上班族妈妈

Workin' Moms S03E01

Part 1 March 15, 2020, 6:30 p.m.

4-1-1 表示宝宝要出生了
Four-one-one, baby's gonna come.
跟我复述
Ready?
4-1-1 表示宝宝要出生了
Four-one-one, baby's gonna come.
就这么简单
It's simple.
如果你每隔四分钟宫缩一次
If your contractions are four minutes apart,
每次疼痛都持续整整一分钟
and the pain lasts for one full minute,
整个过程持续一小时
for the duration of one full hour,
那么祝贺你你就要分娩了
then, congratulations! You are ready to deliver.
照4-1-1的话
Yeah, four-one-one,
你就得在产房♥待上一辈子
if you want to spend eternity in the delivery room.
相信我等到你觉得很疼的时候
Take it from me, wait 'til you're like in a lot of pain,
我指的是痛不欲生的那种
I'm talking a lot of pain, mhmm.
然后再过大概3小时
then like, give it another three hours.
没错应该是 3-3-3
Yeah, like, three-three-three.
或者是 2-5-5
Or like, a two-five-five.
1-1-1 生下孩子生就完事了
One-one-one, have your baby and you're done.
是的就是这样
Yeah, there you go.
这两位示范者
What my uh, demonstrators,
也是我非常要好的闺蜜的意思是...
slash closest, closest girlfriends are saying--
鼻子真的会变肿大吗
Is it true your nose swells?
有三分之一的可能会的
One out of three women, yeah.
行了你们可没有专业执照
Okay, you don't have a license.
我的乳♥头♥能恢复正常吗
Will my nipples go back to normal?
不可能了它们会变长
That's a hard no. They're gonna get longer,
变粗糙但却更加敏感
and coarser, yet more sensitive.
大家不用写下来
Please don't write that down.
好吧有个有趣的事实
Okay, uh, here's a fun fact.
三分之二的女人在分娩活跃期会通便
Two out of three women pass bowels during active labour.
你要担心的可不是这次通便
Yeah. That's not the poop you gotta worry about.
-天呐 -不是吗
- Oh boy. - It's not?
当然不是你生产后几天的排便
No! You're gonna take a poop a couple days
才会让你非常奔溃
after you give birth that is gonna break you.
非常大像拉了块煤渣砖
Just huge, like passing a cinderblock.
如果不是我把它勾出来它还在里面呢
If I hadn't hooked mine out, it'd still be up there.
你说什么 "勾出来"
I'm sorry, "Hooked"?
是的我就像金丝雀挖木瓜瓤那样
Oh yeah, I had to claw it out like a canary
把它挠出来
trying to get to the heart of a papaya.
不会吧...
Oh no...
别担心你们会平安无事的
Oh don't worry, you'll get through it in one piece.
至于你们的婚姻就没那么走运了
Your marriage on the other hand, not so much.
这里面有人会偷腥
One of these guys is gonna cheat.
就看是谁了
It's just math.
我赌这个人
My money's on this guy.
我看透你了
I see you.
职场老妈
第三季第一集
你真把她们吓坏了
Wow, you really scared 'em in there.
必须得跟她们说那些女人需要知道
Well, it had to be said! Those women need to know
她们丈夫完全有可能
that it's entirely possible that their husband
一整年都在和保姆上♥床♥
could've been fucking the nanny for a fucking year!
带着她去品酒
Taking her wine tasting.
互相称呼对方为"北极星" 我♥操♥
Calling each other their "North star"! Fuck!
-好了伙计放轻松 -他妈的
- Okay. All right, man, take it easy! - Fuck!
-抱歉 -天呐
- Sorry, I'm sorry. - Jeez.
听听我的建议吧
Just take my advice.
我是不会谋杀他的安妮
I'm not going to murder him, Anne.
好吧小心为上
Fine. Play it safe.
但要知道
But know this,
你只需要低调地进到五金店
all it'd take is a low-key stop at the hardware store.
-又来了 -买♥♥个工业用桶
- Here we go. - Purchase an industrial size vat.
-什么 -装满生石灰
- What?! - Fill it with quicklime.
什么安妮别再搜索怎么杀人了
What? Anne, stop Googling how to murder someone.
好吧
All right.
我爱你
I love you.
开了
There we go.
欢迎
Welcome.
你知道你不用搬出我家的对吗
