极品老妈

Mom S05E01

Part 2 Jan. 3, 2020, 9:56 p.m.

I'm a little nervous.
闭上眼睛假装巨石强森在婴儿抱你
Just close your eyes and pretend The Rock is cradling you.
其实真有帮助
That actually helps.
为什么我们要大老远跑到城市的另一边吃饭
Hey, why are we schlepping all the way across town to eat?
因为我听说斯普迪诺餐厅很棒
Because I heard Spetrino's is amazing.
是啊但我们已经迟了不怪任何人
Yeah, but we're already late-- nobody's fault--
但是我们为什么不去买♥♥个汉堡吃
but, you know, why don't we just go grab a burger?
-汉堡 -克丽丝蒂她想吃汉堡
- A burger? - Christy, she wants a burger.
不不不不能吃汉堡
Nope, no, no, no. There will be no burgers.
这个好男人好心请你去
This wonderful man was thoughtful enough to invite you
一家美丽浪漫的餐厅
to a beautiful, romantic restaurant.
无数女人会毫不犹豫地跟你换位置
Millions of women would trade places with you in a minute,
所以你们要去那里
so you are going to get out there
享受你们人生中最棒的夜晚
and have the best damn night of your life!
好吧放松如果对你那么重要的话
Okay, relax. If it means that much to you.
我们出去时我能建议你
And while we're out, may I recommend you
打个飞机吗
masturbate?
不我真的该学习了
No, I really should study.
克丽丝蒂开门
Christy, open up.
你妈妈说你在家
Your mom told me you're home.
另一个恨她的理由
Another reason to hate her.
娜塔莎我现在真的没空聊天
Natasha, I really can't talk right now.
而你进来了
And you're in.
我需要你的帮助我的社工告诉我
I need your help. My caseworker told me
我必须找份工作才能从寄养家庭接走我女儿
I can't get my daughter out of foster care until I get a job.
我该怎么办啊
What the hell am I gonna do?
找份工作
Get a job?
找什么工作啊
Doing what?!
现在你坐下了
And now you're sitting.
好我们想想
Okay, let's see.
你除了跳脱衣舞还做过什么
What have you done besides stripping?
我曾是个毒贩
I was a coke dealer.
那么销♥售♥经验
So, sales experience.
我在康复中心的工作是打扫厕所
My job in rehab was to clean the toilets.
-维护 -但我贿赂了其他人替我♥干♥活
- Maintenance. - But I bribed other people to do it for me.
管理
Management.
看你会搞定的
See? You're gonna be fine.
我真的得学习了
Now I really need to study.
你看到我站起来了吗
Did you see me stand up there?
也许我可以回去跳脱衣舞
Well, maybe I can just go back to stripping.
机场附近的俱乐部在招人
That club near the airport is hiring.
不是好的那家
Not the nice one.
好吧我明天帮你找工作
All right, I will help you find a job tomorrow.
太谢谢你了
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!
我真的应该上楼
I really should've gone upstairs.
我希望你为甜点留了胃口
I hope you saved room for dessert.
我身高八尺永远有胃口
I'm eight feet tall; there's always room.
但我先得去补妆
But first I got to freshen up.
不能等等吗
Uh, can't it wait?
告诉你女士的"补妆"指的是"小便"
FYI, "Freshen up" Is lady talk for "Tinkle,"
也就是婴儿的"尿尿"
which is baby talk for "Take a whiz."
好吧去吧
Fine, go. It's...
发生了什么
What the hell is going on?
我想某人在甜点里放了戒指
I think someone put a ring in the dessert
为了向他心爱的女人求婚
so he could ask the woman he loves to marry him.
某人真是太逊了
I think someone is lame.
天啊你是那个逊男
Oh, my God, you're the lame guy.
邦妮·普兰科特你愿意嫁给我吗
Bonnie Plunkett, will you marry me?
愿意亚当我愿意嫁给你
Yes, Adam, I will marry you.
打扰一下
Excuse me, uh,
我可以给您再上一份不过要等45分钟
I could get you another one, but it'll take 45 minutes.
不我要看戒指
No! I want to see the ring.
很抱歉我搞砸了
