游侠笑传（2015）

好吧 当然了
Oh, right. Of course.
伙计们 能帮个忙么
Lads, could you give me a hand?
啊
Arr.
船长办公室
知道么 我们见过的 在李莉斯·费尔
You know, we met before, at Lilith Faire,
莱斯波斯岛上
the island of Lesbos.
我当时不是这模样 没这么多皱纹
I looked a little different... Fewer wrinkles.
像这样
More like...
是啊 当然了
Yes, of course.
你是抢劫者彼得 海盗大王
Well, you're Peter Pillager, the pirate king.
你的手下曾经是海上的霸王来着
Well, your men used to be the scourge of the seas.
发生了什么
What happened there?
噢
Oh.
你知道 跟人接触的时间长了
You know how it is when you spend too much time with people.
很多小事就会让你烦心
Little things start to get to you...
-哦 -而且 在你意识到之前
- Oh... - And before you know it,
人们关心的都是谁拿了谁的战利品
it's all about who's taken whose booty.
“这是我的宝物” “不 这是我的宝物”
"It's my booty." "No, it's my booty."
宝物 宝物 就知道宝物
booty, booty, booty.
-所以你们解散了 -当时是挺难的
- You stopped working together. - Big-time.
我们都不能一致决定该怎么把我们的船从山上运下来
We can't even agree on how to get our ship off that damn hill.
事实上 我愿意和像你这样的人共事
The truth is... I could do with a man like you.
所以我有一个提议
So I have a proposition.
要么 我把你们都杀了
Either, "A," I kill all of you
留下那宝石 和女生用品
and keep that jewel and the girls' supplies.
-你们要女生用品干嘛啊
- Why do you want the girls' supplies?
-或者 你加入我 我就把你的随从
- Or "B," You join me and I let your squire
和那用口呼吸的笨蛋放走
and that annoying little mouth breather go.
平心而论
Well, in all fairness to her,
只是因为她不能在这里为自己辩护
only 'cause she's not here to defend herself,
她用口呼吸是医学问题
the mouth breathing is a medical condition,
她自己是不能控制的
- so she can't really help it.
对我来说很简单啊
- Seems like a pretty simple fix to me.
把食物放嘴里 闭上嘴 开始嚼
Put food in mouth, close mouth, chew.
什么样的傻瓜不会啊
What kind of moron can't do that?
还是说 不是和你在语义上争辩
Again, not to get into semantics here,
如果她吃东西的时候闭上了嘴
but if she closes her mouth while she eats,
她就完全不能呼吸了
she's literally not breathing out of anywhere.
你得适应这一点
You get used to it.
老实说最近听不到她打鼾我还睡不着
Honestly, lately, I can't fall asleep until she starts snoring.
小伙子 你这么说我就不太高兴了
Dude, you're making me uncomfortable.
你到底选谁 选我 还是那个用口呼吸的笨蛋
Who are you choosing, me or the mouth breather?
有本事你再说一次
Call her a "Mouth breather" One more time.
用口呼吸的笨蛋
Mouth breather.
我靠你怎么能
How did you do that?
我不是一直跟你们说嘛
I keep trying to tell everyone...
哦
Oh.
我能吃葡萄干可不是盖的
I'm not just the guy that eats the raisins.
借过 借过
Excuse me, excuse me.
让我过去 谢谢 这边请
Chef coming through. Thank you. This way, my lady.
尊敬的王后 您请坐
Here's your table, My Queen.
那个笨蛋理查德又要使出什么花招
What fresh idiocy does king Richard have in store for me now?
额 我
Um, I'm...
说了也是白说 下去吧
That was rhetorical. Shoo.
小的退下了
Chef out.
欢迎大家来看表演
Welcome to the show!
我就不废话了
I introduce to you, without further ado,
有请喜剧之王
the king of comedy!
你们好啊 非常感谢你们的出席
Hello! Thank you very, very, very much.
话说 我知道你们呢 是因为
Now, I understand you've all come here
怕死才来的 不过我还是很感谢
under threat of death, and I appreciate it.
虽说实际上是我逼你们来的
In fact... I ordered it.
全部人给我笑
Everybody laugh!
这到底在搞毛线
What on God's flat earth is going on?
好吧 他们说要走进一个女人的心
Well, they say the way to a woman's heart
-一定要戳中她们的笑点 -哦 妈呀 别说了
- is through her funny bone, so... - Oh, God. Let's not do this.
