善地

The Good Place S02E07

Part 4 Dec. 11, 2019, 4:14 p.m.

I don't know what just happened,
但你开心我就开心
but I'm happy you're happy.
迈克尔
Michael.
抱歉
Sorry, yeah.
抱歉
Yes. Sorry.
我做不到
I can't do it.
别啊大哥
Come on, dude.
问题是这样很危险
It's dangerous, is what it is.
薇琪可能会发现然后...
Vicky could find out, and then the...
这个计划整个计划...
you know, the plan, the whole plan...
这不利于我们的计划珍妮特
It's bad for the plan, Janet.
这就是原因
That... that's the reason.
我不明白
I don't understand.
鉴于目前的处境
Given the situation,
启动自毁程序更安全
it's far safer to initiate the self-destruct.
好好是这样
Okay, look, see, here...
原因是这样
here's the reason.
我答应了那四个人类
See, I promised the four humans
我们会一起逃往善地
that we would escape to the Good Place once and for all.
没有你我们绝对去不成
And without you, we stand zero chance of ever making it there.
新珍妮特会帮助你们到善地
The new Janet will be able to help you with that.
好吧但不只是这样
Well, all right, but it's not only that, though.
还因为...
See, it's also because of...
如果薇琪发现了呢
What if Vicky found out?
你已经问过了
You already asked me that.
不就是把我永远缩成弹珠吗怎么这么婆妈
Why are you making such a big deal about turning me into a marble forever?
因为有原因啊
Because of reasons.
有原因
There are reasons.
存在原因我就是现在不想解释
They exist, and I just don't want to explain them right now.
什么原因
What are the reasons?
有原因珍妮特
They're reasons, Janet!
好吧什么原因呢
Okay, but what are they?
原因就是朋友
The reason is friends.
你是我的朋友珍妮特所以我不能杀了你
You're my friend, Janet. That's why I can't kill you.
我们一起经历了这么多
We have been through so much together.
没错对你来说
I mean, yeah, sure, for you, you know,
每次重启你都重新认识我
each time I rebooted you, you met me all over again.
但对我来说...
But for me, our...
我们的友谊变得很重要
our relationship has become important.
你是我认识最久我最信任
You're my oldest, my truest,
最忠心的朋友
my most loyal friend.
我不能就这么甩掉你
I can't just get rid of you
再找个我不认识的珍妮特取代你
and replace you with some other Janet I don't even know.
哎呦喂
Well, well, well.
别戏精上身
Yeah, don't... don't do that.
消停一下
Lay off.
迈克尔
Michael.
你真好
That was so nice of you.
我很高兴你说了这番话
I'm glad you said that.
我是真心的
Well... I mean it.
瞧瞧咱俩两个老伙伴
Look at us. A couple old pals.
想要在这个我建造的疯狂世界里生存下去
Trying to make our way in this crazy world that I built.
本是同根生
Two peas in a pod.
一个却要立即杀死另一个
One of whom needs to kill the other one immediately.
迈克尔来吧杀掉我
Michael, come on. Kill me.
不不肯定有其它办法
No. No. There has to be another way.
你面对的问题是情感对吧
This problem you're facing, it's about emotion, right?
这是人类问题
That's a human problem.
所以我们该咨♥询♥一下问题最多的人类小伙伴
So maybe we should consult our most problematic human.
让我理顺了
So, let me get this straight.
你想让我说服迈克尔把你缩成弹珠
You want me to convince Michael to turn you into a marble
因为你导致了地震
because you're causing earthquakes
原因是你很难过杰森...
because you're sad about Jason...
你之前嫁给的那个男人
to whom you were once married...
现在跟塔哈妮交往了
because he's currently sleeping with Tahani?
正确
Correct.
这辈子没听过信息量这么大的话
I don't think I've ever meant this literally,
简直是信息量暴击啊
but that might be too much information.
首先我懂你为什么喜欢杰森
First of all, I totally get the Jason thing.
虽然他没脑子但确实很帅
I mean, he's a ding dong, but also a straight hottie.
懂你击掌
So, up top.
但更重要的是
But more important,
你现在经历的事
what you're going through
所有人类都经历过
is something every person has gone through.
我不是人类
Not a person.
其实你现在算是吧
Actually, right now, you kind of are.
因为你刚发现前任跟别人交往了
Because you just found out your ex is dating someone else.
确实很闹心
And, yeah, it sucks.
但信我不值得你上演苦情戏
But trust me, it's not worth all this drama.
你只需要买♥♥醉狂欢就行了
You just need to get drunk and go dancing.
你很快就会忘记杰森了
You'll forget all about Jason.
-你能喝醉吗 -不能
- Can you get drunk? - Not really.
但如果我靠近一组超强力磁铁阵
Although, if I stand next to a powerful array of magnets,
我确实会晕
I do get pretty loopy.
就那样做
Do that.
"享受"几次磁铁
Pop a couple magnets,
听听"不要怀疑"乐队的歌♥曲
listen to some No Doubt,
主唱为格温·史蒂芬妮曾担任《美国之声》评委熊脸Blake女友
把头发染了
dye your hair.
瞬间你就治愈了
You'll be totally fine in, like, two seconds.
老实说
I mean, honestly,
最好的办法就是再找个男人来寻欢
the best move is to get another dude and just go to town.
找备胎疗伤
Rebound guy.
但你在这里没什么选择
But I guess here, your options are pretty limited.
-迈克尔怎样 -最烂主意没有之一
- What about Michael? - Extraordinarily bad idea.
好吧当我没说
Yeah, right. Forget it.
但你不用愁
But you don't need to worry.
你这么优秀
You're awesome.
你是行走的宇宙百科全书
You contain all the knowledge in the universe,
你身材这么棒
you have a rippin' bod,
你还是什么都能变出来的哆啦A梦
and you can literally do anything.
这点事很快就会随风而去
This is just a blip.
有用吗
So, was it helpful?
有用埃莉诺说我不该伤心难过
Yes. Eleanor told me that instead of being sad,
我该"妹子放手争取"
I should go get it, girl.
所以我决定"妹子放手争取"了
So I'm going to go get it, girl.
-争取什么 -不知道
- Get what? - Unclear.
保险起见就争取一切吧
I'll get everything, just to be safe.
我还能避免出故障
And I should be able to avoid glitches
只要我跟杰森和塔哈妮说话时注意一下就行了
by watching what I say around Jason and Tahani.
谢谢你的帮助
Thank you for your help.
我很高兴我们是朋友
I'm so glad we're friends.
我也是
Me, too.
既然我们是朋友我可以实话和你说了
And since we're friends, I can tell you this honestly.
别再穿这身衣服了
Take that outfit out of rotation.
显得你下身短胖
It makes you look bottom heavy.
是吧
It does, doesn't it?
如果你没事了
If it's okay with you,
我就回虚空待一阵子了
I'm gonna go to my void for a little while.
我就是想独处一下
I just need to spend some time alone
把心思放在自己身上
and focus on myself.
你想待多久都随你
Take all the time you need.
-你好 -你好
- Hi, there. - Hello.
珍妮特这个男人是谁
Janet, who's that man?
这是我新找的疗伤备胎男友德里克
This is my new rebound boyfriend, Derek.
我创造出来的
I made him!
你好我是德里克
Hi, I'm Derek.
你就是迈...
You must be Mich...
想想也是啊
Okay. That makes more sense.
你肯定就是迈克尔了
You must be Michael.
珍妮特没少在我耳洞里说起你呢
Janet's made a lot of talk-talk into my ear holes about you.