极品老妈

Mom S05E08

Part 2 Jan. 3, 2020, 9:57 p.m.

I saw one where the mail was stacked up.
我绕到后面打碎了玻璃
I went around back and broke a window.
这可是如假包换的重罪
That's a straight-up felony.
除非你被抓住
Only if you get caught.
那是我唯一一次
It was the one time I really,
真的越界了
you know, crossed the line.
唯一一次吗
The one time?
我做了正常人做的事
I mean, I did what normal people do.
参加一场派对洗劫药品柜
You know, go to a party, raid the medicine cabinet,
翻翻床上的夹克
rifle through the jackets on the bed,
从衣柜拿一件外套穿回家
take an outfit out of the closet, wear it home.
谁会那样做啊
Who does that?
你也许不想听这个
You might not want to hear this,
但你五年前圣诞节就是这样做的
but that's what you were doing Christmas five years ago.
我不敢相信你闯进了某人家
I can't believe you broke into somebody's house.
我也是天啊
Me neither. God...
我从没有想过我让那些人经历了什么直到现在
I never thought about what I put those people through until now.
我很好奇你偷了什么
Just curious, what'd you steal?
现金珠宝肾上腺素针
Mmm. Cash, jewelry, an EpiPen.
希望那家孩子第二天没吃花生
I hope the kid didn't eat peanuts the next day.
原来针是那用处啊
That's what those are for?
只是让我跑得更快了
Oh. It just made me run fast.
听起来真糟糕
Sounds awful.
很抱歉你们经历了这事
I'm sorry you went through that.
是啊我还是有点后怕
Yeah. I'm still pretty shaken up.
你应该养只狗
You should get a dog.
不了谢谢
No, thanks.
我妈妈都没调♥教♥好
My mom's barely housebroken.
猫呢
How about a cat?
防盗猫吗
A security cat?
我家猫在陌生人上门时反应很大
Mine freak out when a stranger comes to the door.
你应该看看我家邮差的脚踝
You should see my mailman's ankles.
我布置了几个便宜的网络摄像头
Well, I did put up some cheap webcams.
看看
Check it out.
客厅厨房♥
Living room... kitchen. u202dMm-hmm.
是的那是邦妮
Yep. There's Bonnie.
看看她
Look at her.
我和荷马·辛普森住在一起
I live with Homer Simpson.
等等她为什么翻我的换洗衣物
Wait, why is she going through my laundry?
更好的问题是她为什么在脱运动裤
Better question, why is she taking off her sweatpants?
那是我的内♥裤♥
That's my underwear.
她在穿我的内♥裤♥
She's putting on my underwear.
天啊难怪我的丁字裤都撑大了
Oh, my God. That's why all my thongs are stretched out.
内♥裤♥里的陌生屁♥股♥
Strange butts in my underwear,
枕头上的陌生屁♥股♥
strange butts on my pillow.
噩梦何时结束
Will this nightmare never end?
等等
Hold on.
-克丽丝蒂我好像找到你的笔记本了 -什么
- Christy, I think I found your laptop. - What?
某人刚发在了克雷格列表网上
Someone just posted it on craigslist,
上面有你差劲的"追随你的梦想"贴纸
and it has that lame "Follow your dreams" Sticker on it.
天啊就是这台
Oh, my God. This is it.
你怎么知道该上这里找
How did you know to look there?
很多人会把赃物放在网上出♥售♥
A lot of people sell stolen stuff online.
至少我是这样听说的
Or so I've heard.
难以置信他们出价三百美元
Unbelievable. They want $300 for it.
Z键都是坏的
The "Z" doesn't even work.
你不用Z键写了一整篇学期论文吗
You wrote an entire term paper without a "Z"?
真厉害[含Z]
That's amazing.
不应该是了不起
No. That's astonishing,
不可思议和惊掉下巴
incredible or jaw-dropping.
你扭什么
Why so squirmy?
就好像你的内♥裤♥尺寸不对一样
It's almost like your underwear is the wrong size.
你管什么
What's it to you?
我在摄像头里看到你穿我的内♥裤♥了
I saw you take mine on the spycam.
你侵犯了我的隐私
That is such a violation of my privacy.
你不能穿着我的内♥裤♥这么说
You can't say that in my panties.
抱歉打断
