难得幸福（2015）

好的
Okay.
伤心
Depression.
焦虑
Anxiety.
怀疑
Doubt.
关于生活无趣的恶心感觉
That creepy sensation that life is meaningless
命运捉弄着你
and destined to fail you. -
你知道 几个世纪以来 人类都在挣扎着去
You know, for centuries, mankind has struggled
尝试着去找这些问题的答案
to try and find solutions to these problems.
可是 女士们先生们 今天我们有了解答
But, ladies and gentlemen, today we have one.
我展示的是世界上第一个
I give you the world's first
在家自己动手做的业切割术装备
do-it-yourself-at-home lobotomy kit.
所以问题不是疾病 战争 或者 焦虑
Now, the problem is not disease or war or anxiety.
问题出在我们的大脑
The problem is our brain.
准确来说 是前额叶
Specifically, the prefrontal cortex.
现在 大概在50年以前
Now, about 50 years ago,
一个非常聪明的医生安东尼奥 莫尼斯
a real smart guy called Dr. Antonio Moniz,
呃 聪明的小葡萄牙人
uh, clever little Portuguese guy.
他指出如果我们把糟糕的
He wondered what would happen
前额叶切除 会发生什么呢
if we got rid of that horrible cortex.
人们会更高兴吗
Wouldn't people be happier?
答案是对的
And the answer is yes.
现在 我知道你们中的一些人在想
Now, I know some of you guys are thinking,
嗨 吉米 这听起来有点疯狂
"Hey, Jimmy, that sounds a little crazy."
你知道有多疯狂吗
You know how crazy that is?
你知道他们给了莫尼斯医生什么吗
You know what they gave Dr. Moniz?
观众：什么啊
Audience members: What?
你知道他们给了这个小个子什么
You know what they gave that little guy?
什么
What?
诺贝尔奖
The Nobel Prize!
这是对的 为了这个
That's right. For this.
比出剪刀手 比出剪刀手
I'll take two! I'll take two!
我会告诉你这才是军队需要做的
I'll tell you what the Army needs to do.
你看过那个酸奶的视频吗
Have you seen that yogurt video?
有熊出演的那部
The one with, uh... with the bear.
乔巴尼（美国酸奶品牌）
Chobani.
对 我原来以为是多安娜
Mm, I thought it was Dannon.
那只有熊在街上的视频吗
The one with the bear on the street?
- 这是尤普乐 - 是的
- That was Yoplait. - Yeah.
- 乔巴尼 - 你确定吗
- Chobani. - Are you sure?
-不管怎么说 你看过吗 - 是的
- Anyways, have you seen it? - Yeah.
不 我没有
No, I have not.
好的 所以整个市场营销
Okay, so their whole marketing strategy
都取自然素材 很典型 对吗
is natural ingredients. Typical, yeah?
普遍来讲是电视营销
The TV campaign, average.
所以他们拍了熊路过商店
So they have the bear walk into the store
寻找自然素材
looking for the natural ingredients
然后他们给了它酸奶
and they give him the yogurt.
不管怎么说 这不会赢得什么展示大奖
Whatever. It's not winning any One Show awards.
但是数码化的营销真是棒极了
But the digital campaign is fantastic.
他们在各处安装了隐藏的小摄像机
They set up all these little hidden cameras everywhere,
然后他们让一个男人穿着疯狂的
and they put a guy inside of a crazy,
超仿真的灰熊衣服
realistic grizzly bear suit.
是的 类似机械化的东西
Yeah, some sort of a robotic sort of thing.
他们让他在纽约的大街上闲逛 是吧
And they let him loose on the streets of New York, yeah?
人们吓尿了
People are freaking out.
视频一夜间病毒般传播
Video went viral overnight.
病毒 所以我们现在都是菌株对吗
Viral. So we're viruses now, right?
在座的听着爽么
That bother anybody else?
他们把这叫做恶作剧传销
They call it prank-vertising.
这很荒唐
It's ridiculous.
这有着极强的产品互动性
It's immersive product engagement.
不管怎样 这个乔巴尼视频
Regardless, the Chobani video
得到了4百万次的油管点击 好吗
got over 4 million YouTube hits, okay?
30万次的社交网络分享
30,000 social shares.
