黑疯婆子的葬礼

- It's your dad. - What?
他怎么打电♥话♥过来的
How the hell he calling here?
这他妈逗我呢
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
他从地狱里打过来的
Mmm-mmm. He calling from hell.
-别接 孩子 -天哪 别接
- Don't answer that, boy! - That's God, don't!
可以
Okay.
等等 怎么回事
Wait, what happened?
他说了什么 他说他在地狱里吗
What'd he say? Did he say he was in hell?
你知道爸爸妈妈的电♥话♥型号♥一样吧
You know Mama and Daddy got the same phone.
她在门口
She at the door.
哦
Oh.
-她为什么不敲门 -我也想问
- Why the hell she ain't knock? - That what I said.
我一会儿就好
I'll be just a second.
你们都还在这儿呢
Well, you all still here.
外面是谁
Who that out there?
以为你们都走了呢
Thought you were gone.
既然你们还在这儿 你们都要饱眼福了
Since you still here, y'all gonna get a eyeful.
哦哦
Oh-oh.
妈妈 外面是谁
Um, Mama, who is that?
那人应该会成为你们的爸爸
The man that should've been your daddy.
-哦 -哦
- Ooh. - Ooh!
什么
What?
妈妈 你去哪儿了
Mama, where you been?
我想你管这叫乱搞
I think you call it hoeing.
他为什么还坐在外面
Why is he still sitting out there?
他要带我去维加斯度周末
He is taking me to Vegas for the weekend.
哦 不行 妈妈你不能
Oh, no, Mama. You are not about to go to Vegas
和一个刚认识的陌生人去维加斯
with some strange man you just met.
我明白五十步不应该笑百步
I know the pot ain't talking about the kettle.
妈妈
Mama!
我不相信他是陌生人
I don't believe he's no stranger.
我想他们不是昨晚才认识的
I think they ain't just met last night.
我相信这已经有一段时间了
I believe that's been going on for a while.
我只是过来拿电♥话♥
I just came by to get my phone.
和这个
And this.
那是什么
And what is that?
这个叫乱搞包包
It's called a hoe bag.
我知道那是什么
I know what that is.
-牙刷 -牙刷
- Toothbrush... - Toothbrush...
还有一点牙线 我不是说
...and a little bit of floss and I'm not talking about the kind
你放在牙齿上的那种
you put in your teeth.
这里面有过夜的所有设备
It has all the equipment for an overnight stay.
昨晚就开始收拾了
Started to take it last night,
但我不想显得迫不及待
but I didn't wanna seem desperate.
妈妈
Oh. Mama.
别让他觉得你很随便
Don't make him think you a hoe
直到你认定他
until it's time for you to be one.
我不管你们的那些事儿
I don't care what y'all dealing with,
我不想再听任何话了
I don't wanna hear no more of it.
你们自己琢磨去吧
Figure it out for yourselves.
再见了 大家
I'll see y'all later.
拜拜
Ta-ta!
等等 我要看看她和谁在一起
Wait, I got to see who she's with out here!
来吧 大家都来瞧瞧
Come on, y'all see him.
-妈妈 妈 回来 -让我看看你
- Mama! Ma, come back! - Let me see what you...
-妈 你不能 天 -快看那是谁
- Ma! You can't... What? - Look who she with, girl!
小薇 你要去哪里
Vi, where you going?
我今晚要带你去维加斯
Oh, I'm taking you to Vegas with me tonight.
好吧 亲爱的 谢谢
All right, baby. Thank you.
-妈妈 -你在哪里认识他的
- Mama! - Where did you meet him?
他可是个大人物T
He big.
好吧 祝你们都过得愉快
All right, y'all have a good time!
-我们会的 -别担心她
- Uh-huh, we will. - Don't even worry about her.
-她会很安全的 -拜拜
- She's gonna be okay! - Ta-ta!
好了 出发吧
All right, now.
-薇安 -再见
- Ooh, Vianne! - See y'all later on!
再见 再见
Bye, bye!
我们稍后都要再见了
We'll see y'all later.
你们都得自己想清楚
Y'all gotta figure it out for yourself,
就像你妈妈说的
like your mama said.
等等 我要告诉你们一个道理
Hold on. Let me tell you something.
在你们的生活中都会有一段时间
There come a time in your life
父母要做他们的事
where the parents have to do what they gotta do
孩子们也都要做自己的事
and the kids gotta do what y'all need to do.
你们都长大了 好好想清楚吧
Y'all grown. Figure this out!
-快点 我们走吧
- Come on, let's go! - Um...
你不必和他在一起
You ain't gotta stay with him there.
-再见 大伙儿 -走吧
- Bye, y'all. - Come on,
我来教你怎么找男人
I'll show you how to get a man.
梅布尔 跟我说说那小子的表情
Mabel, tell me what that was on that man's face.
你和希思罗兄弟吗
You and Heathrow brothers?
玛蒂亚 你不知道那事儿对吗
And Madea, yeah. You didn't know that?
我不知道他
I didn't know he...
那是我弟弟 你那愚蠢的屁♥股♥不知道吗
That's my brother. Your ignorant ass didn't know that?
-不 -你读过那该死的剧本吗
- No! - Did you read the damn script?
是的 我读过
Yeah, I read it.
你怎么能剥夺男人的发声能力呢
How you gonna take away a man's ability to make sound?
妈的 玛
Damn it, Ma
你为什么把手臂弯曲着
Why you trying to flex with your arm?
把袋子放下
Put the bag down.
不 拿着它们 但是
No. Hold them. But just...
你为什么要这样抱着它们
Why you trying to hold them like that?
-他情不自禁 -把它放在你侧面
- He can't help it. - Let it hang to your side.
-对了 -好的
- There you go. - Okay.
让我们再试一次 就他胳膊弯着这段
Let's try it one more time. He over here flexing.
我拿着行李
I got my bags.
-早上好 -早上好
- Good morning. - Good morning.
早上好
Good morning.
好吧 要和大家再见了
Well, we'll see y'all.
再试一次
Try it one more time.
就把它们放在你边上吧
Just leave 'em down at your side.
看到我的肌肉了吗
See my muscle?
再靠过来一点
Lean over some more.
如果你用这只大手打我
If you hit me with this big-ass hand,
我现在就告诉你 这将是我和你
I'm telling you right now, it's gonna be me and you.
凯茜来了 真的 凯茜来
Cassi came... This is serious. Cassi came
参加我妈的葬礼 坐在唱诗班的看台前
to my mama's funeral, sitting up in the choir stand.
天哪
Oh, my God!
喝着尚品轩尼诗
Drinking straight-up Hennessy.
就在葬礼上坐着 醉醺醺的
Sitting there at the funeral just getting tore down.
泰勒 你说谎
Tyler, that is a lie!
凯茜吗 凯茜吗
Cassi? Cassi?
是轩尼诗兑七喜
It was Hennessy and Seven-Up.
该死的 小姑娘 你把我的牙齿敲
Damn, girl! You knocked my damn teeth from...
你弄掉了我的
You dropped my...
现在 别对着我咳嗽 别把那东西放
Now, don't be coughing it on me. Don't be putting that...
好的
Right.
希思罗 这不能全怪我
Don't be putting none of that on me, Heathrow.
谁让我的喉咙上也有个洞呢
They'll have me with a hole in my throat, too.
我完全支持他们这些说唱歌♥手
I'm all of them rappers.
我全心全意支持 宝贝 真的
I'm all about it, baby. I'm all about it.
戴个小蝴蝶结如何
What about Lil' Bow Wow?
你真是小肠里的宿便啊
You a Lil' Bowel Movement.