黑疯婆子的葬礼

天呐
Oh, my God.
快点
Come on.
有人在吗
Hello.
-小妹 -你赶回来了
- Hey, sis! - You made it.
是的 我回来了
Oh, yes, I did.
-你好啊 -威尔 挺精神的嘛
- Hey. - Will, you look good.
我不知道你会来帮忙
Oh, I didn't know you were helping!
我当然想来啦
Yes, I wanted to.
蕾妮一直在这里 帮我们照顾爸妈
Renee has been right here, helping us with Mama and Daddy.
快别说了
Oh, stop.
别来无恙啊 大家
What's up, what's up?
哟 这不是我的弟弟嘛
Well, hey there, little brother.
咋啦 老姐
What's up?
-你看起来满面春光啊 -打住打住
- You lookin' happy. - All right, all right.
那可不 我订婚啦
I am. I'm engaged.
-恭喜啦 老弟 -谢谢
- Oh, well, congrats! - Thank you.
显然 她不太喜欢她
Yeah, she clearly ain't too fond of her.
你怎么认识她的
How'd you meet her?
她和A.J.在一起工作
She works with A.J.
并且他也不太喜欢她
and he's not too fond of her either.
恭喜你
Hey, congrats, man.
谢谢
Thank you.
我等会再跟你讲那件事
I'll tell you about it later.
我敢肯定你会的
I'm sure you will.
这看上去太棒了
Wow, this looks great.
这些花是蕾妮带来的
Renee brought the flowers.
妈肯定会喜欢的
Oh! Mama's gonna love these.
那可不
She will.
爸也会
Daddy, too.
蕾妮 非常感谢你帮助我们
Thank you so much for helping us, Renee.
我愿意为你♥爸♥妈做任何事
I would do anything for your mama and daddy.
-我非常爱他们 -我知道
- I love 'em so much. - I know.
你一直都是这样
You always have.
你要去提蛋糕吗
So, are you picking up the cake?
不 希思罗叔叔说他找了人去提
No. Uncle Heathrow said he got somebody to take care of it.
啥 不行 这绝对不行
What? No. No way. Oh, no.
-不能让他去 -有啥问题
- No. That's not happening. - What's wrong?
你们懂的 他有点疯疯癫癫的
You know he's half-crazy.
谁说我坏话呢
I heard that.
希思罗叔叔 谁去提蛋糕了
Uncle Heathrow! Who's picking up the cake?
别担心
Don't worry about it.
我想做点什么 所以这事儿归我管了
I wanted to do something, so I got it covered.
好的
Oh, okay.
我们不能让他去提蛋糕
We can't let him get that cake.
你去取饼干怎么样
How about you pick up the crackers?
我要带蛋糕过来
I'm bringing the cake.
让他去弄吧
Let him do it.
结婚纪念日 很重要的
It's their anniversary. It's too important.
给他点事做吧
Give him something to do.
-蛋糕肯定会很露骨色情的 -不会吧
- The cake will be sexually explicit. - No!
这都被你猜到啦
You right, it will be sexually explicit.
一个成熟小妞骑在猫上
I want a old chick on a cat.
行了
That's it.
我要打电♥话♥给多诺万
I'm calling Donovan.
好吧 再准备个蛋糕吧
Okay. We'll just have a backup.
没错
Of course.
周年聚会你未婚妻会来吗
So, is this fiancee of yours coming to the anniversary party?
会的
Yes.
很好 到时我们就能见到她了
Good. We'll get to meet her, then.
没错 谢谢
That's right. Thank you.
而你
And you,
别拿我开涮 好吗
don't start with me, okay?
我不会
I won't.
对她也别这样
Uh-huh. Or her, either.
谢谢你
Thank you.
你知道的 她只是一直很关心我们
You know, she's just always looking out for us.
我知道
I know.
有时有点关心过头了
Sometimes too much.
有人需要洗他们的屁♥股♥么
Hey, somebody need to wash their ass.
