难得幸福（2015）

纽约生活 永远都不会让我们
New York Life is never going to let us
做我们想做的那些工作
do the kind of work we want to do.
如今的商业是比创意的速度
Business today moves at the speed of ideas.
你不需要非得喜欢它 但是你不能忽视它
You don't have to like it, but you cannot ignore it.
我认为这点没错 乔纳森
I'm claiming no fault on this one, Jonathan.
在许多年前 整个保险行业就像一场喜剧
The whole insurance category went comedy a few years ago,
但 纽约生活 就像悲剧一样
and New York Life insisted on staying with tragedy,
现在他们都被
and now they're getting their butts kicked
这政♥府♥雇员保险公♥司♥的壁虎和美国家庭人寿保险的鹅
by the GEICO geckos and the AFLAC gooses
还有查理 布朗给干掉了
and the Charlie Browns of this world
但却责备我们
and blaming it on us.
所以呢
So what?
我们做的不是拯救病人 而是看着它死去吗
Instead of saving the patient, we're just gonna let it die?
我的意思是 如果他们想要的是喜剧 卧♥槽♥ 那就给他们看喜剧
I mean, if they want comedy, fuck it, let's give them comedy.
他们给了我们多少时间
How much time did they give us?
他们没给我们时间 他们周五来
None. They're coming in Friday.
周五办手续 下周一进行审查
It's a formality. Review starts Monday.
如果某人有任何有创意的想法
Well, if anybody has any creative brainstorms,
我们可以试试
we'll give it a shot.
否则 高特弗里德 就由你决定了
Otherwise, Gottfrid, it's your call.
谢谢
Thank you.
嘿 拉里 你还好吗
Hey, Larry, are you okay?
拉里
Larry?
哦 你在干嘛 托姆
Oh, what you doing, Thom?
哦 滚你丫的
Oh, fuck off.
他们刚才从你的恐惧中找到笑料呢
They're just profiting from your fear.
如果你再开一个愚蠢的壁虎玩笑
If you make one stupid Gecko joke,
我发誓我会踢把你踢的满地找牙
I swear I will kick your fucking teeth in.
- 担心什么 - 死亡 伙计
- Fear of what? - Death, mate.
只是睡一大觉 看看这所有操蛋的东西
The big sleep. Look at all this shit.
更长的生命 更多的能量 更紧的皮肤
Long life, more energy, tighter skin.
你知道会发生什么
You know what would happen
如果朱利叶斯
if Julius took every one of those vitamins
在接下来生命中的每一天都要吃这些维他命片
every day for the rest of his life?
- 什么 - 他会死
- What? - He'd die.
他也会死 就像所有别的人一样
He'd drop fucking dead, just like everyone else.
你有一天也会死 托姆
You're gonna die one day, Thom.
李也是 朱利叶斯也是
So is Lee. And so is Julius.
所以你建议我这么做 混♥蛋♥
So what do you suggest I do about it, asshole?
转过身去然后讲一个深刻的冷笑话
Walk around making profoundly lame jokes
同时在穿过墓地的时候吹下口哨
whilst whistling past the graveyard?
不 不要吹口哨 伙计 要大笑
No, not whistling, mate, laughing.
大笑是我们所拥有的一切
Laughing's all we have.
没有东西能抵挡笑声的进攻
"Against the assault of laughter,"
马克吐温说过 没有什么是坚不可摧的
said Mark Twain, "Nothing can stand."
呃 同时 伙计 嗨
Uh, also, mate... hello?
壁虎不能吹口哨
Geckos can't whistle.
我警告过你了 不是吗
I warned you, didn't I?
问题是我是一个天主教♥徒♥
The problem is I'm Catholic.
这就是我那么讨厌
That's what pisses me off
上帝的原因
about God so much.
他永远不会知道我们 但是圣经却要求我们知道他
He can never know us, but the Bible commands us to know Him.
所以 在过去的44年中 这就是我所知道的上帝
So, after 44 years, here's what I know about God...
这个私生子喜欢不好的结局
the bastard loves an unhappy ending.
耶稣偶尔会拯救别人
Jesus saves occasionally,
但是上帝 上帝只会消灭可怕的规律
but God, God kills with frightening regularity.
温度怎么样
What is it?
39.2摄氏度
102.6
- 我们应该给他吃点药 - 我已经给他吃过泰诺了
- We should give him something. - I gave him Tylenol.
好吧 那我们应该给他吃点别的药
Well, then we should give him something else.
你说的根本没用 托姆
You're not helping, Thom.
但我就是想做点什么让他退烧啊
That's why I want to give him something, to help him.
你想让我给他吃什么
What do you want me to give him?
我也不知道 速达菲 诺比舒咳 胃能达
I don't know... Sudafed, Robitussin, Mylanta?
- 胃能达 - 只要能起作用的东西 任何东西
- Mylanta? - Something. Anything.
