好想做一次（2020）

语♥音♥留言：爸爸
喂 是爸爸 我在购物中心要接你
Hi, it's Dad. I'm here at the mall to pick you up.
我把车子停在中餐厅前面
Uh, I'm parked in front of P.F. Chang's,
可是有个警卫很凶 逼我一直绕圈圈
but a brute security guard is making me circle around.
等等 我看到你了 我最完美的女儿
Oh, wait, I see you. Ah, there's my perfect girl.
我不想参加什么鬼邪教 谢谢再联♥系♥
Nope, not interested in joining whatever cult this is. Thank you.
不对 请别担心
No, no, worry not!
我们是卡梅拉的实验室同事 我叫埃文 他叫赛特西
We are from Kamala's lab. I am Evan. This is Setseg.
我们来接她去电玩大展会场
We're here to pick her up for the video game convention.
是喔 好
Right. Okay.
你们在这里等一下
Why don't you wait right there?
如果可以的话 请脱鞋
And if you don't mind, please take off your shoes.
不好意思 没办法 我的鞋子跟裤子一体成形
I'm afraid that's not possible. My shoes are connected to my pants.
我的鞋子跟裤子分离 但我脱鞋的话 你保证后悔
My shoes are not connected to my pants, but you do not want me to take them off.
好 就这样吧 是 卡梅拉 你朋友来了
Right, okay, yeah. Kamala, y-your friends are here, ma!
其实我们是她的老板 谢谢
Technically, we're her bosses, thank you very much.
这间房♥子要多少钱？
So how much did this house cost?
我靠
Holy shit!
你干嘛打扮成火星来的性感空服员？
Why do you look like a sexy flight attendant from Mars?
我必须穿成这样才能受同事尊敬
I have to dress this way to get respected in my work.
我找了很久 这是穿着最不暴露的女性角色
It was the least suggestive female character I could find.
我们要赶快走了 幸会
We should skedaddle, but it was a pleasure meeting all of you.
我很喜欢听你们讲母语
I enjoyed hearing you speak your native tongue.
真是非常美丽的语言
It is a beautiful, beautiful language.
愿魔角祝福你们
Blessings upon your horns.
赛特西 开门
Setseg, the door.
-门没关 -我看得到
-It's open. -I can see that.
超级丢脸的
This is so undignified.
我知道
I know.
粒线体
好 线粒体
Okay, mitoshondria.
粒线体啦
Mitochondria.
好
Right.
等于细胞的发电厂
It's the powerhouse of the cell,
能把营养素转换成化学能
which turns nutrients into chemical energy.
帅哥 你答对了
Dude, you got it!
赞啦 我打败科学了
Hell, yeah! Suck it, science!
-你刚才有闻我味道吗？-没有
-Did you just smell me? -No.
好吧
Okay.
我们复习的成果不错 该休息了吧？
I think we've done some good work today. Should we take a break?
派克斯顿 这是第一张字卡
Paxton, this is the first card.
还有99个名词要念 下周一就要考了
You have 99 more terms left to learn before your test on Monday.
靠 念书老是要周而复始
Shit! School's so repetitive.
为什么不能像游泳？
Why can't it be more like swimming?
你的铅笔掉了
You dropped pencil.
谢谢
Oh. Thanks.
其实啊
You know what?
学点比较难的东西对你有好处
Maybe it's healthy for you to learn some things don't come so easy.
-天啊 -走开
-Oh my God. -Move!
哇 他们是谁啊？
Well, well, well. Who are they?
自己一个人就不会做事的 双打组合布莱恩兄弟？
Doubles-partners Bob and Mike Bryan, incapable of doing anything on their own?
迪薇 小班跟我要去接力场地帮忙
Hey, Devi, Ben and I are helping set up the 24-hour relay.
你看谁有"志工"的免费识别证？
Look who got a free badge that says "volunteer"?
老娘我啦
Ya bish!
好棒 我以前有参加女童军团 家里超多识别证
Cool! Yeah, I used to be a Girl Scout, so I have like hella badges at home.
好棒
Cool.
阿妮莎 走吧
Aneesa, come on!
先去抢位子 免得得在流动厕所旁扎营
We gotta get there first so our tents aren't next to the porta-potties.
好 等一下见啰
All right. See you guys later.
她这么高兴干嘛？谁想跑24小时接力赛啊？
Why is she so excited? Who even wants to go to a 24-hour relay?
我啊 超好玩的
I do? It rocks!
不然大家干嘛说这活动叫 "69式三人行"
I mean, there's a reason everyone calls it the 69-hour three-way.
-什么？-大家都去那里亲热的
-Say what? -Everyone hooks up there.
要不是整个周末都要苦读 我一定去
I mean, I'd definitely go if we didn't have to study all weekend.
关于那件事 我也得去
Oh. Uh, about that. I kinda have to go.
不是去亲热 是免得体育被当掉
Not to hook up! Just so I don't fail PE.
什么？没有你 叫我怎么念这些？
Wait, what? How am I supposed to learn all this stuff without you?
最难的字卡制♥作♥粗活都好了
You have the flashcards. That's the hard part.
你只要在这三天一直复习就好
All you have to do is review them over for three days straight.
