游侠笑传（2015）

You deserve to be with someone who will lift you up as a man,
一个可以和你并肩战斗 而不是对抗你的人
someone who will fight with you, not against you.
也许某个小巧而机灵
Maybe someone who's small and cute
本性很难被约束的人
and ethnically hard to pin down.
你的意思是
What you're saying is...
你认为她不爱我吗
you don't think she loves me?
我的天啊
Bloody hell.
哦 请不要折磨我 杀了我吧
Oh, please, just stop the torture and kill me already.
我还没有开始呢
I haven't started yet.
他不是一伙的么
He's not part of it?
所有人都闭嘴
Will everybody just shut up?!
-你想知道什么是真正的折磨吗
- Do you want to know what real torture is?
-不 不用了 谢谢
- No, I'm good. Thanks.
想象一生只对某个人忠诚
Imagine being loyal to someone your whole life.
我不准备告诉你是谁
I'm not gonna tell you who,
但假想下 我们都称呼他国王
but hypothetically, we'll call him "The king."
他有点像男妓 但我蛮喜欢他
He's a bit of a ponce, but I like him.
他和那个屁♥股♥像篮子贝壳的女人结婚
Then he gets married to this rump-fed basket cockle,
某人 假想下 我们称呼她女王
who, hypothetically, we'll call "The queen."
我们都知道你说的是谁 加雷斯
We all know who you're talking about, Gareth.
但让我神秘一会儿 好吗
But let me be cryptic for a minute, will ya?!
就让我神秘一会儿
Just give me that!
接着说 她不像国王
Now, she's not like "The king."
但她强壮 我的力量陷入泥潭
But she's strong, and I mire strength.
而且 还有 我已经宣誓保护国王
But, then again, I've sworn an oath to protect the king.
所以我不知道该怎么办
So I don't know what to do.
我是说 这才是真正的折磨 不是吗 兄弟们
I mean, that's real torture, isn't it, lads?
欢迎来到理查德的旅行
Welcome to Richard's journey
去发现他为什么是现在的样子
to find out why he is the way he is.
随手可以拿到瓶瓶罐罐的药水
There's bottles of water in easy reach.
请保持水分
Please stay hydrated.
不要接吻
And no kissing.
当然了 等等 什么
Of course. Wait. What?
哦 应该不成问题
Oh... Shouldn't be an issue.
但过去发生过这种情况
But it has happened in the past,
所以我定了一个规则 禁止接吻
so I made a blanket rule... no kissing.
唔 好主意
Mm. Good idea.
好的 大家准备好了吗
Okay. Everyone ready?
瑞比特
Ribbit.
#闭上双眼 打开心灵#
# Close your eyes, open your mind #
#美妙旅程 将要开启#
# Your journey's about to begin #
#心怀善缘 不要怨气#
# Relax your karma and try not to barf #
#周身一切开始天旋地转#
# As the universe starts to spin #
#天灵灵 地灵灵 梦中一切快显灵#
# Hocus-pocus, expealadocious #
#抛开顾虑#
# Set your aura free #
#通通石化 金杯深饮#
# Petrificus totalis, drink deeply from the chalice #
#急急如律令#
# Tell us what you see-e-e-e-e-e #
我看到了一扇门诶
I see a door!
噢 我刚才怎么说来着
Oi! What did I say?
别闹
No...
从这扇门走进去
Go through it.
竟然自动打开了
It's opening on its own!
这就是魔法
That's magic.
这是我父皇驾崩之日
This is the day my father died.
#吾王已逝 吾王万岁#
# The king is dead, long live the king #
#吾王已逝 吾王万岁#
# The king is dead, long live the king #
#子嗣何在 即将登基#
# Where is his son, who'll inherit everything? #
那是你吗 大人 真是帅到没朋友
Is that you, sire? So handsome.
不是 他是我长兄 金斯利
No. It's my much older brother, Kingsley.
-我什么都看不见 -那才是我
- Young Richard: I can't see anything! - That's me.
#安静点 孩子#
# Shut up, you #
我什么都看不见
I can't see anything!
#安静点#
# Shut up #
噢 天呐
Oh, dear.
