善地

The Good Place S02E12

Part 2 Dec. 11, 2019, 4:15 p.m.

Ya basic.
这是人类骂人的话
It's a human insult.
语言暴击
It's devastating.
我刚用言语暴击你了
You're devastated right now.
重点是
The point is,
那四个人类此刻正站在法官面前
the four of them are in front of the Judge,
良善版珍妮特也逃跑了
and the Good Janet has escaped too.
你绝不会找到她
You'll never find her.
你指这个良善版珍妮特吗
You mean this Good Janet?
我很快就找到她了
I found her in, like, two seconds.
她当时在走廊里一副待人和善的样子
She was wandering the halls being polite to people,
傻不拉几
like a chump.
所以我就把她缩成弹珠了
So, I marble-ized her.
你想要就留着吧
Keep her if you want.
塞进小鸡鸡里留作纪念
Maybe shove it up your wiener for safekeeping?
你自♥由♥发挥吧
I don't know, it's up to you.
我要测试一下你们每个人都进步了多少
I'm going to give each of you a test to see how much progress you've made.
如果我认为你们有资格去"善地"
And if I deem you fit to be in the Good Place,
那你们就会升上去了
then... up you go.
其实是那一边
Well, actually, sort of that way.
太好了我们能抱团测试吗
Great, can we be tested together as a group?
是啊我们得一起抄奇迪的
Yeah, we all need to be able to cheat off Chidi.
怪不得你叫"奇迪"啊[谐音作弊]That's why your name is Chidi.
我领会了
I get it now.
抱歉萌娃们必须单独测试
I'm sorry, cuties, the tests have to be individual.
那我们能按团体评分吗
Well, can we be graded as a group then?
我们能走到今天
The only reason we've come this far
都是彼此扶持的结果
is because we've helped each other.
如果我们不在一起到达"善地"也不会开心
And I don't think anything's gonna feel like the Good Place if we're not together.
这么说都通过就都去"善地"
So, if you all pass, you're in.
如果有一个人没通过就都不及格了吗
And if even one of you fails, you're all effed, right?
这主意糟透了
Terrible idea.
太没脑回路了
I mean, truly awful.
你们该庆幸我没法把你们送到"馊主意地"
You are very lucky that I cannot send you to the Bad Idea place,
因为这个主意太脑残了
because that one is a stanker.
但你们喜欢就好对吧
But whatever blows your dress up, am I right?
-杰森 -到
- Jason. - Present!
很好
Good.
你面前的游戏机里装了"劲爆橄榄球"游戏
In front of you is a video game system loaded with Madden football.
真的假的啊这游戏我最厉害了
Are you kidding me? I'm the best at Madden.
我选美洲虎队
I call Jaguars.
我正要和你说
As I was about to tell you,
你只能把美洲虎队当对手
you can only play against the Jaguars.
不
No.
你得选他们的死敌田纳西泰坦队
Using their archrivals, the Tennessee Titans.
不要
No!
如果你玩这个游戏输了...
If you play the game and you lose--
我一定会赢
I'm gonna win.
无需多言吓人的法官大姐
Say no more, scary judge lady.
转告我的小伙伴我一定不负众望
Tell my friends their souls are in good hands.
天我开球失手了
No, I fumbled the kickoff!
泰坦队最烂了
Titans suck.
塔哈妮
Tahani--
这个名字真好听
it's such a pretty name.
我的名字可平淡了
My name is super boring--
氢
Jen.
氢原子的缩写
It's just short for hydrogen,
我出生那会儿就只有这玩意存在
which was the only thing that was in existence at the time that I was born.
总之
Anywho.
你只要走过这里
All you have to do is go through there,
走到走廊尽头
walk down the hallway,
穿过最后的红门就行了
and through the red door at the end.
-这么简单这就是我的测试吗 -对
- That's it? That's my test? - Yep.
还有你经过的每一间屋子
Also everyone in every room that you pass
都会有人在里面讨论他们对你的真实看法