I hate to interrupt,
但我想就是那栋楼
but I think that's the building.
你确定这是个好主意吗
Are you sure this is a good idea?
什么四个中年女人闲庭信步走进犯罪现场
What? Four middle-aged women waltzing into a crime scene?
那我们该怎么做
What are we supposed to do?
警♥察♥连我电♥话♥都不回
The cops won't even return my phone calls.
为他们辩护一下你留的语♥音♥信息太长了
Well, in their defense, you left super long messages.
去他们的
Well, screw them.
我要去拿回笔记本
I'm gonna go get my laptop back.
我不确定这片地区很危险啊
I'm not sure-- this is a pretty dicey part of town.
拜托我们去过更糟糕的小区
Oh, come on. We've all been in worse neighborhoods
买♥♥毒品
than this to buy drugs.
或者是去贩毒
Or to sell drugs.
或者只是希望跟人见面
Or just hoping to meet someone.
快我们走上街吧
Come on, ladies, let's hit the bricks!
为什么没人上街
Why is no one hittin' the bricks?
真的吗妈妈
Really, Mom?
我现在要保护钻戒了
I have a diamond ring to protect now.
但你的女儿呢你女儿就可以抛弃吗
But your kid, your kid you can lose?
抱歉你说啥
I'm sorry, what?
这人在电♥话♥上听起来危险吗
Did this guy sound dangerous on the phone?
我们只发了电邮
We only e-mailed,
定了时间和地点
just the time and place.
好得有人先进去
Okay, someone's got to go in first.
谁最可以牺牲
Who's the most expendable?
你们都盯着我等着我说温蒂吗
Are you all staring at me so I'll say Wendy?
敲门吧
Just knock. u202d
如果他把我们骗来这里要再抢我们怎么办
What if he lured us here so he can rob us again?
你想跟人见面的啊
Well, you wanted to meet somebody.
姐♥妹♥们♥
Oh, hello, girls.
你们怎么来了
What are you all doing here?
*上帝赐予你快乐先生们*
*God rest ye merry gentlemen*
*让万事充满希望无事令你惊慌*
*Let nothing you dismay*
*请记得基♥督♥ 我们的救世主*
*Remember Christ our Savior*
*诞生于圣诞节*
*Was born on Christmas Day...*
*两只斑鸠和一只站在梨树上的鹧鸪*
*Two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.*
真好听
What a treat!
谢谢你们带来圣诞气氛
Oh, thank you for coming and bringing some Christmas cheer.
我给大家倒一杯热可可怎么样
How about if I make us all a cup of hot cocoa?
太棒了梅尔
That'd be great, Mare.
那贱♥人♥偷了我们的东西
That bitch stole our stuff.
这不合理啊不可能是她
This doesn't make any sense-- it couldn't have been her.
只有我这么觉得吗还是我们的圣诞颂歌♥唱得很棒
Is it just me, or did we sound really good caroling?
你集中注意好吗
Will you focus?
我们在和犯罪主谋打交道
We're dealing with a criminal mastermind.
要小棉花糖吗
Tiny marshmallows all around?
-好啊 -玛丽等等
- Lovely. - Mary, wait a minute.
实际上我们过来是因为一件奇怪的事
Actually, we're here because of a very strange situation.
克丽丝蒂和邦妮被抢了
Christy and Bonnie got robbed.
不
Oh, no.
我能做什么来帮忙吗
Is there anything I can do to help?
实际上也许有
Actually, there might be.
我们追踪我被偷的笔记本到了这个地址
We tracked down my stolen laptop to this address.
我不懂了
I don't understand.
-你把抢走的东西♥藏♥哪儿了老太婆 -妈妈
- Where you hiding the loot, old woman? u202d- Mom.
抱歉你想演坏警♥察♥吗
I'm sorry, did you want to be bad cop?
我们当然不会觉得是你
Of course we don't think it's you.
这里还住着别人吗
Uh... does anyone else live here?
只有我外孙托德
Oh, just my grandson, Todd.
在《法律与秩序》里
On Law & Order,
我们这时候就该交换一个会意的眼色了
this is when we would exchange a knowing look.
不不是我的托德
Oh, no, not my Todd.
他一直是个好孩子
He's always been a good boy.
肯定的我们一些人安慰你
I'm sure he has. Can some of us comfort you
-另一些人搜他的房♥间好吗 -不