离婚

我在找工作
I'm looking for a job.
就从大街上吗
Right off the street?
是的 就从大街上
Yep. Right off the street.
《离婚》前情提要
你有前置胎盘 宝宝会没事的
You have placenta previa. The baby will be fine,
但你得卧床休息
but you're gonna have to be on bed rest.
-杰姬怀孕了 -是的
- Jackie's pregnant? - Yeah.
天啊 我没事
Oh God. I'm fine, I'm fine.
-你要有新室友了 -什么
- You're getting a new roommate! - What?
你想在我一个人拥有整个公♥寓♥的
You wanna live with me on the nights
那些晚上搬来和我一起住吗
that I have the whole apartment to myself?
她把维生素碾碎 放进我的麦片里 弗朗西丝
She crushes up vitamins and puts them in my cereal, Frances!
我会好好休息的
I'm going to crush it on bed rest.
我要去办些事
I'm gonna run some errands,
我会干翻这个待办事项清单的
and I'm gonna kick this to-do list in the dick.
-我找到了一份工作 -做什么的
- I got a job. - Doin' what?
帮助鸟类
Helping birds.
那很好 对吧
That's good! Right?
我要...
So, should...
你先说还是我先说
Are you gonna start or, or shall I start?
不 请便
No. Be my guest.
好吧
Okay.
孩子们
Well, kids...
我们又齐聚一堂 召开众所周知的家庭会议
Here we are again, the proverbial family meeting.
这次
Um, this one is, uh...
今晚的家庭会议很有意思
This one is interesting tonight.
是关于一件
Uh, it's something that...
我觉得
I don't think...
我俩谁也没想到会...
either of us expected that we would be...
-接下来我来说吧 -有必要
-You know, I'll take it from here, - ...having to
谢谢了
thank you.
我只需要你推我一把
I just needed a nudge in the right direction.
杰姬和我要有孩子了
Jackie and I are having a baby.
我
Now, I...
我知道这是未知的情况
I know we're in uncharted waters here,
我觉得我们该直入主题
so I feel like we should just dive in, you know?
是计划内的吗
Uh, was it on purpose?
-回答吧 罗伯特 -好
- Take it away, Robert. - Okay, so...
如果你在问 这是否是上帝的计划
If you're asking does God have a purpose...
我没有问那个
I wasn't asking that.
-她没有问那个 -等等 所以你
- No, she wasn't asking that. - Wait, hold on. So you...
不不 直接说吧 汤姆
No, no, no, no, no. Go for it. Go for it, Tom.
所以是意外
So it was an accident?
我想说 这更多是
Um, I would say it was more along the lines
幸运的意外
of a blessed surprise.
-哇 -真神奇 因为
- Wow. - Fascinating, 'cause...
我记得你一遍又一遍地对我强调
I remember you talking to me over and over and over
确保一直要用...
about making sure to always use...
天啊 我们得聊这事吗 好恶心
Oh, God, do we have to talk about this? It's gross!
杰姬和我是成年人
Jackie and I are adults,
我们做出了一些选择
and certain choices were made...
但你说过那是意外
But you said it was a surprise.
-幸运的意外 -你得别这么说了
- Blessed surprise. - You gotta drop that, really.
妈妈 你没意见吗
And, Mom, you're okay with it?
我吗 天啊 我当然没意见
Me? Oh, God, yeah. No, of course I'm okay.
当然了 这是幸运的意外
Of course. Yeah, yeah. It's a-- it's a blessed surprise.
离婚 第三季第二集
-莱拉 亲爱的 -怎么了
- Hey, Lila, honey. - Yeah?
你想过去试穿那条裙子吗
Do you wanna go over there? You wanna try that other one again?
没带子的那条裙子
You know, the one with the-- doesn't have any straps?
不要了 你随便选吧
No. No, you can just pick something out.
-真的吗 -是啊
- Really? - Yeah.
过来
Come here.
天啊 整件事就是一场噩梦
Oh, my God. This whole thing's a nightmare!
婚礼 宝宝
The wedding, the baby.
你难道不想
I mean, don't you just
用拳头打穿板墙吗
wanna punch your fist through some dry wall?
想 不想
Yes. No.
我不知道 这令人困惑
I don't know, it's confusing. It's, uh...
