节哀顺变（2018）

No, I can't, because I edit 50 posts a day
我就像个行尸走肉的空壳
and I'm an empty husk of a human.
但我们的美妆版正在扩大
But our beauty vertical is expanding,
所以如果你想写打倒父权的
so if you wanna write, like, a makeup review
化妆品使用心得，就请便吧
that takes down the patriarchy, be my guest.
好，把化妆品寄给我，我试试看
Yeah, okay. Send me makeup. I'll give that a try.
没问题
Done.
别监视我
Don't spy on me.
别传讯给丹尼
Don't text Danny.
我只是…
I just...
我好一阵子没他的消息了
I haven't heard from him in a while
我不知道是怎么回事
and I don't know what's going on.
我知道
I do.
他爱上你了
He's in love with you
他因此觉得很糟糕
and he feels appropriately terrible about it.
不，他没有，他只是…
No, he's not. He's just in...
现在太痛苦了
so much pain right now
他不知道自己的感受
that he doesn't know what he's feeling,
但我懂，因为过去半年我就是这样
which I get 'cause that was me for, like, the last 6 months.
没错，那通语♥音♥留言很蠢
Yes, it was a stupid voicemail.
没有任何意义　　好，毫无意义
-It didn't mean anything. -Okay. Didn't mean anything.
听着，我能说一句吗
Look, can I just say...
我觉得…
I feel like...
麦特的手♥机♥只会给你带来麻烦
Matt's phone has only brought you trouble
也许你应该把它收起来
and that maybe you should put it away.
我喜欢在睡前看他的照片和视频
I like looking at his photos and videos before bed,
因为那能帮助我入睡
'cause it helps me fall asleep.
你睡前不该看任何人的手♥机♥
Oh, you shouldn't be looking at anyone's phone before bed.
因为蓝♥光♥和LED屏幕会伤眼
'Cause the blue light and the LED screens.
还有，现在是21世纪
Also, you realize it's the 21st century
你知道你能把麦特手♥机♥里的东西
and you can put anything you want
传到你的电脑，对吧
from Matt's phone on your computer, right?
我知道
Yeah, I know.
所以…到底是为了什么
So...what is this really about?
没为什么
It's not really about anything.
我很好
I'm good.
怎样？我很好，我继续过我的人生
What? I'm fine, I'm moving forward with my life.
而你要继续编辑其他我写的问题
And you have more of my quizzes that you need to edit
因为大家要知道泰勒丝哪首歌♥
'cause people need to know which Taylor Swift song
最能描述他们失去童贞的过程
best describes how they lost their virginity.
我要用这个问题　　很好
-I'm using that. -Great.
好，继续编辑
Okay, back to editing.
别传讯给丹尼　　我不会
-Don't text Danny! -I'm not gonna text Danny!
丹尼在吗
Is Danny around?
不在，我们交换单位了
Oh, no. We apartment swapped.
什么
You what?
我们把单位转租给对方
We're subletting from each other.
对，我想离工作地点近一点
Yeah, I wanted to be closer to work
而他想住在海边
and he wanted to live by the beach.
好
Okay.
分类广♥告♥网站很棒
Craigslist is awesome.
人们总是说上面有连环杀手
You know, people always talk about the serial killers,
但还有其他东西
but there's other stuff, too.
是，我不…
Yeah, I don't...
我不认为丹尼是连环杀手
I don't think Danny's a serial killer,
但我很久没见到他了，所以很难说
but I haven't seen him in a while, so you never know.
祝你今天愉快　　　好
-Have a good one. -Yep.
我们尽快去滑浪吧，我们去吧
We gotta surf soon. Let's get on this.
我知道，我最近太忙了，但…
Yeah, I know, it's just been so busy, but...
我不知道…我们…
I don't know. We'll...
改天再去吧
figure out a day.
小蕾一直很想学滑浪
Hey, you know, Leigh's always been wanting to learn how to surf.
