善地

The Good Place S02E09

Part 1 Dec. 11, 2019, 4:14 p.m.

我知道你不擅于表达自己的情感
I know you have trouble saying how you feel.
《善地》前情提要
我也爱你
I love you too.
我这辈子都没这么确信过
I've never been that certain about anything.
我甚至曾想过租袜子
I once even tried to rent socks.
你现在还对我有那种感觉吗
Do you have any feelings like that for me again now?
抱歉我好像没有
I'm sorry, but I-I don't think I do.
谢谢你今天帮我
Thank you for helping me today.
你真是过来找我聊天是吧
You really did just come here to chat, didn't ya?
这个举动很人类啊
It's just a very humany thing to do.
我真心觉得学习小组有进展了
I really feel like things are starting to click in our little study group.
你好迈克尔
Hello, Michael.
关门坐下
Shut the door. Have a seat.
你一开始提出这种新型折磨方案时
When you proposed this new form of torture,
我们都在背后嘲笑你
we all laughed behind your back.
有人在背后骂过你
Some people called you names,
比如叫你"无能版托马斯·爱迪生"
like "The Thomas Edison of incompetence,"
或"那个傻♥逼♥"
or "That dick."
但你排除万难
But against all odds,
还真把这事办成了
it seems you've pulled it off.
你在这里的成果太出色了
What you've done here is truly amazing.
是吗
Really?
是这些报告着实惊人
Yes, these reports are remarkable.
你手下那几个人类经受的情感折磨
Your humans are experiencing emotional torture
达到了我们"眼球螺旋开瓶器大♥师♥"
at the same level of physical torture,
发明的那一套肉体酷刑的同等水平
created by our squiggliest eyeball corkscrews.
我欣喜若狂
I'm jubilant.
而我们成功的结果就是
As a result of our success,
我赢得了最高议会的一席之地
I'm getting a seat on the High Council.
我们要大力推广这个"善地社区"计划
We will greatly expand our neighborhood idea,
由你来监管整个项目
and you will oversee the entire project.
你升职了
You are being promoted.
这是你的高管胸针恭喜
Your Senior Staff pin. Congratulations.
这是你一直以来梦寐以求的
This is everything you've ever wanted.
这确实是我一直梦寐以求的
No, this is everything I've ever wanted.
这是我一直梦寐以求的啊
This is everything I've ever wanted.
好激动哦你真的高兴吗
Wow! You're really happy?
你看不出来吗
Can't you tell?
我就像个寿星女一样狂喜啊
I'm basically squealing like a birthday girl.
善地
第二季第九集
我们该找个时候继续谈谈昨天的事
At some point, we should finish discussing yesterday's events.
你是指我们差点结婚了
Do you mean us almost getting married
然后发现我和珍妮特已经结婚了
and then finding out I was married to Janet
然后珍妮特"制♥造♥"了一个男友来疗情伤
and then Janet making a boyfriend to forget me
然后珍妮特又将那个男友打入"虚无"了
and then Janet getting rid of that boyfriend?
还是指我们看到的那朵漂亮云
Or do you mean when we saw that cool cloud?
第一点
The first bit.
要不等迈克尔跟我们说完
Perhaps later after Michael briefs us on
今天要怎么假装被折磨之后
how we're gonna be fake-tortured today,
我们俩就好好谈谈吧
we can just sit down and have a chat?
非常好
Yes, good idea.
-奇迪 -说
- Yo, Chidi. - Yeah?
你想听我说下我看到的那朵漂亮云吗
You wanna hear about a cool cloud I saw?
进来吧
Come in.
首先我想说
I'd like to start by saying something
这话我憋了很久了
I've wanted to say for a very long time.
惊不惊喜意不意外二货们
Surprise, idiots!
你们全都在"恶地"
You're all in the Bad Place.
没错傻子们
That's right, nerds.
你们周围的一切所见的一切
Everything around you, all you can see,
都是专门为了折磨你们而精心设计的
is an elaborate system of torture designed just for you.
慢着我们在"恶地"吗
Sorry, we're in the Bad Place?
你为什么现在告诉我们
Why are you revealing this now?
这只是个试验项目结果成功了
Well, it was an experiment, and it worked,
所以我上司要给我升职
so my boss is promoting me.
抱歉我该介绍一下
Sorry, I should've introduced you.
