
A forced retirement.
- 为什么 - 什么为什么
- Why? - Why what?
为什么奇宝需要一份社交媒体计划
Why does Keebler need a social media plan?
因为现在已经不是九十年代了
Because it isn't the '90s.
是个小甜点 古斯塔夫
It's a cookie, Gustaf.
- 我是戈特弗里德 - 哦 好吧 你懂得 你可以取关我
- I'm Gottfrid. - Oh, right, well, you know, unfriend me.
不好意思
Yeah, I'm sorry.
我买♥♥了一些
You know, I bought some...
不好意思 昨天买♥♥了些佩托比斯摩[消化药]
excuse me... Pepto-Bismol yesterday.
那是我昨天在楼下的餐厅吃的
That's what I get for eating in the downstairs cafeteria.
在包装的另一边
And on the side of the package
- 我发誓我看到的是 请在推特上关注我 两个字 - 好吧
- I swear it said, "Follow us on Twitter." - Yeah. Yeah.
谁他妈的想在推特上关注佩托比斯摩
Who the fuck wants to follow Pepto-Bismol on Twitter?
你真那么饥渴么
Are you that lonely?
我的意思是 你♥他♥妈♥脑子被驴踢了么
I mean, what the fuck is wrong with your fucking asshole
以至于你需要在推特上关注消化药
that you need to follow Pepto-Bismol on Twitter?
那看起来像什么 就像我要吃屎
What is it? Is it like I need to take a shit.
嗯 我很好奇在这个无比健康的秘粉世界里发生些什么
Hmm, I wonder what's going on in the pink bismuth world.
听着 奇宝去年的业绩再创新高
Look, Keebler had its best year last year
不管员工老不老 那些侏儒都理应在这个国家里被爱戴
and old or not, those elves are beloved in this country.
我爷爷奶奶也需要被人爱戴
My grandparents are beloved, too,
但我是不会去炒他们鱿鱼的对吧
but I'm not going to hire them, am I?
戈特弗里德
Gottfrid, I don't think we
我觉得我们没有足够的钱去双赢
have enough money in the budget for both of them.
我们要做的是去改变一些事情
That right there is something that we need to change.
这种技术恐惧
This technophobia.
我同意你说的 为什么我们不炒你祖父母的鱿鱼呢
I agree. Why don't we fire your grandparents?
- 可能吧 汤姆 - 可能 可能
- Maybe, Thom. - Maybe, maybe.
不好意思 我感觉有点奇怪
I'm sorry, I'm feeling a little strange.
我要卧地表示抗♥议♥
I'm gonna take a lie-down.
但如果你们谁感兴趣的话
But if any of you are Pinterested,
你们可以在该死的推特上关注我
you can follow my fucking asshole on Twitter.
好吧 这个真是个高大上的想法
Okay, some strong opinions.
卧♥槽♥ 搞什么
Fuck! What the fuck?
急速埃迪
Fast Eddie.
欧尼
Ernie?
欧尼
Ernie?
呆在那别动
Hold it right there.
欧尼 你♥他♥妈♥的在做什么
Ernie, what the hell are you doing?
都四十六年了 托姆
46 years, Thom.
我他妈为公♥司♥付出了四十六年时间
46 fucking years I gave that company
抠抠搜搜的活在这颗破树上 托姆
living in this fucking tree, Thom.
现在他们却要炒了我
And now they're going to fire me?
那还不如先杀了我们
Well, not if I kill us all first.
欧尼 欧尼 没人能炒你
Ernie, Ernie, no one's gonna fire you.
- 我不会这么让他们这么做 - 你个该死的娘炮
- I won't let them. - You fucking pussy.
如果你没被炒那可真是幸运了
You'll be lucky if they don't fire you.
欧尼 那法官和水桶 怎么办
Ernie, what about JJ and Buckets?
那埃尔默呢 小埃尔默
And Elmer? Little Elmer.
难道埃尔默不该拥有一个父亲吗
Doesn't Elmer deserve a father?
不值得拥有一个操蛋了整个人生的父亲
A father who takes it up the ass his whole life.
该死 他们或许也想搬来和你住
Shit, they might as well just move in with you.
不 不不 别说了 我们能解决的 欧尼
No, no, no, stop. We can make this right, Ernie.
我们能解决的 像 像史蒂夫 乔布斯
We can make it right. Like... like Steve Jobs.
史蒂夫什么
Like Steve what?
发明iPod的家伙
The Jack. The iPod Jack.
