第二十二条军规

Telefono.
M&M集团 我是迈洛·迈德邦德
M&M Enterprises. This is Milo Minderbinder.
是你 费尔南多
Uh-huh, Fernando.
好的 好的
Okay. Okay.
是的 我们应该的
Yeah, we should.
我们绝对应该这样做
We should absolutely do that.
好的 给我四个小时
Okay, all right. Give me, uh, four hours.
代我向玛吉和孩子们问好
Yeah, send my love to Marge and the kids, okay?
朝鲜蓟 价格特别低
Artichokes. Insane prices.
我得快点行动
I have to act fast.
我会回来的 不用专门等我
I'll be back. Don't wait up for me.
可算来了
About fucking time.
伙计们 真对不起
Hi, fellas! I'm so sorry!
我得见洋蓟国王
I had to meet the artichoke king.
他在直布罗陀 真够远的
He's in Gibraltar. It's quite the hike.
迈洛 我们可是睡在躺椅上
Milo, we slept on goddamn deck chairs.
到马耳他安排你们做按♥摩♥
I can organize a massage in Malta.
迈洛 我在这儿干什么
Milo, what am I doing here?
我们得抓紧了 伙计们
We gotta chop-chop now, boys!
女士们先生们 谢谢
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you.
我们... 欢迎今晚的一位特别来宾
Um, and, uh, we, um, welcome tonight a very special guest.
一位非常特别的朋友
A very special friend.
他是120多年以来
And the first American in over 120 years
首位当上马耳他助理总督的美国人
to ever hold the title of Assistant Governor General of Malta.
女士们先生们 请欢迎
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you
迈洛·迈德邦德少校爵士
Major Sir Milo Minderbinder.
好 好
Hear, hear!
谢谢 总督
Thank you, Governor General.
女士们先生们
And ladies and gentlemen,
我今晚能站在这里 实属荣幸
it is an absolute honor to be here tonight.
这些是给奥兰的哈里发的礼物
These are a gift for the Caliph of Oran.
奥兰是什么
What is Oran?
是阿尔及利亚的一个城市
It's a city in Algeria.
摩尔人十世纪建立了这座城市
It was founded by the Moors in the 10th century.
你为什么要给奥兰的哈里发
Why are you giving the Caliph of Oran
一架装满鹦鹉的飞机
a plane full of parrots?
因为给哈里发送礼物
Because it's customary for the Pasha of Oran
是奥兰的帕夏的惯例
to give gifts to the Caliph.
你是奥兰的帕夏
And you're the Pasha of Oran?
帕夏是一种荣誉称号♥
Oh, it's an honorary title.
你懂这种套路的 就是个虚衔
You know how these things go. It doesn't actually mean anything.
它们真漂亮 是不是
Ah, they're beautiful, aren't they?
你要拿它们怎么办
What are you doing with them?
在奥兰 我要让别人还我个人情
Well, Oran is where I call in my favor.
奥兰对我来说只有一个意义
Oran means one thing to me.
那就是枣
And that thing is dates.
其实有两个意义
Well, two things.
我还惦记着取得油矿租借权
I'm thinking of taking out some oil leases, too.
但今天完完全全是为了枣
But today it's all about dates.
-什么枣 -就是枣
- What dates? - Date dates.
你吃的那个枣 它是棕榈果
The dates you eat. They're a palm fruit.
阿尔及利亚的枣世上最好
Algerian dates are the best in the world,
我们要见的这个人 那个哈里发
and this guy that we're going to see--the Caliph--
他有一大堆枣 真的很多
he has a lot of them. And I mean a lot of them.
好吧
Okay.
他有个问题 他紧张
Now, the thing with this guy is he's nervous.
也许他们阿♥拉♥伯人都这样
Maybe it's an Arab thing.
也许他只想看到我们尊敬他
Maybe he just wants a little show of respect.
阿♥拉♥伯人是个古老的民族
The Arabs are an ancient people.
古老的家族之间做生意
Ancient families doing business with other ancient families.
进展很慢
Things move slow.
我觉得美国企业的速度吓到他了
I think the speed of American enterprise gives him the willies.
我猜 他只想知道
And I'm guessing he just wants to know
他会和严肃的人一起做生意
that he's getting into business with some serious people.
