燃情克利夫兰

这是我有史以来最棒的相亲
Best blind date I have ever had.
搜寻杀人嫌犯
我是不会让这位从我手中溜走的
I am not gonna let this one get away.
妈呀
Oh, boy.
你给乔依找了个杀人犯
You set Joy up with a murderer?
说良心话 当时
Well, to be fair, at the time
我真心以为他就是个张三李四
I just thought he was a complete stranger.
别东扯西拉了 快想想下步怎么做
Now, can we just focus and figure out what we should do next?
电视上有举报电♥话♥
There's a tip line number on the screen.
响了 天呐 怎么会这样
It's ringing. Oh, my god, how did this happen?
我是今晚到这儿以后才选上他的
Well, I kinda sorta picked him when I came in here tonight.
给了他两百 让他卖♥♥力博美人开心
I gave him 200 bucks and told him to show her a good time.
这么说他是杀人犯兼♥职♥男妓
So he's a murderer and a hooker!
喂喂 我是梅兰妮·莫雷蒂
Oh, hello, hello! Yes, this is Melanie Moretti.
你们要抓的疑犯
The suspect that you're looking for
在欧里德的暴风餐厅
is at Stormy's on Euclid.
唯一比甜菜更讨厌的
And the only thing I hate more than beets
就是海伦·米伦
is Helen Mirren.
吻我
Kiss me.
快点快点 他在吻她了
Hurry! Hurry! He's kissing her!
好的 谢谢
Okay, thank you.
好了 他说保持镇定 表现自然
Okay, he said to stay calm and act normal.
在警♥察♥来之前 要尽量把他拖住
And we have to try and keep him here until they arrive.
好的 甩了那两个蹩脚货 专心解决这事
Okay, well, let's just get rid of our dates so that we can focus.
天呐 这样看来 也许我那位不算太差
Oh, gosh, you know, considering everything, maybe my date's not so bad.
我这唬谁呢
Oh, who am I kidding?
没事吧
Everything okay?
这件外套穿你身上 就像世界第九大奇迹
That jacket really does wonders for you.
-是嘛 商店货 不是量胸定做的 -别说胸
- Really, I got it right off the rack. - Don't say rack.
听我说 大雄
Listen, Chester,
我觉得我们没结果的
I don't think it's gonna work out between us.
可我们连晚餐都没吃完
But we didn't even finish dinner yet.
如果我做错什么 对不起
Sorry for whatever it is I did wrong.
等等 过来
Wait, wait. Come here.
打扰下 你觉得他帅吗
Um, excuse me, do you find this man attractive?
她也很可爱 是吧
And she's cute, right?
-是的 -很好
- Yeah. - Good. Great.
不如你坐下 请她喝一杯吧
Why don't you sit down and buy her a drink.
-真的吗 -真的
- Really? - Really.
-那好吧 -不要这样
- Well, okay. - No, no, no.
穿着 永远穿着
Keep that on...Forever.
我们走
Let's go.
大概你说得对
I suppose you're right.
我还没有准备好遗忘过去 重返情场
I guess I wasn't really ready to get out there after all.
没关系 没事的 很高兴认识你
You know what, it's okay. It's okay. It was very nice to meet you,
祝你一切都好
and I wish you nothing but the best.
我想 之所以我对亡妻难以忘怀
You know, I think why my wife's death is so hard on me
是因为我没有机会道别
is that I never got a chance to say good-bye.
我赶到医院时 晚了十分钟
I got to the hospital ten minutes too late.
可怜的人
Oh, you poor thing.
我知道这听起来会很怪
I know this is gonna sound odd,
可你这么像她
but with you being so much like her,
如果我能够向你道别
I feel like it would help give me closure
说出我一直想跟她道别的那些话
if I could say good-bye to you in the way
我就能挥别过去了
that I wanted to say good-bye to her.
这个 这样有用吗
Oh, you know, that's-- I don't know.
-是 这要求太过分了 -是啊
- Yeah, it's too much. - Yeah.
-我了解 我走了 -好的
- I get it. I'll go. - Okay. Okay.
来吧 道别吧
Oh, go ahead, say good-bye.
太谢谢了
Oh, thank you.
亲爱的 你是我此生遇到的最好的女人
Honey, you're the most amazing woman I've ever met.
你的坚强与美德 你的勇气将永远伴我身边
Your strength, grace, and courage will be with me always.