这都是屁话 托姆
It's all bullshit, Thom.
李 你是个怀疑论者 这也是我爱你的原因
Lee, you're a skeptic. That's why I love you.
但是说全部药都是狗屎是不是太过分了
But to call all medicine bullshit is a bit much.
再说了 你是个犹太人
Besides, you're Jewish.
噢 所以是什么意思
Oh, what does that mean?
你有要经受的东西
You have a thing for suffering.
它 它让你欲♥火♥焚身
It's... it gets you hot.
噢 所以因为你信奉天主教 所以就可以吐槽药
Oh, and you chug medicine because you're a Catholic.
你觉得上帝要杀了你
You think God is gonna kill you.
不 我觉得上帝尝试着杀死他 来让我痛苦
No, I think God is trying to kill him to get to me.
我妈妈就干了朝我喉咙里倒药的事
All my mother ever did was pour medicine down my throat.
我是以一个以圣约瑟夫牌的阿斯匹林为生的犹太人
I was a Jew living on St. Joseph's Aspirin.
它从没让我好受过
It never made me feel any better.
看看这些东西的标签
Check the label on these things.
一半以上由糖分构成 这无疑让事情变得更糟
Half the crap is sugar. It just makes it worse.
－嘘 －没错 变的更糟糕了
- Shh. - Yeah, it just makes it worse.
那就是非洲人会因为一匙乐倍舒而疯狂的缘故 ［感冒糖浆 此类药物可能成瘾］
That's why Africans would kill for a teaspoon of Robitussin,
因为它变的更糟糕了
because it makes it worse.
你在广♥告♥公♥司♥工作 托拇
You're in advertising, Thom.
你怎么能相信他们说的鬼话
How can you believe their bullshit?
如果乐倍舒是我们仅有的
If Robitussin is all we have in our battle
和天上的那个混球对抗的东西
against the great asshole in the sky,
我就要选乐倍舒
then I'll take the Robitussin.
你想给他些什么 给吧
You want to give him something, give him something.
所以 你觉着我该给什么
So what do you think I should give him.
老天
Jesus Christ.
这些或许是外患
These may be our enemies abroad,
但是 上将 这是我们的内忧
but, Generals, these are our enemies at home.
父母
Parents.
他们或许出于好心 可实际上令人厌恶
Well-meaning, but a pain in the ass.
如今仅有百分之二十五的父母
Only 25% of parents today
会鼓励他们的小孩参军
would encourage their children to join the military.
操蛋的育儿浪潮 ［美国二战结束后由于复员导致的极速出生率上升时期］
Fuckin' boomers.
从未见到过他们不喜欢的敌人
Never met an enemy they didn't like.
但是 好消息是
Yes. The good news...
不管妈妈喜不喜欢这个决定 年满十八的人 可以自愿参军
children over 18 can enlist whether Mom likes it or not.
我们只需要提醒他们妈妈还有什么其他不喜欢的东西
We just need to remind them what else Mom doesn't like.
她不喜欢他们的嘻哈乐
She doesn't like their rap music,
他们的电子游戏
she doesn't like their video games,
他们的朋友
and she doesn't like their friends.
要旨如下
The message needs to be,
你之前从未听过父母的话
"You've never listened to your parents before,
为什么突然现在就听了
why should you listen to them now?"
托拇 你不喜欢军队的分配工作
Thom, you feel bad about every army assignment.
这是我们喜欢你的缘由
That's why we love you.
上校 朱利叶斯生病了
General, Julius is sick,
而我仿佛在眼睁睁地看着他死亡
and I keep picturing him dying,
这事情 你知道的 鼓励孩子们参军
so it's, you know, kind of tough
或许战死沙场 对我来说有点接受无能
encouraging other children to maybe die.
人固有一死 汤姆 问题是我们怎么活着
We all die, Thom. The question is how we live.
或许我该参军
Maybe I should enlist.
我带上朱利叶斯 带上你儿子参加战争纪念日
I'll bring Julius. Take Your Son to War Day.
我希望我们没那么绝望
I'm hoping we don't get that desperate.
好好的
Be good.
这么说吧 别误会
Look, don't get me wrong.
我喜欢这个概念
I love this concept.
你知道我的 我接纳真实
You know me. I embrace reality.
我赞赏你让这些角色
I love the fact that you want to imbue these characters
拥有丰满的感情和思想
with real emotions, real feelings,
有血有肉的角色
flesh-and-blood characters
会留存在观众记忆中很久
that will live with the audience long after they've gone.
操蛋的新现实主义 ［又称结构现实主义 国际关系理论主要流派之一 兴起于1970年代末期］
To hell with neorealism, huh?
现实主义发生了什么
Whatever happened to actual realism.
－对吗 －没错
- Am I right? - Yeah, totally.
好的 但是你这里有一些问题
Yes, but the problem you have here,