黑疯婆子的葬礼

我或许想瞧瞧
I might wanna see that.
乔
Joe.
是希思罗 他又打过来了
That's Heathrow. Heathrow calling me again.
乔 快接电♥话♥
Joe, go on and get the phone.
我要开免提 因为我不想
I'mma put it on speaker 'cause I don't wanna...
你好
Hello?
你们出发了吗
Y'all on the way?
瞧 懂我说的了么
See how that feel?
确实很撩人啊
That do tickle.
-等下 -感觉都有点不好了吧
- Wait. - Don't even feel right, do it?
-有人在吗 -他能听见我说话
- Hello? - Oh, he can hear me.
这让我的乳♥头♥变硬了
That's making my nipples hard.
我们都在布莱恩家呢
Oh, yeah, we over at Brian's house,
等他到了开车送我们过去
waiting for him to get here so he can drive us over there.
你为什么不能自己开车
Why can't you drive yourself?
我现在感觉到震动了
I have some vibration going on.
你知道我他妈的没有驾照
You know I ain't got no damn driver license.
这的人都没有驾照
Ain't none of us got no driver license.
我们怎么开去你那
We can't drive that far here.
好吧 我在这里
Well, I'm here.
我知道 希思罗 你不能走太远
Well, I know, Heathrow. You can't go nowhere too far.
如果你的电池没电了
If your battery dead,
你哪儿也去不了
you can't go nowhere.
好吧 来的时候记得捎点 好东西
Okay, when you come, bring me some of that good-good.
希思罗 你都因为吸烟而得癌症了
Heathrow, you done had that cancer from all that smoking.
你喉咙里的洞就是这么来的
That's how you got that hole in your throat.
你不应该再吸烟了
You ain't supposed to be smoking nothing.
我们都会死于某件事
Well, we all gonna die from something.
这个蠢瓜疯了 他准备好进坟墓了
This fool crazy. He getting ready to die.
我现在正盯着几个女孩
I'm looking at a few girls
计划弄死几个男的 然后你懂的
planning to kill a few men, if you know what I mean.
你还在和乔叔叔打电♥话♥吗
You still on the phone with Uncle Joe?
我在和我的一个小骚货说话
I'm talking to one of my hoes.
行了 待会见
All right, fine, I'll see you when you get there.
把电♥话♥挂了
Get off that phone!
你知道吗 我有时真受不了他这头蠢驴
I can't stand his ass sometimes, you know.
-他总是那样 -打扰一下
- He just always that... - Excuse me.
你还在呢 好吧 等下
Oh, you here. All right, hang on...
我不是在说你
I wasn't talking about you.
我真没有在说你哈
I wasn't talking about you at all.
来了再找你算账
I'll see you when you get here.
-谢谢 -好的
- Thank you. - Okay.
你为什么没让我挂断那该死的电♥话♥
Why you didn't tell me to hang up the damn phone?
我以为你已经挂了
I thought you did.
他就坐那儿 坐那儿听着
He's sitting there, sitting there listening.
他的耳朵可没什么毛病
Ain't nothing wrong with his ears.
-他说什么了 -我开免提了
- What'd he say? - I had the phone on speaker.
你没听见吗
You didn't hear?
他说 快点过来 而且他想抽烟
He said, "Hurry up and get down here." And he want to smoke.
他们结婚多久了
How long they been married?
他们告诉我他们结婚40多年了
They tell me 40-something years they been married.
四十年
Forty years.
我无法想象每天醒来都看着同一个屁♥股♥
I can't imagine waking up, looking at the same ass every day.
你需要每隔几年就换一次屁♥股♥
You need to trade ass in every few years.
肯定不会有人愿意和你结婚超过40秒吧
Wouldn't nobody be married to you for 40-something seconds.
你知道你闻起来像什么吗
Do you know what you smell like?
婚姻是美好的 我喜欢
Marriage is a beautiful thing. I love it.
我喜欢 我喜欢
I love it, I love it.
她太他妈夸张了
Oh, she's so damn dramatic.
你们知道吗 我觉得我很想结婚
You know, I think I'd like to get married.
海蒂 你杀了你前面三任丈夫
Hattie, you killed your last three husbands.
你还想结婚做什么
What you wanna get married for again?
你知道那个混♥蛋♥竟厚颜无♥耻♥地
Do you know that bastard had the audacity
来和我聊他在外面的小骚货吗
to come talking to me about some hoes?
