难以伺候

Oh man.
借过 抱歉 操了
Excuse me. Sorry. Fuck.
我的天 今天可别漏啊
Oh my God. Oh, this is not happening today.
找到了
Here we go!
亚瑟
现在能出来聚聚吗
今天很忙 两小时后行吗
艾莉丝 你想自己来还是需要帮忙
Iris, do you want privacy or do you want help?
-我能行 -好的 记住 从前往后
- I can do it. - All right. Remember, front to back.
我能跟她一起进去吗 我想给她讲故事
Can I go in with her? I want to tell her a story.
我们先等等 等她出来后再讲
Let's wait. We can tell her a story later.
但我能帮她擦屁屁
But I can help her wipe.
不用了 她说不需要帮忙
That's okay. She said she doesn't want help.
但我想帮她擦屁屁
But I want to wipe for her!
-你不能帮她擦屁屁 亲爱的 -为什么
- You can't wipe for her, sweetie. - Why not?
你就帮我们擦
You get to do it for us.
我是大人 所以我要帮你们
I'm an adult, so I help you both
-直到你们学会自己擦 -爸爸
- until you learn how to wipe... - Daddy.
但这不是朋友会为对方做的事情
...but that's not really something friends should be doing for each other.
上完厕所 不如我们去
After we do this, why don't we go--
不 简 停下
No, Jane, stop.
-我觉得你处理得很好 -谢谢
- I think you handled that well. - Thanks.
等等 那是黛比·哈利吗
Wait, that's Debbie Harry, right?
嗯 照片大概是七十年代末拍的
Yeah, that's done from, like, the late '70s or something.
-很酷吧 -是啊 黛比看上去不舒服
- It's pretty cool, right? - Yeah, Debbie looks uncomfortable.
这些饼干多少钱
Hey, how much are these cookies?
十块 我喜欢是因为它们劲儿不太大
They're ten. I like them because they're not too strong.
-是吗 -吃了还能干事
- Yeah? - So you can, like, do stuff.
好 听上去很完美
Okay, yeah. That sounds perfect.
那我就来 给我三块吧
Yeah, I'll take, like, three of them, maybe?
好 一共是一百一十块
Okay, so that's a hundred and ten, then.
好的 我看看
Okay, let's see.
别吃太多饼干 容易上头
Don't eat too many cookies, 'cause they're gonna get ya.
上头上头上头
"Get ya, get ya, get ya."
-真不错 -走廊臭死了
- That's good. -Phew! That hallway reeks!
我又得去跟隔壁的父母谈谈了
I'm gonna have to talk to the parents next door again.
他是谁
Who's this?
-你好 -这是…
- Hi. - Oh, this is, uh--
你的大♥麻♥贩子吗
Your drug dealer?
-你逗我吗 -什么
- Are you kidding me? - What?
-真不敢相信 -我先走了
- I don't believe this. - I'm just gonna go.
亚瑟 你知道我不碰大♥麻♥的
Arthur-- Arthur, you know I'm drug-free.
-你知道我不碰大♥麻♥的 -我知道 对不起
- You know I'm drug-free! - I know. I'm sorry.
-我会放在我自己房♥间 -我走了
- I'll keep it in my room. - I'm on my way out.
-别担心 -没错
- Don't worry about it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
你安静地离开 把胡子刮了 再也不见
You be quiet, you leave, and shave your beard. Buh-bye.
等等 别这样 真不好意思
Wait, come on. Hey, I'm sorry about that.
-回头跟你说 祝好运 -赶紧走
- I'll talk to you later, man. Good luck. - Yeah, buh-bye.
-亚瑟 你违反了协议 -什么
- Arthur, you have violated our agreement. - What?
我租的是一个禁止大♥麻♥的公♥寓♥单间
I am renting a room in an apartment that is drug-free.
如果没有禁止大♥麻♥ 那我就不用付钱
And if it isn't drug-free, I don't have to pay.
你疯了吗
Wh-- are you crazy?
你当然得付钱 所以我才要找室友啊
Of course you have to pay! That's why I got a roommate.
这简直太荒唐了
That's-- that's ridiculous.
没错 凡事都有后果
Yep, there are consequences.
-什么 -而且你尿完尿
- What is--? - And you don't wash your hands,
-都不洗手 -什么 我洗了
- after you pee. - What? Yes, I do.
你还随时在公♥寓♥里晃着你的屌♥
And you flop your ding-dong all over the apartment.
