游侠笑传（2015）

#如果你们错过了上周的秀#
# If you missed last week's show #
#或者还有点慢悠悠#
# Or if you're slightly slow #
#游侠笑传的前情回顾来看看哟#
# Here's what came previously on "Galavant" #
#美丽公主伊莎贝拉 来找老小伙帅帅哒#
# The Princess Isabella came searching for this fella #
#完蛋了的英雄 伽勒凡特#
# The washed-up hero known as Galavant #
#来吧 他对她伸出援助之手#
# Now she's gotten him to lend a hand #
#让抢了她国家的国王滚蛋#
# To oust the king who seized her land #
#说吧 她为国王卖♥♥命#
# But zing, she's working for the king #
#设了个大陷阱#
# The trap's about to spring #
#这还不是止境#
# But that's not everything #
#因为 铁胆伽尔小英雄 来救情人分分钟#
# 'Cause our hero only came to save his former flame #
#利诱强娶民女 残暴土豪理查德#
# Forced into marriage with the cruel King Richard #
#美丽女神莱娜哦 退去莲花光环呦#
# Sweet Madalena, though, has lost her saintly glow #
#圣洁不再有 变身小婊砸#
# In fact, she's tilting pretty sharply bitchward #
#还有蠢国王 只爱美人呐#
# Add the king, who wants to win her heart #
#争风吃了醋 为占上风啊#
# And rip our hero's world apart #
#看吧 千万别离开#
# And that is where I leave you at #
#手也别转台#
# So hold on to your hat #
#预知后事何#
# 'Cause here's what's next #
#精彩就现在#
# For Galava-a-a-a-nt! #
连续几天赶路 马儿们需要歇歇了
We've been riding for days. The horses need to rest.
我们会在这停留
We'll stop here.
我的子民们把你像月亮样捧在手心的 公主
My people will treat you like a princess, Princess.
别享受过了头
Don't get too comfortable.
只歇息一晚 席德 然后我们要接着赶路
One night, Sid. Then we hit the road.
就是这 我的家乡
So, this is it, my hometown.
普及下背景知识
A little background on the place...
中产阶级聚集地 羊毛出产大户
Middle-class community, lots of sheep-sheering,
安家立业好地方
great place to raise a family.
那应该报导一下嘛
That should cover it.
听起来不错 席德 弱弱的问一句
Sounds lovely, Sid. One tiny question.
-说吧 -那边的是个啥
- Shoot. - What the hell is that?
席德尼乐园
"Sidneyland"?
啊 被你看到了
Ah, you noticed that.
别来无恙 席德
All hail Sid!
王者归来
The conquering hero returns!
唔哈
Huzzah!
-席德 -嗯
-Sid. -Yeah.
这是怎么回事
What is happening?
我是个被收养的娃
Well, I'm adopted.
我还是小娃娃的时候 一对老夫妇
When I was a baby, an older
在他们门前发现了我 就收留了我
couple found me on their doorstep and took me in.
你听说过的吧 吃百家饭穿百家衣
You know the expression "It takes a village"?
不 不 不 没听说过
No. No. No, I don't think that's been invented yet.
请给我签个名吧
Oh. Autograph, please!
从前我是这一带的俏金童
Well, I was a golden child around here.
时光飞逝 每当我写信回家
And over the years, when I wrote home,
我可能说得夸张了那么一丢丢
I may have exaggerated a bit.
嗯
Mm!
哦 我真希望你是我的表亲 然后我就能嫁给你
Oh, I wish you were my cousin so I could marry you.
哦 真是太贴心了
Aw, that's so sweet!
我知道这有点不寻常 但是如果你们能陪我这一晚
I know this is unusual, but it would mean the world to me
我觉得这辈子就值了
if you could go along with this for just one night.
一起玩儿 你是说 演戏之类的么
Play along? Do you mean, like, act?
你造我的家乡 巴伦西亚
Did you know that my hometown of Valencia
因两样东西举世闻名
is famous for two things...
卷心菜节和剧院里的演出
Our cabbage festival and our theater program.
真是差劲的地方
So, worst place ever.
你就该坦白点说那是最差劲的地方
You should have just said "Worst place ever."
每个晚上 我们都会聚集在城中老树前
Every night, we'd gather around the town elder tree
观看汇聚着我们想象力的戏剧
with nothing but the power of our imaginations.
