游侠笑传（2015）

# It all ends here, if not #
哇哦
Aw.
战斗即将打响
- - # Soon the battle will begin #
哈
Ha.
全身心投入吧
# And you better be all in #
如果超人都屁♥股♥开花
# 'Cause if you don't fight and win #
那观众还看个鬼啊
# There really is no plot #
所以萌萌你站起来吧
# So stand up! #
我觉得你准备好了
I think you're ready.
站起来吧
# Stand up! #
如果我没有呢
And if I'm not?
不然没有故事可以说啦
# Or there is no story #
站起来吧
# Stand up! #
这件事让我来担心就行了
Let me worry about that.
现在就站
# Stand up now! #
想要美女作陪吗
Want some company?
这个
Well...
你好 甜心
Hello, there.
嗨
Hi.
我能有幸请你喝一杯吗
Can I interest you in a drink?
不 不 格斗就要开始了
No, no. Big joust coming up.
嗯 传说你喜欢一点赛前热身活动
Mm, rumor has it that you like a good warm-up.
这个 你好
Well, hello...
你好 甜心 是 是 是 我们开始吧
"Hello, there." Yes, yes, yes. Let's proceed.
干杯
Cheers.
嗯 嗯 这是什么
Mm! Mnh. What is this?
噢 苦艾酒而已 不烈啊
Oh absinthe. It's not strong.
-但是你够烈 -噢
- But you are. - Oh.
大口的喝吧
- Open wide!
-哦 -像你妈妈一样
- Oh? - Like your mama.
啊 你说什么
Hmm? Come again?
啊 没什么 嗯嗯
- Uh, nothing. - Mm-hmm.
啵 啵 啵 啵 啵 一路喝到底 嗯
Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup! All the way. Mm-mmm.
-我们今夜要喝个爽翻天 -嗯
- We are going all the way tonight. - Mm-mm-mmm!
理査德 我们就不能各吃各的吗
Richard, could we please just eat separately?
如果对着你这幅吃相我不知道我是否能有食欲
I don't know if I can stomach another display of...
-发生了什么 -坐下
- What's going on? - Sit down.
-理査德 这又是什么蹩脚的尝试 -我说 坐下 女人
- Richard, what kind of lame attempt is... - I said "Sit," Woman.
这样好多了
That's better.
-红酒 -噢 我不确定我
- Wine? - Oh, I'm not sure if I...
我要喝啤酒
I'll be drinking an ale...
对瓶吹
From the bottle.
是 我打嗝了 你闻到了吗
Yeah, I burped. Do you whiff it?
女士们先生们
Ladies and gentlemen,
你们的大戏就要开始了
it is time for your main event!
赢得格斗就可获得所有赌资
One joust for all the marbles!
还有 一只公鸡 和一块宝石
Also, a rooster. And a jewel.
我们的第一位入围决赛选手 吉恩 汉姆先生
Our first finalist, Sir Jean Hamm!
大家好
Hello, there!
然后是高颧骨先生
And introducing Mr. Cheekbones himself,
伽尔凡特先生
Sir Galavant!
这个我们训练过 你已经准备好了
We've trained for this. You're ready for this.
你是一位英雄 英雄都会重整旗鼓赢得胜利
You're a hero, and heroes get back up.
你说的所有都很激励人心 很在理
These are all inspiring and valid points.
-但是有一个小问题 -什么问题
- Just one minor problem. - What's that?
-我动不了 -再说一遍
- I can't move. - Come again?
我真的 我的手臂和腿都动不了
I literally... I can't move my arms or legs.
我觉得是我们训练得太狠了
I think we trained too hard.
-你不是说真的吧 -不是真的 你看
- You're not serious. - No? Watch this.
这是我能动弹的最大限度了
That's my full range of motion.
-天，这可糟了 -我知道这下糟了
- Well, that's not good. - I know it's not good!
-那你怎么上的马 -我睡在马背上就没下来过
- How did you get on the horse? - I slept on the horse.
我觉得我的肋骨断了
I think my ribs are broken.
好吧 那
Okay. Well...
第一个站起来的就是胜者
First one to his feet is the winner?
搞真搞假
Are you serious?
快起来
Get up.
啊
Aah!
伽尔凡特获胜
Galavant wins!
