鬼屋欢乐送

那个条约是我的功绩
That treaty was my legacy.
很好笑是吧 好吧
Oh, yeah, oh, very, very funny. Fine!
我证明给你们看
I'll prove it to you! Mmm. Yeah.
你们等着
You'll see.
想象一下我摔门而去
Imagine that slammed!
*爸爸自己动手 丰衣足食*
*Daddy's gonna give it some DIY, DIY...*
给他们看看
Right. I'll show them.
这才对嘛
That's better.
不不不 不对 太可怕了
No, no, no, no, no, that's worse! This is awful!
我要写信给业主
I shall write to the owners.
但我的羽毛笔呢
But where's my quill?
可能落在楼下了
Maybe I left it...downstairs.
快砌起来 笨蛋
Oh, brick it up, you oaf.
我不能跟这个白♥痴♥一起住下去
I refuse to spend eternity in the company of a halfwit.
我们不是朋友吗
I thought we were friends!
朋友是智力平等的同龄人 基蒂
Friends are peers and intellectual equals, Kitty.
-咱俩不是 -好吧
- We are neither. - Fine!
那我就不让你坐我的独木舟了
Then I'm not letting you go in my canoe.
我
I just...
好了
Right, then.
旧热水器
Old boiler.
朱利安·福塞特下院议员的功绩
让那些傻瓜看看
This'll learn those berks.
没什么好怕的
There's nothing to be scared of.
*爸爸要修热水器了*
*Daddy gonna fix the boiler now...*
*油管会教爸爸怎么修*
*YouTube gonna show Daddy how...*
朱利安·福塞特下院议员的功绩
修旧热水器
无网络
拜托
Come on!
事与愿违呀
It's not playing ball, is it?
-他在干什么 -不 爸爸
- What's he doing?- Oh, no, Daddy.
不 你得给进水泵加水 打开进气回路
No, you need to prime the inlet pump, open the induction loop,
重新加压系统 然后连接供气
repressurise the system, then connect the gas feed,
然后点燃
and then ignite the...
或是用锤子砸它
Or just hit it with a hammer.
难以置信
Unbelievable.
-技术恐惧症 -是啊
- Technophobe. - Yeah.
要想把她击溃 就得持续打击
Right. It's going to take a sustained assault to grind her down,
所以我们得轮班
so we'll take it in shifts.
我先吧 我们有种默契
I'll go first! We have a connection.
灵魂的羁绊吧
A frisson, if you will.
我先吧 告诉她土地的概况
Maybe I should go first. Let her know the lay of the land.
不 这是一场军事战役
No. This is a military campaign,
我一向身先士卒
and I'm not the sort to bring up the rear.
我先去
No, I'll go first.
然后是你 帕特
And then you, Pat,
然后是玛丽
and then Mary, and...
天哪 那是什么
Good heavens. What on Earth is that?
那是电视的前面
Ah, now, that is the front bit of a television.
我不知道后面哪去了
I don't know where the back bit is,
-但那是前面 -太厉害了
- but that's the front! - Extraordinary.
-热水器修好了吗 -还没有
- Any luck with the boiler? - Nah, not really.
坏得很严重
It's in a pretty bad way.
像是有个白♥痴♥拿锤子把它砸了
Looks like some idiot has taken a hammer to it.
我明天再看看
I'll have a look at it tomorrow.
把这个和屋顶的那个连起来
Connect this one to the one from the roof
应该就有
and we should...
画面了
...get a picture.
去屋顶
Right. Over the top we go!
无信♥号♥♥
听着
Now look here.
作为一名英军军官
As a officer of His Majesty's Armed Forces...
我有责任通知你
...it is my duty to inform you
我们认为你是敌方叛乱分子
that you are considered an enemy insurgent
你应该把领土上交给现有部队
and you should surrender your territories to incumbent forces
立即执行
with immediate effect...
或者将面对 好吧
...or face the prospect... OK.
很好 我知道你在干吗
Very good. I see what you're doing.
