鬼屋欢乐送

He's coming, he's coming, he's coming.
特里 我们晚点再聊
Listen, Tel, let's chat numbers later,
现在 来杯好喝的罗西李茶如何
and in the meantime, how about a nice cup of old Rosie Lee?
好 不加奶 四块糖
Oh, yeah. No milk, four sugars.
好啊 当心
OK... Watch out!
天啊 特里 这糖放得也太多了
For the sugar, Terry! Come on, that's too many.
-是吧 迈克 -嗯
- Isn't it, Mike? - Yeah.
-确认下 又见鬼了吧 -是的
- Just checking that was a ghost thing, right? - Yep.
因为有鬼 所以你才这么奇怪吧
There are ghosts in here, which is why you went weird?
这里有一只 那也有一只
Just one there and one there.
-是的 我们在这 -我们在这
- Yes, we're here, we're here. - Here we are.
-是的 -好吧
- Yep. - OK.
帕特 你不舒服吗
Pat, are you not well?
不 我很好
Oh, no, I'm fine.
明天是我的祭日
It's just that tomorrow's my death day
所以 我总是有点情绪化
so, you know, I always get a bit emotional...
孩子是怎么生出来的
How are babies made?
艾莉森 我的艾莉森
Alison, my Alison.
你就像是
You are like a...
-像 -对不起
- ..Like a... - Yeah. Sorry,
我很感激这么快通知我
I appreciate it's such short notice and that,
但我们有很多垃圾要清理
but we've just got so much rubbish to clear up.
特别多 真的
I mean, loads of it. Seriously.
建筑工真差劲 是吧
Builders are awful, aren't they?
1986年
I had a terrible time
我扩建宾顿时 就挺烦人的
when I was extending the Bramptons back in '86.
那是一个牛津郡建筑群
It's a modest Oxfordshire pile.
11间卧室 网球场 防水淋浴室等等
11 bedrooms, tennis courts, wet room, blah-blah-blah-blah.
听起来花了不少钱
Sounds frightfully expensive.
不 我没花钱 我用了下院议员的经费
Oh, no, I didn't pay for it, no. I ran it through MPs' expenses.
伟大的英国纳税人买♥♥的单
The great British taxpayer covered it.
一群可爱的蠢货 我说到哪了
Wonderful idiots! Now, where was I?
对 建筑工
Oh, yes, builders.
他们都是小偷 不是吗
Well, I mean, they're all thieves, aren't they?
修修补补的
Tinkers to a man.
制♥造♥噪音 聊聊足球 不入流的笑话
All the noise, the football chat, the potty banter.
等等 就这样
Wait a minute, that's it!
就哪样
What's what?
我们只要监视这些建筑工
All we have to do is watch these builders closely
如果他们行为不端 就告诉艾莉森
until they commit some sort of misdemeanour, report it to Alison...
她会把他们骂走的[耳朵里有个跳蚤]
And she'll send them away with a flea in their ear.
-没错 -咱们安排下
- Yes! - Let's get organised.
我耳朵里就有跳蚤
I have flea in ear.
但你死了
But you're dead.
跳蚤也是
So is flea.
我还有蠕虫
I also have worms.
这里有两个
There's two in here.
一对蠢货
A proper pair of oiks.
这就是瓮中捉鱼
This'll be like shooting fish in a barrel,
我还真干过这事
which I did for real once.
在伯恩茅斯的工党大会上 非常有趣
Party Conference, Bournemouth. Great fun.
我今天可能会早点走 维克西
I might sneak off a bit earlier today, Wixy.
真是轻而易举
This is going to be easy.
没什么问题 你要去哪里
Shouldn't be a problem. Where are you off to?
我得回去弄那个社区项目的事
I need to get back to that community project thing.
对 医院的儿童游乐场
Oh, yeah, the kids' playground at the hospital.
做好事是一回事
Well, I mean, there's being nice, that's one thing,
但这好事也太奇怪了
but that's just weird nice.
还好多建筑工呢 走吧
All right. There's plenty more where they came from. Come along.
帕特
Pat!
你还好吧
You all right?
明天是我的祭日
Tomorrow's my death day.
祭日 快乐
Happy...death day.
很遗憾 帕特 我从来没有问过你
I'm really sorry, Pat. I've actually never asked you,
你到底是怎么死的
how did you die, exactly?
