流金岁月（2015）

我
It was I.
我被猫咪·冯·安德斯丁强♥暴♥了
I was ravished by Pussy Von Anderstein.
加菲猫 我的天 这简直令人愤慨
Garfield, my God,this is an outrage.
哦 谢谢你 皮珀斯
Oh, thank you, Peepers.
你应该为自己感到羞耻
You ought to be ashamed of yourself!
你应该为她决定强♥暴♥你
You should be thanking your lucky stars
而感到庆幸 而不是像一只有着利爪的幼猫一样
that she chose to ravish you,instead of crying about it
嘤嘤地啜泣
like a mewling kitten with a pin in its paw!
接下来的六个月你别想喝燕麦粥了
I'm docking you six months of gruel.
如果你不想被人强♥暴♥
If you didn't want to be ravished,
也许你不该穿着这身这么
maybe you shouldn't be wearing
诱人的贴身男仆制♥服♥
such an inviting little valet's uniform.
这是你的错
It's your fault.
我是为了我自己才穿上这身制♥服♥的
I wear my valet's uniform for me.
但这一定太紧了 对吧 加菲猫
But must it be so tight,Garfield?
嘿 这是不是意味着我可以强♥暴♥布兰奇
Hey, does this mean that I can ravish Blanche?
并不
No.
感谢你有这种想法 哈米什
Thank you for the thought, Hamish.
夫人 这是我的荣幸
Milady.
好了 每个人都回到工作岗位上 快去 快去
All right, everybody back to work. Skeet, skeet!
你看到一个身材矮小的东方人了吗
Have you seen a tiny Oriental man?
他
He's--
天 你的脸还敢再丑一点吗
Ugh! How is it possible your face is getting uglier?
我撞到门上了
I ran into a door.
维克多
Victor.
我需要你制♥造♥出你已经死掉的假象
I need you to fake your own death.
我拒绝这么做
I would never fake my own death,
我给你两百万美金
I'll give you $2 million.
我马上派人起草合同
I'll have someone draft up a contract right away.
还有
Also...
我需要你的
I will be needing your...
祖母绿王冠
emerald princess crown.
什么 别想了
What? No!
这顶王冠是传家宝 已经有三个年头了
That's been in our family for almost three years.
我要它 不然我就永生给你看
The crown, or I live forever.
好吧
Ugh, fine!
还有 我想要你的蟒蛇皮拖鞋
Also, I'd like your python slippers.
这根本不合你的脚
Those won't even fit you.
哦 又不是我要穿的
Oh, they're not for my feet.
维克多是我碰见过的最卑鄙 最可恶的小人
Victor is the most vile,hateful person I've ever met.
但你会觉得我们相处得很好
You'd think we'd get along.
我很害怕他的心已经不在我身上了
Well, I'm scared I'm losing him.
我担心他倾心于那个奇怪的女人
I'm afraid he's going to fall in love with that weird lady.
亲爱的 我一直跟你说什么来着
Darling, what do I always tell you?
门把手上挂着绿色围巾的时候 你才能进这个屋子
To not walk in the room when the green scarf is on the handle.
那也对 但我一直告诉你 要跟随你的本心
Yes, but I always tell you to follow your heart.
我的本心告诉我 他只属于我 不允许移情别恋
My heart says he's mine and that no one else can have him.
现在 过来 如果他看不到
Now, come on, if he doesn't see
你是多么美丽而又无主的宝藏
what a beautiful,vacant treasure you are,
那他就是脑子被驴踢了
then he's a fool.
谢谢你
Thank you.
每次我们谈话后 我都能感到一丝慰藉
I always feel better after our talks.
哦 你可以假装你死掉了 让我跟别人顺利成婚吗
Oh! Can you fake your death so I can marry someone else?
求你了 维克多已经同意这么做了
Please?Victor said he would.
我当然同意 亲爱的
Well, of course, darling.
如果维克多同意了 那我也一样乐意
If Victor said so,I'm happy to do it.
- 真的吗 - 当然
- Really? - Of course.
现在 请你保持不动
Now, just hold still.
我在打造一件完美的艺术品
I'm gonna make a real piece of art here.
哦 我喜欢
Ooh, I like that.
哦 没错
Oh, yes. Mm.
我现任炮♥友♥很漂亮
My current lover is beautiful,
但她只肯做那些常规的体♥位♥
but she only does the normal stuff--
传教士式 男上式 负鼠式
missionary, man on top,possum style.