我也可以
Two can play at that game!
自己安装电视天线
*我是现代少将的楷模*
*I am the very model of a modern Major-General*
*我了解植*
*I've information vegeta...*
*动物和矿物*
*...ble, animal and mineral*
*我认识英国的国王 可以按顺序分类引述*
*I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical*
*历史上从马拉松到滑铁卢的战役*
*From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical!*
你躲得过初一 躲不过
You can run, but you can't...
你好啊
Hello to you.
你好 欢迎
Hello! And welcome!
我代表自己和死去的伙伴 向你
On behalf of me and my fellow dead people, may I just say...
直接开始转啊 好吧
Oh, straight onto the tour, OK!
你左边是主人房♥
On your left is the Master's chamber,
用法语可以这么说
or "Chambre", that's French.
等等
Wait!
你真漂亮
You beautiful girl.
朱利安·福塞特下院议员的功绩
不
Oh, no.
福塞特一事无成
保守党致命的性耻辱
下院议员死亡闹剧
不 不 不 不
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
接下来是希♥特♥勒♥的秘密超级武器
Up next, Hitler's Secret Superweapons.
天啊 这简直是圣诞节 圣诞节的早晨
Good Chr... I mean, it's Christmas, it's Christmas morning!
艾莉森
Alison?
艾莉
Aly?
你在干什么 先生
What the bally hell do you think you're doing, sir?
你对坦克做了什么
What have you done with the tanks?
快打开
You turn that back on this instant...
你去哪
Where are you going?
你要是鬼 我就抽你屁♥股♥了 先生
If you were dead, I would thrash your bottom, sir!
这边是新住♥宅♥区
And there's been a settlement on this site for well over...
有段时间了 尽管这部分建筑只是
...well, a while now, although this part of the building is only...
你不存在
You're not real.
-我们是死了 但我们 -我听不见
- Well, we're not alive, but we are... - I can't hear you.
-很明显你可以 因为 -我不能
- Well, clearly you can, because... - No, I can't.
你一直在回复我
Well, it's just...you keep answering me...
-我没有 -那为什么
- No, I don't. - So why...?
到我了
My turn?
抱歉 汤姆 队长说下一个是玛丽
Sorry, Tom, Captain said that Mary's next.
让开 你这个笨蛋
Get out my way, you soppy bit o' rag.
祝你好运
Good luck.
然而她不怎么爱闲聊
Although she's not much of a one for chitchat.
不用担心我
Oh, don't you worries about me.
我有小诀窍
I've got something up my sleeves.
出去 出去 出去
Get out, get out, get out,
出去 出去 出去
get out, get out, get out, get out, get out,
出去 出去 出去 出去
get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out,
出去
get out...
天啊
Oh, my...!
经典
Classic.
-对 换热水器 -我的条目得修改一下
- Yes, to replace the boiler. - So it needs amending. My entry.
来反映我的政♥治♥成就
To reflect my political achievements.
你说什么 对不起
What did you say, sorry?
比我糟糕的人多了去了 相信我
There's plenty who've done worse than I did, believe you me.
我的电♥话♥号♥码
My phone number...
-沃特尼下院议员还玩马 -079
- The MP for Watney got horses involved. - 0-7-9...
-不止一匹 -079
- Yeah, that's plural! - 0-7-9...
-还有夏尔马 -抱歉 07
- Horses! It was the shire ones as well. - Sorry, 0-7...
-火炬马之类的 -我过会回你吧
- You know, the ones with the flares? - Can I call you back?
女勋爵得手持刀叉
A lady employs a knife AND fork.
女勋爵得自己捏 妓♥女♥才用胭脂
A lady pinches. Whores use rouge.
女勋爵不能这么拿胡萝卜
A lady does not hold a carrot like that.
女勋爵不能对身体做这种事
A lady wouldn't tell me to do that to myself!
出去 出去 出去
Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out,
出去 出去 出去
get out, get out, get out,