你们猜国王为什么要去看牙医
Why did the king go to the dentist?
给牙戴上皇冠
To get his teeth crowned.
是去给牙镶上皇冠的 额 你听过了哦
To get his teeth crowned. Uh, you've heard that one.
嗯 再来一个
Mm! "You might be a peasant" Jokes.
如果你的孩子比你的牙齿还多
If you have more children than teeth,
你可能是个农民
you might be a peasant.
这招管用吗
Is this thing on?
啊 他冷场了 给他上派
Ugh. He's dying out there. Give him the pie.
现在吗
Now?!
那不是压轴大戏嘛
That's the big finale.
哎哟 亲 你看他可怜的
Damn it, man, look at the poor bastard.
给他吧
Give him the pie.
如果你在树下小解 那你可能是
If your toilet is a tree, then you might be...
她笑了 这招管用 她真的笑了
She laughed! It worked! She laughed!
来来来 多来几点儿派
Quick, give me more pies
我要给加雷斯来个宇宙无敌连环炮
so I can keep hitting Gareth in the face.
还是换个人吧 我可以砸别人
Or someone else. I-I can pie someone else.
真是愚不可及
You're a fool.
我的人要是看到你挟持我
When my men see me captive,
他们肯定会像马蜂一样扑过来蛰你一脸
they will swarm on you like hornets.
不 小蜜蜂
No. Bees.
不 还是马蜂吧
No, hornets was better.
行啊 你让他们试试看
Well, you can let them try,
可我是绝对不会眼看着我的队友受苦的
but I'll be damned if I'm letting my team end up like yours.
我会救下他们 然后我们会携起手来
So I'm gonna rescue them, rouse us to work together,
完爆你 我靠
defeat your... hold on.
哦 天哪 这是什么情况
Oh, for the love of Mike, what happened?
席德是对的
Sid was right.
我们应该打破隔阂 同舟共济
It was time to stop bickering and work together.
所以 我们就合作拿下了他们
So we did, and we overthrew the camp.
你错过了一场好戏哦
You missed an amazing battle,
无与伦比的好戏
better than anything at castle black.
好吧 打个岔 我也不会丢下你们的
Well, FYI, I was also gonna come back,
我也会说 我们应该团结一心的
and I was gonna suggest that we start working together, too,
-是吧 你说 -哦 你妹 别说了
- wasn't I? Tell them. - Oh, please, stop.
一直以来 我都是这么说的
This whole time, I've been saying that I was gonna...
-我感到了来自世界深深的恶意好吗
- This is all a little humiliating.
-知道吗 没关系
- You know what? Doesn't matter.
我们时常把彼此逼疯
I know we've been driving each other crazy,
但我觉得有种很奇妙的东西在我们之间流转
but I think we've got something really good going on here.
我是说 看看我们 我们各有所长
I mean, look at us... We're gorgeous, very diverse.
如果我们能携手并进
I think if we pull it together,
我们肯定能干一番大事 成为传奇也有可能
we could do something great, legendary even.
你们怎么看
What do you say?
我们是混合体
We are diverse.
无敌混搭组合
Super diverse.
我想起了那些和谐美好的日子
I remember when we had something special.
哎
Arr.
我怀念那时的我们
I miss us.
嘿 听着 现在要么是我们拿走你们所有的东西
Now, look, either we can take your pirate supplies...
兵器啊 船锚啊
The swords, the hooks...
-鹦鹉啊 -还有抢来的东西
- Parrots. - Booty.
-假腿啊 -女生用品啊
- Peg legs. - Girls' supplies.
对 对 所有的东西 要么 我们还可以合作
Yes, yes, all of it, or we can work together
让你们的船重新起航 然后你们带我们去巴伦西亚
to get your ship off that hill and you can take us to Valencia.
成吗
What do you say?
我是不是划伤了你的手
Did I just cut your hand?
是啊 好痛
Yes. Very badly.
我错了
Sorry.
看你往哪儿跑
Where are you going?
四点了我们该那个了
It's time for 4:00 fool-around.
是吗
Is it?
我的表肯定慢了
M-my sundial must be slow because of the... c-clouds.
如果你担心我会因为你教我老公搞笑
If you're worried I'm upset about you helping my husband
而不爽的话 千万别