善地

The Good Place S04E01

Part 1 Feb. 16, 2020, 9:30 a.m.

迈克尔建一个新社区
Michael designs the new neighborhood.
"恶地"负责选择四个新人
The Bad Place gets to choose the four new humans.
其他居民由珍妮特的"孩子"扮演
The other residents will be Janet Babies.
我们俩齐心协力
You know, if we pooled our resources,
就能轻松完成"造人♥大♥业"
we could be done in two shakes of a lamb's Derek.
谢谢德里克
Thanks, Derek.
你失败后四个人类会永世遭受酷刑折磨
When you fail, the four humans will be tortured for all eternity.
猜猜看行刑人是谁
But guess who's going to be doing the torturing?
我们打造了"迈克尔皮囊"
We built a Michael suit.
我做不来太恐怖了
I can't do it. It's too scary.
你好约翰我是建筑师请进
Hi, John, I'm the architect. Come on in.
"恶地"没有选什么大奸大恶之人
The Bad Place didn't pick the worst people.
他们选了让我们抓狂的人
They picked the people who would be the worst for us.
你得消除我的记忆重启我
You need to erase my memory and reboot me.
你好奇迪我是埃莉诺请进
Hi, Chidi, I'm Eleanor. Come on in.
天惊爆脑回路啊
Wow! Just... wow!
太完美了一切都太美好了
It's perfect. Everything is just perfect.
我好开心啊
I am so, so happy.
你喜欢就好
I'm glad you like it.
古色古香温馨舒适
It's so quaint, it feels cozy,
同时生机勃勃令人遐想无限
but also vibrant and limitless.
不敢相信一切都这么完全
I can't believe how... how utterly, completely,
如此完美...
100% perfect everything is...
我们继续走吧
You know, let's keep this moving.
好
Yeah, sure.
这是你新家
Here is your new home,
配有你最爱的两件事物
complete with two of your favorite things:
落地书橱以及...
floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and--
床头灯我爱死床头灯了
Reading lights! I love reading lights.
读书好伴侣
They are great for reading.
还有一个惊喜张开手
And... check this out. Hold out your hand.
脑中想着一本书
And think about a book.
我可以"雷神"上身召唤哲学书
I can summon philosophy books like Thor's hammer.
这是我最大的梦想啊
This is literally my number one dream.
还有
Also...
手好疼
That hurt.
我还有事
Well, I have a lot to attend to.
欢迎来到"善地" 奇迪
Welcome to the Good Place, Chidi.
谢谢你
Thank you so much.
很抱歉
And I'm-- I'm sorry.
一时之间信息量太大忘记你名字了
This has been so overwhelming, I-I forgot your name.
-埃莉诺 -埃莉诺
- Eleanor. - Eleanor, right.
抱歉埃莉诺埃莉诺
Sorry. Eleanor, Eleanor, Eleanor.
-我永远不会忘了 -这可说不准[你已经忘记我了]- Now I'll never forget. - Well, you might!
能别煽情...
Okay, can we not...
埃莉诺你好勇敢
Eleanor, you did a brave thing
我要抱抱你死都不放手
and I am embracing you and I shall not let you go.
我也要抱抱
And I'm also embracing you
因为这样好温暖我的手好冷
because this feels warm and my hands are cold.
各位我真没事
Guys, I'm good. Honestly.
没我想象中那么糟
Wasn't even as bad as I thought.
姐心大不记得我名字又怎样
I mean, who cares if he doesn't remember my name?
扎心啊
Oof...
大心啊
I mean, cool.
还好你圆回来了
Good save, bud.
把心思放在下一个居民身上
Let's just concentrate on the next resident,
还有六分钟就到了
who gets here in... six minutes.
等下我憋不住要说几句
Wait. I need to say something.
我知道前路渺茫大家好像都要完蛋了
I know this seems bleak and it feels like we're all doomed
全人类也会跟着完蛋
and therefore humanity is doomed.
这话就不能憋着吗
You needed to say that?
我要说的是我相信我们一定会成功
The point is, I believe that we're destined to succeed.
不管"恶地"放什么大招我们都能招架
