难得幸福（2015）

昨天 我决定辞职
So, yesterday, I decided to quit my job at MGT.
我试着回忆 究竟是哪个具体的时刻
I'm trying to remember when exactly,
我做出了这个决定
at what point.
或许是那个
It may have been that morning,
听着李呕吐 思考人生的早晨
listening to Lee puking and thinking about my life.
我真的想要浪掷余生
Did I really want to waste
写广♥告♥写到死吗
the rest of my life writing ads?
我的意思是 你是心理医生
I mean, you're the shrink.
你是精神病专家
You're the psychiatrist.
你怎么会不知道依地普仑片有催吐效果呢 ［抗抑郁药物］
How do you not know if the Lexapro makes people puke?
许多人
A lot of people.
我是说 你是医生 上网搜索一下
I mean, you're the doctor. I went online.
五分钟就搞定了
I found this out in five minutes.
我找你是为了有所慰藉 好吗
I went to you looking for some relief, all right?
我找你是因为我觉得你可能可以帮我
I went to you because I thought that maybe you could help me.
但是 我发现
But instead what I found
我一整晚都
was myself facing the bottom of a toilet bowl
面对着马桶的底部
all fucking night long.
现在是早上三十 拿到了给我打电♥话♥
6：30 in the morning. Call me when you get this.
啊
Ugh!
我该待在家里吗
Should I stay home?
不 不 不 不要 嗯
No, no, no. Don't, mm-mm.
我不能待在家里
I can't stay home.
我不想你这么做
I don't want you to stay home.
有一个代理人会议
Got this agency meeting.
这群二十五岁的瑞典傻♥逼♥
These 25-year-old Swedish idiots
喜欢开代理人会议
love agency meetings.
我们是一家人
We're a family.
这个公♥司♥ 这个食肉的机器
This corporation, this carnivorous machine
受益于
that profits at the expense
以周遭的万事万物为食
of everyone and everything around it,
他们管这个叫做家庭
they say this is a family.
曼森一家 ［1969年的谋杀狂家庭 同名电影03年上映］
The Manson Family.
你知道的 除非你有了孩子
You know, unless you have kids,
我不管你你挣了多少钱
I don't care how much money you earn,
你当了哪个公♥司♥的总裁
what company you're CEO of,
别叫你♥他♥妈♥的公♥司♥为家庭
don't call your fucking company a family.
托姆 去工作
Thom, go to work.
－我没法待在家里 －我不想要你待在家里
- I can't stay home. - I don't want you to stay home.
我应该待在家里吗
Should I just stay home?
或许 这就是我终于开始写作的原因
Or maybe it was that I finally started writing.
事实上 在拉里自杀之后的几天
I had started writing this story
我着手写这个故事
a couple of days after Larry killed himself, actually.
我不知道这有什么意味
I don't know what it means,
我也不知道如何结束
and I haven't got the slightest idea how to end it.
某种意义上 我像是神诋
I'm like God in that way...
擅长开始 却不知如何结束
great at starting worlds, no idea how to end them,
再说 也不晓得他们的意义
and not really sure they mean anything anyway.
故事叫做
The story is called...
脏内♥裤♥耶稣
"Skidmark Jesus."
这关乎于一个人 西蒙 布莱克沃
It's about this guy, Simon Blackwall.
他像是克里斯托弗 希钦斯［英国作家 文学批评家 记者 后加入美国国籍］
He's kind of a Christopher Hitchens,
理查德 道金斯 那种人 ［英国演化生物学家 动物行为作家 科普作家］
Richard Dawkins type.
科学家 理性主义者 无神论者
Scientist, rationalist, atheist,
在巡回授课中表现出色
makes a killing on the lecture circuit.
今晚 他将要
And tonight, he's about to make
做他职业生涯中最重要的一次演讲
one of the most important speeches of his career,
否定神明以及宗教
refusing God and religion
建立他所谓的
and establishing what he calls
至高存在之教堂
the Church of Exalted Existence.
数以百万计的人们看见苹果从树上坠落
"Millions saw the apple fall from the tree,"
伯纳德 巴鲁克如是说 ［投资鬼才 纽约市立大学以他的名字命名一个学院］
said Bernard Baruch.
牛顿是唯一一个问了为什么的人
"Newton was the only one who asked why."