所以我告诉他 我今天要带个朋友一起去
So I told him I was bringing my friend with me today.
我朋友是一位富有的美国实业家
My friend being a wealthy American industrialist.
那位富有的美国实业家就是你
That wealthy American industrialist being you.
尊敬的哈里发 能够再次见到你真是太好了
Most high Caliph, it is so wonderful to see you again.
我也很高兴见到你 好迈洛
And you, too, good Milo.
我家永远欢迎你来做客
You are always welcome in my house.
旅行很顺利吧
You have journeyed well.
你看起来满面春风
You look radiant.
我觉得容光焕发 陛下
I feel radiant, Your Majesty.
也许是因为神奇的贵国空气芬芳
Perhaps it is the fragrant air of your magical country.
也许吧 好迈洛
Perhaps it is, good Milo.
也许你应该想办法装一些空气
Perhaps you should find a way of bottling it
带回美国去
to take home with you to America.
是啊
Indeed we should.
会让我们那边的人非常高兴的
It would make my people very happy.
陛下 请允许我
Your Highness, if you will,
向你介绍一位我的亲密朋友
allow me to introduce you to a dear, dear friend.
陛下 我有幸向你介绍
Your Greatness, it's my pleasure to introduce
一位极其富有的美国实业家
to you a fantastically wealthy American industrialist
他来自一个古老的美国家族
from an ancient American family.
尼尔森·D·洛克菲勒先生
Mr. Nelson D. Rockefeller.
洛克菲勒先生 很荣幸认识你
Mr. Rockefeller, it is such a great honor.
之前总听人说起你
I have heard so much about you.
我也是 伟大的人
And I you, great man.
你们今天莅临 真是太好了
It is wonderful that you are here today.
来
Come.
谢谢 陛下
Thank you, your greatness.
这场战争真是可怕 让人厌恶
This war is a terrible nuisance, is it not?
是啊 太可怕了 令人厌恶
Oh, terrible. Terrible nuisance.
-很可怕 -可怕
- It's terrible. - Terrible.
洛克菲勒先生
Mr. Rockefeller,
你参加了1938年美索不达米亚石油协议谈判
your negotiations in the Mesopotamian Oil Agreement
我非常佩服
of 1938, I was most impressed.
你非常强硬
You're very tough.
是的 陛下
Yes, I am, Your Highness.
但是我很公平
But fair.
亚述苏丹很难对付
The Sultan of Assur is a difficult man.
你的说服力一定很厉害
Your powers of persuasion must be formidable.
他是个挑剔的顾客 但我们最后还是成功了
He was a tricky customer, but we got there eventually.
你会发现哈里发没有那么难对付
I think you'll find the Caliph to be not nearly so difficult.
但我是个谈判能手
But I am a skilled negotiator.
我必须提醒你
I must warn you.
我也是 阁下 我也是
As am I, Your Grace. As am I.
好吧 那么 你认为
Well, then, and what do you think
在我的国家进行勘探的前景如何
the prospects of exploration in my country might be?
好
Good.
我认为会很好
I think they'd be very good.
撒哈拉大沙漠有它的问题
The Saharan Desert presents its problems.
撒哈拉
Oh, Sahara
上帝保佑 太热了
God forbid, so hot.
我倒不是很担心高温
My concern would be not so much the heat
而是担心页岩沉积层上
as the possibility of igneous layers
有火成岩层的可能
over the shale deposits.
它们是个问题 那些火成岩层
They're a problem, those igneous layers.
你会怎么解决这个问题
And how would you approach that?
技术
Technology.
什么技术
And what technology?
最新的技术
The latest technology.
请说明最新的技术是什么
And what, pray tell, is the latest technology?
我不知道 阁下 我是个商人
I don't know, Your Honor. I'm a businessman.
我不是工程师
I'm not an engineer.
你是个石油商人 对吗
You're an oil man, aren't you?
你一定知道你的石油是怎么提炼的
Surely you know how your oil is extracted.
我不是 不是很
I don't--I don't really--
我们有关火成岩层的最新经验是
Our most recent experiences with the igneous rock
使用膜片旁通阀钻头
were more than adequately handled with the new
足以应对