他刚才说了些啥呀
Did he just say that?
你还不了解他么
Girl, you know him.
他总是不假思索地说出他的想法
He always says what's on his mind.
不好说 我觉得他挺有趣的
I don't know, he kinda funny.
当你像这样硬了的时候
When you jacked-up like this,
你所能做的就是大笑 蹭蹭
all you can do is laugh, and hump,
然后开操
and screw.
希思罗叔叔
Hey, Uncle Heathrow.
你好吗
Hey. How are you?
我很好
I'm good.
敢问这位美女是谁
Okay, great. Who are you?
我是西尔维娅 你的孙女啊
I'm Sylvia, your granddaughter?
那是我的老公 威尔
And that's my husband, Will.
你刚刚毁了一个残废男人的梦想
You just ruined a crippled man dream.
玛蒂亚和乔到这儿了吗
Is Madea and Joe here yet?
你邀请他们了吗
You invited them?
废话 当然了
Hell, yes, I did.
这应该是家族内部的活动
This is supposed to be for family.
他们和我是一个家族的 你是嫁过来的
They are family. You married into this.
你才不属于这个家族
You are not family.
-你只是姻亲 -他们应该在这里的
- You are in-law. - Yeah, they should be here.
你知道爸对他们的感情吧
You know how Daddy feels about them.
那也是家人啊 有趣的家人
Hey, they're still family. And they're funny.
你说是就是吧
If you say so.
听着 这是一个特别的周年纪念日
Look, this is a special anniversary.
周年纪念日太疯狂了 永远不要结婚
Oh, anniversary is crazy. Don't ever get married.
那是浪费时间
That's a waste of time.
我要结婚了
Well, uh, I'm getting married.
恭喜你 他叫什么名字
Oh, congratulations. What's his name?
我不是同性恋 希思罗叔叔
I ain't gay, Uncle Heathrow.
那你的裤子为啥那么紧
Then why are your pants so tight?
够了 快出去吧
That's it. Get out. Out!
说的没错 孩子
That's it, son.
出去 出柜吧
Get out. Of the closet.
我有一个很漂亮的未婚妻 好吧
Look, I have a beautiful fiancee, all right?
这个周末你就会见到她
And you will get a chance to meet her this weekend.
我爱她 就像你爱我们的祖母一样
And I love her, just like you loved our grandmother.
她去世时我很高兴
I was so happy when she died.
她相处比起来 没了两条腿都不是事
Losing my legs was easier than dealing with her every day.
她闻起来那味 你们可以想想马桶
And she smelled like sanitation.
好了 别再说了
Okay, stop that.
你给谁打电♥话♥
Who are you calling?
最好不是毒贩
That better not be a drug dealer.
你好 我的快用完了
Hello. Yeah, I'm running low on my prescription.
别闹了
I mean it!
你在说什么
What are you saying?
在我弄你前 你♥他♥妈♥最好离我远点
You better get your ass away from me before I mess you up.
-该死 -谁打的
- Ah, God damn. - Who that?
是希思罗
Oh, Lord. It's Heathrow.
他是我们的兄弟 接电♥话♥
That's our brother. Answer the phone.
我不喜欢和希思罗打电♥话♥
I don't like talking to Heathrow on the phone.
他讲话用的那东西
That thing he talk with,
-会使得电♥话♥变成震动棒 -好吧
- it'll be vibrating my ears. - Okay. Mmm.
让我的耳朵都快高♥潮♥了
Make my ear about to have a orgasm.
把电♥话♥给我 让我接
Well, give me the phone, let me answer it.
不 不 不
No, no, no.
我们并不想看到或听到你高♥潮♥
We don't wanna see or hear you have a orgasm.
这不是事实 这他妈不是事实
Ain't that the truth. Ain't that the damn truth.
别在这儿
Not up in here.
还是不要听到她高♥潮♥了
Still don't hear her have no organism.
现在 我不知道 你可能不想
Now, I don't know about that, Bam, you might not...