我指的是 你看见过LG的广♥告♥吗
I mean, did you see the LG one?
这个拍的非常酷
That one was really cool.
他们拍摄了一部彗星撞击市中心的电影
They do a film of a comet hitting the city center,
荧幕效果如此逼真
and the screen is so realistic
以至于人们揣测末日就要发生了
that people think, like, doomsday is happening.
你该看看的 乔纳森
You should see that, Jonathan.
那个方案特别逗 但是却是超棒的策略
It's... it's funny, but it's dead-on strategy.
在油管上有1700万点击率
I mean, 17 million YouTube views.
上次我看的时候 已经有超过100万的转发了
Last time I checked, over a million social shares.
那这和陆军有什么关系
What does this have to do with the Army?
米歇尔说的是害怕这种情绪
Michelle was talking about fear.
现在 你告诉一个人 应该害怕熊
Now, you can tell someone to be afraid of a bear.
你跟他们说熊有多危险
You can tell them how dangerous they are.
他们可能会信你 也可能不会
And maybe they believe you and maybe they don't.
但如果你把熊领到大街上
But you put a bear in the streets,
你都不用说服 他们自然而然就信了 不是吗
you don't have to convince them of anything, okay?
那如果我们住在一个小镇里该怎么办呢
So, what if we took a town, hmm?
那就在国家的中心
Middle of the country.
核心地带 怎么样
Heartland. Yeah?
托姆 这是你的活了
Thom, this is your account.
你告诉我们该去哪
You tell us where.
还得选个日子
And we pick a day.
就复活节那天吧 耶稣诞生的时候
Yeah. Easter. When Jesus was born.
那天是耶稣复活的时候
That's when Jesus rose from the dead.
那更好啊 那就更好了
Even better. Even better.
那样的话 大家都会从教堂走出来 对吧
And so everyone is coming out of the churches, yeah?
然后他们回去看棒球比赛
And they're on their way to baseball games
还会吃烤肉和苹果派 是吧
and barbecues and apple pie, yeah?
然后 突然
Then, all of a sudden,
一群穆♥斯♥林♥恐♥怖♥分♥子♥
a bunch of Muslim terrorists
冲进教堂停车场
go running right into the church's parking lot.
三三两两的小货车
Two or three, you know, pickup trucks
上面全是激进分子
full of militants,
他们在空中鸣枪
and they're shooting their AKs in the air
用阿♥拉♥伯语大喊大叫
and yelling in Arabic. -
想想那时候
Imagine it... the look of terror
村民恐惧的神情吧
on all the villagers' faces.
他们尖叫着 他们逃窜着
Some of them scream and some of them are running
还有人举起双手
and some of them just throw their hands up
做投降状 他们
and they surrender and they just...
他们不知道该做什么
they don't know what to do.
有些人呼唤着自己的孩子
Some of them are calling for their kids
他们求救 他们大喊
and calling for help, and they're screaming.
然后我们把镜头切到领导者这一边
Then we cut right up to the leader.
发现他正面露诡异的微笑
Creepy little smile.
这时候主题打在屏幕上 写着
And then the title comes up, and it goes,
一切还没有结束
"This isn't over.
保持强大 强大♥陆♥军
Stay strong. Army strong."
我说 托姆 你可以负责这项工作
I mean, Thom, you can work on the line,
一夜过去 这段视频就会病毒式散播开
but the video'll go viral overnight.
它绝对会在网上引起轰动
Guaranteed it blows up the Internet.
然后我们就能实现 过去三年中
And we'll double the enlistment numbers
每个月的入伍的人数升为二倍
of any month in the past three years.
这在我能想象到的 无论在道德还是伦理层面上
That is wrong on every moral and ethical level
都错误的
I can think of.
真是谢天谢地
Thank you.
但是全能的主 这效果会很棒的
But Christ Almighty, it would work like gangbusters.
是啊 我也想参军了
Hell, I'd enlist.
托姆 总的来说这要好过
Thom, you know the general better than...
该死的
God damn it.
天哪
Jesus.
陆军的会议是什么时候
When is the Army meeting?
还有一小时
An hour.
去你♥妈♥的♥ 拉里
Fuck you, Larry.
你不能辞掉你的工作
You're not quitting your job, Thom.
我要 我必须这样
I am. I have to.