节哀顺变（2018）

在地上随便找个位置，散开就好
Just find a spot on the floor, anywhere, just spread out.
抱歉，让你们久等了，女士们
So sorry for that wait, ladies.
好了，各位
Okay, guys.
我们明天再继续跳这个舞步
We'll finish this combo tomorrow.
今天跳得很好，真的
Great job today, seriously.
茱尔丝，我的课本该从中午开始
Jules, my class starts at noon.
现在是5点多，不对，6点多了
It's 5 after-oh, no, 6 after.
祝你上课愉快，蕾西　　谢谢
-Have a great class, Lacey. -Thanks.
你为了跟人上♥床♥翘掉丧亲互助会？
So you skipped grief group for sex?
那是我的时间，我想怎样就怎样
It was my hour. I did what I wanted with it.
你下周会去吗
Do you think you'll go next week?
我不知道
I don't know.
以前我需要互助会才能撑过一星期
Group used to be what I needed to get through the week, but I...
但我现在需要不一样的东西
I need different things now.
我懂
I get it.
我差点把崔佛的事告诉他们
I was almost gonna tell Group about Trevor
但我想他们不会了解
but I didn't think they'd understand.
他们不会了解的
They wouldn't.
老实说，一年前的我也不会了解
Honestly, me a year ago wouldn't have understood.
我会批评你跟别人约会
I would have judged you for dating someone
我会批评自己跟外卖♥♥员上♥床♥
and I would've judged myself for sleeping with my Postmates guy.
但我不在乎那个臭女人会怎么想
But I don't care what that bitch would've thought,
因为她不知道会发生什么事
'cause she had no idea what was coming.
这是我的人生
And this is my life
我要做让自己开心的事
and I'm going to do things that make me feel good.
敬令人不齿的性♥爱♥
To having sex people would judge you for,
但不说就不会有人知道
if only they knew about it.
干杯
Cheers.
等等，麦特的漫画这周出版？
So, wait, Matt's comic comes out this week?
明天
Tomorrow.
太疯狂了，你让他梦想成真
That's crazy. You made his dream come true.
不，是麦特让自己梦想成真
No, Matt made his dream come true.
我只是一直烦他的编辑
I just didn't stop bothering his editor
要他出版未完成的手稿
to publish the unfinished manuscript.
葛瑞芬的梦想是去大峡谷
Griffin's dream was to go to the Grand Canyon.
那是他的梦想？　　我知道很逊
-That was his dream? -No, I know.
半小时后要上课了，你准备好了吗
We have...a half hour before class. You ready?
你的课太难了，我从未准备好
Your class is very hard and I'm never ready,
但让我小便一下，我会比较放松
but let me pee and I'll be more ready.
好极了
Great.
(明天去秘密总部看麦特漫画出版)
(你能去的话，跟我说一声)
我们今早听什么前40名烂歌♥单
What s**ttyTop 40 are we listening to this morning?
我想听
I wanna hear.
(再一次)
(One more time.)
(越南语)
(Speaking Vietnamese)
(我们的下一句是「不客气」)
(Our next phrase is, 'You're welcome.')
你有跟妈说你的旅行吗
You tell Mom about your trip yet?
只要妈跟任何事扯上关系
Whenever Mom's involved with anything,
就会变成艾美秀　　没错
-it becomes The Amy Show. -Yes, it does.
你查过航♥班♥了吗
Have you looked into flights yet?
我觉得我得先学点越南语
I feel like I need to learn some Vietnamese
才能考虑航♥班♥的事
before I can even think about flights.
很多背包客没学过越南话
Well, backpackers go to Vietnam all the time
还是去了越南
without learning how to speak the language.
对，但那些背包客只是去度假
Yeah, but for those backpackers, it's just a vacation,
对我来说，是回到我的出生地
and for me, it's going back to the place I was born,
所以我想做好准备
so...I just wanna be ready.
我一直在找机会
I've been waiting for you both
要告诉你们一件很酷的事
to tell you this thing that's really cool.
什么很酷的事？我喜欢很酷的事
Oh, what cool thing? I love cool things.
我学生姬丝朵是布丽特迪伦的朋友
My student, Crystal is friends with Britt Dillon,
她是西三街上
who owns The Sweat on West Third
那间「挥洒汗水」的老板
姬丝朵给她看我上课的照片
and Crystal showed her Instagrams of my class.