这是我上司肖恩
This is my boss, Shawn.
蠢货们大家好
Hello, imbeciles.
我们得研究这里发生的一切
We need to study everything that happened here.
第一场戏失败了
There was a first version that collapsed,
但第二场戏取得了巨大成功
but the second has been a huge success.
我们要把这里关掉了
We'll be shutting this place down.
你们四个会被带往真正的"恶地"
The four of you will be brought to the real Bad Pace,
我们会在那里取出你们的大脑进行研究
where your brains will be removed, studied,
像沙滩排球那样拍着玩儿
and batted around a stadium like beach balls.
你们的胳膊会像香蕉那样被剥皮
Your arms will be peeled like bananas.
-这部分仅为了娱乐 -没错
- That part's just for fun... - Right.
然后从此你们就永世受折磨了
And then you will be, you know, tortured forever.
迈克尔这都是真的吗
Michael, is this all true?
是的埃莉诺
Yes, Eleanor, it is.
你真是没文化啊
You're such a rube.
竟还幻想你能成为更好的人
Thinking you could become a better person.
你让奇迪要你什么破哲学
You got Chidi to teach you stupid philosophy...
好像那些陈词滥调能指引走向光明似的
Like those old farts were gonna provide guidance.
还"基克格德"特别棒
Kierkegaard is so great.
丹麦哲学家神学家现代存在主义学派的始祖
还读过什么《恐惧与战兢》吗
Have you read 'Fear and Trembling'?
真可笑你读过《无聊与愚昧》吗
Well, I don't know, have you read "Boring and Stupid"?
因为这就是你们的写照
Because that's what you are.
-损得妙 -谢谢
- Nice. - Thank you.
你需要多久才能关掉这里
How long will it take you to shut down the neighborhood?
要大半天时间吧
Better part of a day, I'd guess.
与此同时不如今晚在这里办一个送别宴吧
In the meantime, why don't we have a farewell party here tonight?
就是慰劳一下幕后工作人员
You know, just to thank the crew for all the hard work.
可以听着混音曲毁掉这里
We could jam to some tunes, you know, destroy the place,
用杰森的蛋蛋打啤酒乒乓
play beer pong with Jason's testicles.
-意下如何老大 -好
- What do you say, boss? - Sure.
另外我知道你们打什么算盘
By the way, I know what you're thinking.
"也许可以找珍妮特帮忙"
"Maybe Janet can help."
这事没戏了
You're wrong.
珍妮特
Janet?
各位亲们好呀
Hi, you little cuties.
我特别喜欢你们
I love you guys so much,
除了你杰森因为我恨你
except for you, Jason, because I hate you.
我恨你
I hate you.
珍妮特你怎么了
Janet, what's wrong?
我手♥机♥呢
Where's my phone?
我们给她带了一个手铐
We put a restraining bracelet on her,
干扰她的超能力
disrupting her powers.
这是吸铁制成的
It's made of mag-a-nets.
磁贴
Mag-a-nets.
吸磁贴
Mag-a-ne-its.
磁铁本会让我进入醉酒状态
Magnets are supposed to make me feel drunk,
但我没醉啊
but guess what, I feel fine.
迈克尔竟然又背叛我们了
I can't believe Michael betrayed us again.
为什么总是你最信任的人伤你最深
Why is it always the ones you most expect?
我们早该料到了
We should've seen this coming.
什么洗心革面开启新篇章都是屁话
No one can ever truly turn over a new leaf.
就像本·阿弗莱克跟我说他执导完《逃离慕尼黑》之后
Sure, Ben Affleck told me he'd matured as an artist
就进阶为艺术家了
after he directed "Argo,"
但结果马上又说
but then, right on schedule, it was,
"塔哈妮我要去演《蝙蝠侠》了"
"Guess what, Tahani, I'm gonna be Batman."
现在就只有一个办法了
There's only one option.
肖恩显然不知道
Sean clearly doesn't know that
迈克尔已经导演了八百场戏
Michael has rebooted this neighborhood 800 times.
我们不如跟他坦白以此换取宽大处理
I say we trade that information for some kind of reduced sentence.
奇迪他们都是大魔头
Chidi, they're monsters.
谁知道他们会不会假意与你达成协议
Who's to say they won't agree to a deal,
然后等你把信息告诉他
hear what we have to say,
就马上食言将你关进可怕的"人类动物园"
and turn around and install us into their horrible human zoo?
没有其它办法了
There's no other option.