游侠笑传（2015）

看呐 我同路的伙伴们
Behold, my fellow travelers.
今天 我们将横跨这蜿蜒的海峡
Today, we cross the winding straits
穿过多岩的河流到达巴伦西亚海岸
to the rocky river to the shores of Valencia.
不 我不想选择多岩河流的这条路线
No, I wouldn't take the rocky river route.
听说这条路上有很多小偷和强盗
There are rumors of thieves and bandits.
我不在乎会有什么强盗
I don't care about bandits.
我是伽尔凡特 伽尔凡特绝不会被任何敌人阻挡 在他的
I'm Galavant, and Galavant will be deterred by no foe in his...
是谁把什锦杂果里的葡萄干全吃光了
Who ate all the raisins out of the trail mix?
我讨厌腰果 而且坚果让我很恶心
I hate cashews, and Brazil nuts are gross.
你们知道吗
You know what?
英雄就是可以吃葡萄干 也可以选走哪条路
Heroes get the raisins. And they choose the path.
事实就是如此
That's just the way it goes.
你们看 我们能否就再多团结几天
Look, can we just hold it together for a few more days?
一路上我们都做得很好 是吧
We've been doing so well, right?
-是的 -没错
- Right. - Right.
#我们一起吃#
# We eat together #
#我们一起喝#
# We drink together #
#我们做任何事都完美地同步#
# We work in perfect sync together #
#我们一起微笑#
# We smile #
-#一起皱眉# -#一起眨眼#
- # Frown # - # Blink #
#生活中点点滴滴都保持一致#
# Together completely #
#在这一起的时间里 我们一起迈着整齐的步伐#
# We walk together, in time together #
-#情不自禁# -#是的#
- # Can't help # - # Yelp #
-#没错# #不仅是韵律一致#
- # Kelp # # But rhyme together #
#我们的声音搭在一起也是如此和谐而整齐#
# Our voices chime together so neatly #
#我们所做的这一切都是团结#
# And togetherness is what we do #
#团结你我他#
# Together, me and him and you #
-#好比石头# -#剪刀#
- # Like rock # - # And scissors #
#布#
# And paper #
#我们困在一起#
# And stuck together #
#整天呆在一起#
# All day together #
#我们还总是互相挡道#
# We're in each other's way together #
#彼此的怪癖总是暴露无遗#
# Our quirks are on display together #
#或者说是险些暴露#
# Or nearly #
#但是团结会让我们顺利完成使命#
# But togetherness will see us through #
#除非我把你俩杀了#
# Unless I kill the other two #
#或者我们合力把她杀了#
# Or we kill her together #
#但仍有些事情我们彼此不知晓#
# But there's some things we don't share #
#例如我有点儿有几分完全玩弄了他#
# Like the way I've kind of sort of totally played him #
#噢 天呐 我背叛了他#
# Oh, God, I've betrayed him #
#但仍有些事情我们彼此不知晓#
# And there's some things we don't share #
#例如我有点儿有几分总是在思念她#
# Like I'm kind of sort of always thinking about her #
#或是像你俩都一直忽略我关于这所有的#
# Or like how you both ignore me all of the... #
#每天都一起经历一些日常的琐事#
# Each day together's a chore together #
-#打嗝# -#唠叨#
- # A belching # - # Nagging #
-#厌烦# #一起#
- # Bore # # Together #
#以及一起忍♥受她的呼噜声#
# then listening to her snore together #
她听起来好像只熊
It's like she's a bear.
#呆在一起 尽管这似乎不会分离#
# But together, though, is what we'll be #
#但却让人感觉到永恒的默契#
# For what feels like eternity #
-#在一起# -#我#
- # Together # - # Me #
-#和我# -#还有我#
- # And me # - # And me #
#合三为一#
# As one #
#三人一体#
# As one #
#融为一体#
# As one! #
#融# #融为一体#
# As... # # As o-o-o-one! #
-又是这样 -什么这样
- That is so typical. - What's typical?
你说过这次由我来收尾唱最后一句的
I thought you said I was gonna have the big finish this time.
他之后本应该是我
It was supposed to be my turn afterwards.
-从来都不是你唱最后一句 -啊 不 那是
- It's never your turn. - Well, no, that's...
强盗
Bandits.
-要是有个人能警告我们就不会这样了 -是啊 没错 还不是因为你打鼾
- If only someone had warned us. - Yeah, well, you snore.
我也有些事情要劳烦你的双手来帮我完成
I've got something else you can do with your hands.