就像一条死鱼一样一动不动的躺着
That's where you lay there completely still
等着危险过去
waiting for the danger to pass.
我们要不要考虑在春天举♥行♥婚礼
Should we have a spring wedding?
但我一直想要当六月新郎
I always thought of myself as a June groom.
你介意别再玩我头发了吗
Would you mind not playing with my hair?
欢爱过后 我需要点私人空间
I need my own space after sex.
不是 不是你的原因 完全是我生理机能的反应
It's-- it's not you,it's a physiological thing.
这叫做生理不应期
It's called a refractory period.
我想告诉你的是 那件事我听说了
I want you to know I heard about what happened,
我相信你 加菲猫
and I believe you, Garfield.
我们生活在充满强取豪夺的文化氛围中 遍布我们举目可及之处
We live in a ravish culture.It's everywhere we look--
五分钱娱乐场 银版照相 蚀刻版画
nickelodeons,daguerreotypes, etchings.
我只是不想沦落到整个夏天都在海上漂的下场
I was saving myself for a summer at sea.
我知道
I know.
给 你可以留着这个
Here, you can keep it.
这是给我的
This is for me?
哦 在此之前我从来没收过礼物
Oh, I've never received a present before.
哦 哦 我就知道你对我的感觉
Oh. Oh, I knew you felt the same way about me
和我对你的感觉一样
as I feel about you.
等等 什么感觉
Wait. What way?
没什么 没感觉
Nothing. No ways.
我会将这永远珍藏的
I will cherish this forever.
我应该给她取名叫毛巾
And I shall name her Towel.
哦 你在这儿 小猫咪
Oh, there you are, Pussy.
我一直在到处找你
I've been looking all over for you.
等下 你准备出门吗
Wait.Are you going somewhere?
弗雷德里克 你在想什么
Frederick, what do you think?
我想知道橄榄核是怎么进到橄榄里面
I think about how pits get into olives
而没有在表面弄出洞洞
without making the holes.
但为什么你看上去像是要离开
But why does it look like you're leaving?
我们不是要结婚了吗
Aren't we getting married?
亲爱的 我没打算跟你结婚
Sweetie, I was never trying to marry you,
我只是想跟你的男士马裤下的东西亲密接触
I was just trying to get into your pantaloons.
但是你爱抚了我的小菊花
But you touched me where I expel my waste!
我碰过无数朵菊花
I've touched a lot of men in that place,
而且我将继续这么做
and I plan to keep on doing it.
你不能走
You're not leaving.
我了解你 我了解我的小猫咪
I know you.I know my Pussy very well.
你不 这是 一定是有什么素描画家躲在了某个地方
You're-- This is-- There's a hidden sketch artist somewhere.
你在哪里 出来
Where are you? Come out.
出来
Come out.
恐怕不是这样
Mm, afraid not.
很好 滚
Fine! Go!
你滚 猫咪 我不在乎 我不需要你
Go, Pussy! I don't care.I don't need you.
我从未需要你
I've never needed you!
我在说谎
It's a lie.
加菲猫 帮我提下我的行李
Garfield, help me with my cases.
不 猫咪 猫咪 猫咪 别这样
No, Pussy.Pussy, Pussy, please!
求你了 猫咪
Please, Pussy!
不管发生了什么 跟我待在一起 毛巾
Whatever happens,you stay with me, Towel.
别走
Don't go!
我说服了维克多 让他离开半年
I convinced Victor to leave for six months
这样在法律上 他就能宣告死亡
so he can be declared legally dead
这样我就能想跟谁睡就跟谁睡了
and I can have sex with whoever I want.
也许你会好奇我同意离开的原因
Well, you might wonder why I agreed to leave,
答案其实很简单
and the answer is simple.
- 我们真挚的感情 - 钱
- Our true love. - Money.
你说的也没错 但我跟这家人攀亲是为了积累财富
Well, yes, but I married into this family to stack cash,
我的余生不可能只靠着给丈夫的津贴过活
and I can't live my goddamn life on a husband's allowance.
你想干什么
What do you want?
你现在不应该跟你那奇怪的女朋友待在一起吗
Shouldn't you be with your creepy girlfriend?
我把她送走了
I sent her away.
你这么干了 退下
You did? Leave.
没错
That's right.
我选择了你
I picked you
而不是那个没心没肺 好指使人的色女
over that heartless,manipulative lotharia.