随性（2016）

最近怎么样 布莱恩 请给我来杯鲍豪斯
Hey, what's up, Brian? Can I get a Bauhaus please?
谢谢
Thank you.
我们是露营小狗
We're Campdogzz.
任性芝加哥
第一季第二集
你要去吃早餐吗
Hey, are you trying to do breakfast?
对啊 饿死了
Yeah. I could totally get breakfast.
我想吃培根 还有鸡蛋
I want bacon! And eggs.
事先说下 我是素食者
Um, here's the thing, though. I'm a vegan.
如果我们能去一个我也能吃的地方吃饭
So if we can go somewhere where I can eat, too,
就最好不过了
that would be awesome.
好啊 我没问题
Oh, yeah. I'm cool with that.
我一直想
I... I'm always thinking about...
做个素食者来着
being vegan.
好吧 你 你不用 瞧
Okay. Yeah, you just, like-- You don't-- See--
我觉得每个素食者都会经历那个阶段
I mean, every vegan goes through that.
我感觉
I feel like--
所以你了解纯素食主义吗
So you, like, know about veganism?
我一直有这想法
Yeah, I'm, like, there in my head.
只需要把我的想法付诸于餐盘上
Just gotta take what's in my head and put it... on my plate.
所以你想要做个素食者吗
Oh, so you're like trying to be a vegan?
如果你要做个素食者
'Cause if you're trying to be a vegan,
我可以给你看些东西
I could show you some shit,
一些会让你成为素食者的网络视频
some, like, videos online that will make you a vegan.
会让你做恶梦的恐怖视频
Like, terrible, terrible shit that will haunt your dreams.
NC-17级的动物 你懂的
Like, NC-17 animals, you know?
不是色情内容 而是
Not like sex stuff, but like--
这 我...
That's-- I'm like--
我知道内容会是什么 我还没准备好看
I know what it's gonna be, and I'm not ready to see that.
如果你看了那些视频 你会像灰姑娘变身一样
You would be transformed like cinderella into a vegan
变成素食者的
if you saw these videos.
它们...
They are...
我懂 我不用看就能懂
I mean, I get it. I don't need to see it to get it.
我已经了解了
You know, like, I already know.
就是改变习惯而已
It's just about breaking a habit, like...
我不用看《耶稣受难记》也知道
I don't need to see Passion of the Christ to understand
上帝
what happened to...
经历过什么
the Christ. Like...
我去尿尿了
I'm gonna pee.
你八年级的时候
When you were, like, in eighth grade,
就知道自己长大会是什么样子吗
did you get what you were gonna be when you grow up?
是的
Uh, yeah.
我可是还在期待当上旧金山市长呢
'Cause I'm still waiting on being Mayor of San Francisco, you know?
但住在芝加哥这个愿望也不大可能实现了
Living in Chicago might be a deal-breaker for that one.
是啊 我也觉得这行不通
Yeah, I don't think it works like that.
-你想当旧金山市长 -不想
- You wanted to be Mayor of San Francisco? - I didn't want to be.
是班里同学觉得我能当
That's what the class deemed me.
是他们给你选的
Oh, they picked it for you!
八年级的时候
In eighth grade.
好吧
Okay.
我记得上幼儿园的时候 在毕业典礼上
I think in kindergarten I told, like, at my graduation
我说我想当一个收垃圾的工头
that I wanted to be, like, a garbage pickup foreman.
-你幼儿园还有毕业典礼 -当然有
- You had a kindergarten graduation? - Yes, definitely.
我尽说不该说的话
I'm saying all of the wrong things.
我不是一个 怪胎
I'm not, like, an alien.
我知道 对不起 我知道
I know, I'm sorry. I know.
-怎么了 -我知道我把你当成怪胎了
- What is wrong? - I know I'm treating you like you are.
-你得让我习惯习惯 -没事的
- You gotta let me get used to it. - It's fine.
我是第一次和素食者相处 你得让我
First time with a vegan, you gotta just let me...
我觉得你在把我定义为
I feel like you're defining me
一个素食者
by being a vegan when, like...
没有啊 我觉得你还有很多其他特色
No! There's so many other things.
我还喜欢在户外玩接球
...I also like to play catch outside.
我不知道这算不算是特征
I don't know if that's a defining characteristic.