我们明白了
Uh. We get it, we get it.
-没错 -我们明白了
- Right. - We get it.
咋啦 我只是喂了他一点
What? I ain't do nothing but give him a little
无痛防冻剂罢了
painless anti-freeze.
没错 她只是喂了他一点防冻剂
Yep, well, she anti-froze him.
然后防冻剂就渗入了他所有的器官
Anti-froze all his organs.
我很高兴我单身
I'm so glad I'm single.
话说有段时间没见过老希思罗了
Ain't seen old Heathrow in all this here time.
都等不及想和他叙叙旧了
Can't wait to spend a little time with him.
你们知道吗 我听说他的老婆死了
You know, I heard his wife died.
她是死了 但他的那双腿也废了
Well, she died, but something else died on the vine, too.
那就是说 现在他胯下仅有那
Hold on, now. That man had the finest set of legs
令人神魂颠倒最细的腿喽
on this here side of heaven.
他实际上也并没有 海蒂
Well, he don't have 'em either, Hattie.
打断你一下 巴姆
You wait a minute, Bam.
想要有那最性感的胯下之物
Old age ain't never stopped nobody
年龄并不是问题
from having no sexiest legs.
那取决于医生
Oh, but a doctor will.
这不好笑
That ain't funny.
乔 这不好笑
Joe, that ain't funny,
说说医生都做了什么
talking about what the doctor did.
你说啥
You say what?
海蒂 你知道他
Hattie, well, you know he...
没什么 别操心了
Nothing. Nothing. Don't worry about it.
你继续讲 发挥你的想象
You go on, have your fantasy
-有关希思罗的 -大家好啊
- about Heathrow. - Yeah.
-布莱恩 -玛蒂亚
- Hey, Brian! - Hey, Madea!
-布莱恩 -你看上去太美了
- Hey, Brian. - Don't you look nice.
别他妈站在那儿说假话
Don't be sitting there, telling that damn lie.
你看她 坐在那儿就像一袋面粉
Look at her, sitting there looking like a bag of flour.
别听他的 你看起来棒极了
Don't listen to him. You look great.
这是我漂亮的复古连衣裙
This is my good vintage dress.
你都不知道
You don't even know.
我从艾瑞莎·弗兰克林那里借的
I borrowed this from Aretha Franklin.
海蒂女士 巴姆女士 你们也很漂亮
And Miss Hattie, Miss Bam, you two look nice, too.
谢谢你 布莱恩
Thank you, Brian.
伙计
Oh. Oh... Dude.
你为什么要站在那儿对这些老家伙撒谎
Why you sitting here lying to these old...
布莱恩 你好像总是对我说最好听的话
Brian, you always seem to say the nicest things to me.
我并不是在和你调情
I'm not flirting with you,
我只是说你看起来不错 就这样
I'm just saying you look nice. That's it.
这是我的皮草 我1976年买♥♥的
This is my fur. I bought it in 1976.
我只在特殊场合披上它
I wear it for special occasions.
我觉得这是一个特殊的场合
And I thought this would be a special occasion.
你这是人造的吧 是么
You mean faux, right? That's not a real fur?
四什么
Four what?
四美元
Four dollars.
-啥四美元啊 -那个
- Four dollars for what? - That.
他说的意思 四美元
That what he mean. Four dollars.
巴姆女士 你披的是真的皮草吗
Miss Bam, you wearing real fur?
皮皮虾的皮 草泥马的草 皮草
F-U-R. "Fur."
你听我说
No, listen to me.
你知道要死多少动物才能让你穿上它吗
You know how many animals had to die for you to wear that?
这他妈关我什么事
But, what the hell?
我又没有杀他们
I didn't kill 'em.
何必要关心这个呢
What do I care about that?
这真的太可怕了
That's really, really horrible.
我只要一但买♥♥得起皮草了
Soon as I can afford to buy me a fur,
你们就全都会说
y'all gonna say,
你不能买♥♥ 你不能穿
"You can't take that. You can't wear that."
让你们说的话都见鬼去吧
To hell with what y'all saying.
看起来你能买♥♥得起的皮草的部分
Well, look like the only part of the fur you could afford
只有围脖
is the collar.
你不应该穿皮草的 好吗
You shouldn't wear fur, okay?
你知道人们会怎么做吗
Do you know what people would do?
你要是走在街上 他们就会拿颜料
You'll be walking down the street, and they'll take paint