You know you don't have to move out of my home, right?
是时候了
It's time.
虽然我很喜欢和爱丽丝共用洗手间
As much as I love sharing a bathroom with Alice,
但我有孩子要养
I gotta be able to host my kids
而且大便的时候不用听她
and take a dump without her screaming, "Courtesy flush"
隔着门大喊 "冲水"
at me through the door.
有道理
That's fair enough.
-我们会想你的 -我也是
- Well, we're gonna miss you. - I'll miss you, too.
这里真不错
Hey, this is pretty nice!
对吧我想把它装成宿舍房♥间那样
Right? I think I'm gonna do this dorm room style,
放些蜡烛还有照片
You know, like, a couple candles, a couple pics,
可能再在门上挂只袜子
maybe a sock on the door
告诉人们老娘行着呢
to let the people know I still got it, you know?
你都这样了还想着那事呢
Oh, you still gettin' after it in your condition?
没那么想了
Well, not so much,
但我的荷尔蒙总是让我疯狂玩弄自己的小豆豆
but my hormones have me flickin' my bean like a goddamn demon!
抱歉打扰了
Sorry to intrude.
给你送货上门了
I have a delivery here.
查理我好想你的小脸
Aw, Charlie! I missed your little face!
让我来帮忙吧
Oh here, let me help you.
-我来吧没事的 -她没事只是抽筋了
- Oh I got it. It's okay. - She's good. It's just a cramp, okay?
我带了冰袋给你敷背还有...
I brought ice packs for your back, and...
我不确定你是不是还想吃覆盆子挞
I'm not sure if you're craving raspberry tarts again,
-但是... -很好谢谢你再见
- but they're... - Great, thank you. Bye bye.
好吧就给我一分钟
Okay, hey! Just one minute, please!
查理小家伙
Charlie! Buddy!
来看看你的房♥间
Let's go see your room!
晚安
Goodnight.
这地方开始看着像那么回事了
This place is really starting to look like a business!
没客户你怎么做生意
Can you run a business with no clients?
凯特·福斯特公♥关♥公♥司♥
我们有一个客户啊
We've got one client.
你一定找到了适合助理职位的候选人吧
Now tell me that you've got a good candidate for the assistant position.
他很年轻而且完全没有经验
Well, he's very young, and has zero experience.
但他有封很好的推荐信
But he's got a hell of a reference.
-谁推荐的 -理查德
- From who? - Richard.
不错
Okay!
理查德刚好是他爸爸
Who also happens to be his father.
好吧明白了还有什么事吗
Okay, got it. Anything else?
有啊账单都要堆积成山了
Yeah, there's a bunch of bills that are piling up.
知道了首先我们得雇个助理对吧
Yeah, yeah, yeah, first we get an assistant, okay?
然后再去找更多的客户
then we'll get some more clients,
接着就能支付那些帐单了
and then those bills get paid.
现在就希望那家伙脑子里有点料了
Now let's just hope this guy's got something goin' on upstairs.
在《速度与激♥情♥》系列所有电影中
But out of all the "Fast and Furious" Movies,
我觉得只有《速度与激♥情♥·宿命》
I just feel like "Fate of the Furious"
最好地诠释了家庭的理念
best captures, like, the family.
我也想那样
And that's what I wanna be a part of.
加入一个家庭就像你的公♥司♥
A family, like your company.
好吧...
Right...
你们好呀
Hello?
进行得怎么样了
How's it going in here?
你还真是有个好儿子理查德
You've got a real son here, Richard.
好吧听我说
Right. Okay, look.
他很年轻急于表现让他试试吧
He's young, eager to please, give him a shot.
你不会后悔的
You won't regret it.
如果你后悔的话就开除他
And if you do, fire his ass.
爸他开玩笑的
Dad! He's just kidding.
不我没有
No, I am not.
什么
What?
我不懂那是什么意思
I don't know what that means!
我没法再这样帮你安排日程了
I cannot babysit your calendar like this.
你下一个约会要迟到了
You're late for your next appointment.
这是要去幼儿园接你儿子的暗号♥
Which is code for picking up your son at daycare!
你好理查德
Hey, Richard.
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