游侠笑传（2015）

是吧 属下猜测他们应该在研究些什么东西 陛下
I suspect they're banging out a few things, yes, sir.
好极了
Wonderful.
噢 我的大厨 跟我说会儿话 小伙计
Ooh, my chef! Talk to me, kiddo.
呃 呃 噢 对了 我的调查显示
Uh, uh, oh, well, my... my research shows
巴伦西亚的宗教规定不许吃肉
that the Valencians have religious aversions to meat,
而且他们都自己种农作物为生
and they live almost entirely off their own crops.
真是地♥产♥丰富啊
How resourceful.
曾经是的 陛下
It was, My King.
不幸的是 你入侵他们的时候把庄稼都烧光了
Unfortunately, you burned all their crops during the invasion.
-啥 -你放火烧光了他们的田
- Yeah? - You set their fields ablaze
还跟他们下令说 呃
and... and announced to all the lands, uh...
噢 耶 接招吧 巴伦西亚
"Ooh, yeah. Take that, Valencia."
你只给自己留了一小块菜地
You kept only a small portion of vegetables for yourself.
噢 真是的
Oh, of course...
胡萝卜会塞人家的牙的啦
The carrot getting stuck in the teeth.
所以我才要做牙签嘛
That's why I needed to have the toothpicks made.
这么说吧 我们还是赶紧来布置吧
Tell you what. Let's table this for the time being.
我们得干点儿别的了
We'll work something else out.
那么 加雷斯 你找到乐师了咩
So, Gareth, have you found me any musicians?
很不幸 我们处决了所有的乐师
Well, unfortunately, we executed all their musicians,
但我临时找了几个
but I've improvised.
我们的侩子手们
These are our executioners,
还有 这家伙敲锣打鼓可牛了
and this geezer is really good on the drums.
噢 太棒了 你们都会演奏啥曲目啊
Oh, wonderful. What songs do you know how to play?
哈
Hmm?
这调子挺朗朗上口啊 好评
It is catchy. I'll give you that.
但是音不是特别准 那你还知道啥
It's not quite right, though. What else do you know?
呃 我们只知道宰人了 陛下
Uh, we... we mainly just know death, My King.
主厨 我差不多把你全家都给杀了是不
Chef, I've killed... Most of your family, right?
可以说是全都千刀万剐了 陛下
Wiped them out all out, My King.
非常好 跟我说说 人死前都干啥
Excellent. Tell me, what does a person do just before they die?
反正 我爹是哭了
Well, my father cried.
事实上很多人死前都这样
A lot of them do weep, actually.
-然后他们会小便失禁-噢
- And they wet theirselves. - Oh.
-还真是 对了-对的
- Also true. Yeah. - Yeah.
这已经听起来像首歌♥了
Well, this already sounds like a song.
-就差跳舞环节了-嗯
- It just needs the dancing part. - Mm.
我要一个严肃的拍子 但是还得给我整活泼点
I want a solid beat, but keep it peppy.
嗷 这个怎么样
Ah. How about this?
一 二 一二三四
A-one, two, a-one, two, three, four.
来个完美收尾
Big finish.
你造吗 还不错哦
You know what? That is really close.
革命尚未成功 同志仍需努力 好吗
But let's just keep workshopping it, okay?
你是未来之星
You'll be great.
哎哟 又到了
Well, another party for the
有钱人们嗨的时候
fancy folk that get to bathe once a month.
对了 话说
Oh, that reminds me.
你听说过那个神气无比的骑士吗
Did you hear about the knight that got off his high horse?
-没呢 -我也没
- No. - Me, neither.
骑士算个毛线
Knights suck.
不至于吧 也有好的啊
They're not all that bad, are they?
-烂透了 -没有最烂只有更烂
- Sure, they are! - Worse, even!
#所谓骑士实则平庸完全是个坑#
# Your average knight in armor, he's utterly the pits #
#趾高气昂看似神气盔甲不合身#
# His ego's so humongous that his helmet barely fits #
#两吨♥衬垫加持 与他妄想迷倒众生#
# He wears two tons of padding and thinks he's quite the man #
#衣冠华丽难掩他蠢货本质#
# He's nothing but a jackass in a fancy metal can #
#难掩蠢货本质#
# A jackass in a can #
#千言万语汇成一句#
# There's nothing worser than #
#如此蠢货世无双#
# Some high-and-mighty jackass in a can #
这些年来我那好主人喝的酒里
My master hasn't had a sip of his grog
没有一滴不含我的唾沫
without my spit in it in years.
我的唾沫他求之不得
I've got him craving it now.