你摸完屌♥也不洗手
You touch it and you don't wash your hands.
我绝对有洗手的习惯
Oh, I totally wash my hands,
你要是不满意 那你就搬走啊
and if you're not happy, maybe you should just move out.
这个月还没到月底 别逼我
The month's not over, so don't make me
-送你上小额索赔地方法♥院♥ -什么 法♥院♥
- take you to small claims court. - What? Small claims court?
我可不会...
And I'm not going to--
-我都不知道那是什么 -这样才公平
- I don't know what that is. - It's only fair.
还有 你用我的净♥水♥器♥还欠了我不少呢
Plus, what you owe me for the use of my water filter.
我不可能欠你那种钱
I can't owe you money for that.
你每次用水池 都会用到我的净♥水♥器♥
You use my water filter every time you use the sink.
不是我主动想用的 那是连着的
I have no choice. It's attached.
我只是想保护你的松果体
Well, I'm only protecting your pineal gland
-不受政♥府♥的毒害 他们想用氟化物 -啥
- from a government that uses fluoride... - What? Oh.
消灭智商低的人群
...to limit the IQ of the population.
-简直不讲理 -而且贵得要死
- This is ridiculous! - And it's very expensive!
才不是真的
It's not true!
贵得要死
It's extremely costly!
亚瑟
Arthur?
干什么
What?
你...
Do you...
你喜欢我吗
Do you like me?
当然 你...
Sure. I mean, you're...
我觉得我们差异很大
I think we're very different.
我不会告你的 我喜欢住在这里
I won't sue you. I like living here.
那就好 我就放心了 谢了
That's good. And that's a relief, thanks.
你不用谢我
You don't have to thank me.
这公♥寓♥真的很棒
It really is a beautiful apartment.
那是月光洒了进来吗
Is that moonlight streaming in like that?
不是 只是路灯
Oh, no. It's just a street lamp.
这城市真是变化太大了
The city sure is changing.
我还记得第一次看到警♥察♥
I remember the first time I saw the cops
闪着警灯开进村里
blasting those big lights into the Village.
他们觉得那能吓走吸毒的
They thought it would scare off the junkies.
灯光直接照进我的窗户 吵醒了我
It came right into my window and woke me up.
我当时跟一个男朋友在一起
I was with a boyfriend.
总之 这能回答你的疑问了吗
Anyway, does that answer your question?
我没问问题
Um, I didn't ask a question.
之前的事我真的很抱歉
I'm really sorry about earlier,
我只是不习惯做别人的室友
but I'm just not used to being a roommate.
我把你留在外面的饼干吃了
And I-I-I finished that cookie thingy you left out.
看起来太好吃了
It just looked so good.
实在抱歉
Mmm. I'm really sorry.
我的牛顿饼吃完了
I ran out of my Fig Newtons,
我特别想吃饼干
and I just had a craving.
没关系
Oh, uh, that's okay.
只剩了一点 你会...
Um, there was just a little bit left, and you'll be...
-你没事的 -好的
- You're fine. - Okay.
我所有的朋友
All of my friends have been
多年前就被这城市吃干抹净了
chewed up and spat out by the city years ago.
我也许该搬去别的地方
I should probably move somewhere else,
但我在别处不认识任何人
but I don't know anyone anywhere else.
不过我在这里也没有任何熟人了
But, heck, I don't even know anyone here anymore.
-没有了 -你哥哥呢
- Not really. - What about your brother?
-他住在哪 -新泽西
-Where does he live? -Jersey.
-在奥兰治城 住着大房♥子 -好吧
- In Orange, nice big house. -Okay.
所以你在新泽西有熟人 为什么不搬过去
So, you know someone in Jersey. I mean, why not move there?
他讨厌我
He hates me.
不
No...
不是他在帮你租♥房♥♥吗
I mean, isn't he helping you with your rent?
不 他是出钱让我离他远点
No, he's paying me to stay away.
好了 别再自怨自艾了
Okay. No more pity party.
我喜欢这个 这是什么曲子
I love this. What is this jam?
选得好 亚瑟
Nice choice there, Arthur.
-谢谢 -真的
- Oh, thank you. - Yes.
费西乐团 高一的时候听的
Yeah. Phish. Freshman year of high school.
-迷幻乐 -对
- Psychedelic. - Yeah.
挺棒的吧
It's pretty good, right?
晚安 小亚瑟
Good night, Artie.
真美
Chemtrails.