吃饱了我就不难过啦
I ate my feelings.
面包多着呢
And a lot of bread.
#您的御剑 陛下#
# The sword, Your Highness #
#帝王之剑#
# Here's the royal sword #
我不需要给来的东西
No one gives me anything.
#欲掌其位 必佩其剑#
# To be the king, you must receive the sword #
我想要的话 我会亲自夺过来
If I want something, I take it.
再说我也不想当什么国王
And I don't want to be any king.
噢 可是 金斯利 天降大任于斯
Oh, but, Kingsley, it's your destiny.
我们依据字面之意为你取名金斯利（国王之地）
We literally named you "Kingsley."
这是上天的旨意
God told us to.
不是说为了赶时髦
It's not like we were being trendy.
我的宿命不是坐在这城♥堡♥里 母亲
My destiny lies beyond the castle walls, mother.
我要四处征战讨♥伐♥ 斩杀敌人
I'm going to conquer and kill
还要在这片土地上播撒出更多私生子
and spread bastard children throughout the land,
就如野花种子布满大地
like wildflower seeds.
总有人能坐上王位主持朝政的
Somebody else can sit on their ass and rule.
#那是何人#
# But who? #
#何人 何人#
- # Who? # - # But who? #
#是谁 那是何人 那是何人#
# Who? # # But who? # # But who? #
迪仔
Dickie?
迪仔
"Dickie."
好极了
Brilliant.
加雷斯
Gareth.
在
Aye.
你即刻起即为禁卫侍从
You shall be the king's guard.
我才十岁 但 好吧
I'm only 10, but... All right.
我是加雷斯 我将为你鞠躬尽瘁 忠贞不二 陛下
I'm Gareth, and I'll faithfully serve you, My King.
#御剑 陛下#
# The sword, your highness #
#帝王之剑#
# Here's your royal sword #
#欲掌王位 你必#
# To be the king, you mu... #
事实上 我觉得这把剑还是我来拿吧
Actually, I think I will take the sword.
祝你好运 迪仔
Good luck... Dickie.
太丢脸了
How humiliating.
就这么走了
That's it.
当时也太丢脸了
It was humiliating.
一切都追溯于这个时刻
Everything comes back to this moment.
我这一辈子的时间
I have spent my entire life
都在让人觉得我是备胎
behaving as if I'm everyone's second choice...
我父母这么认为 我的子民这么认为 现在我的王后也是如此
my parents', my kingdom's, and now my queen's.
我要夺回我的王位
Let's go take back my kingdom!
那道该死的门在哪
Where's that bloody door?
好吧 我们究竟要怎么回到那里
Well, how the hell are we supposed to get up there?
太神奇了
That was amazing!
多谢你 赞安诺
Thank you, Xanax.
我现在清楚我要做什么了
I now know exactly what I must do.
来吧 厨子 到马棚去
Come on, chef! To the horses!
现在最好不要骑马
I wouldn't ride just yet.
再说了 这是个关于合法的问题
Again, it's a legal thing.
曾经有个家伙 骑着他的马穿过集市
A guy once... he took his horse through a farmers market,
然后当时就有人“啊”的惊叫
and there was... "Raaaaaah!"
马蹄乱踏 乱成一片 四下尖叫 所以
The hooves and the crushing and s-screaming, so...
-呃 -等魔法药水的药效慢慢减退吧
- Ugh... - Let the potion wear off.
就一个小时 怎么样
An hour, say?
噢 好吧
Oh. Okay.
嘿 既然这样的话
Hey, in that case, you guys
你们想看看我小时候的房♥间么
want to see my room from when I was a kid?
哇
Wow.
那 那就去吧
Let's... let's do this.
太棒了
Great.
听着 伽尔凡特
Listen, Galavant...
我知道之前我的所作所为很过分
I know what I did to you was horrible...
或许比玛达莲娜更过分
probably even worse than what Madalena did to you,
因为至少她还敢当着你的面做出那些事
because at least she had the guts to do it to your face.
我也不想再提起
And I won't say it again,
但不告诉你这些我会更难过
but I'm more sorry than you'll ever know.
我只想让你知道 我真的很抱歉