我真不敢相信我的皇后居然背着我和那个丑角厮混
I cannot believe My Queen is cheating on me with that joker.
他是小丑 先生
He's a jester, sir.
我知道他是小丑 加雷斯
I know he's a jester, Gareth.
我刚叫他丑角是为了侮辱他
I was insulting him by calling him a joker,
就好比你骂别人是杂耍一样
like when you call someone a clown.
-但是人们很喜欢杂耍啊 -该死
- But people like clowns. - Damn it,
兄弟 你就不能让我发泄一下吗
man! Would you just let me vent?!
我想我知道为什么比起我玛达莲娜更喜欢他了
I think I know why Madalena likes him more than me.
他更有趣
He's funny.
在这点上我怎么可能比得过他呢
How do I compete with that?
其实 想变得有趣其实很简单 我的意思是 我就是个有趣的人
Well, funny's easy. I mean, I'm funny.
是吗
Really?
-当然 有人在吗 -是谁啊
- Yeah. Knock, knock. - Who's there?
他是个哔的东西
He's a you thing up
你哔在椅子里
you in the chair
用哔还有膝盖
with the and knees
哔正把哔取出来哔那个孙子
is taking it out that son
天啊 加雷斯
Good Lord, Gareth.
你是用的这张嘴亲吻我戒指的吗
Do you kiss my ring with that mouth?
这段子是我妈教我的
My mum taught me that one.
噢
Oof.
现在 如果那个蠢货真的能戳中我妻子的笑点
Now, if that fool is tickling my wife's funny bone,
那我别无选择了
it leaves me no choice.
我知道我要做什么
I know what I have to do.
你好啊 小丑
Hello, jester.
你以为我是个白♥痴♥吗
Do you think I'm an idiot?
你对我妻子做的事我可知道的一清二楚
I know precisely what you have been doing with my wife.
啊
Aah!
这是把软剑
It's a bendy sword.
这是不是棒极了
Isn't that fantastic?
噢
Oh!
连笑一下都没有吗
Not even a giggle.
你看 这正是我为什么需要你的帮助
See, this is precisely why I need your help.
请教我怎么变得有趣
Please teach me to be funny.
我求你了
I'm begging you.
-噶 -噢
- Gah! - Ohh!
-噢 -啊
- Oh! - Aah!
你明知道它会弯曲 你还以为 哇哦
Even when you know it bends, you still think... whoa!
你千万要告诉我你已经把那颗宝石藏起来了
Please tell me you hid the jewel.
我当然已经把它藏起来了
Of course I hid the jewel...
藏在了一个谁都永远找不到的地方
In a place where no one will ever find it.
额 抱歉 你们这是要把我们带到哪儿去呢
Uh, excuse me. Where are you taking us?
你们的命运将交由我们的海盗王来决定
The pirate king will decide your fate.
我不会在意我们选择哪条道路
"I don't care what road we choose.
因为我是伽尔凡特
I'm Galavant.
-我必须得吃葡萄干 -我是伊莎贝拉
- I get to eat the raisins." - "I'm Isabella.
我嚼东西的时候嘴巴张的如同一只牛在吃新鲜的反刍食物
I chew with my mouth open like a cow working on a fresh cud."
我告诉过你 我有鼻中隔偏曲
I have a deviated septum. I told you that.
我不能用鼻子顺畅的呼吸
I can't breathe through my nose.
如果我闭着嘴咀嚼食物的话 我就呼吸不到空气了
If I chew with my mouth closed, I'd get no air.
难道你想让我窒息而亡吗
Do you want me to die?
好吧
Well...
等一下 海盗为什么会在这荒山野岭的地方
Wait. What are pirates doing miles from the ocean?
我 不好意思 你们说了什么我没听到的吗
I'm... so sorry. Am I missing something?
你们的船呢
Where's your boat?
我才有资格问问题
I'll be asking the questions around here.
啊
Arr!
好吧 你继续吧
Actually, go ahead.
我还没有准备好问什么
I didn't have a question ready.
额 作为海盗你们难道不需要一艘船吗
Um... don't you need a boat to be pirates?
你们这是在陆地上啊
You're on land.
-陆地 吼 -卡尔 够了
- Land ho! - Carl, stop it.
作为海盗你所需要的就是保持一颗黑暗的心
All you need to be a pirate is a dark heart
以及对别人生命的邪恶的漠视
and a wicked disregard for other people's lives.
还有剑
And swords.
当然要有剑 这还用说吗
Of course swords. That goes without saying.
是人都知道海盗要有剑
Everyone knows pirates need swords.