极品老妈

Mom S05E10

Part 2 Jan. 3, 2020, 9:58 p.m.

我能做到邦妮能做到
I can do it, Bonnie can do it...
蒙着眼睛都能做到而且已经做过了
Can do it blindfolded, and have.
我现在就在做
I'm doing it right now.
他是个麻醉科医师我没任何感觉
He's an anesthesiologist. I feel nothing.
我相信他也没感觉
I'm sure he doesn't either.
-你要去哪 -库珀家
- Where you headed? - Cooper's.
穿成那样吗
Dressed like that?
这就是这件事的好处
That's the beauty of this thing.
不用费任何力
It requires virtually no effort.
我发短♥信♥说起了吗
I text two words: "You up?"
然后就约上了
And bam, it's on.
有次被自动纠正成了"喝汤吗" 但依然约上了
One time it auto-corrected to "Soup?" But it still happened.
你去哪
Hey, where you off to?
超♥市♥
Uh... to the store.
不是关的那家是城市另一边有橄榄专柜的那家
Not the close one, the one across town with the olive bar.
天啊我喜欢橄榄
God, I love olives.
总之我可能要花一段时间
Anyway, I might be a while.
介意顺便带点咖啡吗
Would you mind picking up some coffee?
你妈妈一天喝一整包
Your mom's blowing through a bag a day.
当然
Sure.
既然你要去超♥市♥
Well, as long as you're going... to the store...
能顺便买♥♥点汤吗
...could you pick up some soup?
人人都爱喝鲜香热腾性感的汤
Everybody loves a nice, hot, sexy bowl of soup.
是的汤挺好的
Yeah, soup would be great.
知道了
Got it.
咖啡和汤
Coffee and soup.
她最好了
She's the best.
我弟弟配不上她
My brother does not deserve her.
真贴心
Aw, that's sweet.
你应该在她走之前对她说
You should've told her that before she left.
天啊一次比一次爽
Oh, my God, it gets better every time.
当然了
Sure does.
我得走了
I got to go.
等等
Wait. Wait.
你为什么总急着走
Why are you always in such a hurry to leave?
我忙你也忙
Well, I'm busy, you're busy.
忙忙忙
Busy, busy, busy.
但咱俩处得挺好的对吧
Yeah, but this is working, right?
我觉得是
Works for me.
我周二五点有空
I'm free Tuesday at 5:00,
只要我二十分钟后能回车上就好
as long as I'm back in my car by 20 after.
克丽丝蒂拜托
Christy, come on.
这不再是约炮了
This isn't just hooking up anymore.
不是吗
It isn't?
不是
No.
我彻底爱上你了
I am totally falling in love with you.
是的
Yup.
爱上你
♪ Falling in love with you. ♪
但是你才24岁
But you're a 24-year-old guy.
24岁的男人不会爱别人
24-year-old guys don't fall in love.
我妈妈说我有个老灵魂
My mom says I'm an old soul.
我的灵魂比你老得多
Well, I am a much older soul.
而且我有很多负担
And I have a lot of baggage.
非常非常多的负担
Lots and lots of baggage.
那让我帮你承担
Then let me help you carry it.
天啊
Holy cow.
库珀我只是对你没有同样的感觉
Cooper, look, I just don't have the same feelings for you.
现在我有点尴尬了
Well, now I'm a little embarrassed.
我还摸了你的鼻子什么的
I booped your nose and everything.
我以为我们只是随便玩玩
I thought we were just gonna keep it casual,
你知道的享受时光
you know, having a good time.
你是说只有性吗
You mean just sex?
完全对
Exactly.
我还以为我们想法一致
I assumed we were on the same page.
才不是
Well, we were not.
我问清楚周二五点没戏了吗
So, just to be clear, Tuesday at 5:00 not happening?
邦妮邦妮醒醒
Bonnie, Bonnie, wake up. Bonnie.
该睡觉了
It's sleepy time.
我明早再跟你做
I'll throw you one in the morning.
邦妮邦妮
Bonnie. Bonnie.
好吧但你不会爽到的
Okay, fine, but it's not gonna be the Fourth of July.
我不想做♥爱♥
I don't want to have sex.
为什么不我哪里不好了
Why not? What's wrong with me?
我担心克丽丝蒂她还没从超♥市♥回来
I'm worried about Christy; she never came home from the store.
是啊
Yeah.
她要花很长时间的
Well, she takes forever.
要逛每一个通道跟人聊天
She walks down every aisle, she talks to people,
然后还得找个高个子
then she has to find someone tall
帮她拿货架最上层的东西简直是耍杂技
to get stuff off the top shelf. It's a circus.
我为什么比你更关心你的孩子
Why am I more worried about your kid than you are?
天啊你就像是儿童服务处的那个女人
God, now you sound like the lady from Child Services.
-如果她出事故了呢 -我觉得你反应过度了
- What if she got in an accident? - I think you're overreacting.
我觉得你心太大了我要报♥警♥
I think you're underreacting. I'm gonna call the police.
等等
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
普兰科特家庭规则第一条永远不叫条子
Plunkett family rule number one: no cops, ever.
你什么毛病啊
What is wrong with you?
知道吗你说得对
You know what? You're right.
我要给她发短♥信♥
I'm gonna text her.
她其实给我发短♥信♥了
Oh. She actually texted me.
碰到了温蒂她遇上了危机
Uh, "Ran into Wendy. She's having a crisis.
每天都这样我晚点回来
What else is new? Be home late."
老娘反正是饥渴了你呢
Huh. Well, that made me horny. How 'bout you?
你还没睡啊
Oh, hey, you're still up.
是啊温蒂怎么样
Yeah. How's Wendy?
温蒂
Wendy?
是啊你妈妈说她遇上了危机
Yeah, your mom said she was having a crisis.
对温蒂的危机
Oh, yes. Wendy's crisis.
非常糟糕
So bad.
我们喝了你的汤和咖啡
We ate your soup and drank your coffee.
很遗憾听到这事出什么事了
Sorry to hear that. What's wrong?
我不能说
Ugh, I can't really talk about it.
匿名互助会的秘密女人的秘密
It's an A.A. Thing. It's a lady thing.
匿名互助会女人的秘密
It's an A.A. Lady thing.
知道了
Got it.
很高兴你平安回家了
Well, glad you made it home safe.
我有些担心
I was a little worried.
谢谢
Thanks.
晚安
Night.
晚安
Night.
该死
Oh, damn it.
亚当我撒谎了
Adam, I lied.
我没和温蒂在一起
I wasn't with Wendy.
而是和一个男人
I was with a guy.
一个男人
A guy?
那男人不是你弟弟
A guy who isn't your brother.
我在和帕特里克交往
Yeah, I've been seeing Patrick,
但我脚踏两条船了
but I've also been doing this other thing, and...
我想我有些羞愧
...I guess I'm kind of embarrassed.
好吧
Okay.
我不为你骄傲但是
Well, um, not proud of it, but...
我内心深处
there's a part of me that's...
现在在嘲笑我弟弟
kind of laughing at my brother right now.
很想打电♥话♥吵醒他揭他的伤疤
Tempted to call him up and rub his nose in it.
不行
You can't.
我不会的
I won't. I-I won't.
很好因为我真的很喜欢他
Good, 'cause I really like him.
我搞砸了对吧
I made a mess, didn't I?
就像是吃了一罐辣椒的狗狗
Like a dog after he ate a can of chili.
我的狗就吃过
My dog did that once.
我们得烧掉地毯
We had to burn the carpet...