善地

The Good Place S02E13

Part 2 Dec. 11, 2019, 4:15 p.m.

而不是基于寻找"道德应得"
Not because you're seeking moral desert.
道义上所应该获得的财产名誉利益奖惩刑罚
而我始终认为他们还是会成为好人
And I still believe that they would've become good people
如果给他们...
if they'd just gotten a...
一点推动力
A push...
往正确的方向上推一把
in the right direction.
不
No.
不不绝对不行
Nope, nope. Absolutely not.
-这是有点不走寻常路 -是一点吗
- It's a little crazy-- - A little bit crazy?
简直丧心病狂啊
It's Looney Tunes.
-他们说什么呢 -不知道
- What are they talking about? - No idea.
这会开一个危险的先例
It sets a very dangerous precedent.
就只有四个人
It's only four people.
而也只有这样才能看清
And it's clearly the best way to see
如果坏人不知道自己死后会有什么结果
if bad people can become good without knowing anything about
还能不能转变成为一个好人
what's waiting for them in the afterlife.
前排座不管他们说什么
Shotgun. Whatever they're talking about,
要是有前排座我要坐副驾驶
if there's a shotgun, I call shotgun.
肯定没戏
It's never gonna work, man.
如果失败了他们就直接回"恶地"
If it doesn't, then they go right back to the Bad Place.
谁都不会受害
No one gets hurt.
除了他们永世被折磨
Except them, forever.
还有我永世受折磨
And me, I assume, also. Forever.
-好吧那就这么办了 -太棒了
- Okay, let's do it. - Yes!
我不知怎么就是觉得有点小兴奋
I don't know why. I'm just feeling kinda funky.
但必须要有严格的规矩
But there have to be strict rules.
否则结果就会不公正
Otherwise, the results will be tainted,
我保留随时改变主意的权利
and I reserve the right to change my mind at any point.
到底在说什么啊
About what?!
有没有哪位不是神仙跟我解释一下...
Would someone who's not an eternal being please explain to me what the f--
你这人怎么这样
Why are you like this?
你说什么我怎么这样
Excuse me? Why am I like this?
你不认识我你根本不了解我是什么样人
You don't know me, dude. You don't know what I'm like.
瞧你干的好事 "娘炮"
Look what you made me do, jagoff.
当心
Look out!
我勒个去
Holy crap.
我差点死掉
I just almost died.
天埃莉诺怎么这么磨蹭啊
God, Eleanor, take longer next time.
你看起来状态很糟
You look like crap.
我刚才在超♥市♥门外
I was outside the supermarket
跟一个环保废柴争吵...
arguing with that little environmental twerp...
-我可烦他了 -是吗
- I hate that guy. - Really?
那个小瘦子还挺让我春心萌动呢
That skinny little hippy body kinda turns me on.
-好没品位 -听着
- Gross. - Guys, listen.
我掉了一瓶玛格丽特酒当我去捡起来时
I dropped the margarita mix, and when I went to pick it up,
一排购物车迎面而来
a bunch of shopping carts came right at me,
我当时僵住了
and I was just frozen.
然后有人将我推开了
And then someone pushed me out of the way,
结果那些购物车被一辆卡车撞了稀巴烂
and the carts got, like, demolished by a truck.
我当时差点就死了
I mean, I could've died.
天呐
My God.
太吓人了
That's crazy.
那瓶玛格丽特酒还在吗
So is the margarita mix, like, gone?
人家最近也差点死掉呢
I had a near death experience recently.
你们知道上个月着火的那间仓库吗
You know that old warehouse that burned down last month
烧死了四个人
and, like, four people died?
那间仓库就在我以前看牙医的地方旁边
That building is, like, right by my old dentist.
如果我还去那里看牙医
If I still went to that dentist
还刚好在那天去看牙
and I had an appointment that day,
那我当时就会...
I would've been like...
在火场附近了
right near there.
我之前在纽约州锡拉丘兹
I was in Syracuse, New York,
就在911事件发生的两周前
like two weeks before 9/11.
-不是吧 -是啊 14天呢