原因
Reason.
而不是故弄玄虚
Not hocus...
西蒙的话 是
The thing about Simon, though, is this...
他有座豪♥宅♥
he's got a beautiful house.
有好工作
He's got a great career.
有宝马
He's got a BMW 10,000 whatever I.
但他很痛苦 却不明缘由
But he's miserable, and he doesn't know why.
他最近出现胃痛的症状
He's been having these stomach pains lately,
医生们却说不出一个所以然
but the doctors, they can't find anything.
接着 那个晚上
And then, that night,
西蒙的人生永远地改变了
Simon's life changes forever.
因为 内♥裤♥底下的裆部
Because there, inside the crotch of his underwear...
藏着耶稣
Jesus.
是污垢
Is a skid mark.
屎痕
A shit stain.
天哪
Jesus Christ.
看上去就是 我指的是完全就是
That looks exactly, and I mean exactly,
耶稣基♥督♥本人
like the Lord Jesus Christ himself.
西蒙疯了
And Simon is freaked out,
因为它看上去不像耶稣
because it doesn't kind of look like Jesus,
却像圣母玛丽
like when they kind of sort of find the Virgin Mary
端坐在肉桂卷或是什么东西上
in a Cinnabon or something.
这是种再创作
This is an almost photographic reproduction
用屎创作神之子
of the son of God out of shit,
正好发生在西蒙 布莱克沃的内♥裤♥上
right there in Simon Blackwall's underpants.
西蒙 他是一个科学家
And Simon, see, he's a scientist.
他是理性主义者 但他无法解释这个现象
He's a rationalist. But he can't explain this.
太像了
The likeness is too exact.
怪异之处可以忽略不计
The odds are too miniscule.
几乎不可能
The chances, too impossible.
他坚定 某个人或某件事导致了这件事情发生
Someone, he decides, some thing made this happen.
早上好 还在做神奇胸罩的事情吗
Morning. You working on Wonderbra?
不
No.
那你在干什么
What are you working on?
这有什么关系
What does it matter?
好吧 古特弗雷德和古斯塔夫
Well, Gottfrid and Gustaff
安排了全体代理人会议
have scheduled an all-agency meeting
全体都要参加
no exceptions.
所以你也要去
Pretty sure that means you.
所以神奇胸罩的创意评鉴
So the Wonderbra creative review
被挪到周五了
has been moved to Friday,
如果你还在忙那个 那么
so if you were working on Wonderbra, then...
罗拉 我没在干那个
Lorna, I'm not working on Wonderbra!
操
Shit.
托姆要开溜了
Thom is gonna flip out.
－太棒了 －我就说
- It's gorgeous. - I know.
真的很棒
It's really gorgeous.
好吧 我们有 七个小时
Okay, we've got, like, seven hours
把这间房♥改造成作者办公室
to turn this room into a writer's office.
好吧 我们要贴壁纸和粉刷吗
Okay, so are we wallpapering and painting?
要几分玛莎 斯图沃特的风格 ［家政女王 曾经入狱］
How Martha Stewart is this project?
不 不 简单就好
No, no. We're gonna keep this really simple.
我们只需要把所有操蛋的杂物堆到地下室就好
We're just gonna shove all this shit into the basement.
然后去一趟宜家
We're gonna make a quick trip to Ikea.
－宜家 －买♥♥一些东西
- Ikea? - Just pick up a few things,
拿回来 在托姆回来之前组装好
bring 'em home, put 'em together before Thom gets back.
李 你组装过宜家家具吗
Lee, have you ever built anything from Ikea?
要花几个小时组装 我们时间不够
It takes hours. We'll never do it.
我们可以的 很简单
Yes, we will. It's so easy.
我们需要一把椅子
We just need to get a chair,
一个书架 一张写作桌
a bookcase, and a writing desk.
桌子
A desk?
亲爱的 那可能要 一个半月
Honey, that's, like, a month and a half.
你知道的 他们怎么折磨犯人
You know, that's how they torture prisoners
－在阿布格莱布［03年三月美国在CIA引导下在伊♥拉♥克♥实施的虐囚行为]－闭嘴
- at Abu Ghraib. - Shut up.
我很认真 他们让犯人组装宜家家具
I'm serious. They make them build Ikea furniture.
干了好几个月
They work on it for months,