金色年代

The Goldbergs S05E13

Part 2 Dec. 7, 2019, 5:59 p.m.

Did my daughter just say "water,"
装起了外地人
like she's from Delaware?
-我想是的 -让她上大学就是个错误
- I think she did. - College was a mistake.
大错特错
Huge.
谢谢你抽空过来金伯格先生
Thank you for coming down here, Mr. Goldberg.
木工课上似乎闹出了一些列
It seems there's been a serious mishap
-与机械有关的意外 -没错
- with some machinery. - Damn right.
话说你上木工课为什么总系领带
Why do you always wear a tie in shop class, anyway?
它能被卷到所有机械里
It literally can get caught in everything.
我上木工课系领带是因为我尊敬木头
I dress nice for the wood because I honor the wood.
我希望我的学生们也能效仿
I expect the same from my students.
我明白我儿子有时会自作聪明可
I get the boy can be a bit of a smartass, but...
不过是木头
it's just wood.
我不明白为什么要尊敬木头
I don't know why you got to honor it.
我告诉你为什么先生
I'll tell you why, sir.
我曾在吊在半空的竹笼里过了三年
I lived in a suspended bamboo cage for three years.
天哪
Oh, boy.
德里克我们都很感谢你服役时的付出
Derek, while we all thank you for your service,
但我想我们没必要听...
I don't think we need to hear --
竹笼的设计很简单但坚固异常
It was a simple design, but sturdy as hell.
自然我试过用我的头发和脚趾甲
Naturally, I tried to saw through it with a crude tool
制♥造♥的粗糙工具来锯断它
I had fashioned from my hair and some toenails.
咱能不能不跑题...
Could we just stay on course --
但随着时间流逝丛林让我发狂了
But as time wore on, the jungle madness took me.
我试过召唤一支猴子军队来帮我
I tried to summon a monkey army to free me
从那优雅的堡垒中逃出去
from my elegant fortress.
行了你快点讲结尾吧
Okay, just speed through to the end.
很快我意识到
I soon realized
我需要原谅禁锢我的木头
that I needed to forgive the wood that encaged me.
你就...
Just, uh...
当一阵季风将我的笼子刮进河里
And when a monsoon swept my captors into a river,
笼子变成了通往自♥由♥的木筏
that cage became a raft to freedom.
于是我将一生献给了木工艺术
And so, I have dedicated my life to the art of woodworking.
好了好了
Okey-dokey.
我想留堂一周应该就行了
I'm thinking maybe a week of detention should do the trick.
不行你还要被禁足一个月
No. You're grounded for a month, too.
-什么 -你对课业的态度得严肃起来
- What?! - You got to get serious with your schoolwork.
因为将来你不能用笑话来交水电费
Because in the future, jokes can't pay the bills.
分明可以你去问辛巴达
Oh, yes, they can. Ask Sinbad.
容我打断你们
I'm going to stop this.
我们说好不在木工课上胡闹了行不行
Could we just agree no more goofing around in shop class?
你还必须对木头当面道歉
And you will personally apologize to the wood.
你不必那么做
You don't have to do that.
正如我老爸排斥我的喜剧表演
As my dad was rejecting my comedy,
杰夫发现爱丽卡已经排斥了我们的老家
Geoff was finding out Erica had rejected our hometown.
杰夫我以为你去看演唱会了
Geoff? I thought you ended up going to the concert.
不爱丽卡自己有节目
No. Erica's doing her own thing --
这样很好我完全理解
which is great. I totally get it.
哪怕这很伤人我也完全不能理解
Even though it's hurtful and I don't get it at all.
别担心她这样只是暂时的
Don't worry. Our girl's just going through a little phase.
是吗
Is she?
因为爱丽卡好像已经看不上汽笛乐队了
'Cause it kinda feels like Erica's outgrown The Hooters
还有烹调过的鱼好看的衣服
and cooked fish and attractive clothing
和我们费城的饼糕
and Philly's own wudder ice.
-她有点 -有点什么说
- She kinda... - Kinda what? Say it.
我说不出口
I can't say it.
-快说杰夫 -我不想说
- Say it, Geoff. - I don't wanna say it.
如果你不说我就说了
If you don't say it, I'll say it.
-不别说 -那你快说
- No, don't say it. - Then say it.
爱丽卡就是个大混♥蛋♥
Erica is a giant axxxxxx!
那你想说的是什么
What were you gonna say?!
大学让她变得又势利眼又矫情
That college has made her snobby and pretentious.
-我就是这个意思 -你可不是这么说的
- That's what I meant! - Well, that's not what you said.
不我好难过
Oh, no! I'm so upset!
是你逼我说的我太内疚了
