流金岁月（2015）

吗♥啡♥
Morphine?
简单说一下
Just a quick announcement.
那个车牌照以F打头
To the owner of the 1901 Renault,
1901产雷诺汽车的主人
license plate F,
你的车头灯一直亮着
your headlamps are illuminated.
废话连篇
Poppycock.
我的演讲都能比他更好
I could give a better speech than that.
欢迎各位前来参加
Welcome, everyone,to the funeral
维克多·施慕豪菲舍五世的葬礼
of Victor Schmemmerhorn-Fish V.
还有艾伯特的
Also featuring Albert.
维克多不仅希望人们记得他尚在人世时的样子
Victor would not want to be remembered
同时也希望他赴死的方式能被人铭记
for the way that he lived,but for the way that he died.
维克多的船当时正驶向
Victor's boat was on its way
阿根廷的岛屿
to the Isle of Argentine,
突然间 他的船被闪电击中
when suddenly it was struck by lightning,
被滔天巨浪无情地撕裂
torn apart by enormous,thrashing waves.
谁在乎啊
Who cares?
反正我不在乎
I don't.
维克多的部分烧伤
Victor's partially burned--
部分烧伤 差点溺亡的身体
partially burned,half-drowned body
之后被成群的鲨鱼所分而食之
was then feasted upon by swarms of sharks
它们首先吞噬了他的脸
who devoured their prey first by eating his face,
接着就是他身体
and then by devouring
的每一个附属肢体
every one of his appendages--
胳膊 腿
arms, legs...
甚至他家小♥弟♥弟♥
even that one.
所以 晚餐
So, for dinner,
你决定做甜点
you decided to make dessert.
你不想吃松鸡 你不想吃鹌鹑
You didn't want grouse.You didn't want quail.
你不想吃兔子 你不想吃甜馅派
You didn't want rabbit.You didn't want mincemeat pie.
所以我做了脆皮水果馅饼 但这并不是事儿
So I made a cobbler.But it's fine.
我都不知道我跟你说了多少遍
I don't know how many times
我对松鸡零容忍♥的好嘛
I have to tell you I am grouse-intolerant.
也许你只是对艾伯特零容忍♥
Maybe you're just Albert-intolerant.
很抱歉你不喜欢我的脆皮水果馅饼
I'm sorry you don't like my cobbler.
很抱歉我的厨艺糟糕透顶
I'm sorry I'm a horrible cook.
你的厨艺没那么糟糕
You're not a horrible cook.
很抱歉我不知道应该在厨房♥里做些什么
I'm sorry I have no idea what to do in the kitchen.
- 别表现得好像我欺负你似的 - 好吧 你没欺负我
- Don't become a victim. - Okay, I'm not the victim.
- 很好 - 没错
- Fine. - Okay, yes.
- 我同意这点 - 我很开心
- I can agree too. - I'm happy.
我同意你说的 没错
I'm agreeing with you, yes.
随你怎么说
Whatever you say.
我打算把这吃完 因为我已经饿得要命了
I'm gonna eat,'cause I'm actually hungry.
哦 你想把我这份也吃了吗
Oh, would you like mine?
你可以一起吃了
You can have mine.
你不多长几斤膘才怪
Why don't you just put on a few more pounds?
那么 在鲨鱼们享用完他稀烂的
So, after the sharks had their way
中空的四肢之后
with his pulpy, hollow limbs,
维克多的尸体残骸沉入了海底
Victor's carcass made its way to the seafloor,
又被食肉的软体动物所捕捉
only to be seized by flesh-eating mollusks
他们继续将他全部吞噬掉 只余下他的马鞍鞋
who devoured him and left nothing but his saddle shoes.
亲爱的朋友们 这就是我的悼词
And that's how you tell a eulogy, friends.
现在 当海水
And now, just as the sea
冲刷我丈夫眼球渗出的血水时
washed the blood out of my husband's eyeballs,
就让她抹掉你们流出的泪水吧 欢迎
let her wash the tears out of yours--
碧翠丝·蒂凡妮·西森·唐西
Beatrice Tiffani Amberthiessen Downsey!
这篇悼词是为艾伯特所做的
This eulogy is for Albert.
我没出现幻觉吧
Is this really happening?
听着 我的游艇已装备好了 准备驶向新几内亚
Listen, my yacht is stocked and headed to New Guinea.
我们今夜起航
We depart tonight.
告诉我 你会跟我一起去
Say you'll join me.
- 新几内亚 - 对
- New Guinea. - Mm.
- 我简直大爱食人族 - 嗯
- I do love cannibals. - Mm.