对不起 我在开玩笑 开玩笑
Sorry, no. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
我只想缓和一下情绪 但失败了 抱歉
I just wanted to lighten the mood, and it hasn't worked. Sorry.
-对你来说一定很难过 -确实
- That must be really hard for you. - Yeah, it is, yeah.
但从好的方面来说 我能见家人 所以...
But on the plus side, I get to see my family, so...
什么 什么
What? What?
嗯 每年他们都来祭奠
Yeah. Every year, they come to pay their respects.
他们明天会来 就在那边
They'll be here tomorrow, over there.
嗯 那曾经有一棵树
Yeah, it used to be a tree,
但1987年大风暴中吹倒了
but it blew down in the great storm of 1987.
人们说那是场风暴
I mean, people say it was a storm,
但那是一场飓风 艾莉森
but it was a hurricane, Alison.
见到家人也不错吧
Well, that'll be nice, to see your family.
给他们捎个信儿是不是挺好的
And I thought, wouldn't it be great to pass on a message to them?
不 帕特 这主意不好
Oh, no, Pat. I don't think that's such a great idea.
挺好啊 我可以让卡萝尔知道我很好
Oh, it is. I could let Carol know that I was OK.
全家人都来 戴利 我儿子和他女朋友
The whole family come! Daley, he's my son, and his girlfriend,
他们会来 还有卡萝尔的丈夫莫里斯
they'll be there, and...and Carol's husband Morris.
她再婚了
She remarried?
没关系
It's fine.
我为他们感到高兴
I'm very happy for them.
莫里斯其实是我最好的朋友
Morris was actually my best mate,
所以他和卡萝尔结婚是件好事
so it was really lovely when he married Carol.
他总是支持她
He was always such a support to her,
我死前就是这样
even before I died.
那时他总来
He was always round.
他有套钥匙
He had his own set of keys.
我记得有个周日 我从夏令营回来
I remember, one Sunday, I came back from camp
我发现走廊里都是他的衣服
and I found all his clothes in the hallway.
所有的衣服 他的袜子 内♥裤♥
Everything, his socks, his knickers,
都散落在楼梯上
they were all strewn up the stairs.
不
Oh, no.
嗯
Yeah.
-不 -不
- Oh, no. - Oh, no.
卡萝尔
Carol!
有鬼在吗
Anyone dead in here?
别担心 这只是时间问题
Don't worry, it's only a matter of time.
骗人是建筑工的天性
Builders are born to hustle.
-与生俱来 -等一下 机会来了
- It's in their DNA. - Oh, hang on a minute. Ah, there we are!
-太好了 -他来了
- That's perfect. - Here he comes!
我们的工作完成了
Our work here is done.
-迈克 -怎么了
- Oi, Mike! - Yeah?
什么
What?
-你的钱包掉了 伙计 -开玩笑吧
- You dropped your wallet, mate. - You've got to be joking.
-该死 -真是棘手啊
- Damnation! - Tough nuts to crack, this lot.
让我想起1942年沙漠中的蒙蒂
Reminds me of Monty in the desert in '42.
-是吗 -裹足不前
- Oh, yeah? - Totally hemmed in.
-有趣 -但他坚持住了
- Interesting. - But he persisted.
目前就是这种局面
Oh, this is happening now.
-你要去哪里 -去酒吧
- Where are you off to? - I'm going to the pub.
迈克 还不到中午
Mike, it's barely midday.
嗯 有时候 男人只是想
Yeah, well, sometimes, you know, a guy just wants to...
你要学格拉斯顿伯里音乐节那次吧
You're doing a Glastonbury, aren't you?
好吧 我承认我有些问题
OK. So, I admit I have some issues.
迈克 你离开音乐节去便便了
Mike, you left the festival to go for a poo.
不仅仅是露营 是整个音乐节
Not just the campsite, the entire festival.
我需要空间便便 周围人太多时就够费劲了
So I need poo space. It's hard enough when people are close by,
更别说还有一堆鬼魂围着我
let alone when there might be ghosts in there with me.
不过你能搞定 对吧
You've got this covered, though, yeah?
-项目经理 -能
- Project manager? - Yeah!
-谈个好价 -当然
- Get us that deal! - Sure.
他们没监视你
They're not watching you!
-我有 -别偷偷靠近我
- I am! - Oh, my God! Stop sneaking up on me!
你好 特里 喝杯茶吗
Hello, Terry. Can I get you a tea?
不用了
No, you're all right.
艾莉森
Oh, Alison...
我的艾莉森