我给他纯酒 他却说不是这个味儿
I gave it to him once without, and he said it didn't taste right.
话说 你的骑士主人什么样儿
So... what about your knight?
跟我们的差不多吗
As bad as ours?
哦 额 对 那是
Oh, uh... yeah, sure.
名利一把抓
There's all that fame and glory?
身上那味儿可让人受不了
The smell, though, not so great.
长矛利器也一把抓
And then, those big, long lances.
只能说欲盖弥彰
Yeah, to overcompensate.
迷人又傲娇
The glamour and swagger?
我又不是脑残粉
Yeah, I'm really not a fan.
-他就是 -茴香叶少校
- He's quite a... - Major Dillweed.
#从前有个小罐头#
# In a fancy metal can #
#小罐头里有条茴香叶#
# A Dillweed in a can #
#我也就呵呵了#
# There's nothing lamer than #
#罐头里有条茴香叶#
# A condescending Dillweed in a can #
谁只会嘴上说
And who does all the planning?
-是啊 谁只能动手做 -对啊
- Yeah. Who does all the work? - True.
#谁四处快活#
# Who gets no vacation? #
-#没有一句夸赞 没有半毛赏钱# -说得好
- # Not one pay raise, not one perk # - Good point.
谁的破保险看不了牙医
Whose lousy insurance comes without a dental plan?
#卑微低贱的我们吗#
# Your average, humble squire? #
反正不是罐头里那蠢货
Not the meathead in the can!
#罐头里那逗比#
# That jerkface in a can #
#没人比他傻♥逼♥#
# There's nothing sadder than #
#肌肉蛮横装霸气#
# Some over-muscled, chauvinistic #
#自我沉醉难自弃#
# Self-indulgent, egotistic #
#小气做作又矫情#
# Stingy, prissy, narcississy #
#就是蠢货一个#
# Jackass in a can #
哦 天哪 说的就是我
Oh, my God. That's me.
拜托让我高兴高兴
Really hoping for better turnout.
我们剩下的都在这儿了
This is everyone we have left.
非常好 非常好
100% turnout! Fantastic!
哦 亲爱的 你来啦
Oh, good, you're here.
宝贝儿 我让他们合家团聚了 这你能信
Babe, can you believe what I've thrown together?
理查德大帝如此宽大的胸怀
You're really feeling King Richard the magnanimous
有感动你吧 是吧 嗯哼
right now, aren't you, huh? Hmm?
好吧 我知道你们辛苦了
Okay, I know you two have been working really hard.
小丑 他们都排练好了
Jester, they are primed and ready,
拿上你的铃铛儿准备开始吧
so get your jingly bells up on that stage.
去吧 亲爱的 走起
Come on, darling. Let's go.
哦 谢谢你 亲爱的
Oh, thanks for putting in the work, darling.
你造吗 人家好喜欢我们一起坐着看表演的感觉
You know, this is nice, us co-hosting like this.
我们应该多来几下
We need to find more activities we can do together.
你觉得呢
Am I right?
大家好啊 听我说
Hello, Valencia! Here's one for you.
为什么小鸡们要跑到街对面去呢
Why did the chicken cross the road?
为神马
Why?
你问我我问谁 问鸡去
Don't ask me. Ask the chicken!
哈 好啦 我表演完啦
Ah, well, that's the end of my set,
谢谢大家 睡个好觉
so thank you all, and good night!
这人搞毛线
What the hell, man?
我们要吊足观众的胃口
We thought we should leave them wanting more.
好吧 我信了
Oh. I guess I buy that.
巴伦西亚人们 你们饿了吗
Valencians, who's hungry?
我 我 我 我
Me. Me. Me. Me.
哦 可以理解 亲爱的们
Oh, of course you are, my darlings.
现在呢 你们也知道 我把你们的粮食烧了个精光
Now, as you know, I've burnt all your crops...
可是你们没料到的是
...But what you don't know is that
我给自己留了点儿绿色食品
I saved a healthy portion for me.
你们吃不到的
But if you can't have vegetables,
我也吃不到
then neither shall I.
哦 我看出来了 烧粮食这主意有点吓人呢
Oh, I see it now. That was a horrible idea.
现在 给你们来场听觉盛宴 侩子手们上
And now, for your listening pleasure, the executioners!
#死亡收割者来啦#
# It's time to face the reaper #
#送你们上西天啦#
# You're on your way to hell #
#跟这个世界说拜拜吧#
# Prepare to kiss this mortal coil goodbye #
#趁你还有最后一口气#
# But while you have the chance #
#不如一起跳舞吧#
# You might as well just dance #