游侠笑传（2015）

My entire family either killed or imprisoned.
噢 那太可怕了 真的太可怕
Oh, that's terrible. That's just terrible.
我看你看起来挺好人的
Still, you've got a nice way about you.
我确定你会平安无事的
I'm sure you'll land on your feet.
很高兴见到你 大门在那儿
Nice meeting you. Door's on the wall.
我的父王在被抓获之前 把我藏到地窖里
Before being captured, my father hid me in the cellar
交给我一块巴伦西亚无价之宝
and handed me the priceless Jewel of Valencia.
我躲在地窖里好几个月
I hid in that cellar for months
而我的家族在我头顶惨遭屠♥杀♥
as my family was slaughtered above me.
现在我把这块无价之宝交给你
I now offer you this priceless jewel,
我们整个国家唯一剩下的馈赠
all that my country has left to offer.
我求你发发慈悲 伽尔凡特先生
I throw myself at your mercy, Sir Galavant!
求求你
Please...
拯救我的人♥民♥
Save my people.
不好意思 我开小差了
Sorry. I got distracted.
我说完“很高兴见到你 大门在那儿”
What did you say after I said,
之后你说了啥
"Nice meeting you. Door's on the wall"?
你才不是什么英雄 你是谁
You're no hero. Who are you?
噢 我谁都不是 公主殿下
Oh, I'm nobody, princess.
勇敢的骑士何处寻
Where is the gallant knight
真♥相♥与公平何处觅
Who stood for truth and right?
勇敢的屠龙者伽尔凡特
The Valiant dragon-slayer Galavant?
刚毅的眼神见不到光泽
Where is his steely gaze?
迷人的腹肌退化成大肚
The abs the poets praise?
伽尔反特到底怎么了
Whatever happened to that Galavant?
你寻找的人已不在
The man you're searching for
他失去所爱难重来
Lost all he loved, and more
以及希望与骄傲 所有伽尔凡特的特点
His hope, his pride, all sense of Galavant
赌博失利好忧愁 喝酒浇愁愁更愁
Add to that losing streak, a couple kegs a week
-已经重了二十磅 就这样 -不
- Plus 20 pounds, ta-da! - No!
-的确 -但你是
- Yep. - But you're...
一如既往 你还是要
Still, you have to!
-不 我不是 -可是
- No, I don't. - But...
-再见 -等一下
- See ya! - Wait!
我要怎样才能
How will I...
我不知道
No idea
-求你了 -不行
- Please! - No.
我跪下来求你 再见
I'm begging on my knees Bye-bye
不论代价是什么 你怎么还在这儿
I'll pay whatever fee You're still here?
没有你我们将失去世界 伽尔
We're lost without you, Gala...
这男人真不是个东西
That man is an animal!
等 等等会儿
W-wait, wait, wait, wait!
伊莎贝拉·玛利亚·露西·伊莉莎贝 贝塔
Princess Isabella Maria Lucia "Elisabeet... " Bet...
公主殿下
Princess?
巴伦西亚公主
伊莎贝拉·玛利亚·露西·伊莉莎贝
两个月前
香蕉
Banana.
谁是香蕉
Banana who?
香蕉
Banana.
谁是香蕉
Banana who?
橘子
Orange.
橘子
Orange who?
橘子 你想我再说一遍香蕉嘛
"Orange" You glad I didn't say "Banana" Again?
哈哈
Whoa!
好一个欢乐的段子 小丑
Another wonderful routine, Jester.
我不觉得啊 宝贝
I'm not seeing it, baby.
可能他的幽默你理解不了
Perhaps his humor flies over your head, then.
说实话 加雷斯 我不知道她看中他什么
Honestly, Gareth, I don't know what she sees in him.
我也不知道啊 我的陛下
No idea, My King.
好吧 我得去夸奖一下这位小丑了
Well, I will go and compliment the Jester.
与此同时 夫君
And while I do, husband,
或许你可以进一步
perhaps you can make some
说服巴伦西亚的国王和王后
progress convincing the king and queen of Valencia
告诉你宝石藏在哪里了
- to tell you where their jewel is hidden.
我试遍了所有的方法
- I've tried everything.