超好玩的
That's the fun part.
雪曼橡树高中24小时接力赛
嗨 因为我妈是导护老师的头 所以坚持要做队服
Hey! So since my mom is head chaperone, she insisted on making us team shirts.
"茱蒂飞速特队"
"The Jodie Fasters."
哇 你真的没开玩笑
Wow, you weren't kidding.
哇 你决定介绍夏娃给她认识了？
Oh, snap! You decided to introduce her to Eve?
没有 为什么这么说？
No. Why would you say that?
可恶 我忘了她们都会来
Damn, I forgot they were both gonna be here!
她们好像不认得对方
It doesn't seem like they recognize each other.
还好你不用社交网站 这下得救了
Your lack of social media presence has once again saved the day.
现在我得在24小时期间分开她们
I'll have to spend the next 24 hours trying to keep them apart.
别担心 大家都在忙自己的事
Don't worry. Everyone's so consumed with their own stuff
一定会忘记注意其他人在做什么
that they forget to stop and notice what's going on with other people.
例如小班和阿妮莎是怎么回事？
Like for instance, what's going on with Ben and Aneesa?
他们好像很和得来
They seem kind of chummy, right?
你不必担心啦
Oh, you don't have to worry.
小班跟阿妮莎完全不配
Aneesa is way out of Ben's league.
好吗？她不会这么作贱自己
Okay? She would never stoop that low.
别见怪
No offense.
也是 你可能是对的
Facts. You're probably right.
而且这是空地 四周都是家长和老师
And besides, this is an open field surrounded by parents and teachers.
他们要去哪里打炮？
Where would they even do it anyway?
欢迎光临射♥精♥营 报名就能爱爱
Welcome to the Spurt Yurt! Sign up to hook up.
除非你是老师 那么这就是K书中心
Unless you're a teacher. In that case, this is just a study hall.
川特 这是干嘛？
Trent, what is this?
这是合意性♥交♥的安全场所
It's a safe space to consensually rail.
是我对比利怀德《公♥寓♥春光》 经典片的现代致敬版
It's kinda my modern takexa0on the classic Billy Wilder film, The Apartment.
我今年有改善装潢
I really tricked it out this year.
很舒适吧？
It's pretty sweet, huh?
我哥被踢出乐团时偷了那块隔音棉
My brother stole that soundproofing foam when he got kicked out of his band.
所以在里面叫得多大声都行
That means you can O as loud as you want.
哇靠 派克斯顿讲得真对
Holy shit! Was Paxton right?
这个无聊慈善活动真的是杂交晚会？
Was this boring-ass charity event really an all-night orgy?
我的小可颂 你觉得呢？
Well, what do you say, mon petit croissant?
要报名来场情♥色♥冒险吗？
Shall I sign us up for an amorous escapade?
好啊 我背包里有生蚝 可以助兴
Yes, please! I got some raw oysters in my backpack to get us in the mood.
这是报名表？
Is this a sign-up list?
你想要自己来吗？太猛了
Are you thinking about doing a solo sesh? Respect.
迪薇想的果然没错
Devi had been right all along.
这个地方比奥♥运♥选手村还淫乱
This place was more sexed-up than the Olympic Village,
而且班葛罗斯订了晚上9点黄金时段
and Ben Gross had a prime time 9:00 p.m. slot.
你不必当优等生都知道他会携哪个伴
It didn't take a 4.0 GPA to know who his plus-one would be.
喂 是爸爸 我在购物中心要接你
Uh, hi, it's Dad. Um, I'm here at the mall to pick you up.
我把车子停在
I'm parked in front of...
欢迎参加24小时接力赛
Welcome to the 24-hour relay.
大家都知道守则
Now, we all know the rules.
24小时内
One member from each team
每队都要有一人跑一圈1.6公里
must be running the one-mile loop at all times for 24 hours.
各就各位
On your marks!
真可惜 我们在同一队 要不然我一定让你输得惨兮兮
Agh! Too bad we're on the same team, because I'd kick your ass on this course.
亲爱的 谢谢你这样想
Oh. That's cute that you think so, sweetheart,
但是我的粗壮小腿可不同意
but my sick calf definition begs to differ.
砰
Boom.
可恶 他们在吐槽对方 以前这是迪薇和小班的专利
Damn it! They're bantering. That was Devi and Ben's thing.
阿妮莎还要模仿什么？假装捶他手臂吗？
What move was Aneesa going to steal next? A playful punch to the arm?
王八蛋
Son of a bitch!
预备 夏皮罗老师 请宣布起跑
Get set! Mr. Shapiro, please do the honors.
由于我是和平主义者 所以不会鸣枪起跑
As a practicing pacifist, I will not be using a starting gun.
而是改用秘鲁排笛 吹出代表和平的三个音符
Instead, I will be playing three notes of peace on this Peruvian siku.
这表示可以跑了
That means you can go.
小班和阿妮莎两人黏到让人很不舒服
Ben and Aneesa were getting way too close for comfort.
迪薇必须赶快回来 以免夜长梦多
Devi had to get back quickly before anything else could happen,
所以她在这1.6公里必须拼了老命