游侠笑传（2015）

-那钩状手呢 -还有鹦鹉 木头假腿
- What about a hook hand? - Parrots? Peg legs.
-还有土地 吼 -我说过够了
- Land ho! - I said stop it!
也许用海盗歌♥来解释起要简单一些
Maybe it'll be easier to explain in a pirate shanty.
#吼#
# Ho #
#吼#
# Ho #
#我们是残忍♥恶毒的海盗#
# We're cruel and vicious pirate men #
#如黄铜一般坚硬而粗暴#
# As hard and tough as brass #
#从人类能站立以来#
# By far the fearsomest buccaneers #
#最让人怕怕的海盗#
# To ever walk on grass #
-#我们抢劫这里# -#掠夺那里#
- # We pillage here # - # And plunder there #
#我们从黄昏肆虐至黎明#
# We rage from dusk till dawn #
#我们挂起锚球擦洗甲板#
# we hoist the anchor and swab the deck #
#然后聚集在草地上畅饮#
# Then gather for drinks on the lawn #
#吾等是大海之帝#
# We're the lords of the sea #
#只是我们不在海上而已#
# Except we aren't at sea #
#吾等是大海之帝#
# We're the lords of the sea #
#只是不是真的大海而已#
# Just not of the actual sea #
啊
Arr...
#要问何以沦落至此 故事悲惨又心酸#
# Now, how we ended up here, 'tis a dire and dreadful tale #
#猥亵流氓要是听到 也会吓得满地逃窜#
# The kind to leave the meanest rogue a-puking o'er the rail #
#命中注定 经此诅咒#
# So fateful, so accursed #
#遭此厄运 命运扼杀#
# Such a stroke of evil luck #
#吾舸败北于塔尔山#
# our ship washed up on that thar hill #
#我猜船早已被卡#
# And hey, I guess it stuck #
#故吾等以野蛮暴♥力♥自居河边生活#
# so now we hold the river here by brutal, violent force #
#偶或从事园艺#
# We've also taken up gardening #
-#自给自足# -#这还用说#
- # Sustainably # - # Of course #
#来往行人皆 留下买♥♥路钱#
# we make you pay to cross this way #
#来者压榨 荷包变扁#
# And squeeze you till it hurts #
#一旁不忘 一条龙服务#
# And on the side, we sell a line #
#客官来点私家有机甜点#
# Of homemade organic desserts #
#吾等是大海之帝#
# We're the lords of the sea #
#虽然只是在海的一边而已#
# Though, technically, next to the sea #
#吾等是大海之帝#
# We're the lords of the sea #
#或者叫“大海之滨”之帝#
# Or sort of "Of the se-e-a"! #
也就是说 我们住在这儿 而且不放过任何抢劫路人的机会
So, now we live here, and we rob any passersby.
-也就是你们 -求你了先生
- Which brings us back to you. - Please, sir.
我们只是穷装上路 没什么值钱东西
We're merely poor travelers with nothing worth taking.
嘿 船长 看我发现了什么
Hey, captain. Look what I found.
噢 看在上帝的份上 你就放在手提袋里么
Oh, for the love of g... in your purse?
这就是你认为没人能找到的地方么
That's where you thought no one would look for it?
我把它和女生用品放在一起了
I put it with my girls' supplies.
男孩从来不会往那看的 他们肯定有姐妹
Guys never look there. They must have sisters.
穷装上路么 昂 那这是什么啊
Poor travelers, huh? Well, what do we have here?
这是个宝石
It's a jewel.
我知道这是个宝.. 知道么
I know it's a jewe... you know what?
你可以退下了 回到你的帐篷去
You're having a time-out. Go to your tent.
别那个眼神地看我
Don't you give me that look.
好啦 喜剧课程 开始吧
Right. Comedy lessons. Let's begin.
哎 那是什么声音
I'm sorry. What is that noise?
那是我的铃铛 陛下 我快吓尿了
It's my bells, sire. I'm terrified.
别害怕
Don't be.
我已经告诉你我不会杀你了
I already told you I've decided not to kill you.
我是说 我不是不想杀
I mean, not that I don't want to.
其实 没什么比把你的脸割下来
In fact, it would be mondo satisfying
再反着从外到里缝回去让我更爽的了
to cut your face off and sew it back on inside out.
算了 还是实行我的第一计划
Nah, I'll stick with my first plan.
教我怎么才能变有趣 我好奉承我的妻子
Teach me to be funny so I can woo my wife.
什么都听你的 陛下
Whatever you say, My King.
#只要了解基本知识 喜剧效果轻而易举#
# Comedy is easy once you know the basics #
#一切起于一惊和一喜#
# Starting with the concept of surprise #
对啊
Right.