You made me say it! Now I feel horrible!
打起精神杰夫如果我们不想点措施
Pull it together, Geoff! If we don't do something,
爱丽卡会抛下珍金镇
Erica's gonna leave Jenkintown behind
去体验世界变成有趣的人
to experience the world and become an interesting person!
-我们该如何阻止她 -阻止不了的
- But how do we stop it? - You can't stop it.
你们只能变得和她一样
Your only choice is to become it.
巴瑞别啊
Barry, no.
那块奶酪是给整个派对的人吃的
That brie wheel is for an entire party.
现在我能消化最贵的派对奶酪了
I can now handle the richest of party cheeses
因为我已经习惯了上流人的生活方式
since I've become accustomed to how the other half lives.
二位见谅做好被惊艳的准备
Now, pardon me, and prepare to be amazed,
我要喝这杯冰水了
as I drink this... water.
他居然没口音怎么会巴瑞
He said it right. How, Barry?
原来巴瑞一直沉迷于
Turns out, Barry had been obsessively
学习富人的生活方式
studying the ways of the wealthy,
《富人名人的生活方式》
这都要感谢八十年代经典电视节目
thanks to one iconic '80s TV show.
《富人名人的生活方式》
"Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous"?
多亏了罗宾·利奇
Thanks to Robin Leach,
现在我对上流富人了如指掌
I now know everything there is about class and wealth.
我研习了每一集做好了准备
I study all the episodes to prepare myself.
准备什么
For what?
变成明星球员和青少年医生后的日子
For when I'll be the Sixers star player and team doctor,
那意味着如果我受伤了
which means, if I get injured,
我能给我自己动手术
I'll be able to perform surgery on myself.
我相信你小甜心
I believe in you, cocoa tush!
你真的认为爱丽卡
So, you really think that Erica's
像这节目里的有钱人一样吗
like these fancy people on this show?
她要去看小野洋子搞诡异的艺术
She's seeing Yoko Ono being weird and artsy.
这还不算高级
She's fancy, all right.
让我们也变成讨人厌的有钱人吧巴瑞
Turn us into horrible rich people, Barry.
-我也加入 -别无他法
- I'm in, too. - Yay, no other options.
当我妈和杰夫试图进入上流社会时
While my mom and Geoff were trying to break into the upper class,
我正试图离开我的房♥间
I was just trying to break out of my room.
你怎么从房♥间出来了
Why are you doing out of your room?!
你因为太白♥痴♥被禁足了
You're grounded for being a moron!
我在那房♥间实在待不下去了
I can't be in that room anymore, man.
那就像间满是玩具和游戏的监狱
It's like a prison with all my toys and video games.
这就是你不好好学习
That's what you get for telling bad jokes
讲蹩脚笑话的下场
instead of getting good grades.
我将来又用不上从木工课
It's not like I'm gonna use anything I've learned
或数学科学历史课上学的东西
in shop class -- or math or science or history.
性教育倒是粉碎了几个谣言但仅此而已
Sex Ed cleared up some rumors, but that's it.
你为什么只对最荒唐的事业感兴趣
Why do you only show interest in the most ridiculous careers
金伯格家就没人在这些路上成功过
that no Goldberg has ever succeeded in?
荒唐请举例说明
Ridiculous? Give me one example.
导片子操纵木偶
Movie directing. Puppeteer.
做动画拟音师
Animation. Foley artist.
游戏厅小霸王画科幻卡♥通♥
Arcade hustler. Sci-fi cartoonist.
武术指导特技演员
Stage combat instructor. Stunt man.
更有甚者
And to top it all off,
现在你还想当喜剧演员
now you want to include "comedy guy"?
没错喜剧人是正经职业我当定了
Damn right. Laughter's a real profession, and I'm all in.
当什么当你30岁还不能自立
In what? This house when you're 30?
你的担忧我懂了那这样如何
I see you have your doubts, so how about this?
如果我现在能逗你笑
If I make you laugh right now,
你就必须彻底接受我的命运
then you'll have to fully embrace my destiny
容我去做专业喜剧演员
as a professional funny man.
如果我不笑呢因为我不会笑的
And what happens when I don't laugh? Because I won't.
你可以禁足我一整年
You can ground me for the whole year.
你输定了
This is a bad deal for you.
这就开始
Oh, you're on.
《周六夜现场》里的喜剧角色
汉斯和弗兰兹会说
Or as Hans and Franz would say...
"我会笑傻你"
"I'm gonna pump...you up."
别打这个赌
Don't do this deal.
我不想看到你在家里待一整年
I don't want you hanging around this house for a whole year.
别担心我只是在热身