善地

The Good Place S02E03

Part 4 Dec. 11, 2019, 4:13 p.m.

I think this is pointless.
我们困在尼采的扭曲版"永恒轮回"之中
We're trapped in a warped version of nietzsche's eternal recurrence.
棒哎甩更多哲学词 "真有用"
Cool, more philosophy. That'll help us.
你看不出问题所在吗
Well, don't you see the problem?
我们身在报应中循环
We are experiencing karma,
但我们无法吃一堑长一智
but we can't learn from our mistakes,
因为我们的记忆不断地抹去
because our memories keep getting erased.
这是一场"认知论"噩梦啊
It's an epistemological nightmare.
你的噩梦都这么没劲
Even your nightmares are boring.
你嘴巴太毒了埃莉诺
You... you are so mean, Eleanor.
你就像是那些小时候欺负我的人
You're just like those childhood bullies
说我永远得不到终身教职
who said I would never get tenure.
而你特别让人上火
And you are so irritating!
这么多次重启中
In one of these reboots,
说不定我哪一次掐死你了去了更糟糕的地方
I probably strangled you and then went to the Even Worse Place,
但你知道吗
but you know what?
我敢说很值
I bet it was worth it.
你真行
Nice.
抱歉我能跟你吐槽一下吗
Sorry, can I just vent to you for a second?
奇迪特别烦人
Chidi is so annoying.
就是... 我竟然跟他困在这里了
I just... I cannot believe that he is the one I'm stuck here with.
真惨
Crazy.
不好意思天呐
Sorry. Jeez, man,
我以为你能开启人性一下下
I thought you could be human for, like, two seconds
聆听我一下
and listen to me.
我听了埃莉诺
I have, Eleanor.
我都听你说奇迪说了15次了
I have listened to you talk about Chidi 15 times
15次不同的版本
in 15 different ways.
让我直说了吧
Let me just cut to the chase.
你们俩对彼此真是无法自拔
You two, you got it bad for each other.
才不是呢我和奇迪只是普通朋友
No, we don't. Chidi's just a friend.
我说什么呢他都算不上朋友
What am I saying? He's not even a friend.
他就是个我讨厌的奇葩老师
He's just a weird teacher that I hate.
大姐我现在不想看《炮弹飞车2》
Dude, I do not want to watch "Cannonball Run 2" right now.
好吧第一部讲什么别让我跟不上剧情
All right, what happened in the first one, so I'm all caught up?
我不知道我们会怎样
I don't know what's gonna happen to us,
但我得跟你说件事
but I need to tell you something.
我爱你
I love you.
你不用回应
And you don't need to respond
因为我知道你不擅于表达自己的情感...
'cause I know you have trouble saying how you feel...
我也爱你
I love you too.
很有意思但这显然不是真的
Very funny, but that...that's obviously not real.
是真的亲
That's real, baby.
是真的很黄哦
That's real nasty.
这是你们第六次来这里时发生的
Yeah, this was, like, the sixth time you guys were here.
我前三次看见你俩有暧昧
I saw you getting sexy the previous three times,
所以我打了个洞录下来了
so I cut a little hole in the wall so I could tape you.
管它叫"偷瞄洞"
Call it my lookin' hole.
那是个摄像头吗
Is that a camera?
明迪你真变♥态♥
Mindy, you pervert!
我和奇迪睡了几次啊
How many times have Chidi and I slept together?
八个不同的日子但二十次吧
8 different days, but, like, 20 different sessions.
我们对彼此讲这种话... 讲了几次
And how many times did we say... that stuff?
只有一次天我可讨厌了
Only once. God, I hated it.
真让我一下没了性致
It, like, really killed the vibe for me.
看完你被偷录的性♥爱♥视频
See, after I watch the porno I made starring you,
我再看你聊自己的真实情感冷静下来
I watch you talk about your feelings to cool down.
这就像反色情良药
It's, like, anti-porn.
我这辈子就对两个男人说过"我爱你"
I've only ever said "I love you" to two men my entire life,
冷石·史蒂夫·奥斯汀[摔角手]Stone Cold Steve Austin
还有一个在昏暗的夜店里
and a guy in a dark club
被我误认为是冷石·史蒂夫·奥斯汀的男人
who I mistook for Stone Cold Steve Austin.
你为什么要给我看这个啊
I mean, why would you show me that?
