难得幸福（2015）

Happyish S01E08

Part 4 April 17, 2021, 9:31 a.m.

我想要撕裂我的子♥宫♥ 用棍子打它
I wanna tear my uterus out and beat it with a stick.
额啊
Ugh.
帕姆跟我说一月份就会有一份真正的工作
Pam told me that January has a real job.
这也就是为什么她喊我照看午餐
That's why she asked me to cover lunch mom.
- 诶呀 - 对啊
- Ouch. - Yeah.
因为把你的时间不知道怎么的花在一个工作室里
Because somehow spending your time in a studio,
努力表达你的真理
trying to express your truth,
从你的痛苦人性和恐惧中
making art out of your pain and your humanness,
创造出艺术这不是一份正经的工作
your fear, that's not a real job.
但是会计那是一份正经的工作
But accounting, that's a real job.
那个不能被中断上帝禁止这样做
Can't interrupt that. God forbid.
至少你有艺术
At least you got art.
我什么都没有
I got nothing.
我就是一个妈妈
I'm just a mom.
恩
Mm-mm.
我曾经跟他们说我要去做乳♥房♥♥X光检查
I once told them I was getting a mammogram.
为了不成为午餐保姆
To get out of being a lunch mom?
等一下
Wait a minute.
你说你要去做乳♥房♥♥X光照片
You said that you were getting a mammogram
因为你不想成为午餐保姆
to get out of lunch mom?
- 是的 - 太棒了
- Yeah. - That is so awesome.
我本来想说是乳♥房♥♥切除术的
I was gonna say mastectomy,
但是我不认为他们会相信我
but I didn't think they'd believe me.
好吧但这样的借口你也只能用一两次罢了
Well, that's an excuse that you can only use a couple times.
我记得我第一次怀上朱尔斯
I remember when I first had Jules.
第一次在生育中心
The first night in the birthing center...
然后他就开始大哭
and he starts crying.
而我们完全不知道该怎么做
And we have no idea what to do.
然后我就跑到护士站那里有三个护士
So I run over to the nursing station, and there's three of them.
好像是早上两点
It's, like, 2:00 in the morning.
我就说嘿为什么宝宝一直在哭
I'm like, "Hey, what's the deal with a baby crying?
你把他们带走了然后叫他们哭吗
Do you pick 'em up or let 'em cry or what?"
- 恩 - 然后中间那个就说哦不
- Right. - And the middle one goes, "Oh, no.
你永远不能让宝宝哭
You never let baby cry."
我恨那样的口气
I hate that shit.
接着我就说哦真的吗
And then I was like, "Oh, really?
你从来没让宝宝哭过吗
You never let baby cry?"
然后她就说额
And she was like, "Uh-uh.
事实上我让我女儿睡在我床上
In fact, I let my daughter sleep in my bed
直到她12岁
until she was 12 years old."
哦天呐
Oh, come on.
然后另外一个护士就说是的我也是
And then the other nurse was like, "Yeah, me, too."
接着第三个护士说是啊
And then the third nurse was like, "Yep."
而我就说哇哦
And I was like, "Wow.
你丈夫是什么感觉呢
How did your husbands feel about that?"
然后第一个护士就说哦我们三年前离婚了
And the one nurse goes, "Oh, we got divorced three years ago."
因为离婚对孩子好
Because divorce is great for baby.
孩子喜欢离婚
Baby loves divorce.
这太荒谬了因为你不是一个家长
It's ridiculous, because you're not a parent;
你是一个碰巧成为父母的人
you're a person who happens to be a parent.
- 是的 - 你了解我说的了吗
- Yes. - You see what I'm saying?
- 是的 - 对吧
- Yes! - Right?
告诉我的心理医生我感觉不好
Told my shrink that I feel bad
因为仅仅做母亲还不够
because being a mother isn't enough.
额哦那他说什么
Uh-oh. What'd he say?
他告诉我说吃点儿依地普仑
He told me to try Lexapro.
我的医生说吃点儿百忧解
Mine said Prozac.
哦看吧
Oh, see?
这就是为什么我们面对锅会那么兴奋
That's why we're high on pot.
是的好吧他妈的
Yeah, well, fuck it.
你知道无论你今天经历过什么
Whatever gets you through the day, you know?
- 干杯干杯 - 是的干杯
- Hear, hear. - Yeah, right.
- 恩 - 恩
- Mm. - Mm.
孩子们谁想做巧克力蛋糕
Kids, who wants to bake brownies?
- 我们想 - 喔
- Yay! - Whoo-hoo!
别对乔纳森生太大的气
Don't be too angry with Jonathan.
今天我们之间有些事情变化了
Something changed between us today.
是
It's...
那是那是不同的
it's... it's just different.
前阵子有个艳星
There was this porn star a while back.
检查性病后是阳性
Tested positive for an STD.
你知道他做了什么吗
You know what he did?
- 不知道 - 他对这个事情撒谎了
- Nope. - He lied about it.
伪造了他的检查结果继续工作
Faked his test results. Kept on working.
真是个混♥蛋♥
What an asshole.
你知道他为什么这么做吗
You know why he did it?
- 因为他是个混♥蛋♥ - 毫无疑问
- Because he's an asshole? - No doubt.
在性病测试上撒谎你的人生就在黑名单上了
Lie about an STD test, you're on the shit list for life.
但是这又使得我思考我们的出生是违反我们的意愿的
But that got me thinking. We're born against our will.
通常我们的死亡也是一样的
Oftentimes we die the same way.
在那之间我们要寻找食物房♥子衣服
Between that, we gotta find food, shelter, clothing.
活在这世上真是太艰难了
Surviving in this world is fuckin' ugly.
- 恩 - 那就是乔纳森做的
- Mm. - That's what Jonathan's doing.
他在生存
He's surviving.
没有人说那样会非常完美
Nobody said it was gonna be pretty.
- 一个构思屋 - 一个构思屋
- An ideation room? - An ideation room.
啊
Ugh.
沉思角
Contemplation corner.
是的好吧你知道的为了公平
Yeah, well, you know, to be fair,
创造出了构思证明这个玩意儿
it helps with the "Au-think-ification."
哦我知道了概念上的玩意儿
Ah, I see. With your "Conceptitudes."
去他妈的构思
"Go-fuck-yourself-itation."
那是精华
That's gold.
- 朱尔斯还在看冰雪奇缘吗 - 额恩
- Is Jules still watching "Frozen"? - Mm-hmm.
对全家而言这太有趣了
It's dazzling fun for the whole family.
- 那是DVD的 - 是的是的
- It says it on the DVD. - Yeah, yeah.
- 可能可能不是对全家 - 额
- Maybe... maybe not the whole family. - Ugh.
他们应该有不同的结局
They should have alternate endings
专门针对那些
for the parents that have had
耐着性子看了上千遍的家长们
to sit through it a thousand times.
就像电影结束安娜和埃尔莎拥抱
Like, movie ends, Anna and Elsa hug,
你知道在阿伦黛尔一切都很完美
you know, everything's beautiful in Arendelle,
奥拉夫抓起了一把枪
and then Olaf just grabs a gun
然后射向所有的人
and just shoots everybody.
那就是是一场大屠♥杀♥
It just... it's a bloodbath.
杀死了所有人
Kills all of them.
哦天呐
Ugh. God.
锅和酒
Pot and booze.
我们是糟糕的父母吗
Are we terrible parents?
无论你今天经历过什么
Whatever gets you through the day.
哦
Ah.