嗯
Mm-hmm.
伽尔凡特不会就这么算了
Galavant would not stand for this.
-你刚刚说什么 -我说
- What did you just say? - I said,
伽尔凡特是不会就这么算了
"Galavant would not have stood for this"!
看吧 我就猜你会这么说
See, that's what I thought you said.
我只是想问问清楚 谢谢
I just wanted clarification. Thank you.
给我找到宝石 好吗 亲爱的
Find me the jewel, would you, dear?
当然 亲爱的
Of course, darling.
小丑 呃
Jester, um...
到我房♥间里来 好吗
Join me in my chamber, would you?
我非常乐意涨涨姿势
I'd love to learn a little
了解更多你开玩笑的手艺
more about how you, uh... craft a joke.
噢
Ooh!
那该死的小丑真的懂怎么逗乐她啊
She really gets a kick out of that damn Jester.
我不知道 也许我真的都理解不了
I don't know. Maybe it is all going over my head.
是的 您绝对是还理解不了 我的陛下
Oh, it's definitely going over your head, sir.
午间小吃 我的陛下
A midday snack, My King?
过来
Come up here.
还有一个厨师呢
What happened to the other chef?
长得和你一样 但是 还要再老一点 皱纹再多点儿
Looked just like you, but... older, more wrinkly.
我的父亲
My father?
正是 他怎么样了
Right. What happened to him?
-您把他杀了 陛下 -啥
- You had him killed, sir. - Hmm?
你嫌羊肉太生了
Your mutton was too rare.
好吧 听起来不像我♥干♥的事儿
Well, that doesn't sound like me.
在他之前你杀了他父亲
You killed his father before him.
你的家族把我家当厨师的最后四代人
Your family has killed the last four generations
给杀了
of chefs in my family.
这活儿可不好当啊 陛下
It's not a great job, My King.
我真是个恶霸呢
I'm such a bully.
我压力山大呀
I'm under a terrible amount of pressure.
你可得体谅一下啊
You have to understand that.
是 没事儿 我的陛下 您尽管放心
Oh, it's fine, My King. Don't worry about it.
噢 加雷斯 我用尽全力来讨好她
Oh, Gareth, I try so hard to please her.
我为了颗宝石入侵了一个国家
I invade a kingdom for a jewel,
我敬重她贞洁的誓言
I respect her vow of chastity,
可是我每天晚上都会听见它
and yet every day I have to hear it
一遍又一遍
over and over again.
伽尔凡特
Galavant
伽尔凡特
Galavant
吧啦吧啦吧啦 伽尔凡特
Blah, blah, blah, blah, Galavant
我要她 需要她 渴望她 绝逼的
I want her, need her, crave her, yes, it's true
但我想要的绝不仅仅是她
But she is not the only thing I desperately want to do
我用弓箭取他小命
I want to shoot him with a crossbow
我要刺瞎他的眼睛
I want to stab him in the eye
我要把他的头拧下来
I want to liberate his head from his neck
让血像烟花一样爆出来
And then punt the bloody wreck sky high
噢
Oh!
我要把他从窗口丢出去
I want to hurl him out a window
用炸♥药♥把他炸的嘎嘣脆
And shove explosives where the sun don't shine
我想用剑把他叉起来
Want to skewer him with swords
然后慢慢把它们拧起来
Then slowly twist them
我想断了他的命根
All around his reproductive system
想到就能笑出声来
Won't that be divine?
那她的芳心就会归来
Then she'll be mine
大家一起唱
Everybody sing!
啊
Ahh
我将每夜宠幸她
And then you'll do it every evening
亲爱的上帝 最终
Sweet God, at last!
在每一层楼的每一间房♥
In every room on every floor
直到我体力枯竭
Till I can't do it anymore
再也不受伽尔凡特干扰
And with no Galavant distracting your bride
我们能发起灭族大战
We could start a genocidal war
对 我们要发起 等等 什么
- Yay, we're gonna go to... - Wait, what?!
我将收复我所有的小好爱
I'll get back to all my hobbies
例如苛捐重税和折磨穷苦人♥民♥
Like raising taxes and tormenting the poor