什么 嘿 不 不
What? Hey, no! No!
你还好吗
Are you okay?
我赢了
I won.
我知道
I know.
我觉得
I feel...
就像我重拾了过去的自己一样
Like I'm back to my old self again.
老二屌♥王还不知道他就要被我打到狗吃屎了
King dick's not gonna know what hit him.
听着
Listen...
-我要坦白一件事 -什么
- I have something to confess. - What?
所以我们是要留这公鸡一条活命还是吃了它
So, are we keeping the rooster or eating the rooster?
因为如果要吃了它的话 我就不给它取名字了
'Cause I'm not naming him if we're eating him.
我们要吃了那只公鸡
We're eating the rooster.
好的
Yes.
我喜欢看你吃东西的样子
I love watching you eat.
我自己超挑剔的 但是你
I'm rather finicky myself, but you...
你 你根本就不讲究这些
You... you don't think about it.
你就只是 吃
You just... eat.
我有一只伴我成长的山羊宠物 詹妮
I had a pet goat growing up... Jenny.
噢
Aww.
当我八岁的时候 我父母发现我家的食物都吃光了
When I was 8, my parents ran out of food,
-所以他们让我到外面去把它杀了 -嗯
- so they made me go outside and kill her. - Hmm?
我要扒了詹妮的皮 煮了它 然后吃掉它
I had to skin Jenny, cook Jenny, and eat Jenny.
从那以后 我猜我大概就是累觉不爱了
After that, I guess I just tried
不要再对你入口的食物想太多
not to think too much about what I was eating anymore.
还有 嗯
And, well...
我太尼玛确定我不会
I made damn well sure I wouldn't be in a position
又一次吃掉我最喜爱的宠物了
where I'd have to eat my favorite pet again.
我甚至都没和父母一起吃过饭
I never had a single meal with my parents.
他们忙着统治全世界呢
Too busy ruling.
不 我曾有一位老仆人 名叫珍珠
No, I had an old servant, name of Pearl.
她服侍我的每一餐
She served me every meal.
她让进餐变得有趣 变成一个游戏
She made it fun, made a game of it.
唯一一个曾经爱过我的人 老珍珠儿
Only person who ever loved me, old pearly.
这很有趣 对吗
This is fun, right?!
你和我交谈 倾听
You and I talking, listening,
分享 互相了解
sharing, learning about one another.
嗯 我想是的
Yeah. I guess.
女王你是如此的高冷 我在你的呼来喝去中瑟瑟发抖
# You're frigid and demanding, I shudder at your call #
每次你降临我面前 我都伏地不起
# Whenever you come near me, my flesh begins to crawl #
偶尔有刹那间
# But sometimes there are moments #
我甚至无法反抗
# I'm not repelled at all #
也许你不是我生命中最大的杯具
# Maybe you're not the worst thing ever #
你最最最恶心 我痛恨你一身臭男人气
# You're utterly disgusting, I loathe your manly stink #
一看到你要张口吐息 我滴神啊 请让我醉倒不起
# I see your mouth start moving, and, God, I need a drink #
但是冥冥之中 我又看向你 想着你
# And then from out of nowhere, I'll look at you and think #
也许并不是我命中最大的杯具
# Maybe you're not the worst thing ever #
你比臭虫糟一点
# You're worse than crabs #
比坏血病惨一点
# Worse than scurvy #
烂过蚤子和瘟疫 但是我想告诉你我的真心
- # Worse than lice or plague # - # But truth be told #
你是长在我身上的霉菌
# you're growing on me just like mold #
啊 啊 啊 啊
# Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh #
尽管你如此讨厌
# And though you're so annoying #
爱鄙视
# So easy to despise #
我知道在你冷酷 死气沉沉的眼睛后面
# I know there's something scary #
隐藏着恐怖的事情
# Behind your cold, dead eyes #
尽管我永远不会喜欢你
# And though I'll never like you #
还是很高兴终于明白
# It's nice to realize #
也许 我不该默默的用永远来拒绝你
# Maybe I shouldn't quite say "Never" #
也许 你不是
# Maybe you're not #
我有生以来最大的杯具
# The worst thing ever #
今晚有一个瞬间
There was a moment tonight.
一个飞逝而过的瞬间 但我看到了