说不好
I don't know.
你们俩就像一起困在这里了
You guys are, like, trapped here together.
我可怜你们呗
I feel bad.
我支持你们俩
You know, I'm rooting for you guys.
不我们俩不是一对
No, there is no "us guys."
我们刚认识而已
We basically just met each other.
不埃莉诺
No, Eleanor.
你们俩都认识彼此很长时间了
You guys have known each other a really long time.
而且我说不说都无所谓了
Also, it doesn't matter if I told you that or not,
因为等迈克尔发现他又失败了
because when Michael finds out he's failed again,
反正会重启你
he'll just reboot you.
奇迪珍妮特我们走
Chidi, Janet, we're leaving.
我把这个拿走了
I am taking this with me.
别啊我就这一份别啊
No. It's my only copy. Don't.
怎么会这样
How did it come to this?
我就是想来别出心裁来点新意
I was just trying to do something innovative and different
改善我们永世折磨人类的方法而已
that would improve the way we make humans' lives miserable for eternity.
-这干嘛 -闭嘴
- Well... - Shut up.
我还有什么选择
What are my options?
我还有选择吗
Do I have any?
我不能按照她的意思来
I mean, I can't go along with her plan.
那将是惨败
It'll be a spectacular failure.
但我也不能不理她她会向肖恩举报我
But I can't ignore her or she'll rat me out to Shawn.
我进退两难啊
I'm trapped.
你甩了一大堆词
You're saying a lot of words right now,
我只听得懂"老鼠"[举报]和"杰森"
and I only know some of them, like "Rat" and "Jason,"
但我可以将我小小的智慧传授给你
but I know a little wisdom I can give you.
我了解你死前的一生
I know everything that happened in your life,
你是"缺心眼担当" 能有什么智慧啊
and it was all stupid, so I highly doubt that.
我生前在杰克逊维尔市加入了一个六十人的舞队
I was a member of a 60-person dance crew in Jacksonville.
我们叫"舞动决心
We were called Dance Dance Resolution:
我们决心舞蹈"
We Resolve To Dance.
有一天我跟"傻强"吵起来了
One day, Donkey Doug and I got into a fight
因为我栽赃他女友偷小冲浪板
because I'd framed his girlfriend for boogie board theft,
所以他另起炉灶建了一支"#潇洒生活"舞蹈队
so he started a new dance crew called Hashtag DougLife
很快就向我们发起了斗舞挑战
and immediately challenged us to a dance-off.
他说 "午夜废弃的橙汁工厂
He said, "Meet us inside the abandoned
我们不见不散"
orange juice factory at midnight."
那一晚指针指向十二点时
That night, as the clock struck 12:00,
我和队员们一起
me and my crew came together
带着我们从未有过的决心
with a determination we had never shown before
划开了他们的轮胎
and slashed all their tires.
老牛了
It was dope.
结束
The end.
作者杰森·门多萨
By Jason Mendoza.
这个无意义的故事倒是让我想到个点子
You know, that inane story actually contains a bit of good advice.
谢谢你杰森
Thank you, Jason.
别客气兄弟
You got it, homey.
我给别人好点子了
I give good advice.
所以我才来"善地"了吧
Guess that's why I'm in the Good Place.
你们在这里啊
There you guys are.
打住别再说谎了
No, stop, no more lies.
杰森过来
Jason, get over here.
没错
That's right.
我们知道他叫杰森不叫建宇
We know his name is jason, not Jianyu.
我们什么都知道了
We know everything.
虽然不懂我怎么会在"恶地" 但我了解一切了
I don't understand much of it, but, yeah, I know it.
你变♥态♥的"折磨人"算盘打不响了
Your sick torture plan is not working, okay?
因为你一直被我们识破啊
Because we keep figuring out your little puzzle.
我们是赢家
We're winning,
所以你才是输家
which means you're losing.
你有两个选择
So you have two choices here, buddy.
要么一直输下去
Keep failing over and over
要么想通我们才是这里有话语权的人
or realize we're actually the ones with all the power here.
不是我们的立场一致
Yeah, no... We're on the same page.
什么
What?
我想换队友跟你们组队
I want to team up with you guys.
啥为什么是吗不是吧
What? Why? You do? What?