这个星期六 罗伯特就要娶别人了
This Saturday, Robert is marrying someone else.
这不该让我烦恼 但是
Shouldn't bother me, but...
总之 孩子们似乎没事
Anyway, the kids seem like they're gonna be okay.
如果那
And then, you know, if that's...
就这样 结束
So, done. Done. End of story.
谢天谢地他们缩减了仪式的规模
Well, thank God that they've scaled down on the ceremony.
你不用过去假装
Now you don't have to go and pretend,
我对一切都没意见
"Oh, I'm so cool with everything.
这个该死的怪胎秀
This fucking freak show."
这不是怪胎秀 但我松了一口气
It's not a freak show, but I am relieved.
他们结婚了 我可以坐在家里的
They get married, I get to sit at home
沙发上看《泰♥晤♥士♥报♥》
on my couch with the Times,
被开心果壳包围
surrounded by pistachio shells.
-很完美 -你这个可怜可爱的扯谎精
- It's perfect. - You poor, sweet little bullshitter.
-你知道这周末我要为你做什么吗 -什么
- Hey, you know what I'm gonna do for you this weekend? - What?
我要带你去动物园
I am gonna take you to the zoo.
-不去 -拜托
- No. - Come on!
不 去什么鬼动物园
No. Go to the zoo?
菠菜派 肉茄子
Span-o-ko-pita. Moo-sa-ka.
我们有太多多余的食物了
Yeah, yeah. We just-- we just have too much extra food.
海伦姨妈 我们没有把你从宾客名单上划掉
Aunt Helen, we didn't cut you off the guest list.
我们把所有人都划掉了
We cut everyone off the guest list.
你说没人会吃是什么意思
What do you mean nobody will eat it?
你可是收♥容♥所♥ 兄弟
You're a homeless shelter, bruh.
-波比 -抱歉
- Bobby! - Sorry.
我会补偿你的火车票
I will reimburse you for the train.
好 爱你 再见
Okay. Okay, yeah. I love you. Bye.
嗯 好 再见
Yeah. Okay. Yep, yep. Okay, bye.
等等 你能把我的裙子送到洗衣店去吗
Wait, um, will you take my dress to the cleaners?
-收到 -然后
- Roger that. - And, um, you will
你要去机场接艾拉
pick Ella up at the airport and
带她去沙龙 莱拉会在那里跟她见面
bring her to the salon, and Lila will meet her there.
机场 沙龙 莱拉
Airport. Salon. Lila.
别忘了告诉洗衣店员胸部有污渍
And don't forget to tell the cleaner about the stain on the boob.
给洗衣店员的指令
Standing instructions for the cleaners:
蝴蝶结不上浆 胸部祛污渍
no starch in bow, no stain on boob.
给你准备了一份礼物
Got you a present.
-是吗 -是啊
- You did? - Mm-hmm.
是真的礼物还是搞笑礼物
Is it a real one or a ha-ha one?
哈哈 真搞笑
Okay, ha-ha. Very funny.
我希望你为明天做好准备
I want you to be prepared for tomorrow,
这样就不会尴尬了
so it's not hawk-ward.
好吧 说出来吧 快说
All right, get it out of your system, go ahead.
拜托 我只是想逗逗你
Come on! I just wanna quack you up.
这不公平 你有备而来
That's not fair. You came prepared.
好 稍等
All right, okay. Hold on a second.
别说你那糟糕的双关了
Please sparrow me your lousy puns.
这周末我们出去玩吧
Hey, let's go away this weekend.
-是吗 -是啊
- Oh yeah? - Yeah.
有什么特别的原因吗
Any particular reason why?
不 他们结婚了 这很好
No. It's-it's wonderful that they're getting married.
我为他高兴
I'm very happy for him.
我只是更情愿别靠近婚礼现场
I would just prefer to be nowhere near it.
好吧
Okay.
迈阿密 我请客
Miami, my treat.
不不不
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
我是说 我不知道
I meant like, you know. I don't know--
艾里山旅馆什么的
like Mount Airy Lodge or something.
我不能让你请客
No, I can't let you do that.
你可以 我们走吧
Yes, you can, so let's get the fuck out of here.
走吧
Come on.
迈阿密 好棒
Miami! Yeah!