第二十二条军规

情况至少没有更糟
Things could be much worse.
但也本可以比这好很多
Yeah, well, things could be one hell of a lot better.
你只说出了一样 你说你能说两样的
You're naming only one thing. You said you could name two.
别跟我说上帝行事神秘
And don't tell me that God works in mysterious ways.
这毫无神秘可言
There's nothing mysterious about it.
他什么都没在做
He's not working at all.
他在戏耍
You know, He's playing.
不然就是根本忘记我们了
Or else He's forgotten all about us.
他是个无脑自负的乡巴佬
He is a brainless, conceited hayseed.
你要...
I mean, how mu--
你要怎样尊重这样一个上帝
how much reverence can you have for a supreme being
他非要夺走老年人
who finds it necessary to rob old people
控制排便的能力
of the power to control their bowel movements, hmm?
他为什么要创造痛苦
Why the hell did He create pain?
痛苦是有用的
Pain is useful.
痛能警告我们身体的危险
Pain is a warning to us of bodily dangers.
那是谁创造了危险
And who created the dangers?
他给我们...
Yeah, He was certainly being--
他给我们痛苦时 可是非常慷慨
He was certainly being charitable when He gave us pain.
他为什么不能用门铃来提醒我们
Why couldn't He have used a-a doorbell to let us know?
或是他的天堂唱诗班里的人
Or one of--Or one of His celestial choirs?
你好好想想他有多好的机会
You know, when you think about the chance
去做点好事
that He had to do something good,
但结果呢 他却制♥造♥了这愚蠢的烂摊子
and then you look at the stupid ugly mess that He made of it instead,
他的无能令人震惊
His incompetence is staggering.
你议论他时应该小心点 亲爱的
Better be careful what you say about Him, honey.
他或许会惩罚你呢
He might punish you.
他现在还不算在惩罚我吗
Like He doesn't punish me already.
有一天 我要让他付出代价
You know, one day I'm gonna make Him pay.
有一天 我要抓住那乡巴佬的脖子
One day I'm gonna grab that little yokel by His neck.
你要有大♥麻♥烦的
You're gonna be in so much trouble.
我以为你不信上帝呢
I thought you didn't believe in God.
我是不信
I don't.
但我不相信的上帝 是个好上帝
But the God I don't believe in is a good God.
不是你说的那种愚蠢的坏上帝
Not the mean and stupid God you make Him out to be.
我没把他说成什么
I'm not making Him out to be anything.
我只是在陈述事实
I'm just reporting the facts.
悠着点 麦克沃特
Take it easy, McWatt.
快上♥床♥ 要熄灯了
Get in the goddamn bunk. It's almost lights out.
明天的阅兵训练是几点
Hey, what time's the parade drill tomorrow?
-早上6点 -该死 好啊
- 0600. - Fuck, great.
-毫无意义 -是有意义的
- Fucking meaningless. - They have a meaning.
-就是毫无意义 -才不是的 约约
- They're meaningless. - That's not true, Yo-Yo.
跟我说一点阅兵的意义
Tell me one thing that's not meaningless about parades.
纪律 指挥链
Discipline, chain of command,
团队合作 几何
working together as a unit, geometry.
扯淡 克莱文杰 约约是对的
Bullshit, Clevinger. Yo-Yo, you're right.
他根本什么都说不出
There ain't one thing he can name.
熄灯
Lights out!
凝聚力
Cohesion.
你在重复自己的话呢
Now you're just repeating yourself.
才不是
No, I'm not.
不 你疯了
No, you're out of your mind.
阅兵并不会教会我们什么
Parades aren't designed to teach us anything.
只是用来羞辱我们的
They're designed to humiliate us.
是用来让我们蒙羞
They're designed to make us suffer the indignity
做一件毫无意义的事
of doing something entirely pointless
而那个虐待狂谢斯科夫
so that sadistic fuck Scheisskopf
就能展示他对我们的控制
can demonstrate he has power over us,
因为虐待狂都是这样寻求刺♥激♥的
'cause apparently that's how sadists get their kicks.
活动越毫无意义
The more pointless the activity,
羞辱越强烈 他就越觉得强大
the greater our humiliation, and the more power he feels.