I'm so sorry I screwed this up.
你在开玩笑吗你把浪漫时刻
Are you kidding? You-you took a romantic moment
变成了火灾隐患
and turned it into a fire hazard,
这就是我爱你的原因
and that's why I love you.
拿到了
Got it.
另一个我爱你的原因
Another reason I love you.
亚当真美
Adam, it's... it's beautiful.
打扰了我五十多岁了
Excuse me. I'm over 50,
一个男人给我戴上了戒指没反应吗
and a man is putting a ring on my finger. Nothing?
我会为你当最好的妻子的
I am gonna make you the best wife.
我会努力的
I mean, I'm gonna try.
我觉得我能做到
I think I can do it.
我想做到
I want to do it.
我能做到吗
Can I do it?
你当然能
Of course you can.
你说得对我能做到
Yeah, you're right, you're right, I can do it.
既然我能戒好瘾我就能结好婚
I mean, if I can do sober, I can do marriage.
当然为了坚持戒瘾我得去互助会
Of course I have to go to meetings to stay sober.
没有什么婚姻互助会
There's no, you know, marriage meetings,
除非你在做婚姻调解
unless you're in counseling, and...
我猜我们需要做婚姻调解
Uh-oh, I guess we're gonna need counseling.
一个酒鬼和一个坐轮椅的
And between drunkie and the wheelchair,
我们都知道心理医生会站在谁那边
I think we know who the shrink's gonna side with.
怎么回事
What's happening?
这枚戒指带着期望和责任
What's happening is this ring comes with expectations and responsibilities.
如果说历史教会了我们什么
And if history teaches us anything,
那就是我承受不了那种重担
that's not my bag!
总有一天晚上你会回家吃肉糜卷
I mean, one night, you're gonna come home for meat loaf,
因为周二是肉糜卷夜
'cause Tuesday's meat loaf night.
而你会发现我
Instead, you're gonna find me face down
脸贴在油毯上胳膊上扎着针管
on the linoleum with a needle in my arm!
邦妮深呼吸
Bonnie, breathe.
我做不到
I can't.
没法呼吸
Can't breathe.
没法做肉糜卷
Can't make meat loaf.
我做不到
Can't... do this.
还是得尿尿
Still got to pee.
看来你躲过一劫啊
Looks like you dodged a bullet there.
他是我遇到的最美好的人
I mean, he's the best thing that ever happened to me,
但我就无缘无故地害怕
but all these fears just came out of nowhere.
这让我猝不及防
It just took me by surprise.
我是说
I mean...
你居然睡了吗
Are you sleeping?
我在努力
Trying!
这事也怪你
Hey, you know, part of this is on you.
你知道他要求婚
You knew he was gonna propose.
你可以提醒我一下的
You could've given me a heads-up.
你说得对怪我晚安
You're right, I'm to blame. Good night.
就这样吗
So that's it?
在我需要你的时候你就抛弃我
You're just gonna abandon me in my hour of need.
我七岁时你也抛弃了我咱们扯平了
And you abandoned me when I was seven; we're even.
你当了一周末的荣誉消防员
Hey. You were an honorary fireman for a weekend.
不是所有小孩都这么好运气的
Not all kids get that.
妈妈你想嫁给亚当吗
Mom, do you want to marry Adam?
当然想
Of course I do.
那就打给他道歉
So call him and apologize.
天啊我不知道
Gee, I don't know.
那在我们的婚姻里我就占下风了
Then we start the marriage with me in the hole.
晚安
Good night.
晚安
Good night.
-顺便问句那家餐厅是你的主意吗 -是啊
- By the way, was that restaurant your idea? - Yeah.
-挺不错的 -嗯
- It was pretty good. - Uh-huh.
如果你去那吃饭记得点烩牛膝
If you ever go, try the osso buco.
他们会给你一把小叉子你可以挖骨髓
They give you this tiny little fork, you can dig the marrow...
我不在乎我得睡会儿
I don't care! I got to get some sleep!
抱歉反正也没人带你去吃
Sorry. It's not like you have anyone to take you.
多谢你今天陪我来
Thank you so much for coming with me today.
我很乐意
Happy to do it.
我本该为一场