燃情克利夫兰

燃情
克利夫兰
第一季 第三集
《燃情克利夫兰》是在摄影棚观众前现场录制的
Hot in Cleveland is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
不知道谁犯事了
I wonder what that's about.
当没见过我
I'm not here.
等等
Wait...
警♥察♥要抓的是你吗
The police are looking for you?
什么警♥察♥
What police?
姐♥妹♥们♥ 两周后就是我们的生日啦
Hey, guys, guess what.It's our birthday in two weeks.
开玩笑吧
You're kidding.
你们同一天生日吗
You all have birthdays on the same day?
不是 不过我们决定
No, no, no, but we decided that,
既然过生日是心头刺
seeing that birthdays are so generally unpleasant...
消沉 害怕
Depressing, scary...
酗酒 烂醉
Drunken, hazy...
我们决定选个平常的日子一起过生日
We decided that we'd just celebrate ours all together on a neutral day.
这样 我们就可以
And that way we don't have to acknowledge
把确实老一岁的那天抛之脑后了
the day that we actually get older.
很管用 我真的不知道自己芳龄几何了
It works great. I really don't know how old I am.
你们生日想要什么
So what do you guys want for your birthday?
敬我如仙女的好男人
A wonderful man who worships me.
-我要两个 -听起来不错
- Two of those. - Oh, that sounds nice.
你们就互送约会对象作为生日礼物吧
Why don't you all get each other dates for your birthday?
太有才了
Now, that is an intriguing idea.
我们自己选男人的品味遭透了
I mean, we're terrible at picking men for ourselves.
五次离婚就是我如山的铁证
I have five divorces to prove it.
我真希望能离一次
I wish I had a divorce.
男人和宠物 我都留不住
I have animals that die.
就这样定了
Let's do it.
每人选一个名字 为她安排约会对象
Everyone's gonna pick a name,and then get a date for that person.
克利夫兰全新庆生会
It'll be our new Cleveland birthday celebration.
到哪里找男人呢
And where are we going to find these men?
这地方好像到处都是男人
They do seem to be all over this town.
我每天都会听到黄段子 看到下流手势不下十次
I get disgusting comments and lewd gestures, like, ten times a day.
真是妙不可言
It is fantastic!
爱尔卡 要算你一个吗
Elka, are you in?
当然要
Sure.
为我选男人的时候要注意
But if you're picking for me,
姐不要胖子哦
I don't do fatties.
好了 爱尔卡 你先选
Okay, Elka, you go first.
维多利亚
Victoria.
-梅兰妮 -爱尔卡
- Melanie. - Elka.
这下可好 我落到维多利亚手上了
Oh, great that means Victoria got me.
那又怎样
So?
你在选礼物方面烂得要死
So you're terrible at picking gifts.
-我算是完蛋了 -别瞎说
- I'm gonna get screwed. - Oh, stop it!
我送礼物可有一手了
I'm a wonderful gift giver.
看我提前送自己的生日礼物多漂亮
See, look at this beautiful pre-birthday gift I just gave myself.
卡迪亚的 我最喜欢了
Cartier. My favorite.
可你根本就不记得这是我们的生日
But you didn't even remember it was our birthday.
但仍然不失为好礼物
Still, it's a great gift.
真好奇我们的礼物什么时候会到
I wonder when our presents will arrive.
你的快到了
Yours will be here soon.
真希望我的那个也是
I wish the same could be said for mine.
我肯定维多利亚还没帮我找到呢
I'm sure Victoria didn't find me anyone.
别这么消极 我帮爱尔卡物色了个非常不错的
Oh, don't be so negative. I got Elka a great date.
我有点紧张
I'm a little nervous.
可能是因为盯着
Or maybe it's just staring at
被乔依称之为发型的鸡窝头的缘故
that rat's nest that Joy calls a hairdo.
让人心烦意乱的
It's so unsettling.
你的紧张让你更加讨嫌
Your nerves are making you unpleasant.
是的 可我一杯红酒下肚就会好了
Yes, but I can fix that by finishing this wine.
可你还得顶着那头鸡窝
You're still stuck with that hair.
爱尔卡 你这是剽窃邱吉尔的笑话
That's not your joke, Elka. That's Winston Churchill's.
邱吉尔被女议员嘲笑醉酒丑态
他说自己睡一觉就好了
而对方却是日日丑陋 永远好不了
我当时在场 所以不算剽窃
It's not stealing if you were there.