- No way! - Yeah, 14 days.
我们竟然都差点死掉过
I can't believe we all almost died.
我叫埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普
My name is Eleanor Shellstrop,
我觉得自己是个坏人
and I think I might be a monster.
我缺乏教养很自私
I'm rude, I'm selfish,
游泳名将
2016年里约奥♥运♥期间
虚报被冒充警♥察♥的劫匪用枪指头抢劫
让里约地方和巴西当局蒙羞
我在网上对瑞安·罗切特言论攻击直到他退出社交网络
I cyberbullied Ryan Lochte until he quit Instagram,
但今天我身上发生了一件事
but something happened to me today,
从今以后
and from now on,
我要努力做个更好更善良
I'm gonna try to become a better, kinder,
更慷慨无私的人
more generous person.
我能用下你的信♥用♥卡♥吗
Hey, can I use your credit card?
行你用吧
You know what? Yes, you can.
棒是为了看小黄♥片♥ 我已经用了
Cool. It's for porn. I already used it.
你账号♥被盗了吗
你看起来很开心
You look happy.
你昨晚跟人打炮了吗
You get laid last night?
我就没有倒是努力去勾搭了
I didn't. Tried. Hard.
就是我跟踪到瑜伽室的一个妞儿
This chick that I met after I followed her into a yoga class,
不过她没兴趣
but she wasn't into it.
用防狼剂喷了我正中眼睛
Maced me. Right in the eyes.
疼得我嗷嗷叫
Stung like hell.
我想说什么来着
What was I saying?
对跟你打招呼
Yeah. Hey!
听着公♥司♥这里做的事
Listen, dude. What you're doing here--
卖♥♥假药骗人
selling fake medicine to people, tricking them--
这么做不对
is wrong.
是然后呢
Yeah. And?
我不能再参与了
I can't be a part of it anymore.
我想成为一个更好的人
I'm trying to become a better person,
而我继续在这里工作...
and as long as I work here--
行行知道了你不干了谁在乎
Yeah, sure, fine, whatever, you quit, who cares?
把公♥司♥卡还给我
Give me your company ID.
谢谢还有停车证
Thank you. And your parking pass.
-以及你的内♥裤♥ -老兄
- And your panties, please. - Dude.
怎么了把妹就得靠脸皮厚
What? Come on. I had to try.
另外理论上说这不算是性骚扰
By the way, technically, that is not sexual harassment,
因为她不再是这里的员工了
because she doesn't work here anymore.
你戴窃听器了吗
You're wearing a wire?
对啊公♥司♥被调查诈欺
Yeah. Company's being investigated for fraud,
所以我在帮联调局把大家都送进监狱
so I'm helping the feds bring everyone down.
你离开的正是时候
Good timing on your part.
老兄你去治治吧
Dude, get help.
我努力立地成佛
I'm becoming a better person.
你也该回头是岸
You should, too.
埃莉诺你想来劳伦的产前派对吗
Hey, Eleanor, do you want to come to Lauren's baby shower?
你想尝一下我个屁...
Do you want to chew on my ass...
譬如各种各样我会带过去的布朗尼吗
sortment of brownies that I will be bringing to Lauren's baby shower?
当然
S-sure.
你好有时间聊一下坏境问题吗
Hi there, do you have a second to talk about the environment?
记得我吗
Remember me?
别打我我骨头一碰就断
Don't hurt me. My bones are brittle.
我有钙缺乏症
I have a calcium deficiency.
不我不会打你
No, I'm not gonna hurt you, man.
我来道歉
I came to apologize.
好了我做到了我道歉了
There. I did it. I apologized.
-你没有 -我有傻叉
- No, you didn't. - Yes, I did, assface.
对你说得对我没有
Nope. You're right. I didn't.
我很抱歉损你虐你千百遍
I apologize for being mean to you like a thousand times.
没有任何借口都是我的错
There's really no excuse.
谢谢
Thanks.
我接受你的道歉
Apology accepted.
怎么了你这样我怕怕
What's happening? I'm scared.
我正在努力提升自己
Hey, I'm on kinda like a self-improvement kick.
你能帮帮我吗
Do you think you could help me out,
教我怎么热爱环境之类的
teach me to get all horny for the environment or whatever?
大家认识一下这是埃莉诺
Hey, everyone. This is Eleanor.