纽约屁民（2016）

Animals. S02E10

Part 2 Nov. 17, 2020, 11:30 a.m.

Ladies and gentlemen,
女士们先生们
a good life lesson is sitting right there.
这是个活生生的例子啊
If you don't do your homework,
如果你不好好学习
if you blow off all of your classes,
如果你总是翘课
if you refer to me as Principal Little Dick,
如果你叫我小丁丁校长
if you spray-paint "Principal Little Dick" On my car,
如果你在我的车上写 "小丁丁校长"
if you somehow... beyond my comprehension...
如果你的所作所为让我无法理解
legally change my name to "Principal Little Dick,"
明目张胆把我的名字改成了 "小丁丁校长"
then this is what happens... you fail.
那么最终的结果就是你毕不了业
You fail senior year and you must repeat it.
高中不能毕业那就得复读
Liz, what's going on?
Liz 什么情况
That boy, Phil Matarese...
那个孩子菲尔·马塔雷塞
is a failure.
是个失败者
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Phil didn't graduate?
等等菲尔没毕业吗
He shouldn't even be here. Security, escort him out,
他甚至不应该坐在这里保安把他带出去
and don't spare the Tazer.
别让电击枪闲着
Um, I just wanna say that, Principal Leif...
我想说列夫校长
You suck! Fuck you, dude!
你这个傻♥逼♥ 去死吧哥们
Wait. Come on. No one's laughing at that?
等下不是吧居然没人笑
Fuck.
我靠
Oh, Phil, how could you not tell me?
菲尔你怎么没告诉我呢
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mommy.
对不起对不起妈咪
Did he just call his mom "Mommy"?
他刚是在叫他妈妈"妈咪"吗
You guys hear that?
你们听见了吗
All right, anyway,
好了言归正传
let's get these diplomas handed out
下面我们将分发毕业证
and send these kids to their bright, promising futures.
祝愿孩子们有个光明美好的未来
Hello again. I want to introduce you to somebody,
又见面了我想介绍你们认识某个人
a good friend of mine, perhaps my best friend.
我的一位好朋友也是我最好的朋友
I'm sorry.
抱歉
This is Murphy the duck. Say hello, Murphy.
这位是墨菲鸭跟大家打个招呼墨菲
Hello, my name is Murphy, and I'm a duck.
大家好我是墨菲我是只鸭子
I like to fly and swim and poop on cars.
我喜欢飞喜欢游泳也喜欢在车上拉粑粑
Murphy, do you mind that I chew you up?
墨菲你介意我咬碎你吗
No, no. If it makes you happy, it makes me happy.
不介意如果你开心那我会也开心
And also, I have a little squeaker inside me
还有我身体里有个吱吱叫的东西
that mimics the sound of an animal dying.
可以模仿动物临死挣扎的声音
It's in your nature to want to destroy me!
你生来就是要吃掉我的
Murphy, may I hear the squeak?
墨菲我能听听吱吱声吗
Very good, Murphy! Oh, that was good!
太棒了墨菲太棒了
You know I love you, right, Murphy. You know that.
你知道我是爱你的好了墨菲你知道的
And I love you too.
我也爱你
You know, they say that animals can sense things...
你知道有人说动物能感知外物
you know, thunderstorms or when someone is sick.
比方说暴风雨或是有人生病
We seem to be able to tap into an unseen plane of reality.
我们似乎能进入某个无形的真实境界
A peephole into eternity of sorts.
得以窥见各种永恒
A glimpse into the hereafter.
得以瞥见你我来世
It's true what they say, though.
他们说的没错
All dogs do go to heaven.
所有的狗死后都会进天堂
But not all men.
但人类却并非如此
Some are just born to be bad,
有些人生来就是个坏蛋
angry that they're not God.
抱怨自己为什么不能像上帝那样主宰别人的命运
Tsk. I feel something coming.
我有预感有事情将要发生
Something really bad.
很可怕的事
That wasn't what I was talking about.
我要说的不是这个
I mean something in addition to that is coming.
我意思是除此之外还有别的事将要发生
Something else really bad. Not that.
很可怕的事不是刚才那个
Could you turn the track up?
你能继续跟踪吗
But, you know, I think another year could do him good.
但我觉得再复读一年对他来说不是什么坏事
Yeah.
是啊
Not everyone is ready for college right away.
不是所有人都能立马准备好上大学
I tell you, it's that Principal Leif, that son of a bitch.
我告诉你那个列夫校长就是个混♥蛋♥
He always had it in for Phil. He did. He did.
他总是和菲尔过不去就是没错
Really. Yes. I agree. Leif has always been a dipshit.
真的是这样我也这样觉得列夫就是个傻♥逼♥
What a dick. What a jerk.
真是个混♥蛋♥ 他就是个混♥蛋♥