我们可以在这里假装
And we can sit here and pretend all we want
这样走方块阵肯定有什么
that there must be some more noble war-effort-type purpose
崇高的利战的目的
to all this walking around in fucking rectangles,
但就是没有
but there isn't one.
我们阅兵 是为了让谢斯科夫觉得自己厉害
We do parades so Scheisskopf can feel like a tough guy.
这才是阅兵的目的
That's what parades are for.
是啊 这才是阅兵的目的
Yeah, that's what parades are for.
让我恶心
They disgust me.
让我胃里不舒服
Make me feel sick in the stomach.
我也是 伙计 不舒服
Yeah, me too, buddy. Sick...
胃里不舒服
in my stomach.
-感觉到了吗 -嗯
- Feel this? - Yeah.
-天呐 好疼 -这里呢
- Ah, God, that hurts. - Mmm, how about here?
嗯
Ah, yeah.
我敲这里时呢
And what about when I tap here?
-什么感觉 -好难受
- How does that feel? - Ooh, rough.
-这样呢 -好疼
- How does this feel? - Mm, it hurts.
这里呢
And here?
这样呢
What about this?
这里呢
And how about here?
这里呢
Here?
我敲这里时呢
When I tap here?
你的阑尾没问题
There's nothing wrong with your appendix.
你确定吗
Are you sure?
下次说是肝脏
Next time say it's your liver.
你的肝脏有问题
Something wrong with your liver,
我能让你在这儿待几周
I can keep you here for weeks.
我的肝有问题
There's something wrong with my liver.
想得美 你的肝脏根本没问题
Nice try. There's nothing wrong with your liver.
那是你不知道
That shows how much you don't know.
医生怎么会跑到这里来的
So how does a doctor end up here, anyway?
你自愿来的吗
Did you sign up for this shit?
你为什么不去别处做普通医生
Why aren't you off somewhere doing regular doctoring?
相信我 我才不想来
Believe me, I don't want to be here.
我为自己做了详尽检查
I examined myself pretty thoroughly
并判定我不适合服役
and found that I was unfit for service.
按说我的话应该足够了 但不够
Now, you'd think my word would be enough, but, no.
他们派了征兵委员会的人来检查我
They send some guy from the draft board to look me over.
开始驳斥我的4F等级
Starts disputing my Four-F.
约翰 我们生活在
You know, John, we live in a--
精神价值衰退的时代
in an age of deteriorating spiritual values.
这真的很可怕
It's really a--it's a terrible thing when--
一位小镇执照医师的话
when even the word of a licensed small-town physician
被他所爱的国家质疑
is questioned by the country he loves.
-4F是什么 -我刚说了
- What's a Four-F? - I just told you--
是我的适合服兵役等级
it's my fitness for military service.
我做不了这该死的阅兵 医生
I can't do these goddamn parades, Doc.
-会害死我的 -阅兵不会害死人的
- They're gonna kill me. - Parades never killed anyone.
-肯定害死过人 -不多
- I bet they have. - Not many.
-拜托 医生 -这样吧
- Come on, Doc. - I'll tell you what.
如果我知道对你有利 我就会帮你
I'll help you out when I know it can do you some good.
但现在 选好仗打
In the meantime, choose your battles.
阅兵是你最不需要担心的事
Parades are the least of your worries.
克莱文杰 你没事吧
Clevinger, are you okay?
克莱文杰
Clevinger.
走路无精打采
Stumbling without authority,
在队列中破坏阵型
breaking formation while in formation,
做事无分寸 胡闹 挑衅
indiscriminate behavior, mopery, provoking--
还要我继续说吗 长官
Do you want me to keep going, sir?
-他的朋友呢 -他是...
- And his friend? - Uh, that'd be, uh--
协助教唆以上行为 长官
That'd be aiding and abetting all of the above, sir.
对这些指控 你们如何抗辩
As to these charges, how do you plead?
无罪
Not guilty.
你凭什么觉得我们在乎
And what makes you think we care?
你在这里 是因为你是麻烦
You're here because you're trouble
而没人喜欢麻烦 你喜欢吗
and nobody likes trouble. Do you?
-我喜欢麻烦吗 -你觉得这是儿戏吗
- Do I like trouble? - You think this is funny?
再过60天 你就要去打德国佬了
In 60 days, you're gonna be fighting the Hun,