他想纠正错误
He wanted to make a bad situation right,
所以他找了
so he had 100 engineers
100个工程师整晚来修每个细小的零件
fix every single one and work all night.
就为了纠正错误 欧尼
Just to make it right, Ernie.
他们熬夜工作
They worked all night?
一整晚 兄弟
All night, buddy.
他听起来像个蠢货
He sounds like a fucking prick.
- 妈 - 哦 我的欧尼
- Ma! - Oh, my Ernie.
我的欧尼 哦不
My Ernie. Oh, no.
- 抱歉 - 不
- So sorry. - No!
- 我很抱歉 - 不
- I'm so sorry. - No.
哦
Oh!
哦 我的小星星
Oh, my stars!
好软
So soft.
好有嚼劲
So chewy.
哦 汤姆 你想干嘛
Oh, Thom. What are you doing?
哦 汤姆 汤姆 我等这一刻等的太久了
Oh, Thom. Thom, I have waited so long for this.
哦 我的天 汤姆
Oh, my, Thom.
棒呆了 哦
That's uncommonly good. Ooh!
你个大家伙
You're double-stuffed.
你真是大家伙 哈
You're so fucking double-stuffed. Huh?
- 汤姆 - 你要露出你的小牙齿了吗 哼
- Thom? - You gonna take your teeth out, hmm?
呃 汤姆 他们取消了
Ahem, Thom, they canceled.
- 现在几点了- 6点30
- What time is it? - 6:30.
- 我迟到了 - 他们取消了
- I'm late. - They canceled.
- 朱尔斯干的吗 - 是瑞典人
- Jules? - The Swedes.
哦 操♥你♥妈♥
Oh, motherfuckers!
朱利叶斯 想滑滑梯吗 宝贝
Julius, want to go down the slide, honey?
不 我不想滑下来
No, I don't want to go down.
好吧 如果不想滑就不要滑
Okay, you don't... you don't have to go down the slide
不用为了我而这么做 宝贝
if you don't want to. Don't do it for me, honey.
如果你不想滑 就不要滑
If you don't want to go down, don't go down.
我的亚历山大以前也这样
My Alexander used to be like that.
现在他带头往下滑
Now he goes down headfirst.
- 以前怎么样 - 什么
- Used to be like what? - What?
你刚说你儿子以前也像这样 像哪样啊
You said your son used to be like that. Be like what?
哦 就是 你知道的
Oh, just, you know.
你咋不管好自己的破事
Why don't you mind your own fucking business?
朱尔斯 下来
Jules, just... just come on down.
我们到这儿来玩
We're here to have fun.
- 我只是想帮你 - 不 你可一点都没帮到
- I was just trying to be helpful. - No, you weren't.
你只是想在精神病院找优越感
You were trying to be superior at the Funny Farm.
听起来可悲极了
It's fucking pathetic.
嗨
Hi.
- 他们取消了 - 你在逗我吗
- They canceled. - Are you kidding me?
- 哦 这是扯淡 汤姆 - 我无能为力
- Oh, this is bullshit, Thom. - There's nothing I can do.
哦 对了 他们没有家庭
Oh, well, they don't have families,
他们没有孩子 他们怎么会在乎呢
they don't have kids, why would they give a shit?
他们就是小屁孩 我却不能让他们给我滚远点
They are fucking kids. I still can't tell them to fuck off.
汤姆 这是他妈的扯淡
Thom, it's fucking bullshit.
朱利叶斯呢
How's Julius?
他还是坐在那儿啥都不干吗
Is he just sitting there doing nothing?
不 他在玩呢
No, he's having a great time.
让我跟他谈谈
Let me talk to him.
好好好
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
是爸爸
It's Dada.
嗨 爸爸
Hi, Dada.
嘿 小家伙
Hey, buddy boy.
你在干嘛 玩的开心吗
What's going on? You having fun?
不怎么样
Not really.
嘿 爸爸 你的气球快没气了
Hey, dad, your balloon is dying.
你派对上红色的那个
The red one from your party.
嘿 我会给你个新的气球 我保证
Hey, I'll get you a new one, I promise.
还有 嘿
And, hey,
我很抱歉今天没能陪在你身边
I'm really sorry I wasn't there today, okay?
恩 我知道
Sure, I know.
下礼拜 我保证
Next week, I promise.
好 我们下礼拜再去 拜 爸爸
Okay, we'll go next week. Bye, Dada.
拜 小家伙
Bye, buddy.
乔纳森