#民间思想 信手拈来 添砖加瓦#
# Take what folks think, give it a wink #
#再来点自己的别具一格想法#
# You try it on now for size #
-我自己 -是啊
- Me? - Yeah.
他很惊奇啊
He was surprised.
啊
Uh...
-#喜剧绝杀# -真的么
- # Comedy gold # - Really?
#没骗你 真的是喜剧绝杀#
# I'm telling you, it's comedy gold #
是啊
Yes.
#你已大功告成#
# You're killing it #
#如果他没翘辫子的话#
# If that doesn't slay 'em #
#我就冷血把你谋杀#
# I'll murder you cold #
#对天发誓 绝对是喜剧绝杀#
# Swear to God, it's comedy gold #
好吧 我们的任务完成了 我该走了
Well, our work here is done, so I'll just be going.
哦 我们才刚开始
Oh, we're just getting started.
-啊 好吧 -第二课
- Ah, right. - Lesson two!
#第二节课同样非常基本#
# Lesson number two is also fundamental #
#我们所说的三次法则#
# Something that we call "The rule of three" #
#开一个玩笑 一撇添点油#
# Set up the joke, give it a stroke #
#一捺再加点醋 嘭就成功#
# Third time, bam #
好样的 看我的
Yes! Now me!
三个农奴进了一家酒吧
Three serfs walk into a bar.
第一个农奴点了烈性格洛克酒
The first serf orders a hot grog.
第二个农奴也点了烈性格洛克酒
The second serf orders a hot grog.
而第三个农奴也点了烈性格洛克酒
And the third serf orders a hot grog.
但是他没有钱
But he has no money and
其他两个也没有钱 因为他们都是农奴
neither do the other two because they're serfs.
啊
Huh?
#笑话绝杀#
# Comedy gold #
-好哒 搞定了 -#我跟你保证 绝对是笑话绝杀#
- Yes! Nailed it! - # I promise you, it's comedy gold #
#简直笑死了#
# Hilarious #
-#人潮将会涌动# -#或者是人头滚动#
- # The crowd will be rolling # - # Or heads will be rolled #
#这可不都是闹着玩的喜剧绝杀#
# Oh, not with all this comedy gold #
接着来 接着来
More, more!
#恰当道具能引起一场骚乱 你得承认 就是种族幽默#
# Props can be a riot, ethnic humor, can't deny it #
#出个洋相 像样的也行#
# Or a pratfall, if it's properly applied #
#一切决于观者 想要黑脸还是蓝脸#
# Depending on the viewer, take it black or work it bluer #
#或者来个旁观者清#
# Or try an observational aside #
你有没有注意过麻风病人的皮肤
Have you ever noticed how lepers
是怎样一块块往下掉的
have pieces falling off of them?
我是说 那掉下来的都是什么啊
I mean, what's that all about?
#成为一名杀手啊#
# Gonna be killer #
#成为顶尖第一#
# Gonna be ace #
#人们为此遍地笑到岔气#
# Folks dying of laughter all over the place #
#如果实在没有办法#
# And if I get desperate #
#脸上糊一张饼#
# A pie in the face? #
你敢试试
I dare you.
#跟你说过 绝对是喜剧绝杀#
# Telling you, it's comedy gold #
哦 你真是超棒的老师
Oh! You are a wonderful teacher.
我终于能像你一样
Perhaps now I shall finally
满足我的老婆了
be able to satisfy my wife the same way you have.
天呐 咱俩这关系够怪的
My God, we've got a strange relationship.
#早说过 这就是喜剧绝杀#
# Telling you, it's comedy gold #
海盗们 那是发蜡
Pirates, that's pomade.
那是用来修复我的卷发的 不是用来吃的
It's for relaxing my curls, not eating.
好了 伙计们
Right, men.
我们来把战利品放到这箱子里
Let's stow this booty in the chest.
卡尔 把钥匙给我
Carl, give me the key.
哦 我去 伙计们 不是吧
Oh, come on, guys. Not again.
这群脑残真不适合做海盗
These idiots really stink at being pirates.
可不是么
No kidding.
不可思议啊
Unbelievable.
就这样达成共识感觉很好 不是么
It's kind of nice being on the same page, isn't it?
能够从她无休止无情的批评中
It is nice to have a break
解脱一会儿 是感觉挺好的
from the relentless stream of criticism, yeah.
或许你把事情做好了 我就不会批评你了
Maybe if you did things right, I wouldn't have to say it.
-用口呼吸的笨蛋 -自高自大的傻瓜
- Mouth breather. - Egomaniac.
又开始了
And it's over.
你 跟我走
You. Walk with me.