There is nothing that the Bad Place can throw at us that we can't handle,
因为我们是一群卓尔不群
because we are an incredible,
英姿勃发出类拔萃
inspiring, brilliant group of...
戾气满满混♥蛋♥至极人见人恨的贱精
Supercharged, d-bag, ass-wiping maniacs.
瞧瞧你们
I mean, look at you.
各个人面兽心丧心病狂真给我争气
I am so proud of how disgusting and cruel you all are.
你们坏透了
You suck.
全都坏到没朋友
You all suck donkey butts.
塔哈妮冰雪聪明见多识广
Tahani-- so, so smart, and sophisticated.
只有她成功说服我不留山羊胡了
She was the only one who was able to talk me out of that goatee.
我嘴皮都磨破了也没说动小罗伯特[钢铁侠]Well, I lost that battle with Robert Downey Jr.,
要是劝不了你我不用做人了
and I'll be damned if I lose it with you.
巴姆酱你个无敌傻鸟
Bambadjan-- such an unbelievable dingus.
小薇
And Val.
谁敢跟你比贱啊
Who's a bigger skidmark than Val?
你妈呗
Maybe your mom.
神吐槽
Classic.
珍妮特
We have Janet,
哆啦A梦一般的存在无所不能
who can do literally anything.
这里的"人"都是她造出来的
She made all the other people in the neighborhood.
都不是人
Not people.
还有我
We have me,
虽然短暂地崩溃了一下但又满血复活了
who had a momentary setback, but I'm feeling great now.
崩溃都是以前的事了
And that was awhile ago.
你们大部分人都不记得了吧
Most of you don't even remember it, probably.
还有杰森
We have Jason,
他能...
who can...
带领我们上战场
And marching us into battle,
无畏的领袖亚利桑那州凤♥凰♥城之骄傲
our fearless leader, the pride of Phoenix, Arizona,
埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普
Eleanor Shellstrop!
实际上凤♥凰♥城之骄傲
Technically, the pride of Phoenix
是一座真人♥大♥小用烟头堆出来的艾利斯·库柏雕像
is a life-size statue of Alice Cooper made from cigarette butts.
就摆在市政厅外
It's outside City Hall.
但谢谢你的美言盛赞
But thank you for the kind words.
这样一个团队
With this team,
我们必将排除万难克敌制胜
there's no problem we can't solve.
我们必将制♥造♥万难摧毁对手
There is no problem we can't create.
信我我们会制♥造♥各种丧心病狂的困难
And believe me, we are gonna create some a-problems.
一起来唱"恶地"主题曲正式开场
So let's kick things off with our official Bad Place song.
一首人人痛恨的网红洗♥脑♥广♥告♥歌♥ 旨在转移法律诉讼等带来的负面影响
♪捐车给孩子♪
♪ 1-877-KARS for Kids ♪
♪捐出你的车给孩子♪
♪ K-A-R-S, Kars for Kids ♪
-大合唱吗 -闭嘴格伦
- Are we singing? - Shut up, Glenn.
你这一身绝了
I think you look great.
专业稳重
Professional, serious.
有大将之风
A proper team leader.
我确实感觉官威十足
It does make me feel authoritative,
就像《法律与秩序》的女主
like that chick from "Law and Order."
各位
Well, boys,
看来这是一位特殊受害者
looks like we got ourselves an SVU.
瞎编的台词我没看过那部剧
I've never seen the show.
下一个是谁
Okay, who we got next?
琳达请进
Linda? Come on in.
你琳达·约翰森
So you, Linda Johannsen,
进入"善地"了
are in the Good Place.
不错
That's nice.
我知道你一下子很难消化
I know this can be a little overwhelming,
但你会慢慢适应
but you'll get used to it.
你有什么问题吗
Do you have any questions?
这里有健身会所吗
Is there a fitness center?
这个可以有
There can be,
另外你想要什么都可以有
plus literally anything else you could possibly wish for.
怕你没听清再说一次
Just in case we weren't clear,
这里是"善地"
this is the Good Place.
永恒幸福之境
A state of eternal happiness.
天堂
Paradise.
不错
That's nice.
我喜欢
I like that.
"恶地"找西蒙妮来干扰奇迪
So the Bad Place sent Simone to mess with Chidi,
找约翰来烦塔哈妮