游侠笑传（2015）

I can't let a guy like that live.
既然这样 交易我不做了
Well, then the deal is off.
宝石你也别想要了
You'll never see the jewel again.
真是可歌♥可泣啊
You're adorable.
不 亲爱的
No, my darling.
你听着 你必须要把伽尔凡特给我带来
You see, you will bring me Galavant
还有宝石 否则你也会沦落到
and the jewel or else you'll suffer the same fate...
跟你爹娘一样的下场
As your parents!
-没事儿的 宝贝儿 -我们还活着
- It's all right, honey. - We're alive.
什么
What?!
国王跟我们说这样很好玩儿
The king convinced us it would be funny.
我们已经被囚禁得太久了
We've been prisoners a long time.
已经麻木了
We lost perspective.
你真应该看看你现在的表情
You should have seen your face!
你的脸是这样的 啊
You were like, "Aah!"
哦
"Ooh!"
对了 别记错了
Oh, but make no mistake.
如果我见不到伽尔凡特 我就杀了他们
If you don't bring me Galavant, I will kill them.
君无戏言
For realsies.
#我们是小和尚 嘿 嘿 我们是萌萌哒的小和尚#
# And we're the Monks, hey, hey, we're the Monks #
#耶#
# Yeah #
发生了什么
What's happening?
你没听到吗
I'll tell you what's happening.
我们的席德把自己当天使了
Our Sid sings like a freaking angel.
不 这个计划 整件事情
No, this plan, this whole thing.
-怎么走到这一步的 -公主 放轻松
- How did it come to this? - Princess, relax.
我们的计划没有问题
It's gonna go great.
这些和尚要去城♥堡♥里表演
They already expect these guys to perform at the castle.
我们就混在他们中间
We're just gonna sneak in with them
到了城♥堡♥里面我们再动手
and infiltrate from the inside.
看来你说的没错
Turns out you were right.
像往常一样 我需要一个更好的计划
As usual, I needed a better plan.
伽尔凡特
Galavant...
让我说句好话可不容易
I'm only magnanimous once every 10 years,
别反驳好吗
so just let this happen.
你看到了我好的一面
You saw the best in me and...
还提醒我什么才是真正的骑士
Ultimately reminded me what it means to be a real knight.
现在我们到了这里
And here we are.
所以 谢谢你
So, thank you...
是你帮我找回了自己
For bringing me back to me.
尽管我们历经劫难 但对我来说 额
Against all the odds, it's, um...
好吧 我觉得很快乐
Well, it's been a pleasure.
你用不着感谢我什么
You really don't have to thank me for anything.
你身上本来有很多优点
You actually have a lot of nice qualities...
一直如此
All on your own.
小心点 公主
Careful, princess.
再说下去你就要开始夸奖我了
You're getting dangerously close to paying me a compliment.
我最会夸奖人了
I can do compliments.
你看 你会驾驭一匹马
I mean, you know your way around a horse,
剑使得也还不错
you're not so bad with a sword,
你的胡子一直以来都保持着一样的长度
and your beard magically stays the same length all the time.
并且 你总能看见别人的好
And... you have an ability to see the best in people
哪怕他们辜负了你
even after they've wronged you.
比如玛达莲娜
Like with Madalena.
没错
Right.
玛达莲娜
Madalena.
天呐 这长袍穿得我浑身痒痒
Oh, man, this robe is really itching my junk.
额 你把衣服落在下面了
Oh, you left your clothes on underneath.
对啊
Right.
希望刚才看到的那些 能让王后陛下高兴一点
I hope you're pleased with what I've shown you.
不过从您手写的力度
Judging by the pressure
和感叹号♥的数量来看
and what seems like the amount of exclamation points,
我感觉情况不太妙
it's a little hard to tell.
我这个王后现在高兴得很
This is the writing of a happy queen
还准备采取行动
who's decided to take
偷偷进行一项邪恶的计划
control and set a secret, evil plan in motion.
噢
Ooh!
最后那段话千万别让我俩以外的人听见了
Let's keep that last part just between the two of us.
用最快的飞鸽传过去
For your fastest pigeon.
一夜之内千万一定要送到
This absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
你履行了你的承诺 我也会履行我的
You upheld your end of the bargain, so I'll uphold mine.