爱尔卡 你的约会对象来了
Elka, your date's here.
他长得好帅啊
He's handsome!
-你在哪儿找到的 -老年中心
- Where did you find him? - At a senior center.
我把你的照片发邮件过去 看有没有人感兴趣
I emailed your photo over to see if anybody would be interested.
他是唯一一个会回邮件的人
He was the only one who knew how to email back.
这边 麦克斯
Hey, Max.
梅兰妮 正式认识你很高兴
Melanie, so nice to officially meet you.
你一定就是爱尔卡了
And you must be Elka.
我是
I am.
请允许我说一句 你真人比照片更漂亮
May I say that you're even lovelier than in your picture?
当然可以说
Yes, you may.
过去坐好吗
Shall we?
说实话
To be fair,
在我的电脑里 你的照片是放大显示的
in my computer, your picture is displayed in 200%.
眼口鼻都瞧过了 就是差个全像
I've seen all of you, but not all at once.
打扰下 你好
Excuse me. Hello.
-我是维多利亚·蔡斯 -你好
- I'm Victoria Chase. - Hi.
你愿意假装跟我朋友约会吗
How would you like to pretend to be my friend's date?
她有什么毛病
what's the matter with her?
没有 真的 她长得很漂亮
Nothing, really. She's quite attractive.
坐那边那个 长长的棕色头发
She's sitting right over there with the long brown hair.
给你两百块
I'll give you 200 bucks.
-好极了 -等等 别急
- Great! - Wait, wait, wait.
你不能以本来面目去
But you can't be yourself.
我相信你本人也很棒
I mean, I'm sure you're great,
可我要为她找个非常合她胃口的
but I was supposed to find her a specific type of guy.
那你为什么不直接找一个对路子的
Well, why didn't you if you said you were going to?
快没时间了 我没太当回事儿
Well, I ran out of time, or I didn't prioritize, or...
不好说 我... 关你屁事啊
I don't know, I just-- get off my back!
你是做什么的
What do you do?
现在这种经济形势
Well, with the economy and everything--
好了 我已经没兴趣了
Okay, I'm bored already.
你是个建筑师 她可迷这行的男人了
You are an architect. She goes crazy for them.
好吧
Okay...
你养了三条狗 都不是纯种的
And you have three dogs, but not purebreds.
她不喜欢养纯种狗 想想还有什么
She'd never go for that. Let's see, what else?
夸她的耳垂漂亮 别问我原因
Oh, compliment her earlobes. Don't ask me why.
最喜欢的颜色 灰绿
Favorite color, celadon.
别点甜菜 千万别提海伦·米伦
Don't order beets, and do not mention Helen Mirren.
-你叫什么 -斯蒂夫
- What's your name? - Uh, Steve.
不不 还是叫阿利斯泰的好
No, no, I think that you are an Alistair.
-改名再加50美元 -那就斯蒂夫吧
- Then I think I need another 50. - Okay, Steve's good.
我肯定死很惨
Well, I'll be damned.
这是我的朋友 梅兰妮和乔依
These are my friends Melanie and Joy.
-你好 -这位是斯蒂夫
- Hi. - And this is Steve.
他是建筑师
He's an architect.
我是
I am.
我还喜欢狗
And I like dogs.
我也喜欢狗
I love dogs.
你养了狗吗
You have dogs?
是的 非纯种狗
Yes, yes. Uh, mutts.
我对狗很博爱
I mean I love all dogs,
只是我不赞成从那些宣扬纯正血统的狗贩子
but I just don't see the point of buying a dog
手里花大价钱去买♥♥狗 明明就有
from an industry that promotes inbreeding and puppyvilles
很多普通犬在外流浪 需要一个家
when there are so many mixed breeds out there in need of a home.
我完全赞同你的说法
I feel exactly the same way.
那我们找个位置详聊如何
Well, should I try to go round us up a table?
-当然好 -好的
- Sounds great. - All right.
怎样
So...
看来我得向你道歉
I owe you an apology.
你的确是位善解人意的好朋友
You truly are a wonderful friend
为我物色了这么好的男人
who seems to have found me a great guy.
对不起 我真是低估你了
I'm sorry. I really underestimated you.
我接受你的道歉
Oh, well, I accept your apology.