现在这位女士明天要来上我的课
And now this lady's coming to my class tomorrow
若她喜欢，我想她会请我在周二晚
and if she likes it, I think she's gonna ask me to teach for her
帮她上课
on Tuesday nights.
天啊，太棒了，茱尔丝
Oh, my goodness, that's great, Jules.
我想在你爆红前抱你一下
I wanna hug you before you get too famous!
我真以你为荣
I'm so proud of you.
好，就算我爆红了
Okay, even if I get too famous,
我会叫我的保镖为你破例
I'll tell my bodyguards to make an exception for you.
谢谢你呢
I really appreciate that.
我要出门了
I'm...gonna head out.
你要去看麦特的漫画吗
You gonna see Matt's comic?
要我们一起去吗
Want us to come?
不用了
No, I'm good.
(秘密总部)
你好
Hi.
(本周新作，「远行之人」)
怎么样
What do you think?
所以你的概念是…
So is the idea that it's just, like...
混合即兴和摆姿势吗
it's a mix of freestyling and posing?
还有性感的台步和屁♥股♥舞
There's also sexy walks and butt dancing.
我的学生喜欢表达自己
My students like expressing themselves
创造自己的舞步
and making the combos their own.
而且大多数人没有厉害到能跳编舞
Also, most of them aren't good enough to do actual choreography.
我懂了
Oh, got it.
怎么了
What?
我觉得很不错，我喜欢，很有趣
I think it's really good. I like it, it's fun. I...
我只是觉得你今晚有这么好的机会
I just feel like you have this crazy opportunity tonight and...
你应该拿出最好的表现
you should just, like, bring your A-game.
你觉得我现在算是什么表现
What game do you think I'm bringing right now?
我不知道，差强人意吧
I don't...it's, like, somewhere in the B range.
差强人意
The B range.
好，茱尔丝，你问了我的想法
Okay, Jules, you asked me what I thought.
你要我跟你说这很完美
Do you want me to tell you it's perfect
还是要我说实话？
or do you want me to tell you the truth?
我以为会是一样的东西
I thought they were gonna be the same thing.
你们好
Hi.
你不是要去冥想静修吗
Don't you need to go to your silent retreat?
那是今晚的事，怎么了
That's later tonight. What's going on?
显然我得在两小时内重新编我的课
Apparently, I have to redo my whole class in 2 hours.
天啊，茱尔丝，我没说那不及格
Jesus, Jules, I didn't tell you it was in the F range.
大家都知道差强人意就是不及格
A B and an F are the same thing, everybody knows that.
亲爱的
Sweetheart.
如果你还没准备好
If you're not ready, I'm...
我相信这位女士可以重新安排时间
I'm sure that this woman can reschedule.
我准备好了，我要重编动作，好吗
I'm ready. Look, I'm just gonna redo the combo, okay?
好的
Okay.
我得去找德鲁了，可是茱尔丝…
I have to go meet Drew, but Jules, hey.
我真的只是想帮忙
I was really just trying to help.
我知道
I know.
我只是需要一点时间消化，还有…
I just needed a second to process and...
你说得对
you're right.
这样差强人意，我该拿出最好表现
This is a B. It needs to be an A.
你没问题的
And you've got this.
对
Yeah.
你没问题的　　好
-Yeah, you got this. -Yeah.
好吧，待会见　　再见
-Okay, see you later. -See ya.
现在我们…发布了
And we are...published.
太棒了
Yay.
我觉得写蠢测验是你的天职
I think dumb quizzes are your calling.
拜托你别再那么说
Please don't ever say that again.
你是我遇过最棒的蠢问题作家了
You're my best dumb quiz writer.
我要当最聪明且真正的作家
I wanna be your best smart, real writer.
我们网站没有聪明、真正的作家了
We don't have smart, real writers on our site anymore.
没有…只有可悲、骗点击率的文章
No... It's just sad, pandering clickbait.
难道不能偷偷伪装一下吗
But can't you, like, Trojan Horse pieces
表面上看起来像骗点击率的文章
so that they look like clickbait on the outside,
但读起来其实很有智慧
but they're actually really smart when you read them?
没办法，因为我一天要编辑50篇文