我都不知道那是什么
I don't even know what that means.
-什么意思 -就是玩球吗
- What do you mean? - Just with balls?
你没玩过接球
You've never played catch?
好吧
Okay.
我跟你说
I'm gonna tell you something
一个我从来没跟别人说过的秘密
that I've literally never told anybody before.
-快说 -好
- Give it to me. - Okay.
我小时候 我发誓 那时我只有
When I was younger, and I swear, like, I was, like...
六七岁 我不知道我在做什么
six or seven, so I didn't know what I was doing--
我真的很好奇你会说什么
I'm so curious what's about to come out of your mouth.
我们发现了 一些
We had these, like, these--
我都不知道在哪里能找到这些东西
I don't even know where we would find these.
一些巨大的青蛙
There would just be these giant frogs.
我不知道它们叫什么
I don't even know what to call them.
就是巨大的青蛙 有我手掌那么大
They were big frogs, like the size of my palm.
我叔叔还有我
And me and my uncles...
会...
would just, like...
抓住青蛙 然后把它们扔出去
take the frogs and we would toss them,
它们的身体就会裂开
and their bodies would just, like, splatter.
不是吧 不是吧
What? What?
不会吧 你杀了那些青蛙就为了图好玩
What? You would just kill these frogs for fun?
是的 因为它们的身体会爆♥炸♥
Yeah. 'Cause their bodies were just, like, blah.
我们就会惊叹
And we were just, like, blah!
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
然后我们会把青蛙解剖
And then we would, like, dissect them and,
看它们的生理构造
like, see their body parts.
-你觉得 -你在评判我
- And you think-- - Now you're judging me.
-是的 当然 -我是想让我们之间扯平
- Yes, absolutely. - I wanted to make it even,
我就知道你会有这种反应
and I knew you were gonna react like that,
所以我只能让自己好受点
so I had to make myself feel better.
那是你为我编的故事吗
You made that up for me?
不是 我倒希望是编的
I didn't make it up. I wish I'd made it up.
这是个很操蛋的故事
It's a really fucked up story, actually.
你从没跟别人讲过吗
You never told anybody that?
没有 又不是什么好事
No, it's really bad.
天啊 我感觉很恐怖同时又很荣幸
God, I'm feeling a mixed feelings of horror and honor
-你告诉我这事 -我知道
- for you telling me that. - I know.
我觉得你把我看成甘地了
I feel like you think I'm Gandhi,
我也会做不好的事情
and I still do not-great things.
你是甘地而我是一个青蛙杀手
Well, you're Gandhi and I'm a frog murderer, so...
发短♥信♥给我 我们一起骑车
Text me. We'll bike.
你刚提到了拉拉这词吗
Did you just use the L-word?
不 听着 我们在一个音乐会上
No, look, we were in the concert,
有很多人
this crowd of people,
在所有人中 我的目光
and it's like, that's the person I locked eyes with
就锁定在她身上了
through all of these bodies?
你懂吗 大概有
You know? Like, outta, like... That's...
-真有爱 -经过就是这样的
- That is so cute. - That's just how it happened,
如果听上去像是爱情 那么就是爱情
and if it sounds like love, then it sounds like love.
我的天
Oh, my God!
你好 先生
Hello, sir.
你有空谈谈女人的权力吗
Do you have a minute to talk about, uh, women's rights?
打扰下 小姐 你有空吗
Excuse me, miss. Do you have a moment?
-没有 不好意思 -拜托
- No, sorry. - Please?
-你要是能签个名 -行
- Just one signature from the neighborhood. - Oh, yeah.
那就太好了 谢谢你
That would be so great. Thank you.
要是我在你看演出时
What if I had texted you
你抬头看到你的灵魂伴侣那一瞬间
in the moment that you were at that concert
给你发短♥信♥
and you looked up and saw your soul mate?
要是你去看那条
Like, that would have sucked
关于家庭作业的短♥信♥
if you read that text and you were, like,
那就太糟了
and you were reading about homework.
你知道有多少人
Do you know how many people
因为发短♥信♥而错过那个TA吗
end up missing, like, "the one" because they were texting?
-天啊 -这真是
- Oh, my God. - That is--
打扰下 能占用点您的时间吗
Excuse me. Can I have a second of your time?
不好意思
Sorry.