我准了你今晚可以跟我的侍女
You have my permission to make the most romantic of meals tonight
共享最浪漫的晚餐
for you and my hand maiden.
新鲜牡蛎 红烧家兔 随便吃
Spare no expense... Fresh oysters, braised rabbit,
还有我私人地窖里上等的波尔多葡萄酒
and a nice Bordeaux from my private cellar.
可我还不确定她会不会答应
Oh, I don't even know if she'll say yes.
我们是有过打情骂俏 但是每次我让她出来约会 她都不肯
I mean, we flirt and stuff, but when I ask her on a date, bubkes.
靠 什么事都要老娘亲力亲为
God, do I have to do everything around here?
格温
Gwynne!
今晚你跟这个长痘疮吃个晚饭
You're having dinner tonight with smallpox over here.
遵命 女王陛下
Yes, m'lady.
你们不会是亲戚吧
You two aren't cousins or anything, are you?
算了 管他的 没人比你们长得更奇怪了
Ah, who cares? You guys couldn't get any weirder looking.
我知道和你的上司勾结
I know a hook-up from your boss
不是最好的方式 但
isn't the smoothest thing, but...
我不在乎
I don't care.
因为我真心觉得我们两个非常般配
Because, truthfully, I think we could be great together.
但像我们这样的人是不能奢求爱的
But love isn't meant for people like us.
不见得
I beg to differ.
#如果我能与你共度余生#
# If I could share my life with you #
#我们将会多么甜蜜幸福#
# Just think how happy we'd be #
#茅屋之下住着你我#
# We'd share our hovel built for two #
#还有三只老鼠相伴#
# Complete with vermin for three #
#每个希望渺茫的日子里 我们相依为命#
# We could while away each hopeless day #
#相互舔舐伤口#
# Comparing open sores #
#我深知人艰不拆 但是与你同甘共苦#
# Yes, life would blow, but much less, though #
#再多苦也化乌有#
# If I could share mine with yours #
不行 这不可能
No, I can't. It's impossible!
#如果能和你共度余生#
# If I could share my life with you #
#那将是多么美好#
# Admit it, it would be nice #
#我们躺一张床 共用一个夜壶#
# We'd share one cot, one chamber pot #
#还有战壕口炎 绦虫和虱子来相伴#
# Plus trench mouth, tapeworms, and lice #
#我们的小孩一箩筐#
# We would have a dozen kids #
#个个生龙活虎#
# And maybe one won't die #
#不管瘟疫#
# And the plague #
#还是逃亡#
# The runs #
#或是匈奴人入侵#
# Invading huns #
#时间如此转眼就流逝#
# Just think how time would fly #
#如果你能与我共度余生#
# If you could share your life with me #
#我将珍惜每一次难闻的起床气#
# I'll Cherish every foul breath #
-#那些污秽# -#那些腐臭#
- # The filth # - # The rot #
#还有麻风病#
# The leprosy #
#以及苦不堪言漫长的死亡#
# The painful, lingering death #
#感谢上帝#
# Thank the Lord our life expectancy #
#我们只有32岁芳龄#
# Is merely 32 #
#若能时刻能与你携手#
# Yeah, it might be sweet misery #
#生活再苦也甜蜜#
# To share what's left with yo-o-o-u #
那 你和我 在我家 今晚烛光晚餐
So, me, you, dinner tonight, my place.
你只用带上你最美的笑容
You bring that pretty little smile of yours,
其余的都交给我
and I'll supply the rest.
太棒了
Yes!
很好 公主 准备好夺回你的王国了吗
Right, princess. You ready to get your kingdom back?
我一直在想
I've been thinking.
为什么不去别的王国 反正现在是买♥♥方市场
I can get another kingdom. It's a buyer's market right now.
救了我父母
Let's just free my parents,
找到玛达莲娜 我们就离开这里
get Madalena, and get us out of here.
绝对不行
Absolutely not.
我向来说到做到
When I make a promise, I keep it.
我们要把你的王国夺回来
We're gonna get your kingdom back.
-但是 -音乐会一开始
- But... - Once the concert starts,
我们大概有一个小时可以在城♥堡♥里行动