我爱你
I love you.
可以了
Okey-dokey!
我可以吻她一下吗
May I give her a little kiss?
是我不是她 随你啦
It's me, not her. But whatever.
能再和她做一次爱 叫我死我也甘心
I'd give anything to make love to her one last time.
够了 滚蛋吧
And we're done here.
猜猜我碰到什么好事了
Guess what happened to me!
爱尔卡 不是时候 我们现在有大♥麻♥烦
Elka, not now. We're in the middle of a crisis.
我订婚了
I got engaged.
-我就知道你会喜欢他 -他太优秀了
- I knew you'd like him! - He's amazing.
不好 他在买♥♥单 他要溜了 我们得拖住他
Oh, no, he's paying the bill! He's gonna go. We have to keep him here.
天呐 该怎么办
Oh, my god, what are we gonna do?
谁管乔依啊 正说我呢 我要结婚了
Who cares about Joy? What about me? I'm getting married.
古董新娘啊
I'm, like, 100!
听着 维多利亚不小心介绍了个杀人犯给乔依
Listen, Victoria accidentally set Joy up with a murderer.
这下我纠结了
I'm conflicted.
我这辈子难得好好约会一次
I am on a great date for once in my life,
你们怎么都跟白♥痴♥似的 怎么回事
and you guys are acting like idiots. What's going on?
我是临时抱佛脚
Uh, well, I waited until the last minute,
在吧台拉了第一个能看得上眼的来充数
and I just grabbed the first guy I could find at the bar,
我付了他两百和你约会
and I gave him $200 to be your date.
什么 你雇斯蒂夫和我约会
What? You paid Steve to go out with me?
一切都是假的
This is all fake?
老天 这是你最不仗义的一次了
Oh, my god, this is, like, the worst thing you've ever done to me.
更对不起你的在后头
Well, there's more.
他是个 杀人犯
Uh, he's kind of a...murderer.
什么
What?
不过警♥察♥就快来了
But the police are on their way.
各位 他来了
Guys, he's coming.
听着 我们得尽力拖住他
Okay, listen, we have to try and keep him here,
表现自然些
so just act natural.
面对杀人犯 如何自然
How do I act natural with a murderer?
你这样子反着来就行了
Just do the opposite of that.
乔依 可以走了吗
So, Joy, are you ready to go?
我的面包车就在外面
My van's parked out front.
你的面包车
Your van?
他有面包车
He has a van!
你还好吧
Are you okay?
-不如我们一起吃甜点吧 -正是
- Why don't you join us for dessert? - Yes.
说实话 我只想...
You know, to be honest, I was just...
和乔依单独相处
hoping to get Joy alone.
不要 我是说 告诉我我想说什么
No! I mean-- tell me what I mean!
-她病得不轻 -乔依是女同
- She has a rare disease. - Joy's a lesbian.
这里
Hey.
我的天
Oh, God!
现在可以说说我订婚的事了吧
Now can we talk about my engagement?
他痛得倒地打滚的时候
As soon as he was on the floor writhing in pain,
我就看出来
I could see that
通缉画像其实不太像他
the sketch really didn't look that much like him.
那你为什么还要踢他
Then why did you kick him?
警♥察♥也说了 认错是常有的事
The police did say that these mistakes happen all the time.
乔依 这一切都是我的错
Joy, I am so sorry about everything.
当然是你的错 我就知道会这样
You should be. I knew this would happen.
虽然今晚发生了这么多事
Listen, of all the things that happened tonight,
但我唯一不能忘记的
the one thing that I can't get out of my mind
就是你当时的表情
is the look on your face
你以为我终于够朋友了一次
when you thought I had finally done this great thing for you.
只是我的所作所为让你失望了
And then all I did was disappoint you.
我不是好姐妹 我永远不会原谅自己的
I wasn't a good friend, and I will never forgive myself for that.
你当然会原谅自己的
Of course you will.
我也会原谅你
And I will too.
我觉得斯蒂夫非常不错
I thought Steve was the perfect guy
是因为他说的 都是你明确知道我会喜欢的
because everything he said were things you knew I would love.
只有好朋友才会知道那些事
Things only a best friend would know.
你很了解我
You know me well.
可我还是...
Still, I--
请收下我的小小心意
I would like you to have this.
你太了解我了
You know me very well!
至少乔依的那位没有亡妻