善地

The Good Place S02E07

Part 1 Dec. 11, 2019, 4:14 p.m.

你好
Hello.
抱歉
So... sorry.
激活珍妮特
To activate your Janet,
请长按鼻子三秒钟
press nose for three seconds.
好好
Okay, okay.
你能走吗
Can you walk yet?
试一下
Here.
你好我是珍妮特
Hello, I'm Janet.
你好
Hello.
你好我是珍妮特
Hello, I'm Janet.
你别再出声了
I really need you to shut up.
珍妮特仓库
你从哪搞来的
Where did you get this?
你不会真进入"善地"了吧
Did you actually get into the Good Place somehow?
不用去"善地"
Didn't need to.
他们把珍妮特都放在中立地带的"口袋空间"
They keep their Janets in a neutral pocket dimension
无形的时间虚无之中
beneath the shapeless time void.
就在会计部旁边
It's right next to Accounting.
你就直接进去把她偷出来了吗
And you just walked in and stole her?
就这么简单吗
It was that easy?
你都不用掐死个天使之类吗
You didn't have to choke out an angel or anything?
门没锁没有保安
Doors were unlocked, no security.
想想也是啊
I mean, it makes sense, right?
心地善良所以傻轻信别人
They're good, so they're stupid and trusting.
我明白你得让四个人类以为自己在"善地"
I understand that you need the four humans to think they're in the Good Place,
但使用真正的"善地"版珍妮特有些冒险
but using an actual Good Place Janet seems risky.
怎么不直接用"恶地"版珍妮特假装善版呢
Why don't you just have a Bad Place Janet pretend to be good?
我也这么想过但你自己看吧
I thought about it, but... watch.
邪恶版珍妮
Bad Janet?
废柴们好啊
What up, skidmarks?
你再来演一下自己是良善版珍妮特吧
Let's try that thing again where you pretend to be a Good Janet, okay?
发挥出你最大演技
Now, really... really try your best.
-行 -珍妮特
- Fine. - Say, Janet,
哪里有美味的冰淇淋呢
where can I get some delicious ice cream?
广场中心有一家很棒的休闲中心
There's a wonderful parlor in the middle of town square.
我最爱的口味是"石板街"
My favorite flavor is rocky road.
里面包含了巧克力碎屑
It contains chocolate ribbon,
棉花软糖还有...
marshmallows, and your...
你老爸的"咸蛋" 你个没人要的胖子
dad's salty nuts, you fat dink!
我懂你意思了
I see what you mean.
那就用良善版吧
Use the good one.
珍妮特咱俩要踏上一场真正的冒险旅途了
Janet, you and I are about to have a real adventure together.
等一下珍妮特
Wait a second, Janet.
什么意思
What... what are you... What are you telling me?
你是说因为你出故障了...
Are you saying that because you're glitching out...
整个街区陷入了崩塌的危险
The neighborhood is in danger of total collapse.
小知识数学上说
Fun fact, mathematically,
也有可能是爆♥炸♥的危险
it's equally likely to either imor explode.
了解了解
Okay, okay.
我接下来该问
So I suppose the next question should be,
"是什么引起的"
"What's causing the problem?"
不清楚
Unclear.
一开始是小故障
The glitches started out small,
然后越来越严重
and then began to escalate,
然后我来找你帮忙
and then I came here looking for help,
然后我开始聊起来
and then I started talking,
你就像这样一脸心烦看着我
and then you looked at me annoyed, like that,
然后就是现在了
and now here we are.
好知道了
Okay. All right.
情况很不妙
Yeah, this is very bad.
我们来全面诊断一下珍妮特
Let's run a full diagnostic, Janet.
没问题
You got it.
很着急啊珍妮特
A little short on time here, Janet.
拿出来有点难
It's just a little hard to get out.
马上就拿到了
Almost got it.
给
Here it is.
我的用户手册
My user manual.
好吧开始吧
Okay. Let's get started.
善地
第二季第七集
你好欢迎使用珍妮特
Hello, and welcome to your new Janet.
"造物主"将珍妮特带到你的身边
Janets are brought to you by the makers of light, darkness, and everything.
我得跳过前面这段
You now what, I need to skip ahead here.
故障检查在哪儿
Where's the troubleshooting part?
迈克尔
Michael.
刚才的地震是怎么回事
What's with the earthquake?
珍妮特出现了小小的技术问题
Janet's experiencing a slight technical issue.
它怎么了
What's wrong with it?
我吃了些酸奶冰淇淋
I tried to eat some frozen yogurt.
因为看上去很诱人但我不能吃东西
It looked so good, but I'm not supposed to eat anything.
所以就出现了轻微的地震
So there was a little earthquake.
瞧又来了
See? There it is again.
你不能就直接重置呢
Can't you just reset these things?
怎么做来着
What do you do again?
是耳朵吧
It's the ears, yeah?
是...
It's... it's...
下下外拉..
It's down, down, out...
薇琪我们出去借一步说话
Vicky, can I... can I speak to you just for a second outside?
一切安好
这是个常见问题
Look, this is a common problem,
一切都在掌控之内
and I've got it under control.
我不太信你啊
I don't know, man.
你先是在生日宴上开着跑车打着耳钉
First you went rogue at the party with your sports car
放飞自我...
and your weird earring...
现在珍妮特又坏了
And now Janet's breaking down?
你这就像"薛之谦粉丝求锤"
I mean, it's like you're begging me
求我上报肖恩说你办事不力
to tell Shawn that you're incompetent.
"求锤"啊
Begging.
薇琪这个问题很快就能解决
Vicky, this is a temporary problem.
我保证
I promise.
你知道你可以去折磨谁吗
You know who could use some torturing right now?
奇迪
Chidi.
-我最喜欢折磨奇迪了 -我知道
- I love torturing Chidi. - I know.
事实上我那天晚上想了一招
No, actually, I had this great idea the other night.
感觉值得一试
Thought it was worth exploring.
想象一下
Picture this.
扎针
Needles.
这么简单粗暴
That's the whole idea.
-是啊 -扎针
- Yeah, yeah. - Needles.
-有才吧 -是啊
- Genius, right? - Yeah.
扎针啊
I mean, needles.
容嬷嬷上身啊好厉害
Wonderful. Wonderful.
-瞧你这智商 -可不是
- So smart. - Yeah.
扎针你去搞吧
Needles. Yeah, run with that.
希望这给我们争取了一些时间
Okay, hopefully bought us a little time.
看到哪了
Where were we?
这里了
Here we go. Yeah.
故障
Glitches.
出现故障时请进行以下测试
In the event of malfunction, run the following tests.
第一项基本身体功能测试
First test, basic corporeal function.
坐上来
Hop up on the table, there.
很好
All right, great.
99.7兆度
99.7 trillion degrees.
稍微有点热但无大碍
A little bit on the high side, but no biggie.
还是没血压
And... still no blood.
谢天谢地
Thank goodness.
下一步是什么
Okay, what's next?
召唤与获取功能
Summoning and retrieval.
使用随机物品生成器系统
Have Janet produce an object
让珍妮特制♥造♥出相应物品
using the random object generator program.
好
Okay.
一份十四盎司的鸵鸟肉排
A 14-ounce ostrich steak