有时候 我们甚至都不用准备剧本
Sometimes, we wouldn't even have a script that night.
我们会通过戏院设置的课程
So we'd have to find our characters
层层选拔这些角色
over the course of many, many hours of theater.
你确定要拯救这种地方
You sure you want to save this place?
席德 我来了
Sid, I'm in.
准备好 我爸妈的要求一箩筐
Get ready. My parents are a lot.
-要求什么 -一切事儿
-Of what? -Everything.
还有一件事 我跟他们说你是我的随从
Oh, and one more thing. They think you're my squire.
他刚说啥
What did he say?
-快看啊 -我的孩子
-Bubbala! -My boy!
-哦 -哦
-Oh! -Oh!
进来 快进来
Come in! Come in!
-你们一定饿坏啦 -快饿晕了
- You kids must be starving. - Famished.
我就知道 去把毛拔了 随从
Glad to hear it. Get plucking, squire.
真棒呆
Terrific.
巴伦西亚
被征服四十八天后
来吧 小丑 照我写的做
Come on, Jester! Do the bit that I wrote!
你们一定会喜欢的
You guys are going to love this.
考虑到周遭环境 感觉有点不合时宜
It feels a little inappropriate, considering the circumstances.
快点照着做
Just do the bit.
请别 国王
Please, sir.
照着做
Do the bit.
嘿 巴伦西亚人
Hey, Valencians.
为了赢得战争需要多少巴伦西亚人呢
How many Valencians does it take to win a war?
多少人
How many?
你们加起来都不够
More than you had.
哦 我真仁慈
Oh, have mercy.
真是无聊 我不看了
I'm bored. I'm leaving.
哦 老婆大人
Oh, my wife.
我知道咱俩有点小别扭小误会
Now, I know we've had our ups and downs.
为啥呢 几天前
Why, just a few days ago,
你让我哭成了个泪人
you made me cry so hard I could barely breathe.
跟她讲讲 加雷斯
Tell her, Gareth.
哭了八小时 哭着说我惹老婆生气了
Eight hours of my life I can't get back.
听到了吧 但是这是咱俩的事儿
I mean, but that's our thing.
关乎你我 我从未放弃我们的爱情
That's us. I'm not giving up on us.
-我想你放弃 -不要
- I want you to give up. - No.
-求你了快放弃吧 -你搞不定我
- Please give up. - You can't make me.
天 每个人都这死样子呢
God, everyone's in such moods.
巴伦西亚的王和后 上前一步
King and queen of Valencia, step forward.
我来问问你们
Let me ask you...
在我 侵入 掠夺 摧毁你的国家之前
Before I invaded, pillaged, and destroyed your kingdom,
你的臣民们在这地方用什么消遣呢
what did you people do around here for fun?
我们从前整晚整晚地
We used to sit around the elder tree
坐在古老的大树前观看即兴戏剧演出
for hours and hours of spontaneous, unscripted theater.
哦
Oof.
你砍倒了那棵老树
You cut down the elder tree.
-我做的吗 -你把它做成了牙签
- I did? - You turned it into toothpicks.
真会演 你们可以下去了
Well played. You're dismissed.
嗯 宦官 往前来中间
Mm! Eunuch, front and center.
帮我想想
Help me out.
以前你们还有什么法子消遣取乐
What else did you do around here for fun?
不知道 我们从前还玩球（还有蛋蛋的意思哟）
I don't know. We, uh, used to have balls.
加雷斯 你听到刚刚太监说了什么吗
Gareth, did you hear what the eunuch said?
你根本写不出来这事儿
You cannot write this stuff!
写不出来
You sure can't!
你造吗 我之前一直很好奇
You know, I've always been curious.
你还有没有那种感觉 你懂得
Do you still have any feeling, you know...
那下面
Down there?
- 没有 国王 -真的吗
- No, sir. - Really?
加雷斯 去踢一脚那太监试试
Gareth, go take a whack at the eunuch.
我喜欢
Lovely.
张开腿
Spread 'em.
真是太神了
That is amazing!
加雷斯 是不是很神奇
Gareth, isn't that amazing?
真是太酷了
It's really cool!
大家伙 排个队 随便踢一踢这太监
Everyone, line up. Take a free shot at the eunuch.
亲爱的
You know, honey,
咱们给这些穷光蛋们找一个球
let's throw these poor bastards a ball,