is going to be discussing what they truly think about you.
好了开始吧
Okay, have fun.
童年小伙伴
西蒙昆汀丽贝卡凯瑟琳
我懂了
I see.
这是测试我能否做到不在乎别人的看法
It's a test of my ability to not care what people think of me.
布露·艾薇·卡特[碧姐之女][侃爷之子]
美容中心员工
蜜蜡脱毛美容师
天呐
No.
说清楚了
So, just to be clear,
你其实导演了八百多场戏
you actually rebooted them over 800 times,
而他们的这些折磨报告全是假的吗
and all of these reports of their torture are completely fake?
对但老实说要怪就怪你
Yes, but frankly, this is on you.
里面很多情节我都是照搬史蒂芬·金的小说
A lot of those details I just took directly from Stephen King novels
以及美剧《美少女的谎言》
and episodes of "Pretty Little Liars."
告诉我原因你为什么这么做
Just tell me why, why would you do this?
这也不是我的初衷
It's not like I planned it.
我之前只是想证明人类之间可以互相折磨
I was just trying to prove that humans could be made to torture each other.
然而他们互相帮助变得更好了
Instead, they helped each other and got better.
他们之前不是好人
They were bad people.
剧情走向不该是这样
This is not supposed to be possible,
唯一的解释就是
so the only explanation is that somehow,
可能哪里出错了这些人属于"善地"
there was a mistake made and these people belong in the Good Place.
他们不属于蠢货
No, they don't, idiot.
肖恩这不公平
Shawn, this is not fair.
人类造出最蠢的词汇就是"公平"
Fair is the stupidest word humans ever invented,
当然除了"家中度假"
except for staycation.
这四个人类是好人
Look, those four humans are good people
他们理应在"善地"有一席之地
and they deserve a staycation in the Good Place,
我敢说法官也会这么想
and I bet the Judge will feel the same way.
她够呛会审理此案
I doubt she even hears their case.
但就算审理了他们中肯定有人会搞砸
But if she does, one of them will screw it up.
他们总这样
They always do.
我受不了这个倒霉货了
I'm sick of smelling this guy's lumpy white ass.
能处理掉他了吗
Can we get rid of him already?
可以到时候了
Yep. It's time.
跟我来
Follow me.
好
Okay.
埃莉诺奇迪
Eleanor and Chidi.
该你们俩了
Looks like you guys are up.
一起吗
At the same time?
对
Yep.
让人摸不着头脑吧
Trippy, right?
没有测试啦
There is no test.
你们通过了
You guys are in!
我们通过了什么意思
We're in? What does that mean?
你们进步很大
You guys have made great strides
你们可以去"善地"了
and you made it to the Good Place.
恭喜
Congrats.
拿着圆盘直接进入那扇传送门
Take these medallions and go right through that portal,
一下子就到善地了
and you're there in a jiff.
-我们成功了 -我们成功了
- We made it. - We made it.
-我们成功了 -太特么赞了
- We made it. - Holy crap!
那些道德伦理课没白上啊
All those ethics lessons paid off.
谁说哲学没鬼用啊
Whoever said philosophy was stupid?
你啊你说了好多次
You did, many times.
今早还说了
As recently as this morning.
不过你还是用功♥学♥了
But-but you also worked really hard
你理应通过
and you deserve this.
真的是啊
You really do.
但有个问题只有你们俩通过了
Here's the thing, though. It's just the two of you.
塔哈妮和杰森没能通过
Tahani and Jason didn't make it.
我正在测试他们
I'm giving them tests right now to determine
看他们该被分到"恶地"哪里
where they belong within the Bad Place,
所以你们还是重新考虑一下团体考评的事吧
so you might wanna reconsider that judges-together thing
因为如果你们还抱团就会团灭了
'cause if you stick to that, you're all going down.
我好饿
I am so hungry.
我怎么这么饿
Why am I so hungry?
我这个傻子