Thank you for the invitation. It's a really incredible party.
谢谢你能邀请我们来这个派对真的很棒
Delicious summer salad. You're welcome.
夏日沙拉非常美味别客气
Hey, honey. Hi, Mommy.
嘿亲爱的妈妈
Come back and join the party.
来跟我们一起玩吧
No. Come on, there's cheese puffs.
不来吧还有芝士酥噢
Can you get me a plate of baby carrots?
你能给我一盘小胡萝卜吗
You can come get your own plate of baby carrots.
你可以自己来拿一盘小胡萝卜
It's just embarrassing that I'm at my graduation party
我没有能毕业却要参加自己的毕业派对
and I didn't graduate, 'cause I'm a fucking idiot.
这真是太尴尬了我他妈就是个蠢货
You're not an idiot. I am an idiot.
你才不是蠢货我就是个蠢货
I flunked out of senior year of fucking high school,
我被那所该死的高中开除了
and now I am able to just cry freely into this pool.
而现在我只能对着这个池塘哭泣
Water to water. Okay, honey. I love you.
水溅池塘好了亲爱的我爱你
I mean, I'm terribly disappointed, but I love you.
我非常地失望但我依旧爱你
Yeah, no, that's the general theme of the day.
是啊这就是今天的主题
Hello, how do you do?
你还好吗
I'm so glad to see you... buttfucker.
很高兴见到你混球
There's my little Mikey. Hey, boy, come here!
我的小阿迈在这里孩子过来吧
Hey, Auntie May, how's it going? Aw, I love you.
梅姨怎么样啊我爱你
Gimme some sugar.
来亲一个吧
I flew all the way from South Jersey
我从南泽西一路赶过来
to have my goddamn picture taken.
就为了来拍张照片
All right. So, your friend the idiot,
好了你那个愚蠢的朋友
he won't be going with you to California, I'd imagine.
我猜他没机会和你一起去加州了吧
Uh, Phil? I mean, he's not really an idiot.
菲尔吗他并不愚蠢
No, he's just kinda... Oh, well, that's your opinion.
不他只是有点... 好吧那是你的看法
Well, I mean, he doesn't have a dad, so...
我是说他没有爸爸所以...
Yeah, so? I don't either. All right. I guess...
是吗那又如何我也没有好吧我...
Look, come here. I wanna give you some advice.
听着让我给你点建议
I'm serious about this. Oh. Okay.
非常认真的建议好吧
You're a smart boy, and you'll do great things.
你是个聪明的孩子你肯定会成就一番事业
Don't let that homo hold you back.
不要让那个基佬妨碍你的发展
You're gay with him, aren't you?
你和他是一对不是吗
What? No, I'm not gay with Phil, okay?
什么不我和菲尔不是一对好吗
In fact, I actually crush pussy, so...
事实上我很喜欢小妞
Oh, you're a little bitch, Mike. What?
你这个小婊♥子♥ 什么
I said, "You're a little bitch, Mike."
我说"你这个小婊♥子♥ 迈克"
Fuck you, Auntie May.
我♥操♥ 梅姨
Fuck me? Well, that would be incest,
你想动我吗那可是乱♥伦♥
although I've always said, "Incest is relative."
虽然我总是说"乱♥伦♥只是相对而言"
Ugh! You've always said that? Why?
你总是那样说吗为什么呢
I didn't ask you to come here, okay?
我可没有邀请你来这里好吗
My mom asked you to come here!
是我妈妈邀请你来的
I think you fucking did ask me to come here.
我想是你邀请我来这里的
Why would I ask for my...
为什么我会邀请...
Because you've always had a crush on me.
因为你一直暗恋我
Everyone knows it. All of South Jersey knows it!
所有人都知道所有南泽西的人都知道
Great seeing you, Auntie May.
很高兴见到你梅姨
Well, it wasn't great seeing you, you little twerp.
见到你可不太高兴你这个小讨厌鬼
Woo! I'm fucking wasted.
我他妈真是喝高了
Aren't you the cutest little thing?
难道你不是最可爱的小家伙吗
You're not my type.
我可不喜欢你这种类型
Hey, man.
老兄
Oh, hey. I heard you wanted some baby carrots.
你好我听说你想来点小胡萝卜
Oh, thank you for the carrots and the paper plate.
谢谢你带来的胡萝卜和纸盘
I love baby carrots. Did you know
我喜欢小胡萝卜你知道吗
they're just big carrots shaved down?
其实它们都是由大胡萝卜削成的
They're not actually small carrots. Really?
而并非是真正的小胡萝卜真的吗
Yeah.
是的
I thought they grew little carrots and then grew...
我还以为它们就是小胡萝卜然后再...
No, it's ugly carrots that they can't sell in the stores,
不它们长得不好看所以卖♥♥不出去
'cause people, you know, they like visual aesthetics.
因为大家都喜欢外形好看的
They shave them down into baby carrots.
所以他们就把这些削成了小胡萝卜
Yeah, but anyway,
不过随便吧
listen, I'm sorry about earlier today.
听着我要为之前的事情而道歉