然后小美人鱼迎来了血腥 壮烈的死亡
"And then the mermaid died a brutal, bloody death.
故事结束了
The end."
我能再来点蒸汽状的药物吗
Can I have some more vapor drug?
我觉得你可能上瘾了
I think you've really got a problem.
你终于来了
There you are.
这就是楼上的环境吗
So this is the upstairs, huh?
也不算太简陋
Not too shabby.
我有点想在这里所有枕头上便便
I kind of want to shit on all the pillows.
听着 我让人请你来 是因为我需要你的帮助
Look, I sent for you because I need your help.
哦 天呐 我想我现在要把
Oh, man, I think I'm gonna
自己塞进一只破袜子里了
yank myself into a sock right now.
你到底帮不帮我
Are you gonna help me or not?
我过来了 你说呢
I'm here, ain't I?
我给了这些孩子镇定糖浆
I gave these kids quieting syrup,
但这娃死活没睡着
and this one won't fall asleep.
我形成抗药性了
I built up my tolerance.
哦 我猜他肯定不会抗这个的 对吧
Oh, bet he doesn't have a tolerance to this, huh?
你什么毛病啊
What is wrong with you?
抱歉 我误解了你的信♥号♥♥
I'm sorry.I misread your signals.
我不想让他被谋杀 我想让他赶紧睡着
I don't want him murdered.I want him to go to sleep.
那你为什么来求我 嗯
Well, then why did you ask for me, huh?
- 我只会这么做 - 我不知道
- That's what I do. - I don't know.
我会杀掉这里所有的孩子
I'll kill all these kids.
等等 他跑哪儿去了
Wait.Where did he go?
也许他跑去便便之地了（也有”谁在乎“的意思）
Maybe he went to Who Gives a Shit Land.
不对 他到底哪儿去了
No, where did he go?
我不知道
I don't know.
想在这堆孩子面前啪啪啪吗
Want to fuck on this pile of kids?
我不认为今晚这事会发生了
I don't think it's gonna happen tonight.
我也不认为今晚会发生在我身上了
I don't think it's going to happen for me either.
如果你道歉的话 也许会有点用
It might help if you apologize.
好的吧
Okay, fine.
我很抱歉你那样子对我 让我倍感沮丧
I'm sorry that you behaved in such a way
而现在我的小♥弟♥弟♥充其量只能算得上是疲软
that got me so upset that now I'm flaccid at best.
我敢说你的道歉
I can tell that your apologizing
事实上 根本不是道歉
is not, in fact, an apology.
我要让你明白 我家小♥弟♥弟♥也疲软了
And I'll have you know I'm flaccid too.
我是说 也许这根本行不通
I mean, maybe this isn't working.
我感觉自打我们离开百乐园后
I feel like ever since we left the manor,
我们的禁忌之爱里 禁忌的那部分就没了
all the exciting parts of our love are just gone.
也许我们应该回去
Maybe we should go home.
然后把两百万还回去吗
And give back the $2 million?
我们如果不能跟对方啪啪啪 要两百万有何用
What good is $2 million if we can't pound each other?
我去收拾好我们的行李
I'll ready our luggage.
你得起来穿戴整齐
You need to get dressed.
- 我先得自己满足我家小♥弟♥弟♥ - 不 赶紧起来穿衣服
- I need to finish myself. - No, just get dressed.
就让我做一次
Let me just do one time through.
- 只要45分钟就好 - 不行
- It'll take 45 minutes. - No.
哦 伟大的神灵
Oh, Great Spirit,
生命就像日落一般消逝
life fades like the sunset.
我们请求他的灵魂完满地降临你身
We ask that his spirit come to you without shape.
我得应铃而去
I have to get that.
你是认真的吗
Are you serious?
听着 我也想让我们的父亲灵魂与伟大的神灵相结合
Look, I want our father to join with the Great Spirit,
但哥们儿 那可是生死攸关铃
but that's the life-or-death bell, man.
上面正发生着生死攸关的大事
There's life-or-death going on up there!
同时 我还负责上吉露果子冻
Plus I'm in charge of the Jell-O.
夫人 这回
Madam, what was
又是什么生死攸关的突发事件了
the life-or-death emergency this time?
你难道没看到我正悲伤着吗 皮珀斯
Can't you see I'm grieving, Peepers?
这太荒谬了 米切去了哪儿
This is ridiculous.Where is Mitch?
我们需要他来诵读最后一条咒语
We need him here to recite the final incantation.
我们去找他吧
Let's go find him.
汤姆·索亚历险记是根据我少年时期情人的经历改编的
Tom Sawyer was based on my boyhood lover.
对的
Yep.
你们可以查一查
Look it up.