也许你可以教我们两个
Maybe you could teach us both.
别再跟我提到小蕾了
Stop with the Leigh already, man.
她真的很努力，也许你也该尽点力
Man, she's actually trying and maybe if you tried too...
不如我离你们远一点
How 'bout I just stay out of you guys' way
直到你们分手
until the 2 of you break up
然后你再找个我喜欢的新女友？
and then you get a new girlfriend that I actually like?
不可能
That's not happening.
我跟你说实情吧
Here's what's happening.
我要跟小蕾求婚
I'm gonna ask Leigh to marry me,
所以你得想办法喜欢她
so you need to figure out a way to like her.
你…不
You...no.
拜托别这么做
Please. Don't do this.
她会毁了你
She's gonna ruin you.
小蕾将会走进我的人生
Leigh's going to be in my life.
我要你也在我的人生中
I want you to be in my life.
你得想办法跟她培养感情
You need to figure out how to have a relationship with her.
你怎么会来
So what's your deal?
我辞掉工作，买♥♥了一辆摩托车
Let's see, I quit my job, got a motorcycle,
我在社交应用程序上滑到一个
and I went on Tinder and swiped
抱着羊驼宝宝的女孩的照片
right on a girl holding a baby llama.
我们就见面了
Here we are.
它叫利马，那是骆马的故乡
His name is Lima, 'cause that's where llamas are from.
太棒了
Oh, that's awesome.
你很棒
You're awesome.
你要接吗
Do you need to get that?
不用
No.
(此语♥音♥信箱是留言给…)
(You have reached the voicemail box of...)
(丹尼格里)
(Danny Greer.)
(请在哔声后留言)
(At the tone, please record your voice message.)
丹尼
Danny...
我们说好不再一起出去
we said we weren't going to hang out anymore.
你没告诉我
You didn't tell me
你再也不跟我说话了
you were never going to speak to me ever again.
我们曾经在彼此的生活中
It sucks that we were in each other's lives
现在你却搞消失，这种感觉很差
and now you've dropped off the face of the earth.
我觉得…这样很糟
I think...I think it sucks.
你知道还有谁也会这么想吗
And you know who else would think it sucks?
麦特也会觉得这样很糟糕
Matt would think it sucks.
若他知道你这么对我，会很不高兴
He would hate it if he knew you were doing this to me,
所以下次你决定不回我所有信息时
so why don't you just think about that
最好先想想这件事
the next time you decide to ignore all of my messages?
我做不到
I can't.
对不起
I'm sorry.
怎么了
What's going on?
茱尔丝有个很好的机会
Well, Jules has this great opportunity
她为此很兴奋
and she's really excited,
但我总觉得事情不会有好结果
but I have this horrible feeling that it is not gonna turn out right
我很怕会发生什么事
and I am so afraid of what is gonna happen
然后她会心碎
when she gets her heart broken.
小蕾说她已经放下了
And Leigh says that she's moving on,
但才过了半年，所以我…
but it's only been 6 months, so, I just...
她们需要我，我不能离开她们
they need me and I can't leave them.
好…她们需要你，我明白
Okay, okay. They need you, I get that.
但艾美…
But, Amy...
你需要什么
what do you need?
好，你们可以的
Okay. You guys got this.
我们从走路开始
Let's just take it from the walk, walk.
5、6、7、8
In 5, 6, 7, 8.
走、走、踏、踏、单脚
Walk, walk, step, step, passe
回头看
and look.
好
Okay.
很好，我们继续
Great, let's just keep going.
绕圈、2、背面、4、5
Circle, 2, back, 4, and 5,
往下、6、开腿踢
down 6, fan, kick.
我们不练习昨天学的组合动作吗
Are we not doing any of the combo from yesterday?
你们跳得太好了
You guys are just doing so awesome,
我想可以再学难一点的
I thought I'd kick it up a notch.
我觉得昨天学的动作就很好了
I thought what we did yesterday was good.
我也觉得，但是…